Breathless, wordless, words

[29wordsforsnow]

Twinkle, twinkle little wrinkle
from your corner it will pop
running down, a salty drop

Breathless
Sometimes it feels as if we're running a race
It’s you and me competing for air
My point of view, your point of view

Sometimes it feels as if we're fighting without knowing
It’s you and me telling our facts, not getting it right
My point of view, your point of view

Sometimes it feels as if we're not listening to one another
It’s you and me asking the things we have no answers to
My point of view, your point of view

Sometimes it feels as if we're going in circles
It’s you and me always arguing, never agreeing
My point of view, your point of view
It makes me breathless


Wordless
I ask you a question
I seek information from those that know
I look to those with answers

I wait for a reply
And stain to hear

You are silent and keep me out
Help is silent through malice or through fear
They are silent though they know

I wait for a reply
And the wordless silence is deafening


Words
My nightstand drawer is full of hidden words
I keep it there, for myself
Notes, poems, and little stories
About a broken dream, about a broken life

When these words in my nightstand drawer are hidden no more
It is there for others, as well as for myself
This thread, this place, this cascadia of boundless beauty
It helps, it calms, it quiets my forlorn soul

For words are my weapon
Not to defend against others, not to defend against you
But to defend against my sorrow, my grief, my pain
To defend me from me

For there is a power in the sad breathless words
And there is power in the sad wordless words
It is the power of words, my words
My weapon of choice

You might like The Interrupters' Title Holder, quite the battle song when standing your ground against The Dark Places.

 

[cascadiabound]

Patient is a pleasant
Well nourished woman
In no acute distress....

So reads the chart note

No acute distress?
How can you tell?
Do you not see
The turmoil roiling
Beneath her features
Hiding in plain sight

She's practiced
Her calm demeanor
Well dressed
Neat manicure
Clean shoes

In no acute distress
It's difficult to perceive
what is missing
what has been lost

The collar slipped
untethered, unleashed
his hands empty
two hearts broken
Yet

patient is in no acute distress.
Right.

 

[29wordsforsnow]

Twinkle, twinkle little wrinkle
from your corner it will pop
running down, a salty drop
round and round, its perfect shape
the world could have a better state
fires burn, smoke is rising, how to cope
when dire ire shuns the hope
the mindful eye looks numb and sore
sick of all these pain-kill-pills
we don't need them anymore
but what the sorrows stills
I wish a bullet crises saves our lives
and all the swords be butter knives
for jam on pastries fair and square
we the hungry like to share

 

[DarkRaven13]

Frangos and ginkos
octagon boxes
and ancient trees
Nautilus and ammonite
coffee every morning
made with care
delivered with love
her Joe
his girl
decades of love
enduring as an oak
as sweet as chocolate
on Christmas morn

View attachment 2193644

This sounds like a poem of a couple, a marriage still going.

 

[DarkRaven13]

Accompanied by a book
She departs the couch
For far flung worlds
Down rabbit holes
and ancient sites
In story she is never alone
Inhabiting lives
Experiencing love
The stars within reach
A nerdy girl
A curious woman
Alone with a book

THIS

 

[DarkRaven13]

Cracks of Grief

the cracks of grief
open slowly
sometimes imperceptibly
hairline cracks
in my consciousness
or
in the basement of my mind
so deep below the surface
subterranean grief
like a compromised foundation
only revealed
when inspected

the cracks of grief
widen with each loss
piled like blankets
until they smother
one or two can be worn like a cloak
a capote to hide within
stack them high
they'll soon topple
a mess of layers
too weighty to manage

untangle my heart
smooth and straighten
one by one
each fold a memory
revealed and relived
and the tears flow

paper mache' can't seal those cracks
an illusion of repair
quickly comes undone
a cascade of tears
one by one washes the cracks
smoothing the hurt
replacing ache
with bittersweet sighs

let the frango melt in my mouth
let twinkle lights bring joy
feel the hug of his scent still lingering
feel her pearls warm 'round my neck
the holiday rituals
now so full of grief
may comfort my heart
next year

meanwhile
the cracks of grief
haunt me still



View attachment 2193841View attachment 2193838

Sometimes I feel we could switch places and put each others names on our writings.

