Anti-clitoral

[kromen]

I guess this question is directed to the females. I have a new friend in my life. We have much in common and enjoy each others company. One night, she found my porn stash and requested we watch together. Bam! I'm in love. Seriously though, we've talked openly about sex and she admitted that she doesn't liked to be touched on the clitoris, fingers or tongue, and threw me for a fuckin loop. Every since I inhaled the musk of an aroused woman, I knew that the clit was very important and shouldn't be neglected. The hood and my tongue are the best of friends, but now I feel like a virgin all over again. Do any women feel the same way about their clitoris? How do I proceed when the actual act of intimacy comes to fruition? Sure, I know about many other erogenous zones on the female form, but I am so attracted to the clit.
In my pea-sized brain, I think that maybe she had a bad experience with her magical button and someone else, but she admitted that she doesn't even touch it herself? I could have asked Aspasia, but I love youse guys opinions. Help!

 

[lil_squirter]

Absolutely you need to ask her why she doesn't like it. Do it in a caring open and honest way. She may be hyper sensitive and it gets so easily stimulated that it hurts, or she may have little to no sensation there at all.

There are many reasons a woman will dislike part of her body being touched, fondled, adored..you need to at least know why, if she can/will tell you. It may wel be something you can help her through and initiate her into the joys of clitoral pleasure. If not at least you will be better able to understand and respect her request.

 

[M's girl]

Although I need clitoral stimulation to be able to reach orgasm, I don't like to be touched there too directly, and I found it's hard to make men understand the difference between not touching at all and the subtle touch, by fingers, tongue or otherwise. Especially since I need this sort of stimulation since PIV does almost nothing for me. (Well, I like it for the intimacy and all, but I don't get any pleasurable feeling from being penetrated)...

So... like lil_squirter suggested it could well be she did not have any result in the past in explaining how she wants to be touched and decided to tell men to stay away all together... I can imagine that. I have been tempted, and would have said so maybe if I would be able to orgasm otherwise.

It's a good thing you two talk. Keep talking. Maybe you can show her things can be different if you put in the effort and really listen to her and register what she says.

Try something when the goal is not to reach orgasm. Sit down together and open a bottle of wine or whatever. Talk and let her show you how she touches herself. Touch her in various ways and ask her to describe in detail how it feels.

Good luck.

 

[lil_squirter]

Great post MG! You really hit home I think on that. I am a totally clit girl and love it but I know how it can be over done for some and be almost painful and a turn off when done too much/too ruff. Great advice onthe wine and talk too!

 

[M's girl]

Thank you

Of course you can only do that with someone who will listen...and not only that... he needs to register things as well and get the feel for it. And there lies the problem, often.... I can see Kromen do it and really make an affort, though... so they should be able to work it out, I'm sure.

 

[Hooper_X]

My advice: Wash your hands of the whole thing and move on. Life's too short to get involved in someone else's sexual neuroses. You'd both be better off with someone more sexually compatible.

 

[M's girl]

My advice: Wash your hands of the whole thing and move on. Life's too short to get involved in someone else's sexual neuroses. You'd both be better off with someone more sexually compatible.

You are exactly the reason why many women give up trying. Men who don't take the time to get to know their (women-)partner's body and how it works need to stay away from them as far as possible!

 

[Hooper_X]

You are exactly the reason why many women give up trying. Men who don't take the time to get to know their (women-)partner's body and how it works need to stay away from them as far as possible!

The original poster said that he/she was newly involved with this clitophobic person. Why then, if he/she loves to lavish attention on a woman's clit, should she/he waste any amount of time with someone with whom he/she is fundamentally sexually incompatible? The world is full of women who would love that just as much as he/she does. This is one reason the divorce rate is so high. People, and by people I mean women, don't accept people for who they are. Rather they always hold out the ridiculous hope that they will be able to mold them into who they want them to be over the course of a relationship. If that works for you, knock yourself out. I, however, have better things to do.

 

[M's girl]

Hooper, I think you missed this part:

.....I have a new friend in my life. We have much in common and enjoy each others company. One night, she found my porn stash and requested we watch together. Bam! I'm in love. Seriously though, we've talked openly about sex.......

For some people that is reason enough to at least make an effort...

 

[Eilan]

Contrary to what porn would have you believe, not all women are alike.

For some women, direct stimulation of the clit is somewhat painful or just "too much." Hell, sometimes I can't take (or don't want) direct clitoral stimulation. Does it mean I'm abnormal or broken? No.

Doesn't mean that you still can't pleasure her. Just take your cues from her. She knows her body better than you do--respect that.

 

[Leliana]

Everyone is different

Hi Kromen,

For some women, direct contact with the clitoris is too intense. It's as if it's so sensitive that it almost hurts if stimulated directly. Even if you don't touch or lick it directly, it doesn't mean you're not stimulated it though!

