Ask the wife

[fondofmoisture]

I want to have sex with a friend of my wife and I.It s strictly for the sex.No chance of a relationship.She s married.I m married and I don t think either one of us wants to get a divorce.I love my wife and she loves her husband but there s a sexual attraction with her and I that won t go away.I will not do it without my wife s permission but I don t know how to ask without hurting her.Before you ladies get on me too hard let me tell you that my wife and I are very open.We have had sex before with her acting as this woman and me fantasizing that she was her.She was very into it but fantasizing is one thing.I need some opinions.Should I ask and if so how?

 

[kinky shy girl]

you're right...fantasizing is one thing. my boyfriend and I often talk about other women or other couples while we're having sex. at the moment, we're both into it. i'm definitely not ready to act on our fantasies yet, and he knows it.

geez, i don't know how you could ask without hurting her feelings. i guess it depends on how "open" your wife really is. if she wanted to fool around with the other husband, how would you feel? how would you want her to approach the subject? i guess that's one way to look at it. i'm not married, so i have no idea how married people operate.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Hmm... I don't even know what to tell you here. I guess the first thing you need to do is examine why you really want to have this encounter. Even if you successfully broach the subject and your wife agrees, there's always the chance she's going to freak out after the fact. When you are married, unless you are in a declared "open" relationship, there's no such thing as "just sex".

You have to decide if your desire for this other woman is intense enough to risk you relationship with your wife. I mean, there are a lot of women I'm sexually attracted to that I'd love to sleep with, but it's not worth risking my marriage over. I truly think I could talk my wife into letting me, but how would she feel after the fact? WHo knows, and I'm not willing to take that chance. That's what you have to decide first, are you willing to risk it.

Andyou are right about fantasizing being different than an actual encounter. I once (in a fit if stupidity) told my wife about a fantasy I'd had about being with her and her sister. She was cool with it, in fact it was a fairly erotic conversation, but I never would follow through with it. Then a couple months later, her sister moves in with us and I got really nervous. Finally I broached the subject with my wife, to find out if she was freaked otu by what I'd told her. She laughed at me and said if she thought for a minute I'd actually try and start something she'd be worried, but she knew I'd never do that to her, so it was just a harmless fantasy.

So see, there's a difference there. If I had seriously brought up the issue, chances are she'd have been really hurt. It's just hard to tell.

 

[Haku_Z]

Not married either, but the best way is to talk to your wife about these sorts of things. Put yourself in her shoes... would you feel comfortable if she wanted some other guy? Communication is where it is... have a seat, sit down and chat... think about the other woman's husband as well. Cheers

 

[Eilan]

Is this the same person you were referring to in this thread? Just curious--it seems to be the same situation, different story.

You're absolutely right--a great fantasy doesn't always work out well in reality.

It sounds like your wife's aware of the attraction, particularly if she pretends to be this woman during sex. As for broaching the subject, I'm not sure how you should do it. I wouldn't bring it up during sex, because she might assume that it's part of the fantasy and not something that you're asking permission to do. If you two are as "open" as you say you are, then you should be able to figure this out.

Before you make any decisions, think carefully about potential consequences, such as unintended pregnancy, STDs, etc. Furthermore, even though you're thinking this is "just sex," keep in mind that not everyone can separate sex and emotions. How would you deal with this if it became an issue? Would it be worth sacrificing the friendship?

I'm curious--would your wife, if she were interested, have the opportunity to fuck this woman's husband or someone else of her choosing? Not that I think there should be a tit-for-tat (so to speak) exchange. I'm just not a fan of double standards.

 

[LadyJeanne]

You didn't say how often you and your wife play the friend fantasy game, but it seems like you could talk to her about the fantasy. Not during sex, but afterwards. Not specifically about doing it with the friend, just about your fantasy. Tell her how hot she is and ask her if it makes her hot to pretend she's the friend. Ask her if she ever fantasizes that you are someone else. Ask her if she'd like it if you pretended you were some guy she likes. Ask her if she'd ever want to really be with that guy or someone else. If she says no way, then she's probably going to be very upset if you tell her that you would like to fuck the friend.

BE REALLY CAREFUL with this. You don't want to tell her you want to have sex with the friend. You just want to explore her sexuality some more. Once you've done that, you'll have a better idea if you should drop the whole thing or not.

Otherwise, everyone here has given you some good advice, and they're right about fantasy vs. reality. Stop thinking about this other woman for a while. Can you? If you can't stop thinking about her even for a week, you shouldn't do anything with her. You're too into the idea, and your wife will see that and could be very hurt.

 

[fondofmoisture]

Thanks everyone for the advice.All of you have some very good points.I really want this to happen but if it doesn t it won t be the worst thing in the world.I don t think it would bother me if my wife wanted this.I just wouldn t care to know about it.I don t know if she would be able to keep emotions out of it.

 

[bisexplicit]

I don t know if she would be able to keep emotions out of it.

Will you be able to keep emotions out of it?

Will your wife's friend be able to keep emotions out of it?

Will the friend's husband be able to keep emotions out of it?

Do you have kids? What if they found out? Would it bother them?



There are a lot of people who this potentially could effect, and it is your responsibility to proceed with caution.

 

[devils_daughter]

BE.VERY.CAREFUL! You're playing with fire here, and I think you know it. My bf wanted to sleep with a friend of his (with me involved to) and resorted to trying to pressure me into it even though it was really obvious that I wasn't interested (punching the girl in the face was a bit of a hint). Four months later we still fight about it and it's the worst thing in our relationship. I'm close to loosing a few friends because of it, and more than once my bf's almost lost me. Currently, we're in a really awkward situation of working out how to deal with this girl in the best way to avoid hurting the most people and he's walked out of my house where he's been living for the past four months today, mostly because of this.

I can't tell you how to ask her, as we're all going to react differently but the one thing I will say...treat her and any decision she comes to with respect. Make sure that you make her feel loved and respected at all times, that this other woman could never compare to her, and if she says no...DON'T push it, don't sulk and don't play mind games with her. Doing this is what has caused numurous problems in my relationship, don't risk it happening to yours.