Average in Bed- a research question

[kendo1]

God evening SJ.
You seem to have opened up a can of worms with this thread with a subject close to many men's hearts( not forgetting the fairer sex!).

We get what we can in a relationship; average at times, earthshaking at others.
I suppose we are all 'guilty' of average sex, same old routine with the same old partner - or same old routine without a partner!

 

[elsol]

I think most guys here are actually talking about bad sex.

'Cause really, average sex is better than masturbation and if a porno and my hand are better evening that the all encompassing feeling of pussy around my dick then it's bad sex not average sex.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[3113]

'Cause really, average sex is better than masturbation and if a porno and my hand are better evening that the all encompassing feeling of pussy around my dick then it's bad sex not average sex.

Ah...(Getting out pen and paper)...so, for most men, hand and porno are not as good as pussy. Just jotting that down. I have had my doubts.....

How about a stripper and a lap dance?
Blow job in the back of an alley?

Oh, heck, just give me a rating system

 

[Guest]

Ah...(Getting out pen and paper)...so, for most men, hand and porno are not as good as pussy. Just jotting that down. I have had my doubts.....

How about a live stripper and a lap dance?
Blow job in the back of an alley?

Oh, heck, just give me a rating system

Never had a lap dance, but I have to believe pretend sex by a someone not evening pretending to like me, has to worse that my own hand.

If not paid for, a proferred blow job anywhere is a good thing. Back of an alley, kind of a nice thought. Meant she was so eager to please, she didn't need to be somewhere warm and safe.

 

[TheEarl]

Seconded what Ted said. Would never have a lapdance or going to a strip-club - what's the point of having look, but can't touch? Even if the woman's grinding against you, it's not actually anything at all. If I wanted to pay for someone to pretend to like me then, I'd spring for a hooker - at least then you'd get the full deal rather than just getting worked up and then stopping.

Besides - it's porn that can see you!

The Earl

PS. Virtual beer to the person who names the quote.

 

[elsol]

Ah...(Getting out pen and paper)...so, for most men, hand and porno are not as good as pussy. Just jotting that down. I have had my doubts.....

How about a stripper and a lap dance?
Blow job in the back of an alley?

Oh, heck, just give me a rating system

It depends on whether the stripper rubs you to orgasm... then it's basically someone else masturbating you but without using their hands so you don't have to deal with amateurism.

If she doesn't get you off... it still depends how hot she is.

If she's not that hot, then yeah hand and porno are cheaper thus better.

There is no such as a bad blowjob without pain... so that's a toughy.

Pretty much a blowjob is always better than masturbation because I can close my eyes and pretend... although getting arrested wouldn't be a great thing.

General Rating system (I'm not going to get into specific):

Great Sex
Non-Reciprocal Blowjob
Good Sex
Blowjob
Steamy Foreplay 'Both get off Session'
Handjob from someone who knows what their doing
So-So Sex
Paid in Cash Sex
Average Sex
Masturbation with a viewing aid
Masturbation right before bed
Masturbation in the shower
Dead Fuck (But if the guy is REALLY horny... then this is upgraded to Average Sex).

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

*sigh*

Sex with me.

I doubt that very much. Empathy and compassion shine through in your posts, and that is important in bed.

Take 100cc of self-esteem, and call me in the morning.

 

[3113]

Great Sex
Non-Reciprocal Blowjob
Good Sex
Blowjob
Steamy Foreplay 'Both get off Session'
Handjob from someone who knows what their doing
So-So Sex
Paid in Cash Sex
Average Sex
Masturbation with a viewing aid
Masturbation right before bed
Masturbation in the shower
Dead Fuck (But if the guy is REALLY horny... then this is upgraded to Average Sex).

Thank you! This is actually very useful for getting into the male mindset. What's most interesting is that paying for sex rates above average sex but below so-so sex. So even if you were sure that the hooker was going to give you awesomely great sex, you'd still rather (as many guys have already stated) have a partner who wants to be with you, even if sex is so-so rather than great.

Just one question....

Does a guy giving you a blowjob rate anywhere on that list? I have met straight guys who argue that a blowjob is a blowjob--and I've met straight guys who argue that "Yes it's a blowjob...but it's a GUY!" and there's just no way that fits on their list. Any opinion on this?

 

[TheEarl]

I wouldn't accept a blow-job from anyone who I didn't want to sleep with, so, apart from a few exceptions, guy blow-jobs don't hit my list.

Blow-jobs in general don't make as huge an impression on me as they do on elsol. My list would go:

Great sex
Going down on a girl I really liked
Good sex
Mutual foreplay session
Blow-job
Poor sex with someone I liked (no responsiveness, no feedback, no help)
Hand-job
Paid for sex (I assume - have never done)
Masturbation with a great story/great new fantasy
Masturbation with a visual aid
Masturbation right before bed
Masturbation in the shower

The Earl

 

[elsol]

Thank you! This is actually very useful for getting into the male mindset. What's most interesting is that paying for sex rates above average sex but below so-so sex. So even if you were sure that the hooker was going to give you awesomely great sex, you'd still rather (as many guys have already stated) have a partner who wants to be with you, even if sex is so-so rather than great.

