Can you help me make some sense into what just happen?

[nikkifromny]

In a bit of irony I also met my current wife online. We both lived clear accross the country from each other, met online by a kind of weird coincidence, and became online and phone "penpals". We knew because of the distance that "dating" wasn't realistic so we were just friends who told each other and asked each other advice about our love lives, etc. Due to this kind of relationship we never exchanged pictures. This went on for a while until fate gave us the opportunity to meet in person. We still didn't exchange pictures and we met in person at a restaurant. Neither one of us really cared if the other was fat and ugly because there was no intention of dating at all. When we met sparks flew, music played, fireworks went off, things fell into place, and we have been married now for over 10 years.

An 'Awwww' from me too . So adorable! Is this written up as a story yet?

--Nikki

 

[mellowyellows]

I think it's entirely possible he was more attracted to the "online" you that he built in his head than to who you really are IRL. Perhaps he was too embarrassed to tell you so face to face and decided to fake it until you were no longer there.

I think for your own peace of mind, you should attempt to talk to him and see what he has to say for himself. If he's uncommunicative, I think you have no other choice but to chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Easier said than done, I know. I'm sorry you are hurting this way. Be gentle with yourself in the coming days, ok?

I agree with Bailadora.......There is nothing wrong with your attractiveness...the online world can just kinda be screwed up sometimes. Don't take it personal. You are beautiful

 

[Karal]

I think it's entirely possible he was more attracted to the "online" you that he built in his head than to who you really are IRL. Perhaps he was too embarrassed to tell you so face to face and decided to fake it until you were no longer there.

I think for your own peace of mind, you should attempt to talk to him and see what he has to say for himself. If he's uncommunicative, I think you have no other choice but to chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Easier said than done, I know. I'm sorry you are hurting this way. Be gentle with yourself in the coming days, ok?

Quoting this for truth. Bailadora hit it on the head IMO.

I won't lie..There have been a couple of times I've built up my image of someone I've known online into something that was greater than the person when I actually met them. This inevitably results in disappointment. In one of the two cases, I went to great lengths to politely detach myself from the person, and we parted on peaceful terms. The other time it occurred, the other person had done the same as I had, and we laughed about it over dinner and went our separate ways the next day never to meet again.

It happens, and all too frequently I think with what the Internet can do now.

I wish you the best of luck with this and hope you can find peace and closure.

 

[Natasha007]

help

Sweetheart- if he can't man up then move on you deserve better then that. Stop second guessing your body and your looks. Embrace the beautiful person you are. Did you ever think perhaps he has another part of his life that he didn't tell you about? Perhaps finally meeting pushed him over the edge and into the guilt zone. Sometimes it is easier to think of what we might do rather than actually following through.

My advice- pick up move on and love yourself otherwise no one ever will.

 

[Capt_Morgan]

For whatever reason there just wasn't a connection. The other unfortunate thing is you lost a friend.

If you miss the friendship, you could always send him a message saying something like, "hey too bad things didn't work out but that's the way things go sometimes. It would be great if we could just be friends, I really miss hanging out with you online". Leave it at that and see what happens.

In the future perhaps a good way to handle any first time meet is to agree to meet first as friends. No matter what has been said online, voice chat or what ever. Agree to meet as friends. If there is a connection then cool. If not, at least you can still be friends.

If you are flying to meet him/her then make sure there are plans to sleep in a separate room or at least beds...like friends would do.

Good luck

 

[Eilan]

For whatever reason there just wasn't a connection. The other unfortunate thing is you lost a friend.

If you miss the friendship, you could always send him a message saying something like, "hey too bad things didn't work out but that's the way things go sometimes. It would be great if we could just be friends, I really miss hanging out with you online". Leave it at that and see what happens.

In the future perhaps a good way to handle any first time meet is to agree to meet first as friends. No matter what has been said online, voice chat or what ever. Agree to meet as friends. If there is a connection then cool. If not, at least you can still be friends.

