Anyone else get tired of having the same gender all the time?

[LucyH]

I've never been punched-punched- he's to scared of actually hurting me- but I would love it-

Well, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he could've hit me harder if he'd wanted to. That would've been overkill, though. Probably. It's the psychological impact that I remember, not what it felt like.

I like coming out of the bedroom covered with bruises, looking like I just lost a fight because, you know, I had.

I know what you mean. Do you worry about hiding the bruises? I'm afraid that if anyone sees them on me, they'll instantly think "victim." To sorta get back to the original topic of the thread, this is one of those times when I'd like to be a guy. Maybe a kinda tough looking guy. I could go around looking beat up now and then, and people could just think I'm a doofus who gets in fights instead of wondering who's the monster who did this to me.

I wish that when he got really pissed he'd just rape the shit out of me instead of arguing; you know, beat the hell out of me- then just take me completely- I told him that once and he got really, really mad- so I dropped it; but that's been kind of a fantasy of mine.

Heh. I've thought this too, but never suggested it. (In part because I'm sure he would have thought it was insane, and in part because I suspect he'd have been right, at least in our case.) I hate arguing more than almost anything. Right now I just want to be single and not have to deal with it, though, and I'm not much in the mood to be the one who takes a beating.

 

[CandiCame]

I know what you mean. Do you worry about hiding the bruises? I'm afraid that if anyone sees them on me, they'll instantly think "victim." To sorta get back to the original topic of the thread, this is one of those times when I'd like to be a guy. Maybe a kinda tough looking guy. I could go around looking beat up now and then, and people could just think I'm a doofus who gets in fights instead of wondering who's the monster who did this to me.

Heh. I've thought this too, but never suggested it. (In part because I'm sure he would have thought it was insane, and in part because I suspect he'd have been right, at least in our case.) I hate arguing more than almost anything. Right now I just want to be single and not have to deal with it, though, and I'm not much in the mood to be the one who takes a beating.

I don't have to hide bruises for a number of reasons- 1: Yeah, I'm a guy. And in RL I speak much the same way I do here- a-fucking-lot. And where I'm from, people who run their mouths are known to get smacked in them. I also have a reputation for being kind of slutty, so people often attack me for inadvertently hitting on their mates. And it's not a huge deal- it's like an operant conditioning thing. So men are often covered in bruises. Plus, I do the occasional hard work, which leaves you pretty bruised.

2: People that know me at all- or look at me for an extended period of time, notice that I'm anemic. You can slap me on the back or touch my arm a little forcefully and it leaves a fucking bruise. You can push down on my skin and it will bruise- to the point that I've done that rather then eyeliner in a pinch. You can take a blunt object like a pen or a crochet needle and write your name in bruises on my body. It's pretty cool, and leads people to think that I just hit something a little to hard.

As far as the "rape me instead of argue with me" thing- I'll never say that again. He got really, really pissed. And he doesn't get violent when he's pissed, he does exactly what I do, whine, scream, bitch, and occasionally cry- seeing him cry makes me feel like an absolute piece of shit, because it's so rare... So yeah, that's never going to happen- even though I think it would be better for us. I'm psychologically more receptive, and remember what he's trying to teach me better when he's fucking me- as fucked up as that is... So, yeah- there's probably some room for therapy in there somewhere.

 

[LucyH]

I don't have to hide bruises for a number of reasons- 1: Yeah, I'm a guy. And in RL I speak much the same way I do here- a-fucking-lot. And where I'm from, people who run their mouths are known to get smacked in them. I also have a reputation for being kind of slutty, so people often attack me for inadvertently hitting on their mates. And it's not a huge deal- it's like an operant conditioning thing. So men are often covered in bruises. Plus, I do the occasional hard work, which leaves you pretty bruised.

Sounds a lot like here. It was a bit of a culture shock, moving from Canada to the deep south.

You can take a blunt object like a pen or a crochet needle and write your name in bruises on my body.

Neat. I had to try that. It looked promising for a few hours, but then the indigo/blue came in all uneven and the smiley face became unrecognizable. Oh well. That would probably have been the start of a bad habit if it had worked. Well, a habit of some sort, anyway.

