LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Chaotic Coffee Klatch (tea also available)

  • I found a wooden shoe in my toilet — it was clogged.
  • If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
  • I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa.
  • I only know 25 letters of the alphabet — I just don't know y.
  • My dream job is to clean mirrors, because I can really see myself doing that.
  • I lost 25% of my roof last night...oof.
  • RIP, boiling water. You will be mist.
  • Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
  • Two peanuts went walking down the street. One was assaulted.
  • I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!
  • I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.
 
  • We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.
  • I'm reading an anti-gravity book, and I just can't put it down!
  • At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.
  • My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest.
  • I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.
  • I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them.
  • My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
  • Every night, I have hard time remembering something, but then it dawns on me.
  • The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
  • I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but geometry is where I draw the line.
 
  • was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
  • Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they're making headlines!
  • My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.
  • I was once a personal trainer, until I gave a too-weak notice.
  • I just paid $100 for a belt that doesn’t fit — what a huge waist!
  • I finally watched that documentary on clocks. It was about time.
  • Bigfoot is sometimes confused for Sasquatch — Yeti never complains.
  • Your mom and I let astrology get between us. It just Taurus apart.
  • A guy walked into a bar, and lost the limbo contest.
  • I wanted to eat a watch for lunch, but it was too time-consuming.
  • I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know what comes first.
  • It’s raining cats and dogs, so be careful not to step in a poodle.
  • I decided to sell the vacuum cleaner — it was just gathering dust!
  • My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
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  • Mom says I have no sense of direction, so I packed my bags and right.
  • If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
  • Mom is mad at me because she asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it in the ocean.
  • I'd avoid the sushi if I were you — it's a little fishy!
  • I can tell when you're lying just by looking at you. I can also tell when you're standing.
  • I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.
  • Mom asked me to put ketchup on the grocery list, and now I can't read what else is on it.
  • Can anyone tell me what oblivious means, because I have no idea.
  • My friend couldn't pay his water bill, so I sent him a "get well soon" card
  • Does anybody know where a dad can find a person to talk to and hang out with? Asking for a friend.
  • Lance isn't that common a name these days, but in medieval times, kids were called lance-a-lot.
  • After dinner Mom asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.
  • I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.
  • I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs.
  • I bought a thesaurus and it’s terrible — not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  • I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went… then it dawned on me
  • I have a joke about putting in a light bulb, but I'm afraid I'll screw it up.
  • I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it’ll get a reaction.
  • I have a joke about banking, but I lost interest.
  • I had a joke about boxing, but I missed the punch line.
  • I have a joke about cows, but I don't want to milk it.
  • I have a joke about kites, but it would just sail over your head.
  • I have a scary joke about math, but I'm 2² to say it.
  • I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
  • I have a joke about time travel, but you guys didn’t get it.
  • I have a joke about being an electrician, but it’s too shocking.
  • I have a joke about hunting for fossils, but you probably wouldn’t dig it.
  • I have a joke about a broken pencil, but it’s pointless.
  • I have a joke about the flu, but I hope you don’t get it.
  • I have a joke about statistics, but it’s not significant.
  • I have a joke about pizza, but it’s too cheesy.
  • I have a joke about immortality, and it never gets old.
  • I have a joke about paper, but it’s tearable.
  • I have a joke about trickle-down economics, but 99% of you will never get it.
  • I have a joke about drilling, but it’s boring.
  • I have a joke about being a rejected organ donor, but I just don't have the guts to tell it.
  • I had a joke about canned juice, but I couldn't concentrate.
  • I have a few jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
  • I have a joke about a broken clock, but it’s not the right time.
  • I have a joke about nepotism, but I'll only give it to my kids.
  • I have a joke about butter, but I’m not going to spread it.
  • I have a joke about a roof, but it would just go over your head.
  • I have a joke about inferiority complexes, but it’s not very
Q: What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance?
A: Lady Ba Ba!
Q: Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
A: She had bad blood!
Q: How come the Hulk doesn't lose his pants when he transforms?
A: The experiment altered his jeans!


Q: What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath?
A: Bubble 07!
Q: What's E.T. short for?
A: Because he's only got tiny legs!
Q: What concert costs just 45 cents?
A: 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s email password?
A: 1Forrest1
Q: What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
A: He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints!
Q: How does Darth Vader like his toast?
A: On the dark side!
Q: Why won't Apple start making cars?
A: They wouldn't support windows!
Q: Why does Marvel advertise The Hulk the most?
A: Because he's basically one big Banner!
Q: What type of coordination was Whitney Houston most famous for?
A: “Hand eeeeyeeeeee!"
Q: What do you say when Dwayne Johnson buys something to cut with?
A: Rock pay-for scissors!
  • People are surprised that I have a Police record, but I love “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.”
  • My daughter asked me to stop singing 'Wonderwall." I said maybe.
  • To the person stole my laptop with my copy of Microsoft Office on it: I will find you. You have my Word!
  • To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you. I have contacts.
  • To the person who stole my place in line: I’m after you now.
  • To the person who stole my limbo stick: That was a new low.
  • To the person who stole my dictionary: I have no words.
  • To the person who stole my bed: I won't rest until I find you.
  • To the person who stole my depression medication: I hope you're happy now.
  • To the person who stole my case of energy drinks: I hope you can't sleep at night.
  • To the person who stole my power steering: I just can't handle it.
  • To the person who stole my diary and then died: My thoughts
  • I'm so excited about the amateur autopsy club I just joined. Tuesday is open Mike night!
  • Once I was kidnapped by mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
  • I got so excited that spring is here that I wet my plants.
  • I asked my wife if I was the only one she’d been with. She said yes, all the rest had been nines and tens.
  • I believe that protection should be used at every i
  • My wife turned to me and said, "What starts with F and ends with K?" and I said, "No it doesn't."
 
Guffawlin said:
Hey I have one of those! Plus 3 GSDs! Does that mean I get to participate?
Click to expand...
OMG I love GSDs, I get to cuddle with two very soon. People that own GSDs have free reign to do as they please :cool:

Deadbed1968 said:
We certainly caught shade from @Cindy027 !
Click to expand...
Well, from my knowledge, you don't own GSDs 🤷‍♀️

And... why?????? 😱 Where you not hugged enough as children?
 
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