bi and part of the community

[cuteffsb14]

Just be who you are and don't worry so much about how other people say you should act ... or tell you what you have to do in order to be part of the "community". Everyone has the right to be with someone they are comfortable with and someone they love. Don't see yourself as a "label" see yourself as a person!

 

[FireDownBelow69]

Stopping into say hello to a friend 69forever! how have you been my dear?

 

[infinityoverzero]

Bi and the straight guy

I'm married to a wonderful guy right now. I hope our relationship lasts forever. But if it doesn't, my next relationship could very easily be with a woman ... or a man. It just depends on who I meet and fall in love with.

I'm currently engaged to a loving woman. A few years ago, with her help and support I discovered I was bi. I have no thoughts of leaving her or straying outside our relationship. However, if something did happen to us, I would like to think that I wouldn't limit future relationships to females only.

My SO and I are very straight-acting in public life - although we're both very kinky in the bedroom, I wouldn't be surprised if some of our friends think that we're completely innocent (we appear to be that wholesome ). I've only come out to two other people in my life (a former roommate and a transgendered friend of hers), and while part of me wants to tell everyone, I think I'll take a more cautious approach and confide in my friends who I believe can handle it.

I realize that if I were gay I wouldn't have this option, whereas now I can safely hide in my straight image. However, you have to realize that this type of dual existence isn't that great either. I don't feel like I'm completely straight, but I don't feel like I'm a part of the GLBT community either. However, when I get an email from my college about the local Rainbow group, I don't delete it out of hand - I think once I become more comfortable with myself I can come out more to those around me.

Before coming out to myself, I've said that I would call myself "queer" in the old sense (as in odd or weird) if it didn't have the connotation of orientation. Now, I think that might be the best word to describe me (despite the negative associations). The labels of gay, lesbian, and bi all seek to categorize us based on the specifics of who we're attracted to. In my opinion, queer is more inclusive and includes ill-defined cases such as my own.

I hope this post gives some insight on what a straight guy easing his way into the GLBT world goes through. I think there are some great thoughts coming out of this thread, and I look forward to reading more.

--Infinity

PS - in LGBTQ, does the Q stand for "queer" or "questioning"? I've seen it done both ways, and I think both are equally appropriate.

 

[Queersetti]

Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

Thank You. I appreciate reading this, and it said what I wanted to say in a much more concise way. I think the gay community as a whole sometimes discriminates against its own far worse then the outside world. I've run into it here and it confuses me. I identify myself as being bi. But, I am not into the "scene" and I have never been that politically involved on any level. My own definition of "queer" and how I define myself closely matches what you have already said, Cigan. But, I sometimes feel like I am not "gay" enough to post on this forum. Does that make sense?

There are those of us who chose NOT to broadcast every detail of their sexual lives on the board. How much is real and how much is ambiguous fiction is only for me to say. But, I am offended by those posters that discount what I say because I am not "gay enough"

Well, I wasn't straight enough either for the straight crowd. I am sorry that bi carries such a negative connotation. I am sorry that there are gay men out there that got fucked over by some bi guy who was only looking for a quick fuck not a relationship. I am sorry that there are those out there that think because I think this way, that must make me gay not bi. I am tired of trying to sort it out. I have explained it to myself and I accepted it. Now, I suggest that the lot of you accept it too.

Never have I had someone call into question what I write before. I am floored that someone would have the audacity to demand that I "come out" to add verisimilitude to my work. I write science fiction. I am waiting for someone to demand proof that I know how to drive a spaceship as well.

The mere fact that I choose to post and contribute to this board should indicate that some part of me identifies with the issues and comments made here...and that alone should be enough. I should not have to defend how "gay" I am...or even the opposite.

I started my thread Rhys and Oh21 on the general board and interestingly enough...I have never been flamed on my own thread. I have never been trolled, I have never been openly attacked for the homosexual nature of the thread. To me, the GB has been a much friendlier place than this board has been...and far more accepting. I am far more comfortable haveing a thread like that on the GB. Maybe the GB posters regard it as some sort of joke...I don't know and don't really care. As far as I know, its the only thread of its kind. (I notice that some of the Lit lesbian crowd does something similar on this board, but here they have NO fear of being trolled as this is board is moderated)

I just find it ironic that I have a feeling of more acceptance there than here, which is why I don't post here that often. I once thought that bi men were fence sitters that could not decide if they were really gay or not. I have since revised that opinion because my own experience has shown me that all things are possible given the right circumstances. I would like to think that its possible to be accepted over here...eventually.

