Anal without the pain??

[letteheart]

Is it possible to have anal sex more comfortably? I have tried lube but it just doesnt seem to relax me enough...help please.

 

[SweetErika]

Absolutely, but it can take some trial and error to get there. The bottom line is that if anal sex should not be painful, so if it is, you need to change what you're doing.

Lube is for lubrication, not for relaxation. Things like arousal, foreplay (which should include gentle, gradual stretching), security and orgasms beforehand (for many of us) are for relaxation.

Have you been through the Anal section of The Blank Manual sticky yet? If not, I'd suggest starting there because it's a great resource that's helped many of us learn how to have enjoyable, pain-free anal play and sex.

 

[NightL]

taking that you are the recipient ...yes it should be possible... as always there is never much more to add if you have already got the best advice already...

Relaxation, arousal (as much as possible) and lots of lube. Finger play first. You take control... you push back, not having your partner thrust. Talk through pausing signals... he needs to stop immediately when you indicate. Then take charge again... pushing back when you are ready.

Once he (or the strap on) is fully inserted, just hold for a while... small movements... always you in charge initially... when comfort level increases you can tell him to push... before you know it you will be yelling... "go for it..." hehe

Keep your arousal up with clit play... use a vibrator...

Make sure this is just as much about you as it is him... with clit play you so totally can have orgasms while being anally fucked

 

[mjar65]

thoughts

Sorry I've not seen this thread sooner.

I do think its a bit of a myth that everyone (at least all women) will enjoy anal sex. It might be that it is just going to be uncomfortable for you. You're not a freak or a rotten lover for that reason. So don't be self-critical.

However, if you really want to experience it (and perhaps to give that special place to your SO) my experience has been that it can be done - but it takes more than lube.

Just go slow - real slow. It might take months or more. But if you both want this then its worth it.

Maybe start with some gentle touching... then licking, especially while your SO is stimulating your clit or your cunt. I've been seeing someone who thought having her butthole licked was a bit weird ...but eventually graduated to anal sex that she finds very pleasing.

Once things are moving along nicely you can do a combination of licking and playing with your cunt... then switching to oral with some very gentle, very shallow penetration (eg. a small finger) of your behind. Start small and lube is a good idea too.

Then you'll know what kind of things really get you ready for anal play. You may even find yourself starting to ant some play 'back there' from time to time. When you're ready maybe start missionary and have a toy handy to give some attention to your clit. As important as lube is trust and communication. Again, start slow and shallow and gentle.

In the end, anal may not be for you. But you can still have fun trying *grin*

 

[roomfor1more]

Anal sex is a bit more complicated than vaginal or oral. It requires patience, being able to relax, being able to communicate, and a lot of lubrication. Essentially anal sex is something that should be avoided if you are looking for a "quickie," and requires a degree of arousal from foreplay before proceeding to have anal sex. Once you are properly aroused through foreplay then your partner should lube their index finger and your anus. Then they should stimulate the area in order to get you use to the feeling of insertion and to stretch out the anus. After the anus shows less resistance to one finger then your parter should try two. Again they should work to stretch out the anus and get use to the feeling of insertion.

Provided your anus has relaxed, two lubricated fingers are easy to insert with minimal resistance and discomfort, then you are ready for penetration. Penetration, if you are new to anal sex, can take some time. Again make sure your partner is well lubricated and your anus too. Have him slowly enter you; if you feel discomfort tell him to stop and try taking a deep breath then slowly exhale to help you relax. Continue doing this until the discomfort subsides and once it does have him continue to enter you slowly. After he has fully entered you have him start thrusting slowly and with minimal force. Then as your comfort level builds let him know how much faster he can go and continue to communicate any discomfort.

As for position, I find a variation of the doggie style position works great for controlling speed and depth of insertion. If you opt for doggie style then it is best to have a pillow, put your head on the pillow and do not push up with your arms. Instead have your arms laying by your head. By doing this it will tilt your hips upward to facilitate entry and make penetration easier.

