Boyfriend Will Not Perform Orally!

[Honeysucklevine]

Well, I have been dating this man for months and we have this great sex life as well as relationship. However, I am at a crossroads with him. He does not express how he feels or what his desires are but tends to "dance" around a subject he is not comfortable with. I have told him how much I like receiving oral and how it makes me feel so beautiful. All the men in my life have begged for it! I cannot even get him to kiss my panties! Any advice? By the way, he doesn't even feel comfortable talking about our future together. Though I have been told I am quite attractive, I am 40 now and time is NOT on my side! I cannot imagine why a man, a real man, would not want to be down there. I have been told I am as sweet as honey!

 

[3113]

I cannot imagine why a man, a real man, would not want to be down there. I have been told I am as sweet as honey!

We all have our hang-ups. Not every guy in the world likes to perform oral sex any more than every girl in the world likes to suck cock.

As for him being a "real" man...there are some old, outdated views on men performing oral sex which your guy may have been taught. And that view is that "real men" don't go down on women. There was an episode of the Sopranos where word getting out that a mob boss gave women great head undermined his authority and made him a laughing stock. Some guys have been taught that to give oral pleasure to women is unmasculine and men just should not do it.

Which might mean that your guy not only has never done it, but doesn't know how. That's triple wammy, there: He's not sure it's manly, he's not sure he's going to like it, and he's not sure how to give you what you want.

I suggest that you not hint or ask or demand oral sex...but sit him down and tell him how hot the sex is, how much you love him, and that you really want to know what's holding him back from that next level. And if he's just insecure about it all--not digging-in-his-heels resistant, then invite him to come on this forum, in cognito, of course, for tips and advice.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Not every man likes to give oral to women.

My partner has done it, probably about 8 times in the four and a half years we've been together. He's good at it, and he knows it gets me off, so insecurity isn't his reason.

I taste lovely, and he agrees that I taste good... he'll lick his fingers after he's used them on me... it's just he doesn't like the act. It hurts his jaw, and he... *shrug* It's not his bag. His ex had the same complaint. Otherwise, he's perfect in the bedroom.

Sometimes, you have to learn to prioritize. It really drove me nuts that he never went down, when we first started going out. For the first two or so years of our relationship, it frequently pissed me off. But now I've realized that I love him for him, and not for the sex, and that getting something like that only once in a blue moon... the sacrifice is worth it, to have him in my arms every day.

 

[LadyJeanne]

So he doesn't say anything when you tell him how much you like oral? You have no idea why he won't even try it?

Does he like when you give him oral? Have you tried giving him oral and then asking him if he'd go down on you?

 

[Straight-8]

Dump him! Sounds like an emotionally retarded, hung up type. At 40 you are old enoough to know what you like and, apparently, able to go out there and get it. Better luck with the next one!

 

[human_male]

Dump him! Sounds like an emotionally retarded, hung up type. At 40 you are old enoough to know what you like and, apparently, able to go out there and get it. Better luck with the next one!

Hell yeah, throw away a perfectly good relationship at the fist bump in the road.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Well, I have been dating this man for months and we have this great sex life as well as relationship. However, I am at a crossroads with him. He does not express how he feels or what his desires are but tends to "dance" around a subject he is not comfortable with. I have told him how much I like receiving oral and how it makes me feel so beautiful. All the men in my life have begged for it! I cannot even get him to kiss my panties! Any advice? By the way, he doesn't even feel comfortable talking about our future together. Though I have been told I am quite attractive, I am 40 now and time is NOT on my side! I cannot imagine why a man, a real man, would not want to be down there. I have been told I am as sweet as honey!

There's better men out there. Don't over-complicate this for yourself. Leave him.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Kinky Couple 69]

Well, I have been dating this man for months and we have this great sex life as well as relationship. However, I am at a crossroads with him. He does not express how he feels or what his desires are but tends to "dance" around a subject he is not comfortable with. I have told him how much I like receiving oral and how it makes me feel so beautiful. All the men in my life have begged for it! I cannot even get him to kiss my panties! Any advice? By the way, he doesn't even feel comfortable talking about our future together. Though I have been told I am quite attractive, I am 40 now and time is NOT on my side! I cannot imagine why a man, a real man, would not want to be down there. I have been told I am as sweet as honey!

