ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[Xantu]

another ass hat

got this one just before Christmas:

indian male wanting to explore u once again and look for unexplored
regions in u want to experience the pleasures again the write to me on

It smacks of translator. I did not respond but it made me think of a funny piece I could write that would use translators to twist and confuse the cybering.

So much to write, so little time.

Xantu

 

[graceanne]

Just got this one on my CM account. Thought you all might need a laugh...


"Hi my name is XXXXXXXX. i'm french. I'm looking for a girl like u i could force to become my bimbo slut (like a trophy girl, like a whore). I will offer u huge breast implants and full lips. i will force u to wear slutty clothes and high heels. contact me if u are interested."

Someone's been reading to much erotica.

 

[RawHumor]

Just got this one on my CM account. Thought you all might need a laugh...


"Hi my name is XXXXXXXX. i'm french. I'm looking for a girl like u i could force to become my bimbo slut (like a trophy girl, like a whore). I will offer u huge breast implants and full lips. i will force u to wear slutty clothes and high heels. contact me if u are interested."

Bimboization is a kinda fun fantasy, but not too practical in the real world.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I think that EM Master (see the 'Write Now' thread in the cafe) deserves a special mention.

It's been a while that I've stoped being suprised by men's idiocy and cluelessness, but it still never ceases to amaze me.

 

[graceanne]

I'm winning on this thread, too!

 

[magdelena69]

It must be a full moon or something...

Gotta love CM...

"would you like to visit my dungeon for a 36 hour fantasy involving you being the town woman that every other women in the village doesn't like becauseof the attention their men give to you. This is set in medieval times and the women have accused you of being a witch. I am the inquisitor and will put you in irons on your legs and wrists for your own protection as you are lead to the dungeon by a leash attached to a brank on your head. There you are made to confess being a witch or else your soul will be gone forever . In extracting the confession you will be chained to the wall, Racked on the rack and made to stand in the pillory for an extened period of time."

AND...

"You've no doubt received hundreds of message by now without finding one that made you tense with the recognition that you have found a man capable of both control and cruelty.

Until now.

I look at your profile, and I recognize your type of slut. The abuse that you crave is so extreme, so unacceptable to the outside world, that to even talk about it cheapens it. No scene can approach the violent and humiliating fantasies in your head, because you would always have a safeword, you would always feel just a little bit silly dealing with a man who would accept your limits, who would subject his power to any sort of restraint.

I accept no restraint, and I need none. I delight in taking a woman and turning her into a bitch, a panting, whinning, needy little cunt who begs for pain and orgasms and more tasks to complete to please me. Because whatever other women might be good for, you and I both know that sluts like you are only worth anything when they're pleasing their Master.

Are you ready to please, little slut? "

My profile says I am NOT looking. Sigh.

These just keep getting better and better.

 

[RawHumor]

These just keep getting better and better.

I like the picture in your profile. You need to be choked with my cock.

(he said, totally ignoring any words there)

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I like the picture in your profile. You need to be choked with my cock.

omg lol http://img2.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/bdfd876455.gif

 

[Etoile]

Gotta love CM...

"would you like to visit my dungeon for a 36 hour fantasy involving you being the town woman that every other women in the village doesn't like becauseof the attention their men give to you. This is set in medieval times and the women have accused you of being a witch. I am the inquisitor and will put you in irons on your legs and wrists for your own protection as you are lead to the dungeon by a leash attached to a brank on your head. There you are made to confess being a witch or else your soul will be gone forever . In extracting the confession you will be chained to the wall, Racked on the rack and made to stand in the pillory for an extened period of time."

AND...

"You've no doubt received hundreds of message by now without finding one that made you tense with the recognition that you have found a man capable of both control and cruelty.

Until now.

I look at your profile, and I recognize your type of slut. The abuse that you crave is so extreme, so unacceptable to the outside world, that to even talk about it cheapens it. No scene can approach the violent and humiliating fantasies in your head, because you would always have a safeword, you would always feel just a little bit silly dealing with a man who would accept your limits, who would subject his power to any sort of restraint.

I accept no restraint, and I need none. I delight in taking a woman and turning her into a bitch, a panting, whinning, needy little cunt who begs for pain and orgasms and more tasks to complete to please me. Because whatever other women might be good for, you and I both know that sluts like you are only worth anything when they're pleasing their Master.

