bondage... with baby sleeping?

[enkatplay]

hello to everyone reading this...
we're a young married couple who has stepped into the lifestyle with enthusiasm. this year we're going from the 2 of us to +1 at the end of the summer. being new to the lifestyle i'm wondering and so is my wife, if there is any advice others may give us on how to maintain the lifestyle with regards to spanking and discipline, as well as bondage and this "alternative" intimacy.

lookin forward to hearing what you guys might have for us...

 

[Homburg]

Done it. We have four kids. I'm not going to go into specifics because your situation will be different, but I can give some advice.

1) Do some basic noise testing. Have your partner beat something, preferably something not cloth, so as to produce the sort of noises made by hands/implements striking flesh. Their own thigh can work, if they're willing. Then, as they do this, go to various spots in your house and see how the sound carries.

My suggestion is to have whichever one of you has the best hearing do the listening. It's a no-brainer, but my hearing stinks, so I figured I'd mention it.

2) Any bondage you do should be relatively easy to remove. You do not want to get mommy into complex rope bandage and have junior wake up screaming from a nightmare and needing mommy.

3) Lock the door. Yeah, no brainer again, but it's been nine years since our first came about and we still forget it here and there.

4) Secure your toys, fetish clothes, etc. Just trust me on this one. You can only explain away the gimp-mask as a ninja mask a couple of times before junior will decide that he wants to wear it for halloween.

5) Consider your kids to have given no consent to participate in your lifestyle. Because, y'know, they didn't. This means keeping any overt language, discipline, fetish clothes (yes, collars) etc away from their eyes and ears.

 

[WickedEve]

4) Secure your toys, fetish clothes, etc. Just trust me on this one. You can only explain away the gimp-mask as a ninja mask a couple of times before junior will decide that he wants to wear it for halloween.

We had to tell the boy that the bondage chair was a stage prop we bought at a yard sale.

"Cool. What play was it used in?"

"Oh, well, you know. One of those plays about, um, you know."

 

[intothewoods]

Homburg's advice sounds good to me. I think above all else you need to believe in your right and responsibility to have boundaries.

More practically, sometimes the noise factor depends on how light or heavy a sleeper your kid is. Dan Savage was just remarking about this on a podcast. Nothing wakes his kid when he's sleeping. So easy for him. If you have a light sleeper, on the other hand, different rules will apply. Also, every stage is different. A crib sleeping kid (who sleeps through the night) and a kid who's in a bed pose different challenges.

 

[graceanne]

it.

2) Any bondage you do should be relatively easy to remove.

Or hide.

4) Secure your toys, fetish clothes, etc. Just trust me on this one. You can only explain away the gimp-mask as a ninja mask a couple of times before junior will decide that he wants to wear it for halloween.

Or don't trust him. You'll have a story to tell that will have the rest of us rolling with laughter for awhile. And possibly your family members. After all, my daughters waddled out in our shackles when my brother was there.

 

[Homburg]

Or hide.

*nod*

Karadas are good for this, as a long shirt or nightgown will cover it up just fine.

Or don't trust him. You'll have a story to tell that will have the rest of us rolling with laughter for awhile. And possibly your family members. After all, my daughters waddled out in our shackles when my brother was there.

Yeah, we haven't quite had that happen yet, but there have been times. After all, I did not learn these lessons from a book. Oh no, they were gleaned from the School of Hard Fuck-ups.

 

[twysted73]

Kids N Kink! (Great to have in your life, just not together)

5) Consider your kids to have given no consent to participate in your lifestyle. Because, y'know, they didn't. This means keeping any overt language, discipline, fetish clothes (yes, collars) etc away from their eyes and ears.

~ Addendum to Numero Sinco: There are many delightfully creative ways to outwardly express her "collar" that doesn't necessarily involve a studded, tri-ringed collar set with a lock firmly in place. There are silver/gold rings of metal around the neck. Even a locket w/ hidden compartment holding the key to said collar. Armlets, bracelets, rings, even (if you're daring) a cat collar around her ankle (with/without bell is your choice but I prefer them). When asked why she wears it? It was a funny/playful gift from Daddy, etc. Again, use your imaginations.

