Avatar: Lightning strikes (OOC)
- Thread starter Mephistophelily
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Mephistophelily
Crazy is...
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Did you just fucking compare me to Britney Spears?!?
Now that is low!
I didn't expect that from you.
Eazy, UM, Soru maybe...
but Chas?
Didn't expect it, nope.
Mephistophelily
Crazy is...
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Drakkwall...
Had a chance to look it over...
Two things I'm kinda leery on:
One is that he seems kinda- overpowering.
The other is, that now that everyone's either in or about to get into the battle, your guy would have a heck of a time getting in there in a way that made sense.
Had a chance to look it over...
Two things I'm kinda leery on:
One is that he seems kinda- overpowering.
The other is, that now that everyone's either in or about to get into the battle, your guy would have a heck of a time getting in there in a way that made sense.
ChasNicollette
Allons-y Means Let's Go.
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Chastity Nicollette: Unexpect The Expected.
Mister J
Am I Dreaming?
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My head just exploded a little bit.
Mephistophelily
Crazy is...
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*Agrees with Soru*
I think I've now forgotten math.
...Which is ok; I was terrible at it to begin with.
ChasNicollette
Allons-y Means Let's Go.
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Um.
Sorry about the. Math.
I just like turning phrases, is all.
:: hides! ::
Sorry about the. Math.
I just like turning phrases, is all.
:: hides! ::
Eazy
Wish You Were This Smooth
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Don't make me hit you, baby. Not even if it's only one more time.
Mister J
Am I Dreaming?
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Well I'd work on the whole Mary Sue issue...but that's just me. http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee44/Sorukage/Smilies/15.gif
Geez, why am I still awake?...
Ahren1
Fear of a Blank Planet
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Why can't he just be an Earthbender? I'd at least veto the metal bending. That seems pretty unique to Toph. I wasn't even sure if I was going to make Aang the Goddamned Avatar able to do it.
Other comments:
-How does one survive after being abandoned on the streets at birth?
-How are people aware of his 'Fire Nation' heritage just by looking at him? Now, in the show it was common for them to have golden eyes, but that alone doesn't mean anything. Plus, while some people harbor hard feelings about the Fire Nation's past, it's becoming a lot less common, so I'd find it hard to believe that he's scowled upon everywhere he goes, even if it were obvious he was from the Fire Nation.
-I don't really like the way the fifth paragraph is written. It says to me: "He doesn't really kill anyone except for when this happens.. or this... or this... but not any other time, honest."
Overall, He has no qualities of a likable character. This might work for some games, but not really this one. I can't see the group stumbling upon him and wanting anything to do with him except possibly turn him over to the authorities. I don't necessarily think a dark character would be a bad thing, but a thief just isn't interesting to me.
Other comments:
-How does one survive after being abandoned on the streets at birth?
-How are people aware of his 'Fire Nation' heritage just by looking at him? Now, in the show it was common for them to have golden eyes, but that alone doesn't mean anything. Plus, while some people harbor hard feelings about the Fire Nation's past, it's becoming a lot less common, so I'd find it hard to believe that he's scowled upon everywhere he goes, even if it were obvious he was from the Fire Nation.
-I don't really like the way the fifth paragraph is written. It says to me: "He doesn't really kill anyone except for when this happens.. or this... or this... but not any other time, honest."
Overall, He has no qualities of a likable character. This might work for some games, but not really this one. I can't see the group stumbling upon him and wanting anything to do with him except possibly turn him over to the authorities. I don't necessarily think a dark character would be a bad thing, but a thief just isn't interesting to me.
ChasNicollette
Allons-y Means Let's Go.
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While I'm hardly in a position to complain about your character doing something no other character should be able to do-- I have an Airbender, after all, something we're supposed to be running short on of late --I can't help but note certain things about the mechanism of Metalbending in canon.
