ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[lady_poisyn]

XD koneko you got yourself into trouble with that one XD

 

[Essene]

*strokes chin movie-villain style* Hmm...intriguing...

*mimes satin*

*cough*

So, um, when are we getting to see a picture?

 

[lady_poisyn]

*mimes satin*

*cough*

So, um, when are we getting to see a picture?

lol, he'll be back in a few, you might see it then XD

 

[Essene]

lol, he'll be back in a few, you might see it then XD

*shakes fists with excitement* Oooh Oooh oooh!

Oh, okay.

*sits on hands*

*waits patiently - on edge of seat*

 

[Kikori]

The condition was if me begging people to believe me meant I wouldn't be believed, I might post. ;3

 

[lady_poisyn]

The condition was if me begging people to believe me meant I wouldn't be believed, I might post. ;3

koneko i think you lost

 

[Essene]

The condition was if me begging people to believe me meant I wouldn't be believed, I might post. ;3

Wait...

So that ISN'T you in your AV?

*gasp*

I don't believe it!

 

[Kikori]

See, I don't even have to try to convince the people here I depicted myself in the avatar. ;3

 

[lady_poisyn]

See, I don't even have to try to convince the people here I depicted myself in the avatar. ;3

yes you do

 

[Kikori]

Says who? ^_^

 

[lady_poisyn]

Says who? ^_^

well............ could say your kitten, but i know what you look like
and also the promise/offer t'was not made to me

 

[Essene]

Says who? ^_^

I can be very persuasive when I want something. Just sayin'...

*leaves to go start a thread dedicated to her newly discovered crush on Kikori*

 

[lady_poisyn]

I can be very persuasive when I want something. Just sayin'...

*leaves to go start a thread dedicated to her newly discovered crush on Kikori*

XD lol

 

[Essene]

XD lol

Okay, so I got distracted and made this instead : In honor of the Asshat Awards

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

You just don't "get" Rick. He is a genius, or as Rick would say "genus".

This is obviously stream of consciousness writing. The lavendar and Natalie Cole are symbolic of his desire to "calm" the sociopolitical upheaval in his home country.

Wait! Wasn't this was the basic plot of Avitar, too?

 

[Bette_coquette]

So far, every single guy that has PMed me is 30 years old. What are the odds?

 

[satindesire]

So far, every single guy that has PMed me is 30 years old. What are the odds?

30 is internet 48.

 

[infinity706]

hey hey,

just came ycross you in the "real life voyeur" thread and wanted to volunteer to ruin my reputation by talking dirty to you... up for some fun?

greez from germany!

Seriously, this is irritating even by my standards. Am I really that dirty that I can ruin people's reputations on a site like literotica just by talking to them?

 

[Seurat]

Seriously, this is irritating even by my standards. Am I really that dirty that I can ruin people's reputations on a site like literotica just by talking to them?

Well, I feel like I need a shower after just reading your post. Does that count?


My worst pm was from a budding 'author-supporter' that felt that I needed to add snuff scenes to my stories. And blood. Lots of blood. And graphic depictions of disembowelment. And I would quote it, but I deleted it before all the other emails saw it and wondered what the fuck I was up to.

 

[FungiUg]

What is it with guys substituting Cum for come when posting, PMing and IMing?

I do it simply to distinguish between orgasm/ejaculate versus the act of movement (coming). I can assure you it's not a gender specific thing, as I picked up the habit from a woman. Yes folks, a woman taught me how to cum. Ahem.

 

[FungiUg]

No new asshats in my inbox, I've been abandoned

Sorry, I started a new job. Asshat service will resume... shortly.

 

[Prologue]

Apparently this guy thinks that if he changes the first two lines of this garbage that it makes it fresh or something. The first time he sent this he mentioned that he was a lawyer. Then in the second message he mentioned that he's a lawyer again. I'm guessing he's not a lawyer. Read on:

Asshat,

I'm putting this up in the Asshat thread. Can you guess why?

Because you've already copy/pasted me the body of this message at least once.

-That you've already forgotten this in the course of one day is annoying, and incredibly insincere.

It also speaks volumes of your character, and the fact that you can't keep all the women with whom you copy/paste this crappy message to straight.

Don't PM me again.

Hi prologue,

Asshat here. Love your description of your desires. And you cuddling and turned on is really quite alluring!

We should talk. Come say hi --

I love and delight in a woman who who enjoys her mind and body --

Come talk? Tell me about you and what brings you here? Am on for a bit - here and yahoo. But PM me whenever you receive this!

I arrived at literotica some time ago - the stories are by real people and, since I like only stories by women, and enjoy reading the experiences and perspective of women on sex, and more, I was turned on by the stories and also I like the non-commercial (mostly) nature of lit.

What brings you here? And prompts those postings?

I love to read - dance and swim - work out - and enjoy the ocean and hanging out with friends. I like the woods, good food and more.

And I love to kiss and to tease, love love giving oral sex, and love giving pleasure. The sweet trembling of a woman on the edge of orgasm turns me on tremendously. I love how wet and turned on a lover can get as she anticipates being told what to do, spanked, shown off.. and more

Tell me about you?

Tell me 3 secrets about you?

Talk here or yahoo -
yahoo sn is Asshat

Asshat
____________

 

[vthush]

the funny/ sad thing about that is how often you get it XD or the guys who fully intend to "seduce" you using chat speak- poor chat speak at that.
i'm known for typos and misspellings for sure, but at least i never try to lead a "cyber" or RP with "o babe i gunna fuk u till u cum 4 me" or some other lame attempt at- what ever language they speak.

okay lady_poisyn you owe me a new computer screen...because I just spewed coffee on it because your post made me laugh so hard. Thanks. ;-)

I agree Twitter speak for seduction just doesn't work. Seduction and sex should be involved, prolonged, drawn out and it needs all the words we can muster to match the feelings and sensations it imbues.

 

[FloggingMolly]

agreed. Poor spelling, chat speak or incomprehensibility will immediately turn me off, whereas as good, well-written cyber/rp doesn't.

 

[lady_poisyn]

okay lady_poisyn you owe me a new computer screen...because I just spewed coffee on it because your post made me laugh so hard. Thanks. ;-)

I agree Twitter speak for seduction just doesn't work. Seduction and sex should be involved, prolonged, drawn out and it needs all the words we can muster to match the feelings and sensations it imbues.

sorry about your computer screen =^_^'=

agreed. Poor spelling, chat speak or incomprehensibility will immediately turn me off, whereas as good, well-written cyber/rp doesn't.

*nods* rps should be well thought out, and not just done because you are bored, and then you need to words that express feelings, not just whatever is quick to type.