Bring back the adventurous, kinky wife I used to have

"blathering on about nothing"? you mean, like posting a sentiment echoing posts previously made in the thread multiple times, while affecting ennui?

ed

Got it. It was the intellectual comment that really bothered you. I'll make sure I clean my feet off before entering your sandbox from now on.
 
actually, what bothered me was your absolute conviction that the lit forums: a) are porn boards, and b) that serious shit doesn't get discussed.

since you're still sorta new you probably don't realize it but there's whole fuckloads more to this place.

ed
 
I have no issue with serious discussions. I've read enough to know people come here for a myriad of reasons. Some of them even come to the "How To" and get flamed and trolled. Some innocently and some deservedly. I simply got tired off wading through walls of text that smelled like pretentiousness. When you show me the deed and title to the internet, I'll pay attention to your assumptions. Until then, I paid the cover charge to this place and can post what I like.
 
Ok, I'm going to wander in here and say something that is probably really really stupid, as the single unmarried male, who hasn't really done much in the way of long term relationships, and probably never will.

The OP sounds really stressed. Is he using intercourse as a stress releaver? I know I am guilty of this myself upon more than one occasion.

If this is the case, is there something not sex that the wife could do to help releave his stress levels?

My understanding is that the male drive gets dialed up to 11 as stress levels increase, and the female drive, well, dies, as stress goes up. I'm also of the impression that married couples have highly synchronized stress levels.

This may not fix the original problem, but it may make life a whole lot more bearable while you sort the rest of it out.
 
Good that Silver and Jon got that worked out.
Considering this is the thread that I started and that you two have worked out your problems I will be billing you both separately for the therapy session. :rolleyes:
 
Ok, I'm going to wander in here and say something that is probably really really stupid, as the single unmarried male, who hasn't really done much in the way of long term relationships, and probably never will.

The OP sounds really stressed. Is he using intercourse as a stress releaver? I know I am guilty of this myself upon more than one occasion.

If this is the case, is there something not sex that the wife could do to help releave his stress levels?

My understanding is that the male drive gets dialed up to 11 as stress levels increase, and the female drive, well, dies, as stress goes up. I'm also of the impression that married couples have highly synchronized stress levels.

This may not fix the original problem, but it may make life a whole lot more bearable while you sort the rest of it out.

Actually, I don't feel particularly stressed.
But, if I have this straight a guy has to lower the stress of the woman so that the guy can get laid and therefore lower his stress?
THAT WHOLE FUCKING THING IS STRESSING ME OUT :D
 
My understanding is that the male drive gets dialed up to 11 as stress levels increase, and the female drive, well, dies, as stress goes up. I'm also of the impression that married couples have highly synchronized stress levels.

I'd be interested to know where you got that impression. Because IMX, and also from the research I've done regarding libido, stress is often cited as one of the top three factors that contribute to lowered drive for both men and women.

Synchronized stress levels? Depends on what they're stressing out about. If my husband is freaking out about work, it doesn't particularly affect me except for how it affects his behavior at home, as well as my concern for his peace of mind.
 
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I have no issue with serious discussions. I've read enough to know people come here for a myriad of reasons. Some of them even come to the "How To" and get flamed and trolled. Some innocently and some deservedly. I simply got tired off wading through walls of text that smelled like pretentiousness. When you show me the deed and title to the internet, I'll pay attention to your assumptions. Until then, I paid the cover charge to this place and can post what I like.
Playground is over there
 
Good that Silver and Jon got that worked out.
Considering this is the thread that I started and that you two have worked out your problems I will be billing you both separately for the therapy session. :rolleyes:

I'll need a receipt, but it has helped me immensely. Thank you.
 
If that's how we're playing now then maybe you need to go into some other thread here and point them toward the GB.

Thought the very same thing - for quite some time. Quite a gathering there. I suppose it is contained - bit like a cat litter box in a laundry. Smelly though...
 
Actually, I don't feel particularly stressed.
But, if I have this straight a guy has to lower the stress of the woman so that the guy can get laid and therefore lower his stress?
THAT WHOLE FUCKING THING IS STRESSING ME OUT :D

I would turn the tables, but whatever rocks your boat.
 
Thought the very same thing - for quite some time. Quite a gathering there. I suppose it is contained - bit like a cat litter box in a laundry. Smelly though...

How high and mighty. :rolleyes:

At least it's fucking coherent.
 
I'm going to climb out on a limb here. This thread was getting a bit long in the tooth with so many long comments. I was kind of glad someone said something about wrapping it up. No offense meant to anyone. The thing with the HT forums is that sometimes too much advice may be worse than too little.

My opinions only. Not looking for a confrontation or argument.

:rose:
 
I'm going to climb out on a limb here. This thread was getting a bit long in the tooth with so many long comments. I was kind of glad someone said something about wrapping it up. No offense meant to anyone. The thing with the HT forums is that sometimes too much advice may be worse than too little.

My opinions only. Not looking for a confrontation or argument.