The ability to detect the impurities, the residual ore, in the substance of metals, is only possible for Toph because of her Earthbending sense. This is more highly developed for Toph a) because she is far less reliant on her eyes to see, natch, and b) because she learned a whole different style of Earthbending than the rest of the Kingdom. Toph learned how to Bend directly from the original Earthbenders, the Badgermoles, and this is represented in her choreography by her utilising Southern Praying Mantis Kung Fu as opposed to Hung Gar style Kung Fu, which is standard Earthbending.
The only other person who uses the same style of Earthbending is Aang, the only other person who's exhibited Toph's vibratory Earth-sense, because he was directly trained by Toph, who passed down the knowledge of these Badgermoles. Thus, on top of being The Avatar, he's the one in the best position to assume the knack for Metalbending.
Also, Toph's Earthbending is off the charts so far as non-Avatars go.
Suffice it to say, your character would have to be nigh omnipotent Earthbending-wise to learn this stuff self-taught. The fact that he knows more than just parlour tricks is hard enough to get behind.
That's all. That's all.
The ability to detect the impurities, the residual ore, in the substance of metals, is only possible for Toph because of her Earthbending sense. This is more highly developed for Toph a) because she is far less reliant on her eyes to see, natch, and b) because she learned a whole different style of Earthbending than the rest of the Kingdom. Toph learned how to Bend directly from the original Earthbenders, the Badgermoles, and this is represented in her choreography by her utilising Southern Praying Mantis Kung Fu as opposed to Hung Gar style Kung Fu, which is standard Earthbending.
The only other person who uses the same style of Earthbending is Aang, the only other person who's exhibited Toph's vibratory Earth-sense, because he was directly trained by Toph, who passed down the knowledge of these Badgermoles. Thus, on top of being The Avatar, he's the one in the best position to assume the knack for Metalbending.
Also, Toph's Earthbending is off the charts so far as non-Avatars go.
Suffice it to say, your character would have to be nigh omnipotent Earthbending-wise to learn this stuff self-taught. The fact that he knows more than just parlour tricks is hard enough to get behind.
That's all. That's all.
Drakkwall
Literotica Guru
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That's all? *ponders as he reads through it all* Wow this is giving me a headache... But I have endured it and made modifications to the sheet. I removed metal bending, made him a bit more compassioned and easied up on the details a bit.
Name: Ryuodo
Bandit Title: The Black Badger
Age: 21
Appearance: Disguise Clothes and here Casual Clothes
Home Land: The Earth Kingdom
Abilities: Earth Bending, Sand Bending and Mud Bending
Bio: This warrior, Ryuodo, was born of a fire bender and an earth bender, it was through rape he was born and thus he was abandoned on the streets after birth. He was a bandit from then on, surviving through stealing from people and has been doing so for as long as he can remember. Ryuodo developed powerful bending abilities as he grew up alone and since he was never taught the ways of bending he was not bond by common sense, he was an earth bender and while he was not blind he used his internal energy, KI, to bend sand, earth and mud, he's attempting to gain further skills in bending but is currently focusing on gaining more skills in his current bending abilities.
Because of his black clothes and habit of burying, or digging, himself into the earth when ambushing his targets, when hiding or when fleeing, by using earth bending to tunnel himself to safety, he was given the title the Black Badger. No one has ever seen his face but because of the traits he has of the fire nation in his blood he is not always welcome among the commoners even if he takes off his disguise to take a leave from the bandit life.
Through his career as a bandit he has lived through the Fire Lord, self proclaimed Phoenix King, and his fall. And has spent all those years as a bandit to fight the fire nation. Ryuodo had no reason to steal from those who had nothing to be stolen, thus he became a big target by the fire nation during the war. But the Avatar distracted them from him and he managed to make many lasting wounds against the Fire Nation, though meager compared to the avatar's actions.
While he prefers to keep himself from killing but will do so to keep himself and innocents alive. And he will not hold back when asked for a duell to the death, as to honor his opponent's wishes.