I think it's a terrible shame that you feel that way. No one's opinions or feeling ought to be discounted, least of all a perceptive, articulate person such as yourself.

I would really like to see you post here more. If there is anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable, please don't hesitate to tell me, either publicly or in private.

 

[Queersetti]

But the statement was that a person is not truly bi if he/she doesn't relate to the queer community. Whether I'm bisexual or not has absolutely nothing to do with anyone I may choose to connect with, in my opinion. I read "relate" as meaning to have a relationship/connection to the queer community. If he meant it in the sense you're saying, then I don't find it objectionable in the same way.

Maybe we're just splitting hairs with this. I'll just shutup now.

And I read it as "bis ought to be able to have a bit of empathy with gays and what they have to deal with" so you are right, it's a semantic argument.

I don't ever want you to shut up, though!

 

[Pookie]

I don't ever want you to shut up, though!

Me? Shutup? You're smart AND funny.

You're absolutely sure you're not bi? *hopeful look*

I only meant I was shutting up for that post. You don't know how many times I edited it so it wouldn't look like I was rambling. And I still managed to screw up what I was trying to say. But you got the gist of it.

 

[69forever]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

If a bisexual is emotionally attracted to a man and a woman at the same time, monogamy is not for that person right now. I've been attracted to two guys at the same time. I've also been attracted to several chicks at the same time. I really don't see that much difference for bisexuals.

I'm married to a wonderful guy right now. I hope our relationship lasts forever. But if it doesn't, my next relationship could very easily be with a woman ... or a man. It just depends on who I meet and fall in love with. I've already had a wonderful exclusive intimate relationship with a chick. Things just didn't work out between us for various reasons.

Again, just my thoughts. I appreciate and sympathize with your dilemma.

Thanks Pookie, I always appreciate your insight. Here or elsewhere I've seen you post. I've been married and in relationships where both of us have not been faithful, and the end result was heartache and bad feelings.

I cann't live like that anymore...and may have found someone just this past weekend to enter a monogamous relationship with.
Time will tell.

You've helped me to work through this in my head...

 

[Pookie]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

Thanks Pookie, I always appreciate your insight. Here or elsewhere I've seen you post. I've been married and in relationships where both of us have not been faithful, and the end result was heartache and bad feelings.

I cann't live like that anymore...and may have found someone just this past weekend to enter a monogamous relationship with.
Time will tell.

You've helped me to work through this in my head...

Cool. Glad I could help. Trust is such a big part of any relationship too.

Your posts are cool too. We might disagree at times, but it would be boring if we always agreed.

 

[69forever]

And I read it as "bis ought to be able to have a bit of empathy with gays and what they have to deal with" so you are right, it's a semantic argument.

I don't ever want you to shut up, though!

Sometimes when dealing with issues close to the heart, I fall from speaking and thinking in a straight line. You are right ~Q~, that is what I meant. I've known guys that will unzip and get oral and even give it...who turn around and participate in gay bashing talk. It's screwed up and I wanted to address that as well as some personal issues. Thanks my freind.

 

[Netzach]

*sigh* It's screwed up but it doesn't mean *they are not queer*

I get into this all the time in BDSM circles. Bad Doms are not "real Doms" well maybe they are really Dominant, and really assholes, too.

If the Gay community was only the nice, clean living, highly functional dicksuckers club it would be a lot smaller and a lot less interesting.

Self hating is a big part of being a hated minority, not for everyone in it but for some people in it. Thhere's conflict, there's unpleasantness.

Using your own personal criteria for what "is and is not queer" is, I have found, a very slippery slope. Just because it's true for you doesn't make it applicable to me.

 

[MzChrista]

*sigh* It's screwed up but it doesn't mean *they are not queer*

I get into this all the time in BDSM circles. Bad Doms are not "real Doms" well maybe they are really Dominant, and really assholes, too.