If you are flying to meet him/her then make sure there are plans to sleep in a separate room or at least beds...like friends would do.

Good luck

I agree with most of what you said, but regarding the part of your post that I bolded? Fuck that. This douchecanoe doesn't deserve the OP's friendship.

 

[bailadora]

I agree with most of what you said, but regarding the part of your post that I bolded? Fuck that. This douchecanoe doesn't deserve the OP's friendship.

What she said. If the dude lacks the cojones to be honest with her, he doesn't deserve any kind of relationship with her.

 

[Capt_Morgan]

I think it's too soon to put the guy in douche nozzle category.

He freaked out over something and then didn't handle it well.
It's not like he was abusive or mean.

Here are the mentioned possibilities for the freak out (posted from others)
1) He's married
2) He's some kind of player and just wanted to hit it
3) He's kind of messed up (for some reason) with a history of performance anxiety.

Granted, none of the above possibilities really make for good boyfriend material. However, if it's #3 he deserves another shot at friendship.

I'm not saying you guys are wrong. It's just that I don't think you throw away a two year relationship just because you tried to take it to the next level and it didn't work out.

If she befriends him and he is receptive, then most likely she will eventually find out what happened.

 

[SweetErika]

I think it's too soon to put the guy in douche nozzle category.

He freaked out over something and then didn't handle it well.
It's not like he was abusive or mean.

Here are the mentioned possibilities for the freak out (posted from others)
1) He's married
2) He's some kind of player and just wanted to hit it
3) He's kind of messed up (for some reason) with a history of performance anxiety.

Granted, none of the above possibilities really make for good boyfriend material. However, if it's #3 he deserves another shot at friendship.

I'm not saying you guys are wrong. It's just that I don't think you throw away a two year relationship just because you tried to take it to the next level and it didn't work out.

If she befriends him and he is receptive, then most likely she will eventually find out what happened.

Their "two year relationship" means she automatically deserves a truthful explanation in my book. She shouldn't have to spend more time and effort to get that from him if they were really friends or he cared about her. If he was worth her time, effort and friendship, and he actually cared for her, he would have been honest, or at the very least let it die down gradually or provided some kind of viable explanation.

And I don't think any of the three options bode well for even a friendship down the road. He's a liar and/or a screwball who can't handle typical situations in a semi-mature way. Neither of those say 'he is likely still worth my time' to me; what happens the next time he has to tell the truth or deal with something that's kind of difficult or embarrassing?

I see what you're saying, and generally agree with second chances, but I also believe we have to cut our losses with some people when it's unhealthy to keep putting effort into them/the relationships. And this certainly sounds like one of those people/relationships--and the healthiest route for someone with such low self-esteem to go. The risk of the OP getting reeled back into an unhealthy situation is very high compared to the odds of her getting "rewarded" with the truth over why he dumped her suddenly.

At any rate, the OP hasn't responded to any of our posts, so our suppositions are likely just that.

 

[Capt_Morgan]

I do agree that she deserved more from a two year friendship. Also, that friendship didn't mean that much to him if he was willing to let it go so easily.

Maybe you guys are right and she should just let it go.

I just get the feeling there is more to this, but since she hasn't replied and we will never get his side, I guess we will never know.

 

[jjdd]

Well, it sounds like you have plenty of good advice but I'm gonna throw my 2 cents in. I recently met a guy online and we talked for several weeks almost everyday. He is a good guy and I like him on paper. But, when we met in person, I just didn't feel any chemistry.
So, maybe this guy that you met just didn't feel any real spark and the affection he was giving you was more because he felt that he had to since you were already there. I wouldn't beat yourself up. Chemistry is something that is either there or not. It's biological and you will find it with someone. And enough of this "I'm not pretty" attitude! I'm sure you're beautiful and you need to learn to love your self. Good luck and keep your chin up!!