Ask the opposite gender.

[Volk359]

I think it’s more of a privacy issue than anything else. Your personal space changes depending on environment, location, type of facility, what’s being used, number of people, amount of clothing, etc.

Outside of a bathroom or shower I allow people to get fairly close to me. When I’m taking a leak or showering that boundary gets pushed out a bit, sometimes quite far. It’s common courtesy to give people a certain amount of privacy. I assume that goes for the ladies as well as the guys.

 

[Voboy]

It’s common courtesy to give people a certain amount of privacy. I assume that goes for the ladies as well as the guys.

...except in the locker room of a YMCA among men over 65.

Those guys just love prancing around totally naked, talking about whose kid is going to be a local assistant football coach next year. It's really a little disturbing.

One hopes womens' locker rooms are changing areas, not social clubs?

 

[jsmiam]

Err, well this is awkward. The literal first word of my question is women all in capital letters.

I have to take stickygirls side and call out your ERRor. The way it’s phrased, you could have meant, “asking on behalf of women.” You reply contains unnecessary quantities of snark considering your wording is to blame.

Many people did guess right, but they probably know you better and know you are male.

Count me as one who didn’t know, but (a) I admit I come and go, and (b) theres a certain length post that triggers my scroll past finger. Lacking. Reading is my fault. Assuming your wording was crystal clear is yours.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I have to take stickygirls side and call out your ERRor. The way it’s phrased, you could have meant, “asking on behalf of women.” You reply contains unnecessary quantities of snark considering your wording is to blame.

Many people did guess right, but they probably know you better and know you are male.

Count me as one who didn’t know, but (a) I admit I come and go, and (b) theres a certain length post that triggers my scroll past finger. Lacking. Reading is my fault. Assuming your wording was crystal clear is yours.

I was actually trying to avoid sounding sarcastic. It's quite hard trying to phrase an polite answer when you believe the answer is in the first word of your question.

I didn't think my reply could have been read as anything other than 'Women, what is..,' but I didn't punctuate it that way so apologies if it caused confusion.

 

[jsmiam]

…. so apologies if it caused confusion.

it did. Your post wasn’t as clear as you are convinced that it was.

And that’s a celebrity apology right there.

 

[nicechat]

Opposite gender question
Why do men keep their socks on? Is this a general rule for bedrooms?
Also for socks and sandals though I think that habit is again dying out

Re:

"Why do men keep their socks on? Is this a general rule for bedrooms?"

Fast getaway?

 

[Kumquatqueen]

...except in the locker room of a YMCA among men over 65.

Those guys just love prancing around totally naked, talking about whose kid is going to be a local assistant football coach next year. It's really a little disturbing.

One hopes womens' locker rooms are changing areas, not social clubs?

IME, depends. Women's changing room in a huge leisure centre with 200 strangers and not enough seating and it's stil a bit cold with a scent of damp - people will want to get the hell out ASAP.

But a team or a group of friends, warm room - there will be a lot of chat, especially once mostly dressed and using hairdryers. A group would all want to leave together so will be chatting while waiting for the slowest person.

 

[jsmiam]

Socks: not speaking for myself, there are enough (sorry for the gross direction) yellowed cracked fungified toenails out there, that’s a reason in some cases.

Slightly less gross: avoiding mood murdering malodorous moments.

Getting to more common reason: Time. There’s a happy place exactly in the middle, between beginning a moment too quickly vs taking too long. The extra time of removing socks can be viewed in certain situations as an extra delay. (Hint to those people; snag the sock with a toe and get it off with no hands)

Urinalysis: take the furthest one away unless there is absolutely no choice. That’s the rule. It all comes down to knowing you haven’t given the already present person a reason to think, “what the hell’s wrong with you?”

And if a kids urinal is present, it complicates things. If there were only three (the kids one is always on one side or the other), it’s a careful judgment call. Assuming the already present person is on the other far side (where he should be!) there’s a math formula to be done in your head. If it’s of “medium” height, high enough to use easily with no bending of the knees or increased splashback risk, you’re expected to use the tall-enough kids one. But here’s the complicated part. If it’s really low, then points are deducted for using it! After all, what the hell’s wrong with you?

Then there’s office buildings (or anywhere with only two.) If a stall is also available, and someone is present, the answer is so obvious I won’t even say it!

It’s really quite simple! ;-)

 

[TheRedChamber]

it did. Your post wasn’t as clear as you are convinced that it was.

And that’s a celebrity apology right there.