Most of all I'd like to congratulate you on your new addition AND....for the courage and self-appreciation involved in your delightful and rewarding decision to continue your kink even with children in your lives.

"It ceases being a skeleton in the closet when we stop making it such"

 

[intothewoods]

~ Addendum to Numero Sinco: There are many delightfully creative ways to outwardly express her "collar" that doesn't necessarily involve a studded, tri-ringed collar set with a lock firmly in place. There are silver/gold rings of metal around the neck. Even a locket w/ hidden compartment holding the key to said collar. Armlets, bracelets, rings, even (if you're daring) a cat collar around her ankle (with/without bell is your choice but I prefer them). When asked why she wears it? It was a funny/playful gift from Daddy, etc. Again, use your imaginations.

Most of all I'd like to congratulate you on your new addition AND....for the courage and self-appreciation involved in your delightful and rewarding decision to continue your kink even with children in your lives.

"It ceases being a skeleton in the closet when we stop making it such"

As for collars, use your best judgment. It's not just what would your kids thing, but what would their schoolmates think. That concern can be taken too far. But generally speaking I would prefer my child make his own way in the world and not have a reputation based on me. Of course I'm sure I will embarass him in some way regardless. Again, just use your best judgment.

As for the skeleton comment - there is a difference between privacy and secrecy, which many people fail to grasp. No you should not behave as though you have some deep dark terrible secret you must hide from your children above all else. I mean, duh. On the other hand, do you fuck on the living room couch in front of the children? No. It's called privacy! We don't need to share every little adult thought in our head with our kids.

 

[CutieMouse]

[horribly boring advice]

Give yourselves some time to get used to parenthood. Yes keep the connection going, yes find small ways to keep the kink alive (strongly recommend "date nights" from the beginning BTW), but give yourselves a few months to just be.

You know - adjustments, hormones, exhaustion, yadayadayada....

[/horribly boring advice]

 

[Homburg]

[horribly boring advice]

Give yourselves some time to get used to parenthood. Yes keep the connection going, yes find small ways to keep the kink alive (strongly recommend "date nights" from the beginning BTW), but give yourselves a few months to just be.

You know - adjustments, hormones, exhaustion, yadayadayada....

[/horribly boring advice]

Really useful advice. Wow, post-birth hormones can royally fuck this sort of dynamic up. And that is for both parties. The father can get all out of whack hormonally too. Tread carefully.

 

[Jagged]

Done it. We have four kids. I'm not going to go into specifics because your situation will be different, but I can give some advice.

1) Do some basic noise testing. Have your partner beat something, preferably something not cloth, so as to produce the sort of noises made by hands/implements striking flesh. Their own thigh can work, if they're willing. Then, as they do this, go to various spots in your house and see how the sound carries.

My suggestion is to have whichever one of you has the best hearing do the listening. It's a no-brainer, but my hearing stinks, so I figured I'd mention it.

2) Any bondage you do should be relatively easy to remove. You do not want to get mommy into complex rope bandage and have junior wake up screaming from a nightmare and needing mommy.

3) Lock the door. Yeah, no brainer again, but it's been nine years since our first came about and we still forget it here and there.

4) Secure your toys, fetish clothes, etc. Just trust me on this one. You can only explain away the gimp-mask as a ninja mask a couple of times before junior will decide that he wants to wear it for halloween.

5) Consider your kids to have given no consent to participate in your lifestyle. Because, y'know, they didn't. This means keeping any overt language, discipline, fetish clothes (yes, collars) etc away from their eyes and ears.

Very well put....I'm not a parent, but I have dated several women with children, and whether it is bondage or any other sexual activity keep it discreet and get used to the idea that you will be interrupted.


Enjoy being healthy active sexual adults, but lock the door and keep the baby monitor on. There are no off days any more as I'm sure you're aware.

 

[CutieMouse]

Really useful advice. Wow, post-birth hormones can royally fuck this sort of dynamic up. And that is for both parties. The father can get all out of whack hormonally too. Tread carefully.