The next time you are engaged in hot steamy passionette sex mention it. Then tell him how it makes you feel to have a man licking you to orgasim, keep him wanting his climax, if he is worked up he may forget about his hang ups.

Just a thought

Kinky Couple 69

 

[JamesSD]

I cannot imagine why a man, a real man, would not want to be down there. I have been told I am as sweet as honey!

There are a couple reasons a man might not want to give oral.

1) hygeine issues: Hair should be at least trimmed a bit, and it should be clean. Your "sweet as honey" comment implies this isn't the problem.

2) confidence issues: he might not know what he's doing, especially if he hasn't done it much. If this is the case, the important thing is to make him feel comfortable. Talk him through the process (gently, don't bark out orders) and make it clear you enjoy recieving it and don't have to orgasm to enjoy it.

3) Selfishness: he might just be selfish. If this is the case you either have to deal with it or dump him.

 

[Honeysucklevine]

So he doesn't say anything when you tell him how much you like oral? You have no idea why he won't even try it?

Does he like when you give him oral? Have you tried giving him oral and then asking him if he'd go down on you?

Here is one typical scenario.... We could be doing anything and he has "that look" that drives me wild inside and then he says, "oh, there's that look in your eye".... yadda yadda , we nuzzle up , begin soft kisses, you get the idea. It is very sensual. Sometimes we start playing a role and may switch around too! He is nice and easy and really turns me on. And yes, I give him "unbelievable" head, or so he says. He really goes wild for it. I do this thing where.... Nevermind. My point is that I have even stopped for a month or so and I have hinted that "it is a give and take thing" and though I am not keeping score, I would like for his lips to explore my body. I even invited him into the tub last night, thinking that maybe since he seemed to have germ-i-phobic tendacies, that the water would ease his mind. Nada!! I gave him great oral, ok, he shuddered! Then, when I sensed him needing to explode, I cooled down, took his hand and put it on me. I moaned and then told him how soft his lips and tongue were and how much I yearned to feel them on me. Everywhere! I so ached for him.

 

[Honeysucklevine]

There are a couple reasons a man might not want to give oral.

1) hygeine issues: Hair should be at least trimmed a bit, and it should be clean. Your "sweet as honey" comment implies this isn't the problem.

2) confidence issues: he might not know what he's doing, especially if he hasn't done it much. If this is the case, the important thing is to make him feel comfortable. Talk him through the process (gently, don't bark out orders) and make it clear you enjoy recieving it and don't have to orgasm to enjoy it.

3) Selfishness: he might just be selfish. If this is the case you either have to deal with it or dump him.

I think #2 and #3 are to blame or partly so.

He has shown to be slightly nervous and unsure about himself. I think he may have learned most of his technique from watching porn. You can just tell when a man has had experience or just "seen it done". Also, having never been married or had children seems to keep him thinking of himself quite often. We are going to ring in the new year tonight and see what happens. Thanks!

 

[LadyJeanne]

I gave him great oral, ok, he shuddered! Then, when I sensed him needing to explode, I cooled down, took his hand and put it on me. I moaned and then told him how soft his lips and tongue were and how much I yearned to feel them on me. Everywhere! I so ached for him.

And then what happened? This is the part I don't understand - what did he say or do when you asked like that?

And how old is he? If he's learned his technique from porn, he doesn't sound very eperienced. Maybe given some time, he'll come around?

 

[3113]

Stop Fucking around and ask him why!

Then, when I sensed him needing to explode, I cooled down, took his hand and put it on me. I moaned and then told him how soft his lips and tongue were and how much I yearned to feel them on me. Everywhere! I so ached for him.

I suspect this was not the best way to get the message across. When the two of you are in the heat is not a time to hit the pause button or even try to manipulate him into recripocating. It's certainly not the time to have a clear and maybe serious conversation. The likely thing that will happen in such an instance is he'll balk (being put on the spot there) and you'll surrender (finish the blow job) which makes the whole excersize pointless.

You need to discuss this BEFORE you're languishing in the bath. You need to be upfront and stop this "hinting" and luring and attempting to seduce him into doing it. It ain't gonna work. Sit him down and say, "I want oral sex. What problem do you have with giving it to me?"