While he doesn't bother most of the earth kingdom population, is he instead in deep shit when it comes to the nobles, merchants and traders of the entire kingdom. Through Ryuodo's life and career has he stolen from all manners of traders, merchants and noblemen through out the kingdom. He has moved everywhere in the Earth Kingdom, never staying in one spot for too long. And has knowledge over vast amounts of hidden areas and even ruins no one has seen before, and thus makes it very hard to find him once he's moving. Because of his trouble with the higher ranks of society do Ryuodo have a lot of bounties on him because of his ways, not to mention the bounties put on him for the people he has killed, and those they assume killed.
A fellow named Jing Dang, an Earth Bender who is an officer in the army and a nobleman, a minor duke, is attempting to make a name of himself by capturing the only criminal in Earth Kingdom who has never been captured for over ten years, who is the Black Badger, aka Ryuodo. He has grown more and more obsessed with capturing the Black Badger that he makes many harsh, rash and down right stupid decisions, he got zero in detective skills, average intelligence, though sometimes he's as dumb as rock, vain (he's a noble, duh), he keeps blabbering about things like justice and poetry. Jing believes in justice and will followed the law to the point. He's as skilled with a weapon and fists as an old monkey is, but still keeps blabbering about his swordsmanship, and his earth bending skills are that of an average soldier.
Ryuodo has tried to take a leave from his life as a criminal many times but he finds himself feeiling unsecure, open to be killed on sight. He feels like a caged or cornered animal and it frightens him like nothing else, as he has bee nthrough harsh times because of his childhood is he very wild spirited and prefers his freedom and the containment he feels when enterign a civilzied area dressed as a normal person makes him extremely uncomfortable and frightened.
And while he has his share of hunters after him does he have a very dangerous man after him, a noble man, a baron, who is in secret using his family work as wood crafters to hide his seedy work as a high grade drug lord. Ryuodo has destroyed many of his drug stashes and labs as he discovered them, most of them, by incident through his travels. The nobleman's name is Gyo-Dai Kumbai, he's a cunning, greedy, selfish, dark, powerful and influencing man in the Earth Kingdom, his drugs travel all over the world from Earth Kingdom and thus he's the one targeting Ryuodo the most as he's destroying any lab and drug stash he finds in his travels, which has reached over forty by now, and this has made the major reason for Gyo-Dai to target Ryuodo.
Ryuodo is currently in the Earth kingdom, he is keeping himself hidden within a deep cavern in the earth, checking through the food and money he had stolen from a well off merchant and his wagon, it would be enough to feed him for a week or two if the food doesn't go bad. While the war is over is he still a bandit and can not survive without stealing, thus he is still being hunted in Earth Kingdom by bounty hunters, while his bounty is less then half of its original worth is he still well known, not as much since the war ended but still enough to be careful whenever he travels through the lands. He's not a really selfish person and he often give away more then half of his money and food to peasants who might need it better. Ryuodo is no righteous man but he cannot watch others suffer withotu doing something, he's no Robin Hood as he steals mainly to survive himself but he won't turn away when someone needs food and money themselves.
Name: Ryuodo
Bandit Title: The Black Badger
Age: 21
Appearance: Disguise Clothes and here Casual Clothes
Home Land: The Earth Kingdom
Abilities: Earth Bending, Sand Bending and Mud Bending
Bio: This warrior, Ryuodo, was born of a fire bender and an earth bender, it was through rape he was born and thus he was abandoned on the streets after birth. He was a bandit from then on, surviving through stealing from people and has been doing so for as long as he can remember. Ryuodo developed powerful bending abilities as he grew up alone and since he was never taught the ways of bending he was not bond by common sense, he was an earth bender and while he was not blind he used his internal energy, KI, to bend sand, earth and mud, he's attempting to gain further skills in bending but is currently focusing on gaining more skills in his current bending abilities.