Are you ready to please, little slut? "

My profile says I am NOT looking. Sigh.

These just keep getting better and better.

*cracks up*

 

[nh23]

My collarme profile states quite clearly, that I have a Dom, and am not interested in another. That I am only there for the message boards and friendship. *sighs* I know the asshats can't read..but the PM this one sent me was just hilarious .*giggles* So I let him IM with me to have some fun..

ASSHAT: please call me Sir Jon, we clear?
ME: Afraid not, I don't know you..why would I call you Sir?
ASSHAT: You should always, are you a real sub or not
ME: OMG..did you just say that..don't have much luck in this lifestyle do you?
ASSHAT: plenty
ME: Define a REAL sub to me..
ASSHAT: look, im not going to argue with me, either you act like a real sub, or quit talking to me
ME: Would you like me to define HNG for you
ASSHAT: dont need to, you dont seem like you have any formal training
ME: Oh, so I'm supposed to submit to any HNG that talks to me..I'm sorry I must have missed that memo
ASSHAT: nope, to me
ME: Next time try Kneel Bitch..I've heard some people do well with that one

He quit talking to me..and I was having so much fun

 

[BiBunny]

My collarme profile states quite clearly, that I have a Dom, and am not interested in another. That I am only there for the message boards and friendship. *sighs* I know the asshats can't read..but the PM this one sent me was just hilarious .*giggles* So I let him IM with me to have some fun..

ASSHAT: please call me Sir Jon, we clear?
ME: Afraid not, I don't know you..why would I call you Sir?
ASSHAT: You should always, are you a real sub or not
ME: OMG..did you just say that..don't have much luck in this lifestyle do you?
ASSHAT: plenty
ME: Define a REAL sub to me..
ASSHAT: look, im not going to argue with me, either you act like a real sub, or quit talking to me
ME: Would you like me to define HNG for you
ASSHAT: dont need to, you dont seem like you have any formal training
ME: Oh, so I'm supposed to submit to any HNG that talks to me..I'm sorry I must have missed that memo
ASSHAT: nope, to me
ME: Next time try Kneel Bitch..I've heard some people do well with that one

He quit talking to me..and I was having so much fun

*Falls off bed* That's great!

You know that decoder ring you've been hiding? They're so coming to get that shit, baby girl.

 

[nh23]

*Falls off bed* That's great!

You know that decoder ring you've been hiding? They're so coming to get that shit, baby girl.

They'll never find it..NEVER I say!!

 

[graceanne]

My collarme profile states quite clearly, that I have a Dom, and am not interested in another. That I am only there for the message boards and friendship. *sighs* I know the asshats can't read..but the PM this one sent me was just hilarious .*giggles* So I let him IM with me to have some fun..

ASSHAT: please call me Sir Jon, we clear?
ME: Afraid not, I don't know you..why would I call you Sir?
ASSHAT: You should always, are you a real sub or not
ME: OMG..did you just say that..don't have much luck in this lifestyle do you?
ASSHAT: plenty
ME: Define a REAL sub to me..
ASSHAT: look, im not going to argue with me, either you act like a real sub, or quit talking to me
ME: Would you like me to define HNG for you
ASSHAT: dont need to, you dont seem like you have any formal training
ME: Oh, so I'm supposed to submit to any HNG that talks to me..I'm sorry I must have missed that memo
ASSHAT: nope, to me
ME: Next time try Kneel Bitch..I've heard some people do well with that one

He quit talking to me..and I was having so much fun

LOL How classic!

 

[madetotakeit]

This was waiting for me in my private message box today...

"Hi made,

Say, I am looking for an experienced woman’s perspective here. This is not meant to offend you as I am seeking the honest insights of a woman.

Perhaps you can help me (a very horny, young man) out with a personal concern of mine. About fellatio… I absolutely love ejaculating very hard inside a girl's mouth at the end of a good, long blow job. But, I am wondering how do girls feel about this? (Honestly, I have not thought to ask them about it at the time. And my past girlfriends seemed to be rather shy in discussing it later.)

Do women enjoy the physical sensations of the ejaculation inside their mouth? Do they prefer a strong climax with forceful spurts and lots of the cum? Do girls like it when they can swallow a really large volume of the hot sperm?

