Building my subs confidence

[SandSweetP]

I met my partner 6 months ago on a BDSM dating site. To be honest we were both bored and were just looking around but as we got talking we realised we had so much in common so started dating. As we really got to know each other we fell in love, really wasn't looking for that lol but it happened. Now as a her Dom it wouldn't have bothered me telling her my desires but as we were much more than Dom and sub it was difficult at first to tell her my fantasy of sharing her with other people. I have always had the hotwife fantasy and it's not going away. At first it was a definite no that's not going to happen but then she admitted it was because she has no confidence. I had to paddle her arse once for calling herself fat and ugly. To me she is beautiful and any man would be lucky to fuck her. She has started asking me about my fantasies and what I would like to do to her with another guy.
She has had Doms before that were just bullies and this caused her to step away from BDSM for a while. I am a believer in building up your sub and pushing their boundaries but in a safe way. she trusts me and is following my lead.
I have bought her lots of sexy underwear and I am going to be taking photos of her and sharing them, then hopefully she gets lots of nice comments from people. we are also going to a swinger club next week, where I can show her off. No plans to do anything but chill out and enjoy the atmosphere (for now). She is nervous but also excited for this. I have also got her to register on a site for hotwifes so she can ask questions about that lifestyle too.
Has anyone here had a sub that wasn't confident and you built them up?

Thanks
Steve

 

[magic_rat]

You build a sub's confidence by gaining their trust. And knowing which of their buttons to press. That doesn't happen overnight and if you don't have that after 6 months, she may not be with the right person.

Dressing her up in lingerie and putting her on display probably won't do it and frankly it feels like you want 2 different relationships; one where she's your sub who you can paddle now and again and one where she's a hotwife, effectively taking the lead.

If it were me (and luckily for me I'm in an ENM relationship with a woman I both share and dom) I'd take her to a dungeon. Strap her to a cross or bench or whatever your furniture of choice is. Do your normal dom/sub thing, but in front of others. Don't invite anyone to participate but allow her to be naked/partially clad/however you usually are at home, but so others can look and appreciate.

Over time that may escalate to allowing another man to dom or co-dom. She may at some point allow that to become sexual. It may become part of her duties that she submits to cocks of your choosing, rather than just your cock.

If you're really a Dom you should be able to work this out. In 6 months you should know your sub's mind inside-out. And you have to consider that maybe it's just not something she wants to do.

 

[SandSweetP]

Thanks for the reply.
she does have trust in me which is why she wants to take pics and go to a club with me and we have talked about doing both of these things (bdsm/hotwife stuff)together. As for knowing my subs mind inside out in six months, I know people who have known each other years and are still discovering things about each other. Also if it wasn't something she definitely didn't want to do she would have told me.
I know what I am doing as I do know my sub and she trusts me implicitly.
I am simply asking how other Doms have improved their subs confidence.

 

[magic_rat]

See my first sentence.

 

[base10]

Compliments and reassurance that when she is submitting how you want, it is acknowledged. You are a team, and her submission is part of the team, not you just putting her beneath you.

And aftercare - if you are going to take her down into a dark place of submission, you need to bring her back up after. If she started bubbly and smiling, the session isn't over until she is back to that place. Holding her in your arms after and giving her soft kisses is as important as the restraints and the smacks

 

[SandSweetP]

Great reply, she gets lots of after care

 

[subbyclarajane]

You build a sub's confidence by gaining their trust. And knowing which of their buttons to press. That doesn't happen overnight and if you don't have that after 6 months, she may not be with the right person.

Dressing her up in lingerie and putting her on display probably won't do it and frankly it feels like you want 2 different relationships; one where she's your sub who you can paddle now and again and one where she's a hotwife, effectively taking the lead.

If it were me (and luckily for me I'm in an ENM relationship with a woman I both share and dom) I'd take her to a dungeon. Strap her to a cross or bench or whatever your furniture of choice is. Do your normal dom/sub thing, but in front of others. Don't invite anyone to participate but allow her to be naked/partially clad/however you usually are at home, but so others can look and appreciate.

Over time that may escalate to allowing another man to dom or co-dom. She may at some point allow that to become sexual. It may become part of her duties that she submits to cocks of your choosing, rather than just your cock.

If you're really a Dom you should be able to work this out. In 6 months you should know your sub's mind inside-out. And you have to consider that maybe it's just not something she wants to do.

This is fascinating. I’m on the receiving end of this. I feel completely incapable of being with anyone but my domme. The idea of being dominated in front of strangers but with zero touching by those strangers has just made my heart thunder. I’ll need to share this… she finds the idea of watching someone fuck me as an act of submission an unattainable fantasy. I’m demisexual and it makes me want to throw up to REALLY have sex with someone else, but as an act of submission?… I mean… FWIW, this sounds like it would work.

 

[SandSweetP]

We have been talking about this and we are talking to a guy she seems to like. They have both swapped naked pics (with my permission) so we seem to be on the right track. I talk to the guy on my own too so he knows what we want and doesn't over step our bounderies.

 

[NCWSLvr]

Sort of - my wife was worried she wouldn’t be attractive enough or desired by others, despite what I said. It was my desire and hers for her to be used by other men - we are a stag/vixen relationship. So, lots of encouraging, leaning on her praise kink. Got her to gloryholes, then after that parading her around ABS’s, then playing in booths with others, then being fucked in a private room, then on to hotels. Got more confident with each encounter - emboldened with her sexuality with each encounter.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Some people have tried it with me. If you want to be used as a sub it's great, but get a Dom/me who'll watch your back.