Because of his black clothes and habit of burying, or digging, himself into the earth when ambushing his targets, when hiding or when fleeing, by using earth bending to tunnel himself to safety, he was given the title the Black Badger. No one has ever seen his face but because of the traits he has of the fire nation in his blood he is not always welcome among the commoners even if he takes off his disguise to take a leave from the bandit life.
Through his career as a bandit he has lived through the Fire Lord, self proclaimed Phoenix King, and his fall. And has spent all those years as a bandit to fight the fire nation. Ryuodo had no reason to steal from those who had nothing to be stolen, thus he became a big target by the fire nation during the war. But the Avatar distracted them from him and he managed to make many lasting wounds against the Fire Nation, though meager compared to the avatar's actions.
While he prefers to keep himself from killing but will do so to keep himself and innocents alive. And he will not hold back when asked for a duell to the death, as to honor his opponent's wishes.
While he doesn't bother most of the earth kingdom population, is he instead in deep shit when it comes to the nobles, merchants and traders of the entire kingdom. Through Ryuodo's life and career has he stolen from all manners of traders, merchants and noblemen through out the kingdom. He has moved everywhere in the Earth Kingdom, never staying in one spot for too long. And has knowledge over vast amounts of hidden areas and even ruins no one has seen before, and thus makes it very hard to find him once he's moving. Because of his trouble with the higher ranks of society do Ryuodo have a lot of bounties on him because of his ways, not to mention the bounties put on him for the people he has killed, and those they assume killed.
A fellow named Jing Dang, an Earth Bender who is an officer in the army and a nobleman, a minor duke, is attempting to make a name of himself by capturing the only criminal in Earth Kingdom who has never been captured for over ten years, who is the Black Badger, aka Ryuodo. He has grown more and more obsessed with capturing the Black Badger that he makes many harsh, rash and down right stupid decisions, he got zero in detective skills, average intelligence, though sometimes he's as dumb as rock, vain (he's a noble, duh), he keeps blabbering about things like justice and poetry. Jing believes in justice and will followed the law to the point. He's as skilled with a weapon and fists as an old monkey is, but still keeps blabbering about his swordsmanship, and his earth bending skills are that of an average soldier.
Ryuodo has tried to take a leave from his life as a criminal many times but he finds himself feeiling unsecure, open to be killed on sight. He feels like a caged or cornered animal and it frightens him like nothing else, as he has bee nthrough harsh times because of his childhood is he very wild spirited and prefers his freedom and the containment he feels when enterign a civilzied area dressed as a normal person makes him extremely uncomfortable and frightened.
And while he has his share of hunters after him does he have a very dangerous man after him, a noble man, a baron, who is in secret using his family work as wood crafters to hide his seedy work as a high grade drug lord. Ryuodo has destroyed many of his drug stashes and labs as he discovered them, most of them, by incident through his travels. The nobleman's name is Gyo-Dai Kumbai, he's a cunning, greedy, selfish, dark, powerful and influencing man in the Earth Kingdom, his drugs travel all over the world from Earth Kingdom and thus he's the one targeting Ryuodo the most as he's destroying any lab and drug stash he finds in his travels, which has reached over forty by now, and this has made the major reason for Gyo-Dai to target Ryuodo.
Ryuodo is currently in the Earth kingdom, he is keeping himself hidden within a deep cavern in the earth, checking through the food and money he had stolen from a well off merchant and his wagon, it would be enough to feed him for a week or two if the food doesn't go bad. While the war is over is he still a bandit and can not survive without stealing, thus he is still being hunted in Earth Kingdom by bounty hunters, while his bounty is less then half of its original worth is he still well known, not as much since the war ended but still enough to be careful whenever he travels through the lands. He's not a really selfish person and he often give away more then half of his money and food to peasants who might need it better. Ryuodo is no righteous man but he cannot watch others suffer withotu doing something, he's no Robin Hood as he steals mainly to survive himself but he won't turn away when someone needs food and money themselves.