Shocking huh? A direct, clear, and non-ambiguous request and question. No way for him to wiggle out, or pretend to misunderstand, or hem-and-hah. NOR does it GIVE YOU the chance to misunderstand and pretend that everything's going to be fine if you can just find a way to finesse, trick or sweet talk him into doing what you want.

You both need to stop fucking around. If he can't do it, then you need to know it. You can't keep pretending that maybe if you do X or Y he'll come around. And he needs to know that he can't keep dodging this bullet. If he wants to be sucked so good he shudders, then he's going to have to 'fess up to why he can't or won't reciprocate.

Don't let him clam up either. If he won't talk, then, very calmly say to him, "I want an answer to this question. It's important to me." And wait.

The one thing you can do is promise him that you're not going to force the issue--but you do need to know what his hang-up is because it is becoming an issue with you. Once you know exactly why he won't do it, no guessing, no surmising, then you can decide what you want to do about it. How to help him on his way on down there...or accept that it's never going to happen. Or find someone new.

 

[ickle_stace]

I suspect this was not the best way to get the message across. When the two of you are in the heat is not a time to hit the pause button or even try to manipulate him into recripocating. It's certainly not the time to have a clear and maybe serious conversation. The likely thing that will happen in such an instance is he'll balk (being put on the spot there) and you'll surrender (finish the blow job) which makes the whole excersize pointless.

You need to discuss this BEFORE you're languishing in the bath. You need to be upfront and stop this "hinting" and luring and attempting to seduce him into doing it. It ain't gonna work. Sit him down and say, "I want oral sex. What problem do you have with giving it to me?"

Shocking huh? A direct, clear, and non-ambiguous request and question. No way for him to wiggle out, or pretend to misunderstand, or hem-and-hah. NOR does it GIVE YOU the chance to misunderstand and pretend that everything's going to be fine if you can just find a way to finesse, trick or sweet talk him into doing what you want.

You both need to stop fucking around. If he can't do it, then you need to know it. You can't keep pretending that maybe if you do X or Y he'll come around. And he needs to know that he can't keep dodging this bullet. If he wants to be sucked so good he shudders, then he's going to have to 'fess up to why he can't or won't reciprocate.

Don't let him clam up either. If he won't talk, then, very calmly say to him, "I want an answer to this question. It's important to me." And wait.

The one thing you can do is promise him that you're not going to force the issue--but you do need to know what his hang-up is because it is becoming an issue with you. Once you know exactly why he won't do it, no guessing, no surmising, then you can decide what you want to do about it. How to help him on his way on down there...or accept that it's never going to happen. Or find someone new.

he does need asking

maybe you could just be sat down with him one night doing non sexual stuff, and just say "can i ask you something?" and when he responds, ask him why he doesn't go down on you

 

[Honeysucklevine]

Last night, I said the same thing as I had said over a month ago. Point blank, " Are you comfortable going down on me or any woman for that matter? Why have you avoided it and would you like for me to teach you? Or, do you find it disgusting? "

(Now mind you, this is very difficult for me to do since it makes me feel like I am being "needy" and I really hate that. )

Now, his reaction was one of surprise and I'm not sure that I want to be with someone who is not willing to explore my body because that makes me feel unloved! He actually said, " Give it time, it just hasn't come up!"

Duh!

Thanks for all of your tips. He hasn't had enough lovers in his life and I refuse to be the teacher. Ready to move on. Thanks again and Happy New Year!

 

[bobsgirl]

It just hasn't come up? FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing. If you stay in this relationship hoping things will get better, I think you'll end up being disappointed.

Good luck to you.

 

[ickle_stace]

it hasn't come up!!

shouldn't the exploring your body begin from the first time you sleep together, not when he thinks it's time.

you go find someone who deserves you, and who will explore you, cos he don't deserve someone exploring his body if he can't be bothered to do the same back

 

[mandbc1]

Last night, I said the same thing as I had said over a month ago. Point blank, " Are you comfortable going down on me or any woman for that matter? Why have you avoided it and would you like for me to teach you? Or, do you find it disgusting? "

(Now mind you, this is very difficult for me to do since it makes me feel like I am being "needy" and I really hate that. )

Now, his reaction was one of surprise and I'm not sure that I want to be with someone who is not willing to explore my body because that makes me feel unloved! He actually said, " Give it time, it just hasn't come up!"