Other positions such as a modified missionary where you lift your hips higher to expose your anus to your partner, reverse cowgirl or a spooning position should be tried only after you have been successful with anal not causing discomfort. Reason being a modified missionary may make controlling depth more difficult, reverse cowgirl may make controlling speed along with depth difficult, and spooning might make penetration difficult.

Finally it is a good idea if your partner wears a condom in order to protect himself from an UTI and this means the lubrication you use should be water soluble. Otherwise your partner may develop an infection afterwards.

Overall, this means for a beginner, may take a while to perform and it means it should be done when you have the time. Also it means being able to relax and work through any discomfort is vital. Anal sex is something that takes time to learn and it is not as obvious as vaginal penetration. Instead it means exploring and communication plays a vital role. This means it may be a trial by error situation whereby you attempt anal then taking the experience as a learning experience to improve the technique until you know what works for you. My advice is learn what feels good, learn to relax, and be prepared to make several attempts until you can find a technique that works for you.

I wish you the best on your journey and hope my advice, in some way, has helped you.

 

[klippert]

Is it possible to have anal sex more comfortably? I have tried lube but it just doesnt seem to relax me enough...help please.

male perspective: first and for-most. He should be very mindful of your comfort. I never have just gone after a GF's ass.. I was tuned into to her.
Second: try this, it works for mrs K. Since anal isn't a regular sex act for us. When she is in the mood, and wants my cock up her butt. If we haven't been playing with toys... she'll be on top. What she has learned, being top, She controls the penetration, the angle etc. from their she controls the speed.

She may stay on top or roll onto her back and want a good pumping. either way. When she is on top...she has control.

Try a good rim job before lube as well.

 

[QueenMaude]

Anal Eze. It has a topical anesthetic in it. You can even buy it from Amazon.

 

[SweetErika]

Anal Eze. It has a topical anesthetic in it. You can even buy it from Amazon.

Using anything to mask pain during anal play/sex is a really, really bad idea! Pain is how our bodies tell us something is wrong. In the case of anal, pain tells us we're not properly lubed, relaxed, going too fast or hard, something has a sharp edge, etc. - basically, that we're risking injury or have already been injured in some way. And even an injury that would be relatively minor elsewhere on our bodies can be serious in that area because the tissue is so thin/delicate (and very difficult to fix) and the environment is NOT conducive to healing due to its acidity, bacteria content and frequent use. And that's the mild end - on the serious side, an injury could cause long-term problems, or even death.

If you can't do anal play or have anal sex comfortably without any anesthetic (topical, like AnalEze, or systemic, like drugs or alcohol), then you're doing something wrong and you need to stop and fix whatever is causing that pain immediately.

 

[roomfor1more]

Using anything to mask pain during anal play/sex is a really, really bad idea! Pain is how our bodies tell us something is wrong. In the case of anal, pain tells us we're not properly lubed, relaxed, going too fast or hard, something has a sharp edge, etc. - basically, that we're risking injury or have already been injured in some way. And even an injury that would be relatively minor elsewhere on our bodies can be serious in that area because the tissue is so thin/delicate (and very difficult to fix) and the environment is NOT conducive to healing due to its acidity, bacteria content and frequent use. And that's the mild end - on the serious side, an injury could cause long-term problems, or even death.

If you can't do anal play or have anal sex comfortably without any anesthetic (topical, like AnalEze, or systemic, like drugs or alcohol), then you're doing something wrong and you need to stop and fix whatever is causing that pain immediately.

I agree with SweetErika that you should not mask pain, especially for anal sex. In addition many of the topical anesthetics including AnalEze contain Benzocaine, an ingredient commonly found in treatment for sunburn and teething pain. It does not stop the pain and all it does is desensitize the feeling.

Another issue, as I understand it, products like this will breakdown condoms and it may not be a good protect to use if your partner is trying to protect against UTI.

