Children raised by gay parents

[Luna_Wolf72]

Re: Re: Q, this one's for you.

To further the discussion, I'd like to ask you, and other parents, to what extend you try to bring other gender influences into your child's life and how you go about it.

Single mother...(poly-amorous 'nuff said)

Just stumbled across this thread and read through it.

My answer tis quite simple. My children's father is involved in their lives. None of my children were planned, yet I have them and take care of them. I love them and aspire to give them all as close to a *normal* family life as possible (which includes having a mother and a father...at least to my way of thinking)

This works out well in my case as none of my children are without the other gender influence and yet they still get to see mommy in healthy relationships (with my partners of choice) whether that relationship be with my lady or their father.

It isn't nearly as cut and dried as I make it sound and yet I have managed to raise 3 children (with their daddy's help) with nary a sexual hang-up and very little prejudice..which to my way of thinking means more than having a strictly traditional household.

(Not even attempting to say that my way is better or worse, just different. Yet it works for me and mine, which is all that matters)

Luna

 

[P. B. Walker]

Someone said to me recently that he didn't believe children should be raised by gay parents (two gay people in a relationship).

He didn't give me a reason for it, just thought it was wrong.

Now, I know a couple people who were raised by gay and lesbian parents. They are some of the most well-rounded people Iknow. I think they're just fantastic, and I love their parents to pieces. And they have no complaints. They always had all the good male and female influences they needed, and have nothing bad to say about it...

What do you think?

Was this question meant only for same-sex parents? or would a lesbian mother and a gay father also qualify?

 

[ExplicitAngel]

Ok, I'm speaking from the child's point of view here, it's really hard being a child where there is one mum, mum's lover/partner and no dads (my father wasn't in the picture at all). I guess I can't compare it to what its like to have a mum and a dad, I'm sure they have their issues too.

As a young child I had friends who I'd introduce to my mum's lover, and she'd be introduced as my mum's friend. Of course, eventually the issue came up as to where my mum's friend slept, embarrassing, to say the least.

And it was always akward making new friends. What do you say when they ask you about your mum and dad? Saying you have no dad is the easy bit, trying to slip in your mum's partner, not so easy.

When I hit high school, when image meant the most to me, I lived in dread the day when it would come up and bite me in the arse.

Later on, when all my friends knew, and I was completely comfortable, my mum went and found herself...*gasp* .... a man! So, apparently she is bi, which is great in this new age, but now I have to try to explain to people that my mum has a fiance, and yes, she was a lesbian, and no, she is obviously not one now.

Another downside, is I completely didn't know how to relate to men, not most men anyway. I remember being so shocked I was speechless when at 12 I made a new friend and went to her place afterschool and met her dad. He drank beer (!), had a calendar on the wall with a chick in a bikini sprawled over a motorcyle, and yelled 'hooteers!' at the tv when Baywatch came one.

I guess children still have problems and insecurities whether they have a mom and a dad, a mom and a mom, or a dad and dad.

My mum is the best, she was always the funnest (as in, most fun) mum when I was a kid (she was younger than a lot of other mums), she would let us play out in the rain (wearing raincoats of course). My mum's partners (there were two as I was growing up) were generally pretty great, but didn't really take on parenting roles.

I don't know if there really is a moral to the story. I'm a quite normal/well adjusted person as a grown up (*grins*) and am doing well in life. I'm also not saying that gay/lesbian people shouldn't have children, just, that there is an impact on the children resulting from their relationship, in a way that usually doesn't affect other children.

 

[evesdream]

I come from good lesbian stock, myself.

 

[Stefani]

I'm a TS and have raised my son on my own. I used to get sick of hearing my parents giving me crap like, "What is it going to do to your boy, your behaving that way?"

The ironic thing is, my son is more well-adjusted, and has better manners than any of his cousins, who were all raised in straight households.

If anything, I think my having gay, lesbian, black, latino, and transgendered friends has helped to make my son an extremely open-minded individual. Which I also think has rubbed off on his friends. I also think it's very cool that none of Zach's friends' parents ever forbid them to come over to our house, or sleep over, because I'm a transsexual. Quite the opposite, our house is actually the hangout for my son and all his friends.

One thing Zach did say to me when he was growing up, when he was about 13 or 14, he said, "Look, I don't care what you do - how you dress - or who you go out with = just don't embarrass me in front of my friends." Which I never forgot. And have always been very mindful of.

One of the things I admire about Zach is, I dated a black man for 5 years named Kevin. After we broke up, and I started dating other people, whenever Zach would meet them, he would always say, "They're okay, but I think you should get Kevin back." He always liked Kevin, and Zach is completely straight. Just thought it was cool that he could voice an opinion like that.

 

[silverwhisper]

ms lilith: i think that whoever said that to you is just being homophobic.

there's no documentable reason to assume that the children of gay couples suffer in any way vis a vis the children of straight couples. none whatsoever. there've been a few small studies but none large enough to constitute an adequate sampling.

if people want to raise children and go through the expensive and time-consuming process that adoption or surrogacy represent, i say let them.

ed

 

[milman]

I don't know any adult children of gay parentage, but I do know two that are still children, the oldest being in 5th grade. They are both brats , but I don't blame that on their parents being gay as so much as their parents being extremist liberals, ( to an insufferable degree), and they children are growing up just like Moms, disrespectful of anyone and everyone that disagree's with them about anything at all. I feel sorry for their teachers. Kid smarts off, and at the conference, Mom supports child for smarting off. Thats just bad parenting.