 

[DarkRaven13]

Wordsmith
I move to organize
I watch for flow
I comment the prose
I am the audience
I read between
I offer opinions
I fix the space

I cannot edit the truth

 

[cascadiabound]

This sounds like a poem of a couple, a marriage still going.

I wrote this for my beloved inlaws who died last year, just days apart. It was said they were joined at the soul.

 

[DarkRaven13]

I wrote this for my beloved inlaws who died last year, just days apart. It was said they were joined at the soul.

I am sorry to hear of this. I read between the lines....he must have served.. you wrote he was her "Joe" ....

At any rate, it was a wonderful tribute

 

[29wordsforsnow]

Listening to the Murphies'
I wish you were here
thoughts swing from side to side
like the glass balls on the tree
an empty seat it will see
a smile missing as ribbons open
the time has come to be that smile
thought it would be a while
'fore taking over
handing out their gifts
it's generations on shifts
hope to hear it again
when the time comes

 

[Mrtenant]

You have tasted the fires of my heart
Bathed in it's intensity
Felt my lips upon your skin
Fought hard against its destructiveness
Emerging singed and glowing
A vision of love and fury
Courage in spades

 

[cascadiabound]

Vacation massage
Enveloped in lovely scent
He reminds: please breathe

 

[29wordsforsnow]

the precious curls of golden days
abruptly missing overnight
when ghostly fingers did their work
leaving in the morning's murk
the winter fashion worn with grace
each hair tip crowned with honest pride

 

[sirhugs]

Read, think, speechless
safe from winter storms
warmed by your heart
poetry gives me shivers
when it is good
leaves me breathless
though the trees have no leaves

poetry, love, hearts
even the lonely kind
warm my ancient heart
poetry gives me shivers
when it is good
leaves my heart racing
though the trees have no leaves

 

[cascadiabound]

Alone and lonely
Missing you, missing what we once had
Slipping naked into the hot tub
urged by your words
Imagining you might join me
The cool night air
My hair pinned up
Sultry in the red light's glow
one last image
Seared into our last days

How many photos?
How many words?
How many poems
How many tears?
Years shared
Until I dwell within you
And you dwell within me
Everything is colored by you
Everything has been changed by you

Moments of heartbreak
Death and dying
Pain and loss
Political upheaval breaking my heart
Your calm voice reassures
My tears wail in your ears
My voice earnest and agitated
My ectsacy waking the dead and the dog

The minutiae of life
These are the places we stick together
The interstitial spaces of news
The mundanity of weather
The lists of errands, laundry and meals
Are these things too unimportant
Should we discuss philosophy?
Satre and Maslow
Einstein and Shakespeare
Metaphysics and epistemology?

How I hurt you in my obliviousness
Children play in the playground
Frisky and silly
But serious too...
serious about safety and care
It didn't feel like a party
It was a distraction
A place to just be when you were elsewhere
A place to be hide
All my sadness and loss
You had set me free
Your choice. Not mine
Hopes I still had.... crushed by your words
I refuse to fight
I see the wisdom of your thinking
I concede. My tears locked away
My pain pushed down
Man oh man

What does a girl do with pain?
Where do I go to discharge
To escape myself
To ache for what is gone now?
A facsimile of joy
A pretend party
Holding back all feelings
Retreating to my corner
Rising to protect others
Keeping it safe
Kinky mamma bear
Like a lifeguard
Or a playground monitor
Watching the kids at play
Outside, aching, broken hearted

No longer His
Who am I now?
No longer His
What does that make me?
No longer His
Will He still watch over me?
I feel lost
Adrift
No longer His

But it is true....
I am still kinky af
But what use is that?
Alone in my swirling thoughts
Aching for lost chances
Unable to bridge the miles
Unable to coordinate a date
But still badass to the core
Protective of my people
Motherly to the new and naive
Kinky mamma bear
If I am not His
Who am I?
If he no longer wants to try
I am on my own