Yup. It also takes 9 months for a woman's body to completely heal [physically] from birth - assuming a perfectly average, no complications delivery.

Give yourselves permission for some breathing room re: kink.

 

[graceanne]

[horribly boring advice]

Give yourselves some time to get used to parenthood. Yes keep the connection going, yes find small ways to keep the kink alive (strongly recommend "date nights" from the beginning BTW), but give yourselves a few months to just be.

You know - adjustments, hormones, exhaustion, yadayadayada....

[/horribly boring advice]

On the whole 'boring advice' part, also don't hold yourself to too high of sexual standards when you have little ones. Quicky's are ok, and better than the average parent of small children is getting. And it's better to be having quicky's than no sex at all. And don't worry if you don't have the energy for a 'scene' on a routine basis - that is also normal with small children.

 

[graceanne]

Really useful advice. Wow, post-birth hormones can royally fuck this sort of dynamic up. And that is for both parties. The father can get all out of whack hormonally too. Tread carefully.

Not to mention being flat ass exhausted. Yeah, I was up all night with a screaming child, and now I want some nookie!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Invest in a ball gag - easy way to keep a sub quiet. Also, test out new toys on your arm or something in the store before you buy. You'll sometimes be surprised to discover which implements actually make less sound.

Velcro restraints are handy too as they're quick release and can fairly easily be explained away as sports gear or something to little ones.

 

[twysted73]

As for the skeleton comment - there is a difference between privacy and secrecy, which many people fail to grasp. No you should not behave as though you have some deep dark terrible secret you must hide from your children above all else. I mean, duh. On the other hand, do you fuck on the living room couch in front of the children? No. It's called privacy! We don't need to share every little adult thought in our head with our kids.

(For those lacking common sense, yes. Always watch for ITW's posts as they cover these disclaimers. Performing a public service since Jan/2007. )


(dankeshoen frauline)

 

[callinectes]

I think people make a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. Just keep the accessories put away when not in use, make sure the kids are asleep, etc. Use common sense.

 

[graceanne]

Use common sense.

But don't you know? Common sense isn't that common!

 

[callinectes]

Yeah, I keep forgetting that!

 

[intothewoods]

But don't you know? Common sense isn't that common!

(For those lacking common sense, yes. Always watch for ITW's posts as they cover these disclaimers. Performing a public service since Jan/2007. )


(dankeshoen frauline)

I think people make a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. Just keep the accessories put away when not in use, make sure the kids are asleep, etc. Use common sense.

Y'all laugh, but read some of the posts on Fetlife on this topic! There seems to be this idea that we should sit our children down and say, I'm a submissive masochist and I enjoy being beaten with a paddle.

Do you say, kids, your dad really likes anal. Just FYI. I mean, I want us to share everything and be completely open with each other.

 

[graceanne]

Y'all laugh, but read some of the posts on Fetlife on this topic! There seems to be this idea that we should sit our children down and say, I'm a submissive masochist and I enjoy being beaten with a paddle.

Do you say, kids, your dad really likes anal. Just FYI. I mean, I want us to share everything and be completely open with each other.

Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots.

Not you. Them.

 

[callinectes]

LOL at you two.


Now that you say that, I remember a couple that used to post here. They set up the spare bedroom as some sort of office/computer room/sex room. They described the room as being decorated with tasteful sex photos, the floggers on display, and I think there was a spanking chair or some such thing. The kicker? They had a daughter that had access to that room. Niiiice. As I recall they also had what I considered a very unpleasant nickname for her...Bog Monster or something. Yeah, I always felt bad for her.

 

[twysted73]

Enchanting. They must really have loved her.

 

[EmpressFi]

Really useful advice. Wow, post-birth hormones can royally fuck this sort of dynamic up. And that is for both parties. The father can get all out of whack hormonally too. Tread carefully.

having a 4 month old... I can swear to this. I dont even feel remotely submissive anymore... nada..zip

 

[nh23]

having a 4 month old... I can swear to this. I dont even feel remotely submissive anymore... nada..zip

How is your Master reacting to it?