ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[chris9]

Asshat on Collarme:

Hello slavegirl,

I look for a nice slavegirl as you. i look for a longer relationsship, so you can stay in my house and serve me. I like to dominate you and you must wear clothing that i like.

I have a long practice in this things. please tell me more about your dreams


Slavegirl? Excuse me? Who is he talking to?
I'm ready to forgive his not quite spotless English since he's in Germany and added that we could write in German. Or not I'm thinking...

And then there's his age. 51. Almost as old as my dad. And my profile does say that I'm not really interested in someone more than 12 years older than me. 26+12=51???

 

[LilyBart]

oh goody, I'm *special* again.

That makes two of us who are *special* since I got the same email about a week ago.

 

[ShyGuy68]

Asshat on Collarme:

Hello slavegirl,

I look for a nice slavegirl as you. i look for a longer relationsship, so you can stay in my house and serve me. I like to dominate you and you must wear clothing that i like.

I have a long practice in this things. please tell me more about your dreams


Slavegirl? Excuse me? Who is he talking to?
I'm ready to forgive his not quite spotless English since he's in Germany and added that we could write in German. Or not I'm thinking...

And then there's his age. 51. Almost as old as my dad. And my profile does say that I'm not really interested in someone more than 12 years older than me. 26+12=51???

I STILL don't understand men, even though I am one.

Ok I will admit, that I might pm you, even though there's 13 years between us, if I had come across your profile, and wasn't in another country, and to far away from you.

 

[northern_nights]

wow, I haven't recieved any yet (new). Thanks for letting me know what I have to look forward too.

 

[HB1965]

This one came from someone with only 2 posts

You are attractive,hot personality,hmmm, you are dem sexy
where are you,I don't want civer.
but I want you.
Carl.

 

[snowy ciara]

snowy ciara What about real pervy sex? How about that?

OOOO what about Me?

Can Sir watch & or join in?

Only if you give yourself permission! *giggling* But as there's a hard "under 30" limit, I'd settle for having Tim Tams with you or something social like that.

 

[Gil_T2]

Only if you give yourself permission! *giggling* But as there's a hard "under 30" limit, I'd settle for having Tim Tams with you or something social like that.

Gee we do have a tim tam gift pack that has some tim tams, 2 tim tams coffee mugs & some coffee sitting here & my sister says they have tim tam type bickies up in Canada now.

But we have already broken the limit once so is it still a hard limit?

 

[snowy ciara]

Gee we do have a tim tam gift pack that has some tim tams, 2 tim tams coffee mugs & some coffee sitting here & my sister says they have tim tam type bickies up in Canada now.

But we have already broken the limit once so is it still a hard limit?

It's up to you to decide, Santa Gil! But if it's only a medium hard limit, I'm good!

We can get Tim Tams here now, and I've got a nice little side business going on with some friends in the states to feed their habit. To bad the dollar's tanked though. It really cuts into my bottom line.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

*sighs* I still don't get good asshats... Just an endless stream of penis enhancers, breast enlargers, and ED drugs at discount rates...

I think I'm too damned scarey.

 

[chris9]

I STILL don't understand men, even though I am one.

Ok I will admit, that I might pm you, even though there's 13 years between us, if I had come across your profile, and wasn't in another country, and to far away from you.

And there is a certain difference between one year over the age "limit" that's not that definite. But 13 years over? Making him almost twice as old as me?

 

[chris9]

*sighs* I still don't get good asshats... Just an endless stream of penis enhancers, breast enlargers, and ED drugs at discount rates...

I think I'm too damned scarey.

I don't get many myself. I'm lucky and tend to get nice messages from people who seem sincerely interested in getting to know me. Or not so lucky as I enjoy asshaty messages...

 

[ShyGuy68]

And there is a certain difference between one year over the age "limit" that's not that definite. But 13 years over? Making him almost twice as old as me?

You are so right! Some people just don't have any respect!!!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Damn, damn, damn... at 46 years of age, I'm outta the bracket...

 

[DeservingBitch]

*sighs* I still don't get good asshats... Just an endless stream of penis enhancers, breast enlargers, and ED drugs at discount rates...

I think I'm too damned scarey.

I actually don't get many either. And I'm a chick.

I get a few PM from my CM account every week, mostly from 'msubs' wanting to be my live-in slave/toilet/sissy maid, ie, wanting some wanking material. But very few that could be characterized as asshat emails.

Here on Lit, and in spite of my having an am pic thread, I get maybe one undesired PM from some HNG every month.

Now, Craigslist is another story. I've got some hilariously inane emails from dewds responding to ads I had on CL. Makes for good entertainment.

I'm happy to send you an asshat PM EG if you'd like. I'm sure I'd be much more credible passing as a HNG than they are at trying to pass as dykes.

 

[Etoile]

DB, have you ever tried to talk "financial slavery" with some of them? I need to get hooked up with that racket.

 

[DeservingBitch]

DB, have you ever tried to talk "financial slavery" with some of them? I need to get hooked up with that racket.

Nah - don't have the patience for that.

However, I used to have a line in my CM profile that said something like "male subs, unless you're here to ask for the link to my registry, fuck off!" which attracted quite a few of them (which is why I removed it after a while - bad psychology).