But this moniker cut
Creating new chasms between us
"You do you" was your quip
I should have felt the bite
Should have heard the disapproval
But you were no longer mine
And your promise to let me be me
I relied upon

A new moniker seemed necessary
Essential even... if I am not yours
Like a new dress, I tried it on
Wore it a bit, to see how it fit
But the stains of your pain
Ruined the look
Even before I ripped it away

I had thought you'd be proud
Just a little proud
Your badass girl helping, protecting
Resilient even in my pain
But all you could see
Was fun and games
All you could see
That I was no longer yours
My pain, invisible
My ache for you
Buried by laughter

Can you see me?
Or is the fabric so torn
The space time continuum rent
Just like that ill fitting dress

No longer His
But still crying
No longer mine
But still aching
No longer His
But still bound
My tears flow
Filling this holiday
With the deep pain of so much loss
Words fail me darling
Never did I intend to cause such pain
Tears and gulping sobs
No time for this pain.
No time to heal this new slash

My heart is broken
He no longer watches over me
But the string still draws tight
The shadow of that last lonely image
Wet and naked in the red-light
Captured for your eyes only
Sharing my heart and soul
Hours, days, years
Just for you
My exceptional friend
To whom I no longer belong

Where shall I stand?
Who am I now?
Where shall I place my mark?
My voice silenced by tears
This pain sears my soul
on this sacred eve
The red lights glow

 

[29wordsforsnow]

I'm sorry, there isn't one single 'like' that felt in any way right, I love the words and the structure and its emotional openess, but couldn't imagine to 'love' seeing someone in so much pain. A compassionate 'sad' might be the one...if only I could sooth it with some wise words - or knew the magic trick to turn back the time.
It feels like a hug is missing.

 

[cascadiabound]

Lies of omission
What is truth
Slut or saint
An honest liar
Couragous and stalwart
Self aware and curious
Or
Self deluded and selfish
Disloyal and blind
Heart careless
Heartless
Lost and found

 

[cascadiabound]

Crossed the border
Crossed the line
Taking some time
To clear my mind

Lost my knife
Crossing the border
Cutting the future from the past
My juicy flame gone
The then cut from now

Crossed the border
Crossed the line
Taking some time
To clear my mind

Left cascadia dirt
In the baja desert
Singed my skin
Under the mexican sun
Washed my tears in the sea

Crossed the border
Crossed the line
Taking my time
To lose my mind

Cleared my head
Breathed fresh air
Walked the beach
Hot sand between my toes
Cauterizing my soul

Cross my heart
Cross my fingers
Braid my hair
Dancing swimmers
Give me vision
Give me sight
Ears to hear
And open heart

Day one: cut from the past
Day two: remember to breath
Day three: ancient prayers
Day four: cleansed in the canyon
Day five: mesmerized by color
Day six: elemental forces
Day seven: soundless extasy
Day eight: obscured by smoke
Day nine: sauna and sun
Day ten: kept walking

Crossed the border
Crossed the line
Need some time
To know my mind

Clarity found me
My heart may mend
Dreamless sleep
Tucked between linen sheets
Rejuvenation achieved

Beyond the border
Over the line
Taking my time
To settle my mind

 

[AlexBailey]

To read your words
It aches my soul
Cracks and fissures remembered
Bountiful sorrow
Terrible joy
Souls and hearts upended
My scars are healed
And yet I feel
The pain you have here rendered
Your words and tears
All beautiful here
Brimming with strength
You’ve never surrendered

( @cascadiabound)

 

[MedicalMuse]

Oh Cas. I love you so much.

