Blurt Thread III - Emporium of Unexpected Exclamations & Revelations

[AngusBridie]

I seem to always be doing the right things for the wrong reasons. I could use a break!

http://herewomentalk.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Funny-stick-figures-stick-figures-11423924-425-494.jpg

 

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[Saucyminx]

If you smoke after sex, you are going too fast.

 

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[pplwatching]

If you smoke after sex, you are going too fast.

They way I heard this :

A handsome man is flirting in a bar, charming his object d'amour with a most disarming and suave flair. As he leans in to light her cigarette he casually asks "Do you smoke after sex?"

With a playful smile she replies, "I don't know. I've never looked. I suppose it depends on the man."

 

[Saucyminx]

That was actually advice I was given by a family friend, right before walking down the aisle on the day I got married. Shame they didn’t come up with any sage gems like that on the day I got divorced.

 

[pplwatching]

That was actually advice I was given by a family friend, right before walking down the aisle on the day I got married. Shame they didn’t come up with any sage gems like that on the day I got divorced.

Seems like odd advice for a family friend to give a glowing bride at the isle, unless trying to make you crack up. My sense of humor is warped, but perhaps not warped enough.

 

[Saucyminx]

Seems like odd advice for a family friend to give a glowing bride at the isle, unless trying to make you crack up. My sense of humor is warped, but perhaps not warped enough.

I’ve learned to either edit, or not tell certain family stories that I find hilarious because a lot of times other people just sort of stare at me in horrified silence, and I realize maybe my family was a little bit different.

 

[pplwatching]

I’ve learned to either edit, or not tell certain family stories that I find hilarious because a lot of times other people just sort of stare at me in horrified silence, and I realize maybe my family was a little bit different.

I will await more stories in rapt fascination to see if my warped sense of humor makes the grade.

 

[Saucyminx]

Bacon is good for slight self-loathing.

But really, what is bacon NOT good for?

 

[Emerson40]

Bacon is good for slight self-loathing.

But really, what is bacon NOT good for?

Eid Al-Fitr?

 

[pplwatching]

Bacon is good for slight self-loathing.

But really, what is bacon NOT good for?

Bacon is not good for gout

 

[Saucyminx]

Eid Al-Fitr?

Bacon is not good for gout

Well alright then gentlemen, I stand corrected.

That moment when you look at your son, and he looks like a grown man. If I were wearing pearls, I would be clutching them.

 

[pplwatching]

I thought this was a good movie. A little bit Disney-eqsue but beautifully done. I enjoyed listening to the actors' voices and am glad it wasn't dubbed.

I Am Dragon

 

[AngusBridie]

I’ve learned to either edit, or not tell certain family stories that I find hilarious because a lot of times other people just sort of stare at me in horrified silence, and I realize maybe my family was a little bit different.

( snaps to attention )

Go on...

 

[Saucyminx]

( snaps to attention )

Go on...

Two of them involve stabbings—but still pretty fucking funny.


Limited time only!

 

[pplwatching]

My sister, who I love and always have was talking smack incessantly at dinner one night during high school. In a moment that i am not proud of I flung my fork her direction thinking it would startle her or get her to change the subject or something. I don't know what I was thinking at 15.

Anyway, the fork stuck tines first into her forehead. At the time it was hilarious because she stopped talking and sat there with an incredulous dumbfounded look on her face (my parents too). Now of course I feel terrible about it but we're pretty close and laugh about it together if I ask how she got the dimples on her forehead.

Not my finest hour, but I'm warped enough to still laugh about it. I'd appreciate not having the text quoted

 

[AngusBridie]

Two of them involve stabbings—but still pretty fucking funny.


Limited time only!

Oh I'd love to hear that

 

[Emerson40]

Limited time only!

Oh the messes caused by those tresses

As a fella - unable to suppress his

Lustful mind - undresses, caresses,

and presses his peen upon the glass.

 

[Saucyminx]

Oh the messes caused by those tresses

As a fella - unable to suppress his

Lustful mind - undresses, caresses,

and presses his peen upon the glass.

Sweet talker.

http://cocktailsandshots.com/sites/default/files/styles/cocktail-details-thumbnail/public/5VN74FRA2H-20140614-150104.jpg?itok=nBUtTlQ3

 

[Saucyminx]

Beautiful Broham.

You love me, you have to say that.

Remember if you have rats, now is your chance!. Awww I wish I could find that gif NightL used to post all the time of the jumping rat from Ratatouille.

 

[Saucyminx]

If we weren’t convinced already, the fact that I am headed to Ikea with a two year old on a Saturday afternoon is surely proof enough of my madness.

Please tell me you have a bottle of wine chilling for when you survive this, and make it home.

Give him some toast and he will be fine.

 

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