Are you more open here than you are in RL?

[Siren]

Ezzzzzzzzyy............

 

[GuyJD]

HELL YEAH, I HAVE NOTHING (MUCH) TO HIDE

I once revealed a tragic attempt to a couple of my inspirational online friends. I was glad that I did because they helped me through the hard times.

 

[Nicole]

Re: Mmmmmmmmmmm well...

I have used the board to post on subjects that do not come up IRL on a regular basis; most of them under my true ( fictitious) name, some of them under different names.

I do not Troll post, but do show other aspects under other names, it feels less restrictive that way.

I have also posted on boards things that only a few people IRL know, but they knew them before I posted; a couple of things have been spoken about with friends after I posted, as and when they asked me.

So rather than not really answering yes or no; it looks like I have answered no and yes!

I have done that too. When I had a question about my health once, I posted under a different name, only telling one other board member who I was. I got the answers I wanted without people knowing it was me. I also didn't have to ask an embarrassing question of my Real Life friends.

As for saying something after I've posted, then yes, but I usually come to all of you for advice first. I could never talk to some of my RL friends about some of the things I talk about on here, I'm actually pretty shy around them when it comes to sex you see.

I actually thought this was a good question, but then what would I know. I also agree that posting things like where you live and what your full real name is, are stupidity and dangerous not naive. Cheyenne you always post clearly and understandably for my likes and I enjoy your questions.

Tiggs you need to stop pointing out that threads have been done before. If someone was to keep bringing back threads of questions that had already been asked, then you would probably go off at them for bringing them back. At this site Laurel and Manu always have new people coming in, they want to feel free enough to ask questions too. Who the hell wants to search everytime they want to ask something? Not me. Clam down and if your going to go off at people when your tired then you need to get off the computer and go to sleep for a change, your body is trying to tell you something.

 

[lala]

being a pompous ass again, here comes the soapbox!

for all of you who call us stupid for sharing more here:

i have to say i've seen dramatically more support come out of the boards on this site than i have in RL. people are less tolerant when they're looking at you- i'm no different. i have been shown that i will get support here no matter what i have to say, and been shown as strongly that i will not get the support i need in RL.

and it's because we have hang-ups. one of many is knowing the other person. really knowing them. people see me only one way. and as hard as i've tried they are not going to be able to see me as objectively as you can. because they know me- and they think they know what i'm like.

aside from the fact that there are some things that NO ONE wants to know about their friends,... things that NO ONE wants to talk about,... and things that NO ONE is willing to listen to.

online, there are more someones, more opportunity to find someone similar to you. more statistically speaking, that could possibly see the value and merit in what you have to say.

i have all the time and space to formulate what i want to say here, i only have one chance in RL and my facial expressions, body language, word choice, their mood, the situation, (you get the idea) all get interpreted in a flash, people have to make snap judgements in RL, they can't go back and read it again,... or read everyone else's responses before they think of theirs,... in short, this medium is more flexible.

anonymity does a lot for the courage,... especially when we're uncomfortable but still want to talk about something.

alright, thanx for reading, if you did, i feel better,... i don't know about you!

 

[Nicole]

For all of you who call us stupid for sharing more here

Let me state that I am not calling anyone stupid, I am if you happen to post your full name and where you live. You know there are a lot of people that just lurk on here, if you want to give out that imformation then fine, but remember that there are people out there that you know absolutly nothing about, what do you think some of them would do with that imformation.

Just a couple of months ago wasn't there someone in Kansas that sought people out from the Net??? What did he do to those people? Oh my HE KILLED THEM didn't he. You can't trust everyone.

Fine give out certain imformation but not personal details, like name and where you come from. So there, I am not calling anyone stupid. Thank-you.

Have a god Day

 

[Cheyenne]

Nicole, I read Lala's post as being about sharing more about personal thoughts and feelings here than in RL, not necessarily about personal information. And thanks for your support of my question.

I think Lala is saying the same thing as most of the rest of us and actually summarized it quite well. Here, we don't face the baggage of what people already think they know about us in our RL. We can get more objective opinions from a wider variety of people from all over the world, literally. Where can you go in your RL to ask a question and get that much variety of input?