I'd send the link when asked, with the clarification that gifting me something is the only gratification they're going to get out of it. I thought it would make them all go away, but one guy actually ordered me a flogger and then a leather waist corset. He never asked for more than my acknowledgment that I did received the gifts and that I was pleased with them. Which eh, I was happy to give him. He disappeared after a while, but not without sending me a nice and polite goodbye note.

 

[Etoile]

Nah - don't have the patience for that.

However, I used to have a line in my CM profile that said something like "male subs, unless you're here to ask for the link to my registry, fuck off!" which attracted quite a few of them (which is why I removed it after a while - bad psychology).

I'd send the link when asked, with the clarification that gifting me something is the only gratification they're going to get out of it. I thought it would make them all go away, but one guy actually ordered me a flogger and then a leather waist corset. He never asked for more than my acknowledgment that I did received the gifts and that I was pleased with them. Which eh, I was happy to give him. He disappeared after a while, but not without sending me a nice and polite goodbye note.

Seriously? It worked? I wonder if I should make a separate profile and try that. I'd have to find pictures to use with it though. Because I have lots of cool stuff on my wishlist that I'd love to have. What I'd really want, though, would be cash toward laser hair removal. Maybe I should set up a donation button and use that. It really works?

 

[DeservingBitch]

Seriously? It worked? I wonder if I should make a separate profile and try that. I'd have to find pictures to use with it though. Because I have lots of cool stuff on my wishlist that I'd love to have. What I'd really want, though, would be cash toward laser hair removal. Maybe I should set up a donation button and use that. It really works?

Well, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. I probably received between 100-150 PMs from 'subs' asking for my registry. It worked with one. Granted, I wasn't doing any real effort or work for it.

Ask Netz - she knows more about this stuff than I do.

 

[magdelena69]

This was waiting for me in my private message box today...

"Hi made,

Say, I am looking for an experienced woman’s perspective here. This is not meant to offend you as I am seeking the honest insights of a woman.

Perhaps you can help me (a very horny, young man) out with a personal concern of mine. About fellatio… I absolutely love ejaculating very hard inside a girl's mouth at the end of a good, long blow job. But, I am wondering how do girls feel about this? (Honestly, I have not thought to ask them about it at the time. And my past girlfriends seemed to be rather shy in discussing it later.)

Do women enjoy the physical sensations of the ejaculation inside their mouth? Do they prefer a strong climax with forceful spurts and lots of the cum? Do girls like it when they can swallow a really large volume of the hot sperm?

I am a heavy cummer. In my case, at the end of the fellatio, Made to take it, I will usually ejaculate a heavy load of the cum with several strong full shots. I was wondering if this is too much for a young woman? What are your thoughts?

Thanks! Best, *asshat*"

I like that special touch where he inserted my screen name in the fourth paragraph.

I got the exact same one, with my name, of course, about a month and a half ago. Played him along a bit, and then he wasn't even fun to toy with. After all that effort. Sad....

 

[magdelena69]

I like the picture in your profile. You need to be choked with my cock.

(he said, totally ignoring any words there)

LOL...too funny.

 

[Bi_Kitty]

Asshat from CM (there seem to be a lot of them there), "and you were going to respond to my message when.................. ??"
Me: "Perhaps about the time you read my profile, which says, 'So, what am I looking for exactly: Someone between the ages of 21 to 30. Someone located in Alabama.' You are 47 and live in New York. Illiterate much?"
*rollseyes*

 

[chauderlos]

Until now, it seems that asshat PM or EM were only directed at women...
I said until now, because .... *drumroll* I got one this morning:

salut , c *****, je veux que tu joue pour moi sur webcam !!

Litterally: "Hi, it's *****, I want you to plays (sic) for me on webcam"
(**** being male)
Sic transit gloria mundi...

 

[sureibu]

This was waiting for me in my private message box today...

"Hi made,

Say, I am looking for an experienced woman’s perspective here. This is not meant to offend you as I am seeking the honest insights of a woman.

Perhaps you can help me (a very horny, young man) out with a personal concern of mine. About fellatio… I absolutely love ejaculating very hard inside a girl's mouth at the end of a good, long blow job. But, I am wondering how do girls feel about this? (Honestly, I have not thought to ask them about it at the time. And my past girlfriends seemed to be rather shy in discussing it later.)

Do women enjoy the physical sensations of the ejaculation inside their mouth? Do they prefer a strong climax with forceful spurts and lots of the cum? Do girls like it when they can swallow a really large volume of the hot sperm?

I am a heavy cummer. In my case, at the end of the fellatio, Made to take it, I will usually ejaculate a heavy load of the cum with several strong full shots. I was wondering if this is too much for a young woman? What are your thoughts?

Thanks! Best, *asshat*"

I like that special touch where he inserted my screen name in the fourth paragraph.

I've gotten this one a while back..lol. I always wished I had saved it specifically for this thread It's like a form letter, fill-in-name-here.

 

[graceanne]

Asshat from CM (there seem to be a lot of them there), "and you were going to respond to my message when.................. ??"
Me: "Perhaps about the time you read my profile, which says, 'So, what am I looking for exactly: Someone between the ages of 21 to 30. Someone located in Alabama.' You are 47 and live in New York. Illiterate much?"
*rollseyes*

What'd he say to that?

 

[Bi_Kitty]

What'd he say to that?

He said, "Sometimes ladies change their minds...Guess you did not." I said, "Not when it comes to something like that, and if I had your last message just blew it." I've haven't heard back from the idiot. *thank god*