ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[Kikori]

I think you're having WAY too much fun fucking with people.

Nothing I do is meant to attract people to me, and it's their own job for not bothering to do research before seeking out someone they think will be a good catch.

 

[graceanne]

I DO believe they were trying to piss me off because I've made it quite clear in the past that his flirtation made me uncomfortable. Either he was being an asshole because he thought it would be funny, or he was drunk.

Either way, I don't expect that kind of BS from an actual member, you know what I mean? Especially not one that KNOWS ME.

I guess. I can be kinda cynical, but I've seen bigger assholes come and stay at lit for longer times and be well liked even. *shrugs*

Nothing I do is meant to attract people to me, and it's their own job for not bothering to do research before seeking out someone they think will be a good catch.

They don't research. They randomly click on names and try to start conversations and get laid; you're just a warm body with a keyboard.

 

[satindesire]

I guess. I can be kinda cynical, but I've seen bigger assholes come and stay at lit for longer times and be well liked even. *shrugs*

Assholes and trolls are different, though, you know what I mean?

 

[graceanne]

Assholes and trolls are different, though, you know what I mean?

There's a pretty fine line, though. It's hard to tell sometimes which a person is.

 

[satindesire]

There's a pretty fine line, though. It's hard to tell sometimes which a person is.

Very true. *nods*

 

[Kikori]

They're not out to be a good poster, so it doesn't matter either way, usually. ^_^

And I've actually had one person looking into my profile and double checking via PMs so far. o: Rare exception, so I'm sorta rooting for him.

 

[FungiUg]

The sad thing is, now that I'm no longer trolling the BDSM dating boards, I kind of miss the occasional ass-hattery. Hmmm... must give my girl a card to play occasionally for "random fuckwittedness".

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Interesting situation.

I got this PM recently:

Asshat:

You know, Ms Satin, I'm almost certain that I'm one of your fantasy guys that you'd almost consider having an affair with if you got the chance...

HA! If only he knew who was REALLY on satin's fantasy list...

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Interesting situation.

I got this PM recently:

......

I'm sorry, but this is WILDLY inappropriate. You don't just send messages like this out of the blue. It's disgusting, uncalled for and rude. I don't care if you're a long-time member of this forum, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN THIS SHIT.

What an asshole!

You're a MILF, not a cougar.

I apologize for men everywhere for the mistake.

I didn't read the rest of what he said, but I'm sure it couldn't have been worse than that mix up.

 

[FungiUg]

You're a MILF, not a cougar.

It's possible to be both. I am told I'm not allowed to call a friend of mine a cougar though, as she's not old enough. She's only a puma.

Me, I think I'm almost at rhino state: skin like leather, ugly as sin, pushy and horny.

 

[FurryFury]

See if I'm not hunting em but they want me, how does that make me some predatory animal. Not that I mind being cat like but yeah.

 

[FungiUg]

See if I'm not hunting em but they want me, how does that make me some predatory animal.

Weeeeellll... wouldn't that make you more of a "deer"? Or maybe a bunny?

 

[graceanne]

Weeeeellll... wouldn't that make you more of a "deer"? Or maybe a bunny?

Can't be a bunny. We have one of those. And a kitty. Um, how 'bout a hamster?

 

[FungiUg]

Um, how 'bout a hamster?

That would work better for her name, yeah.

"Beware the fury of the hamster!"

 

[graceanne]

That would work better for her name, yeah.

"Beware the fury of the hamster!"

We had a pet hamster we named Rocky (after the movie). We got him for free cause he'd gotten in a fight with another hamster and was missing part of his ear. We put him in his ball and our cat started stalking him. He turned around, saw her there, and CHARGED HER. She almost fell over running from him. Also his cage would occasionally get knocked over, and that would PISS HIM OFF. He'd literally stomp his feet and glare at us, it was hilarious.

 

[Etoile]

We had a pet hamster we named Rocky (after the movie). We got him for free cause he'd gotten in a fight with another hamster and was missing part of his ear. We put him in his ball and our cat started stalking him. He turned around, saw her there, and CHARGED HER. She almost fell over running from him. Also his cage would occasionally get knocked over, and that would PISS HIM OFF. He'd literally stomp his feet and glare at us, it was hilarious.

Ha! I had a gerbil as a kid, the cat loooooved when it was run-in-ball time. The gerbil didn't like being stalked, and would always run the other way. One day he ran smack into the side of a dresser, and the ball popped open. I went for the cat, my mom went for the gerbil, and we saved his life. Unfortunately, the little guy was petrified, and he chomped on my mom's finger HARD. He didn't let go for five minutes! She went into the hall bathroom and her finger was starting to turn black before he let go.

 

[CurlyKat]

Totally unsolicited PM, I swear!

"are you submissive to the point that your dom could let other men fuck you?"

REALLY????

 

[FungiUg]

Dammit, this was the thread I was trying to find!

Oh well.

And CurlyKat, it could be worse: imagine if someone sent that to me! Still, the idea of a submissive having sex... it's really pushing the boundaries!

 

[CurlyKat]

Dammit, this was the thread I was trying to find!

Oh well.

And CurlyKat, it could be worse: imagine if someone sent that to me! Still, the idea of a submissive having sex... it's really pushing the boundaries!

Hehe, well glad I could help your search! And yeah, at least the dude had stalked me long enough to know I was submissive, and owned.

And dude, I'm SO about the boundary pushing.