As far as the "rape me instead of argue with me" thing- I'll never say that again. He got really, really pissed. And he doesn't get violent when he's pissed, he does exactly what I do, whine, scream, bitch, and occasionally cry- seeing him cry makes me feel like an absolute piece of shit, because it's so rare... So yeah, that's never going to happen

If he were the type to fly off the handle and get violent, though, wouldn't that make you too nervous about serious injuries to have made the suggestion in the first place?

even though I think it would be better for us. I'm psychologically more receptive, and remember what he's trying to teach me better when he's fucking me- as fucked up as that is... So, yeah- there's probably some room for therapy in there somewhere.

I don't think that's the least bit odd, actually. It's an intimate moment, so it makes sense to be psychologically receptive. Sex takes down the shields, perhaps with a little help from endorphins/oxytocin/something of that ilk.

 

[CandiCame]

If he were the type to fly off the handle and get violent, though, wouldn't that make you too nervous about serious injuries to have made the suggestion in the first place?

Nope- a big part of my insanity is that in order to keep myself from being openly suicidal (hospitalized to the point that I wasn't allowed to be out of arm's reach of a nurse or I would tear the wiring out of the fucking walls trying to electrocute myself) I had to learn that my life is inconsequential. Dieing or getting hurt doesn't get you attention, doesn't get you recognition- in fact NO ONE WILL GIVE A SHIT. That people aren't constantly judging you, and that, in fact, they often forget and forgive. I LIKE being injured... a lot. And as a result, my body is remarkably resilient. Nothing fucking kills me... 13 well-done suicide attempts, a lot of cool scars, and only one broken bone. I can seriously jump 130 feet and break ONE FUCKING BONE. Apparently, injuries don't matter. I have the worst mutant ability, ever.

I like injuries. I like pain. I heal faster then I would like. I've had my tongue pierced, let it heal, and pierced again three times just for the pain and the pleasure of feeling it heal. I started a thread about how I wanted to cut out my tongue because I found out that it would grow back- and I LOVE that feeling of your body knitting itself back together. If I could get someone else to do that for me, I would feel like I found a kindred spirit.

Plus, I don't really learn from pain- because of how much of it I'm used to (my parents were shooty-stabby-punchy people) and I can ignore it when I have to, but it's almost never negative. I LOVE pain. I was a cutter- not because of the stupid, emo fad, but because I don't stop bleeding and the pain is amazing. Bill won't let me cut anymore- he's scared I'll have to get another transfusion... I dunno... I like having him as a dom because he keeps those tendencies in check. He won't let me hurt myself to the point that I accidentally kill and/or castrate myself (lately that's been a particular issue)...

Sorry about this unrelated post- I've not been getting laid and my mind's been wandering.

 

[NatalieWouldToo]

I don't know that I've ever gotten tired of being female, but I do like to man up sometimes. I wouldn't ever be mistaken for a guy, but then I do enjoy creating a confusing sexual presence...just because.

Also, I find it interesting how my outward demeanor changes, according to gender-specific clothes. There's no dramatic departure from my general personality, but I do notice that I'm a little more assertive, and tend to walk around like I own the place more when I wear guy clothes. LOL! That bugs me some, because I'd rather not imbue the entire male gender with stereotypical macho qualities. On the other hand, however, I kinda dig it.

 

[Allyourbase]

Hi there!

I've gone back to lurking more than posting for quite some time, but here I'll gladly show my face (well, AV). Very interesting thread. Might chime in later, but for now just this:

...it sure felt good to know that someone viewed me as other than the mother of a child.

And also, speaking personally, I'm glad to have someone else think it's a good idea, because I am fucking terrible at gift giving Oh, and Lucy: Yes, she's intending to breastfeed, but when one of our friends was telling us about her new binder, I saw my dear wife's eyes light up. She'll love it, even if she has to wait a while before she can use it.

Hi kuro. *waves* Dude, Stella is spot on with that. It's a sweet gift. Really, get her one of those bad ass looking black binders. (And say hi to her, willya?) Will the parents be there when she opens the package, though?