I also like the idea about having more time to formulate what we want to say here. That made a light bulb go on for me. There was a recent thread about censoring yourself when you type, and I think that applies. We have more time to think about the words we want to use. "Flexible" is a good description for the board. In RL, we may not tell people some of the same things we write about here because we are afraid what the RL people reactions will be. We don't have the ability to edit our words, or go back to read them again in RL. The snap judgements people make when you're talking to them are hard to take sometimes.

 

[Guest]

Let me state that I am not calling anyone stupid, I am if you happen to post your full name and where you live.

So, Nicole, what did I do to you that you felt the need to call me stupid? I simply placed my name in my signature to prove a point to someone here. I am NOT anonymous, I do not hide, I am not scared. Hell, I've been on mainstream online since '95 (and local BBs since the early 90s). I've met many people offline. I guess I just don't have that internet fear thingy. Nothing wrong with that. But hell, if need be, I will take my name out of my signature. (Sounds kinda like an oxymoron, doesn't it? )

~Tiggs~

 

[Cheyenne]

I guess I just don't have that internet fear thingy. Nothing wrong with that.
[/B]

I hope you do take your real name out of your signature line. Tiggs, I actually admire people who are so open in life and have no fear. That will never be me, I just don't have it in me. But having your real name out there for everyone to see on this site worried me, too. It only takes one moron out there to track you down to hurt you. Because Lit is such an open site, think of how many thousands of people read these messages every day. Chances of there being one or two looney tunes in that bunch are probably pretty good. And we would all feel terrible if you or anyone else from Lit were ever hurt in RL by being tracked down with personal info posted on the bb.

 

[Ezzy]

Tiggs

Ditto Cheyenne on this one.

EZ http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm2/sleep.gif

 

[Nicole]

Did I name, Names? No I don't think I did. I may not have even been talking about someone on here. I was saying that we can't afford to say who we truly are at times. My point being look at the women in Kansas, they trusted him and met him, they also got killed.

Meet people by all means, I plan to do that myself. I would have to fully trust someone first and I think that after 6 months together I can pretty much trust him.

I'm just not the type to give out personal imformation until you have 110% of my trust. Even then I feel odd doing it. Can you fully trust the person on the other side of the computer? Can you fully trust everyone of this site? Just because they say something doesn't mean it's the truth does it?

That's all I was saying. I thought the question was a good one, I answered it, end of story.

 

[Nicole]

Sorry about the double post.

I agree fully Cheyenne. You see we truly don't know who is looking at what we read, how they are going to take the imformation that we give out. I'm glad that you feel confident enough to do what you do, but it only takes one person to track you down. I do worry about all of you and by having your name there for all to see is kinda dangerous.

Please try to understand what it is that I'm saying.

 

[wolfy]

Internet fear

I also don't have any fear from people on the internet. Of course i'm a guy and I think we get stalked less often..tho not sure about that. But I also started playing on buliton boards many years ago They were very different from the net in that we all got to know eachother really well in real. We would go to beach parties or just meet every weekend. I also don't have that much to lose or protect. No wife, No kids...I have some property that could be stolen but nothing amazing. I'm not worried about my personal physical safety i've lived in ruff neighborhoods most of my life and just can't seem to worry about someone tracking me down over the net. Still I think most people should be really carefull about the information they give out. Especially ladies since guys seems to be the sicker gender. Personally If some internet lady wanted to stalk me for sex I would probably thank her.

 

[Nicole]

Wolfy that's fine, you state that you have nothing. Tiggs on the other hand has a child. Her situation is different than yours.

We are just concerned that's all.

 

[Renee]

Nicole friends or not, I have to agree with all that you said. You never know who you are talking to on here, and some things should remain private. There are a lot of crazy ppl in this world and yet some of us tend to think that these things only happen to others and not us.

Well, news flash ppl.. it can happen to anyone. Weather you are male or female so take the advice for what it's worth... there is no need to attack Nicole for caring about you. She never called You stupid personally she is just saying that IHO it's stupid to reveal so much, so if you took it as a personal attack then maybe it's because you know she is right.