Last edited:
UnseenMaiden
We are but shadows
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Me? Seriously? I'm not usually one for the sexual puns.... Though blatant sarcasm is always fun.
*glances at Drakkwall's new profile*
...
*bangs her head against a desk* I'm not saying anything..I'm just not
Mister J
Am I Dreaming?
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Alright, I'll bite. I'll do the whole "bad guy"...thing.
No offense intended and nothing personal obviously. Your character is bad. I can't quite find a better word for it. Some people may like it, but here...in this kind of thread, it won't make the cut...ever. I believe I speak for everyone when I say we don't want a "Mary Sue" type character hanging around. It takes all the spice out of the story and takes attention from the other characters. No one wants to be involved with one of those characters.
My advice to you is to completely scrap it. Take a glance or two, or three at some other profiles in this thread and others like it and learn from them. Study them even. Then revisit the drawing board and try again, new knowledge in tow. Don't make a character with too little flaws and/or too much power. Go for a healthy balance.
Don't worry too much, the rest of these guys and gals most likely won't chew on you like I did. They're all better people and don't sink to those levels. However, from what I've been told, the general consensus is the same so it's not just me. Just warning you before you fire back at me and expect them to back you up. But hey, I've been wrong before so who knows?
Drakkwall
Literotica Guru
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Okay then, scrapping the whole point of the bandit thing, but keeping his heritage and title, but I will make a complete makeover of his bio.
Name: Ryuodo Kensai
Alias: The Black Badger
Age: 21
Appearance: Disguise Clothes and here Casual Clothes
Home Land: The Earth Kingdom
Abilities: Earth Bending
Bio: Ryuodo Kensai was born in the city of Ba Sing Se in the house of a working family, his mother was a woman from the fire nation though, he had very high earth bending capacities even at a young age as he helped his father from the age of five to push, shape and lift big boulders with earth bending. The young boy learned advanced earth bending from local dojos and schools, always finding that the training they used was not fit for him. So at the age of seventeen he left the city to travel the Earth Kingdom and find the bending style that fit him the most.
Through his journey he encountered a family of badgermoles pushing their way through deep tunnels in the mountains, this inspired him a bit and he started to use the burrowing techniques of the badgermoles in his bending to burrow himself through earth, it was the start for his unique earth bending style.
For the next couple of years he developed different bending techniques for his earth bending and had soon developed his own style for bending. He entered tournaments for earth benders through out the land in the disguise of a black dressed earth bender named the black Badger. Ryuodo did this to test his capacities against strong opponents, it was tough but he managed to learn many things, while he lost many battles because of his inexperience was he still able to win two tournaments.
He loves the journey he's on and feels that he will learn many interesting things as he travel the lands, developing his skills further. He hasn't just learned fighting and bending through his journey, he has also learned a lot of useful skills for survival, cooking, economy, navigation and similar things as he went from place to place.
While he at first may appear arrogant and simple minded is he just a cheerful person ful of confident of his capacities, while he may be a bit too confident at times does he learn his lesson, unlike some people *looks embarrassed with himself*. But he's extremely stubborn and isn't very educated, while he has learned things on his own is he not all that bright, mostly as he was not able to get a proper education, thus he cannot write, but he can read. He also loves to fight strong opponents and won't back down from a challenge, he will even fight to the death if his opponent requests it in an honorable duel, he values his honor as a warrior and a bender and knows that there's more then a warrior's pride when he battle someone, but he doesn't like it and prefers to keep his hands unsoiled by blood, but often gets flashbacks of the times he killed someone i nhis sleep and it causes him lack of sleep and a bit of a bad temperament in the morning if he's without coffe, tea or something strong to drink.