 

[cascadiabound]

Tears tear at my soul
Words break my heart
The space between cannot be bridged
He sees the worst
He fears an unseen indiscretion
Filling empty space with suppositions
Assumptions more gossamer than fog
I was yours and only yours
Could you not see my loyalty
Your accusations cut
These things you call observations
You observe with a jilted eye
Your fear and mistrust clouding truth
Where is my friend?
He who I entrusted my soul?
Where is my friend?
He who I confided all
Your distance and distraction
My attempts to find my footing
the pathway of grief and loss
made me stumble, scarred me deep
But when I was nearly clear
The mine field still haunting
I reached for your steady hand
Only to find reticence
I took too long
My attempts to recover my footing
Mistaken as a dance away from you
Tears tear me apart
Rending this holiday bleak
As you slip away
Perhaps for good

 

[Btq97]

Tears tear at my soul
Words break my heart
The space between cannot be bridged
He sees the worst
He fears an unseen indiscretion
Filling empty space with suppositions
Assumptions more gossamer than fog
I was yours and only yours
Could you not see my loyalty
Your accusations cut
These things you call observations
You observe with a jilted eye
Your fear and mistrust clouding truth
Where is my friend?
He who I entrusted my soul?
Where is my friend?
He who I confided all
Your distance and distraction
My attempts to find my footing
the pathway of grief and loss
made me stumble, scarred me deep
But when I was nearly clear
The mine field still haunting
I reached for your steady hand
Only to find reticence
I took too long
My attempts to recover my footing
Mistaken as a dance away from you
Tears tear me apart
Rending this holiday bleak
As you slip away
Perhaps for good

Wow

 

[cascadiabound]

Covid days and nights
Dementia, depression, death
Days turned upside down
Work from home, no work at all
The struggle is real

Addiction and disease
Long covid madness
Suicidal sibling
The ground falls away

We tried
We failed
We talked
We misheard
Never enough time
Distracted and divided
Multitasking became the norm
My words just one more task
How could I retain a sense of value
When I was always squeezed
into the space between errands?

I lost myself to work
Wrapped in masks and gloves
Protected, infected, muffled, fogged
The eyes must speak
Compassion and sadness
Comradere another loss
In this forever pandemic

I lost myself to elder care
Navigating systems
Negotiating every detail
So many emails
So many texts
Late night calls
Confusion prevails
Marred by ambulance runs
And anxious hours extend to days

Along the way
I guess I lost you
I was too tired
Too many burdens
None of which I wished to add to you
How many things did I hide?
Not to keep it from you
But to segment off just a little space
Moments I could just escape
Running into your arms
Even if I only had time
For goodnight kisses

Events conspired
I became mired
Lost track of who I might be
When finally released
from 12 kinds of caretaking
Where is the sexy?
Buried under pain
Mired in grief
Smoothered by anxiety
Pushed down and denied

You lost your job
I could feel your worry
Even as you put on a brave face
Why is it only now
You can share the terror
Of those days that stretched to months

I could not ask anything of you
Your plate too full
Your energy fragmented
All routines lost in the shuffle
so many changes
work from home
Shelter in place

The connection stretched thin
We tried
This and that
But our capicity to find our footing
So limited
Infrequent calls
Late-night chats in the blur of fatigue
And compromised by prying eyes
How could we be our best
Brave face, broken heart

cancer, depression, death
Washing his body
Awaiting the coroner
The best father now gone
And days later
A vigil that near broke me
Thirty hours of ragged breathing
Dementia, depression, death
Washing her body
So mottled with bruises
It breaks my heart

They took her as the sun rose
She who called my "our Cassie"
She who loved me so

It's been a year
Of grief, recovery, resetting
Travel here there and everywhere
Making time and connections
Nearly impossible

But would you begrudge me this?
Maybe I took you for granted
Maybe I said too little
Maybe I thought you knew my heart
In those late night silences
I know I did not give you my best
I doubt you gave me yours
But does this merit
Your fear driven observations?
Microscopic detections of infidelity?

Pulled apart
My loyalty still stands firm
How can you not see this
Days and nights of tears
Tears til my vision blurs
Another Christmas full of tears
Why did it have to be like this?

 

[MedicalMuse]

 

[AlexBailey]

Trouble to see
Trouble to be
Can’t seem to live trouble free
It’s mine for a time
I won’t whine
It’ll all be fine
Sometime

Scream at the now
Scream the past
Forgot what it was
You did last
Hide in your room
Sleep ‘till noon
Shroud your eyes in gloom

I’m right here
Your rage
Your fear
No warmth nor kindness I can glean
Love is gone
My other half?
You’re a rock and a hard place
And I am in between