Some people were confused. Some people weren't. If you were one of the people confused then you were the ones I was apologizing to.

As noted, I looked again and acknowledged that my punctuation could have been better.

But since I said 'I didn't think' and then acknowledged a fault, but you are now saying 'you are convinced' as though my position hasn't changed, I'm now as offended as you seemed to be in your original message.

On that basis I am going to reiterate that no offense was ever intended any my original apology was sincere, but I am going to leave it as worded.

 

[jsmiam]

Some people were confused. Some people weren't. If you were one of the people confused then you were the ones I was apologizing to.

As noted, I looked again and acknowledged that my punctuation could have been better.

But since I said 'I didn't think' and then acknowledged a fault, but you are now saying 'you are convinced' as though my position hasn't changed, I'm now as offended as you seemed to be in your original message.

On that basis I am going to reiterate that no offense was ever intended any my original apology was sincere, but I am going to leave it as worded.

I did miss the part where you originally acknowledged the punctuation. My apologies for my mistake.

 

[Voboy]

IME, depends. Women's changing room in a huge leisure centre with 200 strangers and not enough seating and it's stil a bit cold with a scent of damp - people will want to get the hell out ASAP.

But a team or a group of friends, warm room - there will be a lot of chat, especially once mostly dressed and using hairdryers. A group would all want to leave together so will be chatting while waiting for the slowest person.

Understandable. A team context, I'd expect conversation.

These are strangers at a YMCA. Wrinkled, shameless strangers. I think it's less a gender thing than a generational one: it's exclusively the older guys who do it.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Understandable. A team context, I'd expect conversation.

These are strangers at a YMCA. Wrinkled, shameless strangers. I think it's less a gender thing than a generational one: it's exclusively the older guys who do it.

What actually is a YMCA in America?

They run a few youth hostels here which are consistent with the Village People song, but from Judy Blume novels (obviously now dated) I get the impression they function as town leisure centres with all the sporting facilities, possibly with a a dose of barring non-Christians/non-members?

The older ladies going for swims on weekday mornings would definitely have chats in the changing rooms (and with me, back when I'd leave a child in the crèche and swim during my day off). The shift in leisure centres to unisex "changing villages" where everyone is supposed to change in a cubicle and the showers are in solid lockable cubicles has reduced scope for conversation, though when there's no children about people use the big family cubicles or the ones for kids to change in pairs, because the single ones are tiny and the benches are so badly designed a slim adult can't fit their arse on them. So now both men and women get to hear about Mabel's arthritis and what Brenda said to George.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Some people were confused. Some people weren't. If you were one of the people confused then you were the ones I was apologizing to.

As noted, I looked again and acknowledged that my punctuation could have been better.

But since I said 'I didn't think' and then acknowledged a fault, but you are now saying 'you are convinced' as though my position hasn't changed, I'm now as offended as you seemed to be in your original message.

On that basis I am going to reiterate that no offense was ever intended any my original apology was sincere, but I am going to leave it as worded.

Not offended, just trying to be helpful here...

When you write "I'm sorry if you were offended," few people are going to read it as "I'm sorry if YOU were offended." Most will read "I'm sorry IF you were offended."

The use of if in apologies is problematic, because it shifts responsibility to the offended party. Better to say "I'm sorry that you were offended."

 

[MelissaBaby]

What actually is a YMCA in America?

They run a few youth hostels here which are consistent with the Village People song, but from Judy Blume novels (obviously now dated) I get the impression they function as town leisure centres with all the sporting facilities, possibly with a a dose of barring non-Christians/non-members?

YMCA's require memberships, but I don't think they exclude non-Christians (They may have in the past). They are basically exercise/physical facilities. Many have pools. They also often have various classes and other activities.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Not offended, just trying to be helpful here...

When you write "I'm sorry if you were offended," few people are going to read it as "I'm sorry if YOU were offended." Most will read "I'm sorry IF you were offended."

The use of if in apologies is problematic, because it shifts responsibility to the offended party. Better to say "I'm sorry that you were offended."

We seem to have buried the hatchet and picking at this is probably a bad idea.

On that basis I'm not going into generational issues and British English, and distancing strategies and how an apology can be qualified in certain ways and still be genuine. I believe that an if can still have a place in an apology especially over more trivial matters.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

YMCA's require memberships, but I don't think they exclude non-Christians (They may have in the past). They are basically exercise/physical facilities. Many have pools. They also often have various classes and other activities.