Name: Ryuodo Kensai
Alias: The Black Badger
Age: 21
Appearance: Disguise Clothes and here Casual Clothes
Home Land: The Earth Kingdom
Abilities: Earth Bending
Bio: Ryuodo Kensai was born in the city of Ba Sing Se in the house of a working family, his mother was a woman from the fire nation though, he had very high earth bending capacities even at a young age as he helped his father from the age of five to push, shape and lift big boulders with earth bending. The young boy learned advanced earth bending from local dojos and schools, always finding that the training they used was not fit for him. So at the age of seventeen he left the city to travel the Earth Kingdom and find the bending style that fit him the most.
Through his journey he encountered a family of badgermoles pushing their way through deep tunnels in the mountains, this inspired him a bit and he started to use the burrowing techniques of the badgermoles in his bending to burrow himself through earth, it was the start for his unique earth bending style.
For the next couple of years he developed different bending techniques for his earth bending and had soon developed his own style for bending. He entered tournaments for earth benders through out the land in the disguise of a black dressed earth bender named the black Badger. Ryuodo did this to test his capacities against strong opponents, it was tough but he managed to learn many things, while he lost many battles because of his inexperience was he still able to win two tournaments.
He loves the journey he's on and feels that he will learn many interesting things as he travel the lands, developing his skills further. He hasn't just learned fighting and bending through his journey, he has also learned a lot of useful skills for survival, cooking, economy, navigation and similar things as he went from place to place.
While he at first may appear arrogant and simple minded is he just a cheerful person ful of confident of his capacities, while he may be a bit too confident at times does he learn his lesson, unlike some people *looks embarrassed with himself*. But he's extremely stubborn and isn't very educated, while he has learned things on his own is he not all that bright, mostly as he was not able to get a proper education, thus he cannot write, but he can read. He also loves to fight strong opponents and won't back down from a challenge, he will even fight to the death if his opponent requests it in an honorable duel, he values his honor as a warrior and a bender and knows that there's more then a warrior's pride when he battle someone, but he doesn't like it and prefers to keep his hands unsoiled by blood, but often gets flashbacks of the times he killed someone i nhis sleep and it causes him lack of sleep and a bit of a bad temperament in the morning if he's without coffe, tea or something strong to drink.
Eazy
Wish You Were This Smooth
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On a semi-related note, this is one of the things I love about the effort put into Avatar. These subtle touches and details which most people (including myself, I'll admit) wouldn't catch onto easily, but are continuously worked into the show.
It's particularly refreshing since a large number of shows would be happy enough on settling with more generic but flashy kick and punch combos; or everyone using one style of martial arts.
So, that's one thing I enjoy about the show. Another being the bitchy/homicidal hotness of Azula, but I'll stop here since I could go on about that particular subject forever. *dreamy sigh*
ChasNicollette
Allons-y Means Let's Go.
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It's that sort of thing that transforms "Avatar" from a mere Nicktoon to an absolute work of genius. (I'm not saying Nicktoons can't be works of genius, hey, "Rocko's Modern Life," I'm just saying, this one's transcendent.) The spirit and the science of the world. The mixing and the mingling and the purity.
Also, I would pounce Suki in a heartbeat if I thought for just one second that she wouldn't break me in half on the way down. Same is true of Azula, except she'd light me on blue fire.
(Probably would be totally worth it. Probably.)
UnseenMaiden
We are but shadows
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lol and I thought my penchant for wanting to annoy thoroughly evil people was unhealthy
Mephistophelily
Crazy is...
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*Makes a note*
Payback for a few old threads.
Payback for a few old threads.
Mephistophelily
Crazy is...
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And I realize I'm owing an Azula post.
Getting to it, I swear.
Getting to it, I swear.
UnseenMaiden
We are but shadows
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well if it makes you feel any better..she's unconscious and therefore totally has an excuse
Mister J
Am I Dreaming?
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*Makes a note*
Payback for a few old threads.
Don't tease me like that. I'm a tender one you know.
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