If the Gay community was only the nice, clean living, highly functional dicksuckers club it would be a lot smaller and a lot less interesting.

Self hating is a big part of being a hated minority, not for everyone in it but for some people in it. Thhere's conflict, there's unpleasantness.

Using your own personal criteria for what "is and is not queer" is, I have found, a very slippery slope. Just because it's true for you doesn't make it applicable to me.

Thats so true. People like to claim all the good guys are on our side and all the bad guys are part of those other people.

 

[Cipher]

Ok, here goes. Being for real bi, I feel part of both the straight and glbt community's. Sinse opening up here on the subject of my sexuality, I've had several pm's from people asking THE question...do I be open about my orientation or not?

To me that is an individual choice, based on how you will be treated once you come out. There's no going back once you do. If you are in a supportive enviroment at work, etc. and feel the need to be open and honest about your sexuality, than by all means come out.

If you do not relate to the "queer" community you are not truly bi, in my humble opinion. In most cases I relate to them more than they relate to me...

I've been welcomed with open arms by some, looked at with skeptisism and scorn by most. Don't know if it's a personal predjudice, skeptical of a potential gay basher lurking behind the cloak of being bi, or other issues.

All I really know is that I am who I am, take it or leave it. Those who have gotten to know me know. Period.

Everything is not as it seems here in cyberland...just some freindly advise for newbies. Welcome to Lit.

Hey 69er..I ventured over here..finally...LoL

You and i have had a few discussions about being Bi, So you already know where i'm coming from.
You're last statement:
"All I really know is that I am who I am, take it or leave it".
That's what i'm saying. You either like me for who i am, and what i like, or keep stepping. All my friends and family members know i'm Bi. They're not "trippin" on me so i feel no one else should. I love myself, and my family loves me "just the way i am". That's all i care about, that's all that matters.
Everyone's entitled to thier opinions about the way i live my life. But to be picked on and preached to, is where i go off and tell people to stop getting crazy. I live my life for me. Most of these people that do the trolling and preaching are sad no life having individuals, they'd have a better life if they paid attention to thiers a bit more and stepped out of mine.

You know i "luuub" you the way you are 69er, you're good peoples, and if someone can't look past the way you live your life, they weren't worth knowing anyway.

 

[prettygrneyes]

Re: Re: bi and part of the community

Hey 69er..I ventured over here..finally...LoL

You and i have had a few discussions about being Bi, So you already know where i'm coming from.
You're last statement:
"All I really know is that I am who I am, take it or leave it".
That's what i'm saying. You either like me for who i am, and what i like, or keep stepping. All my friends and family members know i'm Bi. They're not "trippin" on me so i feel no one else should. I love myself, and my family loves me "just the way i am". That's all i care about, that's all that matters.
Everyone's entitled to thier opinions about the way i live my life. But to be picked on and preached to, is where i go off and tell people to stop getting crazy. I live my life for me. Most of these people that do the trolling and preaching are sad no life having individuals, they'd have a better life if they paid attention to thiers a bit more and stepped out of mine.

You know i "luuub" you the way you are 69er, you're good peoples, and if someone can't look past the way you live your life, they weren't worth knowing anyway.

hey Cipher get out my head..lol I was juss going to say that.....wow!!So damn true........hey 69! love you sweetie.....My best friend!!!!!

 

[Cipher]

hey Cipher get out my head..lol I was juss going to say that.....wow!!So damn true........hey 69! love you sweetie.....My best friend!!!!!

LoL Oh my bad pge..LoL

 

[sdedalus]

Interesting thoughts all.. thought I would throw in my two cents... This weekend I was out of town and my girlfriend (who knows I have bisexual curiousities) goes snooping in my computer (not she already knows about the gay porn, etc... she watches it with me).. but low and behold someone gets into my Lit account and starts asking me questions. Now I didn't hide anything from her, but anyway, she got really turned on by seeing talking about these things and decides she wants to let her self out too.

It made for an interesting Sunday night conversation after I got back in town. We have come to the conclusion that we are both indeed bisexual, deeply in love with each other, but want to have sex. I see it as a purely physical interest where she fears maybe there's a little more to it. She is afraid that she may learn she likes being with women more.... anyway I told her I wasn't scared and that we had a great relationship and I appreciated her openess. I think we are going to keep exploring, we're not sure it's going to take us to sex with others, but you never know.