Duh!

Thanks for all of your tips. He hasn't had enough lovers in his life and I refuse to be the teacher. Ready to move on. Thanks again and Happy New Year!

Good for you for getting the "hint" and moving on! Everyone deserves the lover of not only their heart but also of their lust! IF he were REALLY into you, he would make the effort to get over what ever is bothering him and pleasure you in ALL the ways you deserve!
In other words= Adios and Next!

 

[Honeysucklevine]

Oh, man, he just called and wants to meet for lunch. I am going to have to bring this up and tell him that "it" has come up over a hundred times and I cannot continue to be the giver here. He is selfish and there way too many WONDERFUL men out there who are loving, fun and wanting to devour every inch of me! Thanks again for all the input. You guys are great!

 

[mandbc1]

Oh, man, he just called and wants to meet for lunch. I am going to have to bring this up and tell him that "it" has come up over a hundred times and I cannot continue to be the giver here. He is selfish and there way too many WONDERFUL men out there who are loving, fun and wanting to devour every inch of me! Thanks again for all the input. You guys are great!

HSD: This has been brought up 100 times!!! This issue is not about you being "needy." But about you asking for what you want and deserve for him! That is what makes for a healthy relationhip where both are willing to move past their own BS, ego, sillines, drama and support their partner!
BTW: First night me and mine were together no regular sex but I wanted her so bad that I went down on her and OMFG I loved it! That night still gets her hot and wanting to get down and I am so grateful I took the initiative to show her how fucking hot she made me.
So adios to this mama's boy and let a REAL man come into your life and betwen your thighs!

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

Well, I have been dating this man for months and we have this great sex life as well as relationship. However, I am at a crossroads with him. He does not express how he feels or what his desires are but tends to "dance" around a subject he is not comfortable with. I have told him how much I like receiving oral and how it makes me feel so beautiful. All the men in my life have begged for it! I cannot even get him to kiss my panties! Any advice? By the way, he doesn't even feel comfortable talking about our future together. Though I have been told I am quite attractive, I am 40 now and time is NOT on my side! I cannot imagine why a man, a real man, would not want to be down there. I have been told I am as sweet as honey!

Give up on something that isn't working.....not to say love isn't worth fighting for but it sounds like you are the only one fighting here. He knows what you want, knows that time as you say isn't on your side so...either give up or give in. Really you should never settle....while your wasting your time trying to fix things to your liking (of course he needs are important to) you could be missing a better relationship.

 

[UnSainted]

wow

Not going down on a woman seems so foriegn to me.. I dont get it...

 

[ickle_stace]

HSD: This has been brought up 100 times!!! This issue is not about you being "needy." But about you asking for what you want and deserve for him! That is what makes for a healthy relationhip where both are willing to move past their own BS, ego, sillines, drama and support their partner!
BTW: First night me and mine were together no regular sex but I wanted her so bad that I went down on her and OMFG I loved it! That night still gets her hot and wanting to get down and I am so grateful I took the initiative to show her how fucking hot she made me.
So adios to this mama's boy and let a REAL man come into your life and betwen your thighs!

yeah, some women don't seem to like oral, let him have one of them, you go get someone who begs to go down on you

 

[Honeysucklevine]

Ok, I met him for a latte and read him this note! I knew I had to write it down or I would look into those hypnotic eyes and get distracted. This is what I wrote and I think it went over quite well. After I read it, I gave him a devil may care grin and left through the door I came into 20 minutes before.

" .. I am going to make this plain and simple. I am not going to sugarcoat it like I always do. I need a man who knows how to show and express his intimate feelings. Though you have given me gifts of your time and help, I can't get past your intimacy barriers. I just need a man of mine to want me so bad it hurts. You may feel this but you seem unable or unwilling to show it. I have given you plenty of guidance and opportunity to only end up feeling unheard and unloved. Our time together was no less than fun and erotic but I also need a partner. Take care and good luck to you. "

Thanks you guys for your tips. I knew what I had to do all along, it's just good to hear that others understand.

I have deleted him from my cell and I will read this thread over and over again should I have a weak moment in the coming days!

 

[Eilan]

I have deleted him from my cell and I will read this thread over and over again should I have a weak moment in the coming days!

Good luck.