 

[satindesire]

PM today:

I would love to get you off baby sometime. It would be my pleasure and yours. I walk into your bedroom lit only by a lavender candle. The room cool and very comfortable and your cd player has Natalie Cole signing in the back ground. You are naked and lay face down.
I am come into to give you a full body massage. You see my avitar that is me keep that picture in mind. I walk over to you remove a sheet that covers your nude body.
I began to fist massage your feet with perfumed foot lotion then use my warmed massage oil to massage your calves deeply with my hands, licking your calves at the same time, I move up to the back of your legs and lean into you and fluttering and my tongue softly over the backs of your knees then move up your thighs. Your skin so so soft and my tongue moves up your nice thighs so juicy and tasty as my tongue with a mind of its own wants to travel to your sweet spot and lick you and pleasure you. I then massage your thighs from the back with my hands then start to lick you between your thighs. I move up with slow deliberate soft flickering of my tongue with only the very tip making contact with your skin. Tasting your delight as I move toward your lovely pussy. My cock erect now it too wants what it wants and that is to find a place between your lovely leg baby pleasuring you throbbing deep inside of your wet hot pussy, stretching the walls. You love the feel of a hard erect throbbing cock deep inside of your body. My tongue still on its journey though moves ever more toward your sweet smelling pussy. That distinctive smell that turns my cock on and makes me so so hard and brings the pre cum out of my cock in small beads. You want this you want my hard cock between your legs and my hard body straddling yours love. You will have me as I began to plunge my tongue masterfully inside of your slit with precision of a pro making you squirm and so so wet that you can not stand it. You moan and grab he sheets at this point your skin covered with goose bumps from the sexual turn on you can not hold back your pussy is so so wet your juices flowing of you that nice mound of your. You crave my cock you want it now. I taste your lovely pussy juices they are so so sweet like nectar to bee I enjoy the pleasure of eating your pussy out. Now I turn you over and you pull me on top of you
wanting me inside of you as you reach down and guide my hard cock into that pool of hot sexual juices between your legs and my cock enters you. You moan as my cock enters between your legs love and you want me in all the way now. Pulling me further and bringing my ass closer to you my cock moves ever so deeper in the center of your hot turned on body. I began to pump my cock faster and faster inside of you and then you keep your timing with me as your hips rise to meet mine. I want this baby, want to fuck you hard and fast making you cum like you have never cum before my cock has its own agenda. You love how this has all turned out from your massage it is the best massage you have ever felt. I keep driving my cock deep into your pussy and you scream and moan for me oh yes, oh baby dont stop, oh love please fuck me baby, fuck me harder oh yes. Oh yes, O baby I am cumming for you , yes. You work your pussy rubbing your clit faster and faster till you cum all over yourself. Your pussy so so wet and so so fulfilled from this wild sexual experience. I hope you have enjoyed this solo trip to sexual pleasure. Please now allow me to tease you one on one in a total interactive
cyber experience that will bring you to an explosive climax. It was nice to bring you this experience I would love to IM you on yahoo and make this experience so so much more for the both of us love.
If I were there I would lick that sweet pussy of yours clean but that will have to be the next time we make love
on Yahoo. PM me here love if you want to play with me.
(name removed to protect asshat's identity)

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

And you were worried you weren't gonna get anything good for your birthday...

PM today:

Originally Posted by asshatguy
I would love to get you off baby sometime. It would be my pleasure and yours. I walk into your bedroom lit only by a lavender candle. The room cool and very comfortable and your cd player has Natalie Cole signing in the back ground. You are naked and lay face down.
I am come into to give you a full body massage. You see my avitar that is me keep that picture in mind. I walk over to you remove a sheet that covers your nude body.
I began to fist massage your feet with perfumed foot lotion then use my warmed massage oil to massage your calves deeply with my hands, licking your calves at the same time, I move up to the back of your legs and lean into you and fluttering and my tongue softly over the backs of your knees...

Up until this point, I was ready to sign up, 'cause t sounded pretty damn good!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

PM today:

Originally Posted by asshatguy
You see my avitar that is me keep that picture in mind.

That bit made me lol.

 

[satindesire]

I PMed him back with the link to this thread, so he could enjoy his moment of fame. His PM reply:

Thanks lesbo.

My reply:

I thought you might enjoy being woken up to just how unpleasant and unwelcome PMs like that really are. I hope you liked reading the replies the other people made to your little cyber-wank 'story'.

Perhaps next time you'll think twice before harassing random women you think are sexually attractive. Or not. I can never really tell with y'all.

By the way, sugar tits, calling me a 'lesbo' as some sort of insult is like calling a lollipop 'sweet'. Women are great, so accusing me of liking to sleep with them is about as un-insulting as an insult can possible get. I like to call that an 'unsult'.

Enjoy my ignore list, asshat!!!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Originally Posted by asshatguy
Thanks lesbo.

Actually, I've found this to generally be true: Any woman who is uninterested in me is by default a lesbian. It's uncanny!

 

[the captians wench]

I PMed him back with the link to this thread, so he could enjoy his moment of fame. His PM reply:



My reply:

I thought you might enjoy being woken up to just how unpleasant and unwelcome PMs like that really are. I hope you liked reading the replies the other people made to your little cyber-wank 'story'.

Perhaps next time you'll think twice before harassing random women you think are sexually attractive. Or not. I can never really tell with y'all.

By the way, sugar tits, calling me a 'lesbo' as some sort of insult is like calling a lollipop 'sweet'. Women are great, so accusing me of liking to sleep with them is about as un-insulting as an insult can possible get. I like to call that an 'unsult'.

Enjoy my ignore list, asshat!!!

"Sugar tits" is one of Jounar's pet names for me