Even in a dead fuck, I 'may' think "Maybe it's me...".

In paid-for-sex... I don't have to worry about her pleasure.

Just one question....

Does a guy giving you a blowjob rate anywhere on that list? I have met straight guys who argue that a blowjob is a blowjob--and I've met straight guys who argue that "Yes it's a blowjob...but it's a GUY!" and there's just no way that fits on their list. Any opinion on this?

It's not on the list... nothing sexual... I don't even like talking to guys never mind place myself in a sexual situation with one.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[3113]

Great sex
Going down on a girl I really liked

I'm psychic. I predict that having placed "going down on a girl" in 2nd place that you have just gotten the attention of every girl reading this thread. I futher predict that you will be receiving many new e-mails from women. They will flatter and flirt with you. They will want you.

So says my crystal ball

Masturbation in the shower

Okay. I have to ask. Both you and Elsol included this and put it at the end of the list. Why is masterbation in the shower important enough to make the list...but comes in at the end? Why isn't it equal to masterbation outside of the shower?

 

[Huckleman2000]

Thank you! This is actually very useful for getting into the male mindset. What's most interesting is that paying for sex rates above average sex but below so-so sex. So even if you were sure that the hooker was going to give you awesomely great sex, you'd still rather (as many guys have already stated) have a partner who wants to be with you, even if sex is so-so rather than great.

Just one question....

Does a guy giving you a blowjob rate anywhere on that list? I have met straight guys who argue that a blowjob is a blowjob--and I've met straight guys who argue that "Yes it's a blowjob...but it's a GUY!" and there's just no way that fits on their list. Any opinion on this?

I have very little variety of experience (in terms of multiple partners), but there has been variety in the experiences... if you get my drift.

What makes it really good: vaginal contractions, especially when combined with a sudden increase in lubrication. These usually coincide with enthusiastic pelvic thrusts. I don't know if all that is something you can act out, but it sure works for me.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't: spontaneous blow-job in the car. If I have to pee, it's kind of annoying, and also guilt-inducing. I don't pee in your mouth, but the risk just makes it more trouble than it's worth. If I have to pay too much attention to driving, it's kind of annoying. Most of the time, though, hell yeah!

Guys giving you a BJ: No personal experience here, but I do recall a friend mention a time when a gay guy gave him oral, then asked him to reciprocate, and he was all "What? I'm not gay!" This was in a temp position with a dance company, so it's not as like it was an unexpected occurance...

When I'm anorgasmic Whether it's too much to drink, effects of anti-depressant meds, or just because there's underlying tension in the relationship, getting mad about it does nothing to solve the problem. I've not had the problem getting it up (so far, knock wood), but have been anorgasmic quite a few times. I'm pretty sure I satisfied her most of those times, so far as giving an orgasm is concerned. But not being able to come for a woman seems to be taken as much more of an insult as the opposite situation. Like I say, I'm basing that on a limited sample, but... I've faked. The alternative just isn't worth it, y'konw?

 

[TheEarl]

Okay. I have to ask. Both you and Elsol included this and put it at the end of the list. Why is masterbation in the shower important enough to make the list...but comes in at the end? Why isn't it equal to masterbation outside of the shower?

Well, to be honest, I included it because Elsol did. I was trying to maintain some links with his list, for comparison purposes. It's at the bottom because it's actually kinda awkward. Water does not makes for good slidiness (surprisingly enough) and standing up isn't a brilliant position for getting off on your own. Just my experience.

The Earl

 

[SonOfAGhost]

Good questions. I thought about it for a while and came to the conclusion that there is no such thing as average sex. There's good sex, bad sex and various degrees of both, but at the end of the day (or night or weekend) you either enjoyed it and had fun or you didn't. Perhaps for the purpose of your story the protaganist shouldn't cum? All the tangible stimuli are there but subconciously somethings missing.
A mediocre partner on the other hand is a very real occurrence and I think a lot of the other posters have covered that fairly well.

As for a few other comments in this thread:

-Lap dances are fantastic for those of us that like to be teased, and for a night out with friends at a bar, I'll take naked women over TV sports any day. Even better is 1/2 the clubs around here are co-located with a strip club for the ladies. The guys night out on 1 floor, the girls night out on another floor. We get teased, they get wild, then you meet up with your spouse at closing time and go home and the real fun begins.
I can see where it may seem lacklustre elsewhere though. Here in Canuckistan it's full nudity and some touching. I was in a bar in Daytona years ago and there were women wearing MUCH less on the beach and more contact in a crowded store.
Even there though it's all about the tease. Physical sensation, visual, auditory and even olfactory stimulation, combined with restraint and self control. From my experience most of the dancers enjoy their work as well. Not sexually (for the most part ) but, despite what the feminazis would have us believe, the dancers have with all the power and wield it mercilessly.

- Despite the lies of a certain ex-president a blow job IS 'sexual relations'. Ergo, one from a male is gay sex.