Right. Would a town have a general facility for such things (what I'd call a leisure centre) as well, open to anyone, or would there only be ones where you need to be a member and they're run by private organisations or companies (what I'd call a private gym, with your YMCA falling into this category)?

 

[Voboy]

Right. Would a town have a general facility for such things (what I'd call a leisure centre) as well, open to anyone, or would there only be ones where you need to be a member and they're run by private organisations or companies (what I'd call a private gym, with your YMCA falling into this category)?

I've never lived in an American town with a purely public (in the sense that it's town-run) gym. There are public pools in many places, and they have changing rooms (and maybe some have gyms?). But public pools usually charge a fee.

Where I live now, both those functions (gym and pool) as well as several others (afterschool programs/nursery, food bank, etc) are handled by the Y. I have no doubt it varies by town or state.

The Y would be a private gym, but memberships are reasonably priced and non-exclusive. The Y is a charitable organization, so it's not for profit. Honestly, every Y I've ever seen is fitness-oriented. I don't think I've ever seen one that functions as a hostel, like the song.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Right. Would a town have a general facility for such things (what I'd call a leisure centre) as well, open to anyone, or would there only be ones where you need to be a member and they're run by private organisations or companies (what I'd call a private gym, with your YMCA falling into this category)?

Some do, but to my knowledge, most aren't much more than a gym or a community pool. Very few places would have things like weight rooms, exercise machines, etc.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I've never lived in an American town with a purely public (in the sense that it's town-run) gym. There are public pools in many places, and they have changing rooms (and maybe some have gyms?). But public pools usually charge a fee.

Where I live now, both those functions (gym and pool) as well as several others (afterschool programs/nursery, food bank, etc) are handled by the Y. I have no doubt it varies by town or state.

The Y would be a private gym, but memberships are reasonably priced and non-exclusive. The Y is a charitable organization, so it's not for profit. Honestly, every Y I've ever seen is fitness-oriented. I don't think I've ever seen one that functions as a hostel, like the song.

In some places, the city/town partially subsidizes the Y, and residents get discounted memberships.

 

[Voboy]

In some places, the city/town partially subsidizes the Y, and residents get discounted memberships.

I'm not sure how they work out the logistics, but it's clear that my local Y has some sort of agreement with at least two local high schools for swimming and weight-room use. Students flood the gym during after-school hours. I don't think my local high school has its own pool, so it makes sense that the Y would be a place they can host meets... although, if I were a fees-paying member (which I am) who used the pool (which I'm not), I would be irate if I couldn't swim when I wanted.

The odd thing is that our high school is literally a furlong away from the Y, and I know for a fact it has a better weight room. Lol.

Anyway. We're getting off-topic, except that men at that Y spend a lot of time gossiping about the Red Sox with their scrota hanging out. No clue if the women there do similar things.

 

[Volk359]

Meanwhile, back to our normally scheduled program…

This question is for the ladies and straight ladies only, please. As a straight man I love watching two girls kiss, it’s very arousing for me. Do you ladies also get aroused by watching two guys kiss?

 

[djrip]

Course corrected.

 

[AlexBailey]

Course corrected.

Is it though?

The title of this thread seems very broad and inviting of a whole plethora of questions and conversations across genders but the OP is disappointingly quite specific.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Is it though?

The title of this thread seems very broad and inviting of a whole plethora of questions and conversations across genders but the OP is disappointingly quite specific.

All questions welcome.

My first question was an example. I only expected it to need a couple of replies but it seemed controversial.

 

[jehoram]

Right. Would a town have a general facility for such things (what I'd call a leisure centre) as well, open to anyone, or would there only be ones where you need to be a member and they're run by private organisations or companies (what I'd call a private gym, with your YMCA falling into this category)?

YMCAs in some of the larger American cities also functioned as hotels for single men and women (with separate accommodations), and they got a reputation for being gay hangouts. Hence the reference in the song. I can't say if they do now.

There were also YWCAs for women, but I don't know if they're still around.

I've been to YMCAs all over the country, and the ones I've been to are basically non-deminational, gender-inclusive fitness centers, nothing more. They have what you'd normally expect to find in a gym, and some also have other things going: child care, yoga classes, and other community service activities. Changing rooms, toilets, and showers are separated by gender, but the other facilities are used in common.

I never got the impression that the men's shower facilities were places for gays hitting up people. We were just guys washing the chlorine off our skins so we wouldn't smell like bleach bottles.