My own feeling learning to relax and deep breathing will help manage the pain. Also the first few times he may not be able to go deep until you learn on what works.

 

[rbone04]

Using anything to mask pain during anal play/sex is a really, really bad idea! Pain is how our bodies tell us something is wrong. In the case of anal, pain tells us we're not properly lubed, relaxed, going too fast or hard, something has a sharp edge, etc. - basically, that we're risking injury or have already been injured in some way. And even an injury that would be relatively minor elsewhere on our bodies can be serious in that area because the tissue is so thin/delicate (and very difficult to fix) and the environment is NOT conducive to healing due to its acidity, bacteria content and frequent use. And that's the mild end - on the serious side, an injury could cause long-term problems, or even death.

If you can't do anal play or have anal sex comfortably without any anesthetic (topical, like AnalEze, or systemic, like drugs or alcohol), then you're doing something wrong and you need to stop and fix whatever is causing that pain immediately.

I know SweetErica was JUST quoted here but this can't be emphasized enough (nor can a majority of her threads... She's legendary around here when it comes to advice ). Obviously safety/avoiding injury should be first and foremost when it comes to anal. Regardless, even if it weren't for the danger factor, why would you want to desensitize the very area you are trying to learn to derrive more pleasure from? Once you've discovered just how to enjoy anal sex to its fullest potential, you will have unlocked a whole new dimension in your love life!

So the point is... The goal of making anal sex more comfortable shouldn't be to NOT feel it! Rather, it should be to EMBRACE the way it does feel when done properly.

Now this all assumes you actually will end up even liking anal stimulation when you do get the hang of it. The truth is, you may hate it.. but you also shouldn't be just giving up your ass to your man for the sake of letting him pound away while you wait for it to be over with. Anal sex is far too much of a commitment for you not to be enjoying it just as much as he is!

 

[bambikiller]

Find a guy with a really small dick.

Sorry had to say it.

 

[JudyJ]

Lube question

OK .. we like to use a silicone based lube for everything including anal. We always use a condom for anal and it seems to work well with the silicone lube but now I'm hearing that it's not good to use a silicone based lube with a condom? A water based lube for anal just doesn't seem to work so if you can't use silicone for anal with a condom what is the answer?

 

[SweetErika]

OK .. we like to use a silicone based lube for everything including anal. We always use a condom for anal and it seems to work well with the silicone lube but now I'm hearing that it's not good to use a silicone based lube with a condom? A water based lube for anal just doesn't seem to work so if you can't use silicone for anal with a condom what is the answer?

Silicone lube is absolutely compatible with condoms! Actually, most lubricated condoms are lubed with silicone. It's lubes that contain oil you need to avoid, as I'm sure you know.

We've ONLY used silicone lube for almost a decade, and it's great stuff. Most of that time we used condoms as birth control (and we always use them for anal, with the strap-on, etc.). Its only limitation is with toys that contain silicone; for that, you'd want to either use water-based or slip a condom over the toy first.

So, yes, absolutely continue to enjoy anal with condoms AND silicone lube!

 

[LikeaSir]

advice

My advice would be to start alone. Anal is something personal. You're doing something with your asshole and in most heads, that's personal. Just like shitting, you prefer to be alone.

Next thing to do is to make your asshole a sexual part of your body in your head. If it's not washed out, it's impossible to get turned on by it. If it's a clean, soft, well-lubed, pink tunnel, it's actually sexier than a vagina, in my opinion.

Go to the toilet a few times, then go in the shower, sit in a kangaroo position(?) and aim the showerbeam on your asshole. Slowly try to work a finger in and try to relax. The key eventually is to be able to 'ragdoll' your lower body, as I call it. It means that you have to learn to relax all muscles below your waste. It's very hard to relax your asshole alone, so seeing everything below the waste as one helps.