I am a heavy cummer. In my case, at the end of the fellatio, Made to take it, I will usually ejaculate a heavy load of the cum with several strong full shots. I was wondering if this is too much for a young woman? What are your thoughts?

Thanks! Best, *asshat*"

I like that special touch where he inserted my screen name in the fourth paragraph.

 

[Bandit58]

My collarme profile states quite clearly, that I have a Dom, and am not interested in another. That I am only there for the message boards and friendship. *sighs* I know the asshats can't read..but the PM this one sent me was just hilarious .*giggles* So I let him IM with me to have some fun..

ASSHAT: please call me Sir Jon, we clear?
ME: Afraid not, I don't know you..why would I call you Sir?
ASSHAT: You should always, are you a real sub or not
ME: OMG..did you just say that..don't have much luck in this lifestyle do you?
ASSHAT: plenty
ME: Define a REAL sub to me..
ASSHAT: look, im not going to argue with me, either you act like a real sub, or quit talking to me
ME: Would you like me to define HNG for you
ASSHAT: dont need to, you dont seem like you have any formal training
ME: Oh, so I'm supposed to submit to any HNG that talks to me..I'm sorry I must have missed that memo
ASSHAT: nope, to me
ME: Next time try Kneel Bitch..I've heard some people do well with that one

He quit talking to me..and I was having so much fun

LOL....I read this out to Sir - He's wandering around rolling His eyes and shaking His head....

 

[snowy ciara]

hello Bandit and Sir!

 

[Bandit58]

hello Bandit and Sir!

Hey you - thanks for the kisses

In keeping with the thread title, I had one from a 20 yr old guy wanting to chat - now he's in Canada and I'm in Australia, plus I really don't fancy sex talk with someone young enough to be my kid *icky icky*

snowy I know you come into that category but I don't wanna cyber with you

 

[snowy ciara]

What about real pervy sex? How about that?

 

[Bandit58]

What about real pervy sex? How about that?

Well then I'd have to break one of my hard limits - nothing sexual with anyone under 30

*Bugga*

 

[Gil_T2]

Well then I'd have to break one of my hard limits - nothing sexual with anyone under 30

*Bugga*

snowy ciara What about real pervy sex? How about that?

OOOO what about Me?

Can Sir watch & or join in?

 

[Etoile]

This was waiting for me in my private message box today...

"Hi made,

Say, I am looking for an experienced woman’s perspective here. This is not meant to offend you as I am seeking the honest insights of a woman.

Perhaps you can help me (a very horny, young man) out with a personal concern of mine. About fellatio… I absolutely love ejaculating very hard inside a girl's mouth at the end of a good, long blow job. But, I am wondering how do girls feel about this? (Honestly, I have not thought to ask them about it at the time. And my past girlfriends seemed to be rather shy in discussing it later.)

Do women enjoy the physical sensations of the ejaculation inside their mouth? Do they prefer a strong climax with forceful spurts and lots of the cum? Do girls like it when they can swallow a really large volume of the hot sperm?

I am a heavy cummer. In my case, at the end of the fellatio, Made to take it, I will usually ejaculate a heavy load of the cum with several strong full shots. I was wondering if this is too much for a young woman? What are your thoughts?

Thanks! Best, *asshat*"

I like that special touch where he inserted my screen name in the fourth paragraph.

I remember that one! I thought it was pretty hilarious that he sent it to ME. Hello? Moderator of the GLBT board?

 

[myinnerslut]

I remember that one! I thought it was pretty hilarious that he sent it to ME. Hello? Moderator of the GLBT board?

just more proof that asshats, like terminal diseases, dont differentiate between who they target.

 

[madetotakeit]

I remember that one! I thought it was pretty hilarious that he sent it to ME. Hello? Moderator of the GLBT board?

You mean I wasn't the only one he sent it to? I thought I was *special* sniff, sniff.

 

[Etoile]

You mean I wasn't the only one he sent it to? I thought I was *special* sniff, sniff.

I searched this thread for "cummer" and discovered he was last sending it out around late May/early June. So hey, you're the only one for 2008!

 

[madetotakeit]

oh goody, I'm *special* again.