:rose:

I have to say that I have really appreciated all of the input.
What I haven't appreciated is the pointless banter that started with trailer dude and just sort of went off from there with people who apparently have differences with each other and have taken it up here.
I don't believe the actual advice I was asking for would've taken up more than 3 pages.
However, I have gotten some great advice on the thread and more so in PM's so I am happy I started it up.
Perhaps if anyone wants to comment anymore it can be constructive.
 
wife less interested

Hi there. I was a wife. I used to be adventurous and lost interest in regular sex and ended up leaving my husband because of it. The problem after the kids were born was not enough privacy. I wished he would set up child care so we would have relaxed time for sex. Not that I had to get in the mood and the sex had to fit into nap time. Then the pressure started happening...when I would reject him he would get jealous and suggest I was getting it somewhere else...and if I was really in the mood he would suggest that I was thinking about someone else. A rejected pouty guy is not appealing. The jealousy made me feel bad about myself. I am not saying that you have done this I am just telling my point of view. I think what happens for many couples is you set up negative patterns around sex...if it was too quick a few times then you are going into new sex with the idea that it will be over quick and you have to come quickly. If there was erection problems then the pressure of that...etc. So if your wife feels unsexy then she needs to do things to feel sexier...dance classes? dressing up and going out with friends and flirting? Swinging. Whatever. For me talking about sex and flirting with people makes me horny...so if those conversations are getting boring with your husband is there the opportunity to have those discussions elsewhere? If you get yourself horny with and then masturbate...how would she feel walking in on you?
 
Does it have to do wit age and diet? The right foods can cause the right chemical/hormonal reactions...
 
Hi there. I was a wife. I used to be adventurous and lost interest in regular sex and ended up leaving my husband because of it. The problem after the kids were born was not enough privacy. I wished he would set up child care so we would have relaxed time for sex. Not that I had to get in the mood and the sex had to fit into nap time. Then the pressure started happening...when I would reject him he would get jealous and suggest I was getting it somewhere else...and if I was really in the mood he would suggest that I was thinking about someone else. A rejected pouty guy is not appealing. The jealousy made me feel bad about myself. I am not saying that you have done this I am just telling my point of view. I think what happens for many couples is you set up negative patterns around sex...if it was too quick a few times then you are going into new sex with the idea that it will be over quick and you have to come quickly. If there was erection problems then the pressure of that...etc. So if your wife feels unsexy then she needs to do things to feel sexier...dance classes? dressing up and going out with friends and flirting? Swinging. Whatever. For me talking about sex and flirting with people makes me horny...so if those conversations are getting boring with your husband is there the opportunity to have those discussions elsewhere? If you get yourself horny with and then masturbate...how would she feel walking in on you?

Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions. Couple things, especially from a guys perspective.
You say you wished he would've got some child care so that you could have a relaxed time. Did you take any time to arrange child care yourself? And then a rejected pouty guy is not appealing. I agree, and while everyone is responsible for themselves and no one can make you feel one way or another, do you feel at least a little responsible for creating this pouty guy? I ask these two questions because I have stopped asking about sex, etc. because I continually am rejected. Even worse than flat out rejection is when she says yes, after my daughter is in bed, or after she does the dishes, or takes the dog for a walk, whatever it is she is currently doing and then when the time comes she is too tired, headache, stressed, etc. So in the off times she offers sex now I do it whether I "want" to or not because it might not happen again for awhile. A "forced" husband is not appealing either I would bet.
I'm going to have to think about what would make her feel sexier. Me vocalizing it is obviously a big one. I don't think dance classes would fit in with her persona, but, who knows. Can't hurt to ask.
Thanks
 
Does it have to do wit age and diet? The right foods can cause the right chemical/hormonal reactions...

Certainly could have to do with anything. Age I don't think so because it's been going on for several years. Pretty much about a year after my daughter was born which was 10 years ago.
She has had some mental/emotional health problems that she is dealing with a therapist on.
As for food, we eat pretty healthy overall. All fresh vegetables and fruits, not much red meat or pork. However, it doesn't seem that you're talking about general diet. You have suggestions on particular food combinations to get vitamins, minerals and hormones in a certain concentration?
 
I'm assuming she's not on any meds from her therapist. Many of these meds do effect sex drive. As a matter of fact, I believe there's a fair chance that my wife's similar problem may be linked to an IUD type device for birth control. Ever since she has been on it she has no sex drive. Could just be a coincidence though. Her main complaint is constantly being tired for which even doctors haven't been able to find anything wrong with her. She doesn't seem to want to take my advice on dealing with her tiredness, such as reorganizing her schedule.
 
So let me be clear. I don't do everything. That wasn't the message I was portraying.
I own a biz, I do the cooking. She doesn't work to speak of. She calls it work, but, she doesn't sell alot of product online so really it's more of a hobby. Up until this past school year my daughter was in public school but now she homeschools.
So my wife does things that help out. She cleans, dishes, teaches, is trying to build an internet business in the art world, etc.
I don't want it to seem as though I am the angel and she is the devil.
Also, this thread has kind of derailed. My initial point was ideas to bring some excitement back into my life and marriage. It would be next to impossible to offer marriage advice, unless it was very general and generic, without knowing my situation and also getting her side of things.
I have been incorporating some of the things all of you have been posting and things have been interesting.
I took her to a couples massage yesterday and we ended up having a happy ending. :D

You did mention living a more exciting life before, with business and travel and you also mentioned her not feeling good about herself.
Could it be that she's a bit bored with life as is?

Becoming a parent does make you look at your role in life differently and leaving your work role/profession behind at the same, even more so.
As much as work can suck, there is often achievement, contact with others, inspiration etc.

If she is starting up a business, perhaps there are other people in that field she could make contact with to get the inspiration collegues do bring (even if it's mostly murder plots sometimes).
Networking with other home schoolers might be another possibility to find that kind of thing and some of the structure and perspective working together with others can bring.
 
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