Try to stretch your asshole a bit and aim water in. Then try 2 fingers, from two hands and try to stretch it open more whilst the water is aiming at it. I don't like anal douches because it actually leaves water in there during your sex which can come out. We prefer emptying and then washing by hand..

It's good to be very turned on while you do all this. Watching porn helps and watching anal porn helps even more.

Just follow your instinct, anal does NOT go with pain. If it does, your simply not turned on enough, not relaxing enough, going to fast or a combination of all the above stated.

Believe me, your asshole is a magical place and it can take a LOT. It's just a muscle and it can relax, everybody can do it!!

Good luck. For personal advice, PM me.

 

[satindesire]

It's very hard to relax your asshole alone, so seeing everything below the waste as one helps.

I hope you see what a tragically hysterical pun you made.

 

[LikeaSir]

.

I hope you see what a tragically hysterical pun you made.

I'm a foreigner, so no, I don't.

 

[satindesire]

I'm a foreigner, so no, I don't.

Waist is the proper term for the area above the hips.

Waste is another name we use for shit.

Hence the pun.

 

[LikeaSir]

Oh god. Wow, well Ill never make that mistake again..

Waist is the proper term for the area above the hips.

Waste is another name we use for shit.

Hence the pun.

 

[Cattypuss]

Silicone lube is absolutely compatible with condoms! Actually, most lubricated condoms are lubed with silicone. It's lubes that contain oil you need to avoid, as I'm sure you know.

We've ONLY used silicone lube for almost a decade, and it's great stuff. Most of that time we used condoms as birth control (and we always use them for anal, with the strap-on, etc.). Its only limitation is with toys that contain silicone; for that, you'd want to either use water-based or slip a condom over the toy first.

So, yes, absolutely continue to enjoy anal with condoms AND silicone lube!

Just a bit of a caveat to add to this...

Some non-latex condoms are made of silicone, and they are fine with oil but not fine with silicone lube.

 

[amyforfun]

Find a guy with a really small dick.

Sorry had to say it.

I was going to make the same joke.

 

[satindesire]

Oh god. Wow, well Ill never make that mistake again..

*laughs* Right on man, that was pretty damn funny regardless.

 

[RedHotMamaTN]

Has anyone every had anal sex without lube and had no problem? We have a couple of times,. I was a bit sore the next day but nothing severe. Im wondering if Im hurting myself by not using lube everytime. Sometimes were in a place we done have the lube with us.

I also fear my ass will become stretched and look deformed. lol Is this possible or does this muscle return to its normal size and stays that way without being stretched? I dont want a loose ass. hehe

 

[Sassymama]

Has anyone every had anal sex without lube and had no problem? We have a couple of times,. I was a bit sore the next day but nothing severe. Im wondering if Im hurting myself by not using lube everytime. Sometimes were in a place we done have the lube with us.

I also fear my ass will become stretched and look deformed. lol Is this possible or does this muscle return to its normal size and stays that way without being stretched? I dont want a loose ass. hehe

I never use lube

 

[LikeaSir]

if youre really trained, lube isnt necessary but I'd recommend using it anyways. It feels better, even if you use just spit.. more lube = better feeling. make your asshole as slippery as possible. Also, your ass won't deform from normal penetration. It's all muscles and they will tighten again. During the sex it's actually recommended that your asshole becomes 'numb' and loose..

Has anyone every had anal sex without lube and had no problem? We have a couple of times,. I was a bit sore the next day but nothing severe. Im wondering if Im hurting myself by not using lube everytime. Sometimes were in a place we done have the lube with us.

I also fear my ass will become stretched and look deformed. lol Is this possible or does this muscle return to its normal size and stays that way without being stretched? I dont want a loose ass. hehe

 

[KlaytonFrost]

Loads of excellent advice so far. I'd just emphasise talking about it, definitely. Being open about the whole thing will help you and your partner relax and reduce the pressure. Don't expect it to be good straight away. It's something to experiment with, patiently and over time.