I would not worry about it as I was listening to a sexologist during a documentary a couple years back and he was explaining exactly this. Every woman is different. I've known men who hate to be touched on the penis without saliva or oil and others who don't mind at all... Everybody is different and sexual preferences are very personal.

Take care,

Lel

 

[SweetErika]

I agree with most of the other advice. Perhaps she prefers vaginal and g-spot stimulation; if so, be sure to read up on this thread if you haven't done so.

 

[3113]

Sure, I know about many other erogenous zones on the female form, but I am so attracted to the clit. In my pea-sized brain, I think that maybe she had a bad experience with her magical button and someone else, but she admitted that she doesn't even touch it herself?

Possible. And it's possible that the one guy who touched her clit did it so badly and wrong that she assumes it's not pleasureable.

HOWEVER, what you have to assume is that even if she lets you give it a try...if it turns out she really is hyper sensitive and really, really can't have her clit fondled....

Then what? Hooper_X actually has a point. The point being that in sex we all have to make certain compromises. In the BEST of all possible worlds, you meet a girl who is everything you want (more or less) in a partner and, wonder-of-wonders, your soul mate in bed as well. She wants you do to everything you want to do to her and vice versa.

But that perfect relationships is rarely achieved. You may meet a girl perfect in bed who is no so perfect as a friend. You may meet a perfect friend who is not so perfect in bed. Your one question is, how far are you willing to compromise? Is never, ever being able to touch or lick that clit a "deal breaker"?

If it is, then be upfront and don't let this go any further. Hoping things will change without evidence that they will is a bad way to go. Of course, if you do get evidence--if she says, "I'm trying to touch my clit and learn to like it and it looks hopeful...." then that's a different story.

One thing you don't tell us: what *does* she like? How does she like to be brought to orgasm? Because during penetration your penis will likely rub her clit. How does that work out for her?

 

[kromen]

Thanks to all your responses. I am totally prepared to deal with a woman who has different needs than my own. We click together and that's what matters to me right now. During our lil talks, she admits that vaginal penetration is what gets her off. I am so willing to give it a go with her; this isn't a one night stand at Spring break. We've talked openly and clitoral stimulation nonwithstanding, we both like the same thing sexually. I can gladly say goodbye to my hooded friend for now; maybe we'll meet further down the road . For now, I'm happy to be in her comapny and when that moment happens, I have no doubt we'll both be satisfied. Thanks again fellow Lit scribes.

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****

 

[emap]

Ummm whitewave, your not paying attention, she gets off with penetration, and her clit is very sensitive. As in touching it at all when aroused is a bad thing. I have a similar problem, but just after I have cum, if it's a big enough one I have to make him stop moving and pull out some so he isn't leaning on me there.

If it's not so big he can keep going, but still not as good until I calm down somewhat. Ok, so think of my problem as being all the time and you get his girlfriend. Though I bet not as sensitive, though probably when she cums.

 

[littlepiggy]

when that magic moment of intimacy does happen, ask her what she likes, ask her to show you. does she masturbate, does she orgasm? direct clitoral stimultion is often too much, but lick the sides and hood and i'm in incoherent puddle! mind you, lick the backs of my knees and i'm nearly there too.

men often think that when we want stimulation, or more stimulation that we want it harder and faster, in my case its slower, feathery movements that drive me to orgasm. oh man, tease me! maybe your gal is the same. don't touch her clit- touch her everywhere else!

 

[buxxxom]

I don't want to seem like I am not respectful of the question you posed, I just read your title for this thread, and in my mind, it sounded like "Auntie Clitoral". Perhaps "Auntie Clitoral" could meet "Uncle GGGspot" and let nature take over. A peek into Mr. GGG's "try this and report back" thread may enable you to overcome this obstacle.

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****

 

[littlepiggy]

still laughing about the auntie clitoral thing- too funny. my clit is more of a fun girlfriend than an old auntie though i'm afraid.

regardless of where, the tip or the hood, too much pressure can just be ummm- too much!

 

[Eilan]

It is the tip of the clit that is ultra-sensitive, not that yummy part of it that is hidden under the skin above the hood.

Don't presume to know what gets a perfect stranger off.

 

[WhiteWave48]

Don't presume to know what gets a perfect stranger off...

*****

 

[AboutFace]

If she is important is all other ways, this should just be one more thing that needs to be worked on as a couple. Direct communication and patience would be your best bet. As others have suggested, you really may not know what she has experienced that "turned her off" of clitoral stimulation.

 

[littlepiggy]

i think that we need to remember whose pleasure we are discussing here.
we've got a man with a clitoral fixation, and a woman who is directing his attentions elsewhere.
perhaps the gent feels as though he's had the rug pulled out from under him. he knows how to pleasure a woman by clitoral stimulation, and suddenly he has to start the learning process again. could be a little daunting. good luck, communicate and enjoy exploring.

 

[KokopelliRises]

Focus on her and what she wants. You'll be well off if you do. Ask her if you want to try something new.