I find it interesting how my outward demeanor changes, according to gender-specific clothes. There's no dramatic departure from my general personality, but I do notice that I'm a little more assertive, and tend to walk around like I own the place more when I wear guy clothes. LOL! That bugs me some, because I'd rather not imbue the entire male gender with stereotypical macho qualities. On the other hand, however, I kinda dig it.

And this. Yea, that's me as well.

 

[Kurokami]

Hi there!
Hi kuro. *waves* Dude, Stella is spot on with that. It's a sweet gift. Really, get her one of those bad ass looking black binders. (And say hi to her, willya?) Will the parents be there when she opens the package, though?

Bought and paid for, my friend. Bought and paid for. Should be delivered pretty soon, and it'll be interesting to see how she reacts. Though you raise a good point about her parents... Thankfully they won't be around. Because there are worse presents under the tree than that one

Plus, I don't really learn from pain- because of how much of it I'm used to (my parents were shooty-stabby-punchy people) and I can ignore it when I have to, but it's almost never negative. I LOVE pain. I was a cutter- not because of the stupid, emo fad, but because I don't stop bleeding and the pain is amazing. Bill won't let me cut anymore- he's scared I'll have to get another transfusion... I dunno... I like having him as a dom because he keeps those tendencies in check. He won't let me hurt myself to the point that I accidentally kill and/or castrate myself (lately that's been a particular issue)...

Wow, that's an interesting way to look at it, Candi. Though I think I'm the opposite; I freaking hate pain, to the point where it took a long damn time before I was capable of letting my wife so much as spank me. Now I know that, to me, sexual pain is something different; it's a... release, in a way. It became pretty clear that, whatever she does to me, it's a far cry from the kind of pain my father would inflict. My mind can relax, I can say to myself "this is a woman who loves me, and knows exactly how far to go. She cares, she'll stop if I say so." And that's really important. I swear, she's like the best domme ever

 

[LucyH]

Though you raise a good point about her parents... Thankfully they won't be around.

You know, I bet I could open one of those on Christmas morning without freaking my parents. I have lovely parents. I've been thinking about that today. They may not always understand why I do a lot of what I do, but they've always been supportive, and any gender bending I've done has been a total non-issue as far as I can tell. When I was a financially dependent kid, they supported it by buying me things like a suit from the boys' department or a Darth Vader costume. (They may have regretted the red light saber that made noise if I swung it fast enough, but only because I kept forgetting not to do that in the living room.) I count myself really lucky that way.

 

[Allyourbase]

So. Found some time. Let's do this

Yes, I understand being tired of your gender very well. I don't know what's up with my gender really... I often don't feel feminine, and a part of the time I don't feel female. Which doesn't mean I necessarily feel male then, always. I just... don't feel female.

Fortunately, like you, Lucy, my parents saw and see it as a total non-issue, indeed. I've gone back and forth with my gender expression, cross dressing for years, but I never cut my hair. The confusing part being that I predominantly liked guys (though not exclusively). The butch look was for lesbians, wasn't it? Some years ago, I was fed up with the army boots and hoodies. So I went femme unlike before. Fun. I guess it was healthy as well. But it's also exhausting.

Then I met someone who triggered it all again. Heh. The things amazing people can mean... And now I'm back in boxer briefs and lifting weights. Even got myself an actual binder - something I never thought would apply to me, but i'm giving myself permission. The urge is there, and, also, it looks amazing.

So I ended up with two wardrobes, and I can go from a c-cup to almost-flat-chested in a minute - seriously: SO COOL.

Fortunately, the man in my life is not freaking out at all (really, he is ten kinds of amazing ), though it doesn't do anything for him either, like it does for Kuro. (And then there is the kink... which makes me having to girl up while not in the mood for it... hawt, not always easy)

My friends who don't question their gender wonder what the hell I'm making such a big deal of. I can just be me, eyeliner one day, binder the next, right? They are right. I can, and it's a fuckin privilege that I can. Still, the switching is painful and the constant questioning is not always an easy thing to feel.

First world problems, eh.