 

[Carl East]

To be honest, I think I'm a little too open at times in the RL world, I'll give you an example of that. The other day, my brother asked me a question concerning oral sex. Knowing that I write about sex, I suppose he figured that I would be the ideal person to ask.

Anyway, I started to go into great detail on how he should go about doing it right, completely forgetting his girlfriend was sitting right next to him.

By the time I'd realised how embarressed she felt, I had already told him everything he needed to know.lol

Carl.

 

[wolfy]

LOL Carl

Lol Carl....So did she thank you the next day? *grin*
And yes I know my situation is different which is why I mentioned it. If I had kids or even a wife I would never post my location where anyone could see it. It's not safe. As for guys having as much to fear. That probably true and good advice. I was just stating my own feeling on posting my location. Even so I havn't actually posted my location anywhere since there hasn't been a reason to. And btw the female stalking thing was a joke but if anyone wants to stalk me I promise to let you catch me! *woof*

 

[Silverlily]

I think I'm really more open in RL than I am here. Granted I don't have nearly as many conversations about sex in RL, but when I do, they are every bit the same.

Here, I can choose to ignore things I don't like. In RL, I often can't. If my neighbors are being disruptive, I have to say something. If someone at work wants to spread rumors, I have to stop it. I can't always afford to be kind or forgiving in RL, all too often people try to take advantage of it. Bottom line is, I have to live in that community, I can't let some things go.

Here (and by here, I mean the net), it costs nothing to be pleasant. How can't anyone take advantage of that? Bombard me with e-mail and IMs? I have these neat little delete and ignore functions on my computer. I don't have to live in this community, I can turn it off if I choose. Other people's behavior will affect me only as much as I allow.

 

[Earthmuffin]

Honesty and reality....

Wolfy, I'd stalk ya hon, but you're too damn far away! LOL. Anyhow, my professional image is what most ppl see me as in RL. I take my career very seriously and that seems to hamper my sex-appeal. *shrug* I always answer honestly when asked a question in RL but usually it's here that I get my fill of adult oriented conversation and humor. Lit allows a certain amount of annonymity to be sure. That being said, however, in this day and age I believe just about anyone can find out just about anything about someone else if they have the requisite knowledge of computers and the internet. There are freaks and wierdo's everywhere! And those are just my friends.

 

[Guest]

ROFLMFAO @ Carl!

Nicole, sorry, I never meant to assume that you were speaking to/of me. I just figured since I had my name in my signature you were referring to me. With that, I leave this post in search of an orgy, I mean party. I think all this seriousness has been getting to me! <shedding clothes as I leave!>

~Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/jump.gif

 

[Never]

LOL. You have to get out more, Never.

There are a lot of threads that we participate in that aren't directly related to sex though. I assume your answer means you're much more open here than you are in real life about sexual topics. What about the non-sexual topics?

You're starting to sound like my mother hun.
Very few people ask me about my opinions in R/L. I'm the type of person that needs awhile to think things out and formulate an idea, comment, opinion. It works on a BB but in R/L people rarely stop talking long enough about what they think for me to reflect on their words and respond.
I'm what people call a 'listener' because I'm too polite to interrupt and I tend to want respect other's opinions by hearing them out. The majority of people, however, just go on.. and on.. and on.. I will admit I have a tendency to laps into a silence, which makes people feel the need to talk more.
I suppose I've been doing it for so long that listening has become a habit. I can't remember the last time outside of a classroom I voiced my thoughts on anything.

Never, that conversation did make me uncomfortable, I much prefer it when you keep your ideas on the Lit board and stop running after me in the Walmart yelling about your anal and 3-some fantasy while you masturbate with a hand held mixer.
* note to self...stay away from kitchen appliances when in stores with Never.

Oh dear.
That's wasn't just a fantasy?
I've already broken that stupid mixer, damn thing over heated while I was chasing some lady though Center Circle Park last evening.
Um, you wanna chase me next time then?

 

[Xander]

Well.....I haven't posted anything here, that my close friends do not know about me.

But I guess IRL, I'm a bit more apprehensive about walking into a bar saying, "Look at me, anybody wanna blow me??"
I'll bet you all a months pay, if I ever did that, I would end up in the gutter with a hole in my head.