- Going down on a woman will rate highly for most guys. Getting her to make 'that sound' (whether a scream or a whimper) is a huge turn on whatever the method/position. Doing it orally though is like being inside the orgasm. All 5 sense are involved at that point and you are completely enveloped by the experience and then there's the song

 

[3113]

But not being able to come for a woman seems to be taken as much more of an insult as the opposite situation.

I think you're right that women are more likely to take this personally. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that it has to do with the fact that women usually invest more emotion and meaning into the sexual act. Sometimes it's just a roll in the hay, but a lot of times the woman's pov is that this is not casual. Chemically, everything that a woman does with a guy--candlelit dinner, sharing emotions, foreplay--is part of intimacy. Sex is (forgive the pun) the climax. She's being as intmate as she can be with you, as trusting and giving at that moment, at least, from an emotional perspective.

And you can't cum for her! You bastard!

Chemically, guys reach true intimacy at climax and post-coital (honestly! they do!). They may feel a little sad if the woman can't cum, but if they, the guy, cums, then the male chemistry is such that they feel warm and close to the woman afterwards. So they've had a good time and they feel a connection. Putting it another way, I think men may often feel they've achieved intimacy even if the woman doesn't orgasm. So they're more forgiving.

 

[Aurora Black]

And you can't cum for her! You bastard!

*shovels dirt onto Dead Fuck Aurora's corpse, wipes away spilled blood*

Problem solved as of last night.

 

[gauchecritic]

Pretty much a blowjob is always better than masturbation because I can close my eyes and pretend... although getting arrested wouldn't be a great thing.

Sincerely,
ElSol

I know you didn't mean it like this but I read it as.

A blowjob is better than masturbation because I can close my eyes and pretend... that it is masturbation. (but without the work)

Blow and hand jobs (by others) are simply not as efficient as masturbation because the partner can't know the correct moves. Hence all the jokes about fucking fruit, wearing gloves, sitting on your hand til it goes numb etc. So that it feels like some one else but you have control.

Question for the ladies: Can someone else wield a dildo on you as well as you can yourself?

Gay blow jobs always remind me of the scene from 'The Stud' when Oliver Tobias is being given oral whilst in the pool, is lying back and enjoying it and jumps out of the pool at speed when his benefactor surfaces and reveals they are a bloke.

 

[elsol]

Blow and hand jobs (by others) are simply not as efficient as masturbation because the partner can't know the correct moves. Hence all the jokes about fucking fruit, wearing gloves, sitting on your hand til it goes numb etc. So that it feels like some one else but you have control.

*sigh*

But that leaves out the most important part of the BJ... the picture and it's mental affect.

You're standing... she's on her knees in front of you... worshipping at the temple of your cock.

Imagining while your whacking off is okay...

Opening your eyes and seeing the worshipper though...

Efficiency is not all the desirable in sex.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[impressive]

Question for the ladies: Can someone else wield a dildo on you as well as you can yourself?

Depends on the someone. While no one's ever done it BETTER than I do it myself, there have been a couple who've matched the experience. Part of the draw is NOT knowing what's coming (no pun intended) around the next bend in the road.

From my perspective, there is nothing more average than knowing the exact route a sexual encounter will travel. Can I get off on a well-traveled road? Yeah, but it's not rockin' my world.

 

[Guest]

- Going down on a woman will rate highly for most guys. Getting her to make 'that sound' (whether a scream or a whimper) is a huge turn on whatever the method/position.

An excellent explanation of how it is.

 

[Weird Harold]

The difference between "average sex" and "good sex" is spontenaity and/or emotional involvement. A partner who wants to be having sex and more importantly wants to be having sex with YOU as much as you want to have sex with her multiplies every sensation a hundred fold.

An interesting take on the issue. Emotional involvement can be a good thing. However, that is only going to be present with one girl in ten. There has to be something ELSE for when you are NOT emotionally involved. ...

I think you misunderstood what I meant by "emotional involvement" in this context -- I wasn't talking about "True Love" or "Soul-Mate" levels of emotional involvement, just the "caught up in the moment" level of emotional involvement.

From my perspective, there is nothing more average than knowing the exact route a sexual encounter will travel.

I don't think there is a better definition of "average sex" than this.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I personally don't get the desperation/teasing thing. I will fuck or masturbate to relieve myself, but then I try to fuck without the desperation, so as to actually enjoy myself, once I can focus on the pleasure and not the desperate need for release.

I tried to make my list, but it was hard to decide which fetishes were greatest, as I have so many, and the list would simply be too long for most of you to read patiently.

As I'm bi, reciprocating would not have bothered me. Nor would getting a BJ from a man in the first place.

 

[Rope64]

Blow and hand jobs (by others) are simply not as efficient as masturbation because the partner can't know the correct moves.

There's truth to this, but it's not the whole story: you cannot tease or tickle yourself, or do something unexpected to yourself.

 

[sig357]

Here's a tidbit. During a blowjob, if she looks in my eyes with a sultry, smoky, sexy look that says, "The only reason I'm not pounding your dick with my pussy is that I want it in my mouth." then that can turn an average blowjob into an excellent one. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is the little "extra".