I appreciate the fact that I am in a relationship as open as this and as open to possibility but know and she does too, that our connection is strong and we don't really want to break that. IN some ways we feel we should be open about who we are outside the relationship, but obviously this could alter friendships and familial views so it more complicated. I think in some ways it is easier to tell your parents or your friends you are gay, but being bisexual makes things complicated and makes everyone look at you differently. I'm not sure how to explain it, and I know some will disagree with me, it is tremendously hard in some situations to come out as gay. But there is also a stigma toward bi's because people think they are just gays pretending to be straight.. I for one am not gay. I don't want a relationship with a guy, I just want sex.

Anyway enough babbling...

 

[Cipher]

I think in some ways it is easier to tell your parents or your friends you are gay, but being bisexual makes things complicated and makes everyone look at you differently. I'm not sure how to explain it, and I know some will disagree with me.
Anyway enough babbling...

Perhaps maybe for some that statement might be true.

I told my parents i liked men and women. I wasn't confused about anything. I don't like men one day and then women the next. There's a difference between Bisexual and Biconfused.
As far as my Bisexuality making people look at me differently, Who the fuck cares??? LoL I live my life for me..what they don't like, they don't have to look at. It's really quite simple.

If i told my parents i was a lesbian and then a few months later i started dating a man, that would make them look at me differently. Right??? They would wonder if i really was a lesbian afterall, or wonder if i was straight. That would also make me look like a liar. Now that would be complicated trying to explain why i said i was a lesbian but i'm dating men.
So sdedalus, I don't think being Bisexual makes anything complicated. If you're up front about what you like, then there's no problem.
But then again, that's just my personal logic on it.

 

[69forever]

Re: Re: bi and part of the community

Hey 69er..I ventured over here..finally...LoL

You and i have had a few discussions about being Bi, So you already know where i'm coming from.
You're last statement:
"All I really know is that I am who I am, take it or leave it".
That's what i'm saying. You either like me for who i am, and what i like, or keep stepping. All my friends and family members know i'm Bi. They're not "trippin" on me so i feel no one else should. I love myself, and my family loves me "just the way i am". That's all i care about, that's all that matters.
Everyone's entitled to thier opinions about the way i live my life. But to be picked on and preached to, is where i go off and tell people to stop getting crazy. I live my life for me. Most of these people that do the trolling and preaching are sad no life having individuals, they'd have a better life if they paid attention to thiers a bit more and stepped out of mine.

You know i "luuub" you the way you are 69er, you're good peoples, and if someone can't look past the way you live your life, they weren't worth knowing anyway.

Hey Cipher, welcome to the thread hon. It is so cool that you are open and upfront with your family and freinds about your sexual orientation. But that's the way you are about everything...one of the best things I love about you.

I still maintain that being male and being bi and open about it is a lot harder road to haul. It's a turn on for a straight man to watch two women get it on...they might get to screw two women.
But put a pic up in front of them of a M/F/M daisey chain and OMFG!!! Then you're a cocksucker!!! Heaven forbid.

There's an old joke, told mostly by straights, of "Andre the Great".

Andre walks into the bar and orders a beer, he starts his lament.

"I've chopped down trees faster than anyman, do they call me Andre the great logger...NO!!!"

"I've killed bears with my bare hands, do they call me Andre the great bear killer?...NO!!!"

"I've mined gold worth a mans weight, do they call me Andre the great miner?...NO!!!"

"But let Andre get drunk and suck one little cock...."

That's what we face...in our straight world. Love ya Cipher!!!

 

[69forever]

Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

hey Cipher get out my head..lol I was juss going to say that.....wow!!So damn true........hey 69! love you sweetie.....My best friend!!!!!

Hi ya pge, long time no see. Yes, you and Cipher think a lot alike.

Luv ya too hon. I'll be in touch before the weekend, 'cause I'm going out of town. You are one of my best freinds too sweety.
Hope you're feeling better.

The tale you told me last time we talked was way hot. Did it really happen or were you sexing me up?