Claymore and Dagger (closed)

[heartofcourage]

"Gaiann, I don't know how to help him. Nothing that I do seems to register." Fiona said softly.

 

[KieranSoares]

"He has to help himself, Fiona. Your Samuel is broken thanks to his own self-inflicted guilt and huge expectations. While your love helps, the mending is up to him."

 

[heartofcourage]

"Do you think he really will marry me?" Fiona asked, slightly afraid of the answer to that. "He swore that he wanted to marry me. Not just mate with me, but make me his."

 

[KieranSoares]

"He loves you more than anyone he ever has before. But it is difficult to love completely when you don't love yourself." Gaiann sighed at that. "Sam has always been hard on himself to say the least."

 

[heartofcourage]

"I don't know if that's good enough for me." Fiona said softly. "I've seen true love. I've seen love lead to terrible things. I simply want someone to be free with me."

 

[KieranSoares]

"Then I'm afraid you have picked out quite the challenge, not to mention a Prince and a General." Gaiann wanted to be supportive, but he also wanted to be realistic.

 

[heartofcourage]

"It's not like I can tell my heart what to do." Fiona said softly, knowing that she was looking at a hard fight to keep Sam happy.

 

[KieranSoares]

"Take care of yourself if nothing else, little one. Sam must learn to do the same. There is a part of him that is still a guilty, terrified little boy, one that must learn to forgive himself and grow up sometime."

 

[heartofcourage]

Fiona said nothing to that as they continued in their journey. After she had delivered the paperwork and they had returned back to Glasgow, she excused herself to her rooms for some privacy. Once she was secluded, she allowed herself to break down. Curled in front of the fire, she sobbed at the way her life had so suddenly turned off a very sure path. Now she wasn't sure of anything, especially where she stood with Sam. It made her ache in the worst way imaginable.

 

[KieranSoares]

It wasn't until she had just begun to calm down that Sam stepped in. It was late evening and he had done all he could for the day and been sent off by Marlisa to rest. He paused when he saw Fiona, but then quickly tried to busy himself with hanging up his uniform and light armor.

 

[heartofcourage]

Fiona glanced at Sam as he stepped into the room, her tears dried but her face still a miserable mess. She let out a sigh, knowing that they had to talk to one another sooner or later.

"Did you eat dinner?" Fiona asked softly, unsure of what else to say to him in that moment.

 

[KieranSoares]

"I did," he murmured in return. Glancing over to see her clearly red eyes and the miserable look on her face, he left aside his distraction to come to her side. No matter what passed between them, Sam was always drawn in to help her when she was so upset.

He knelt beside her, lifting a hand to her cheek. It seemed something had calmed him in her absence. "... Yer cryin' because o' me, aren't you...?"

 

[heartofcourage]

Fiona wanted to tell him no, but she couldn't ever lie to him. She slowly nodded, not trusting her voice to work in that moment. She knew that he cared about her. He wouldn't be there, trying to figure out what was wrong if he didn't love her. It was just difficult to see him struggle with things that should have been so simple.

 

[KieranSoares]

Sam remained kneeling before her, eventually laying his head in her lap. "I'm headed 'ome in the morning..." He didn't speak as if he was leaving her, but rather that he wasn't going to order her to follow. "I... I saw somethin' in myself today tha' scared me... Somethin' I've heard in stories about my grandfather... I need my Da an' my aunts an' uncles. I... I think I'm turnin' into Tamblin."

 

[heartofcourage]

"Do you want me to go home with you?" Fiona asked, knowing that he could tell her to stay.

She knew that he had to figure things out on his own, and the truth was that she wasn't sure where she fit into his life any longer. She loved him dearly and would have moved the heavens for him if he asked, but right then, Samuel Ghis wasn't the same man that she had fallen in love with and promised to marry.

 

[KieranSoares]

"No matter what we argue about or how often... Havin' you around keeps me grounded. I... At least til we get back, I don' want t'go far from you... I'm scared I'll hurt someone 'r do somethin' awful... I almost did today."

 

[heartofcourage]

"Sam, you aren't your grandfather." Fiona said softly as he confessed that he had almost hurt someone. "You are your own man. You have your own demons, your own wants, your own loves. You will never be your grandfather unless you let yourself be like him."

She slowly lifted his head from her lap to look him in the eye, her blue gaze full of hurt and sorrow. "I've seen how love can damage a soul beyond repair. I...want the kind of love that I've always heard about in fairy tales. I know it's foolish but ever since I was a little girl, it's what I've hoped for. I've learned that what I really need is someone that can love me without hesitation."

She paused as she said that, letting out a long sigh as tears formed in her blue eyes again. "I don't know if you can ever be that person, Sam. As much as I wish you could be, it seems impossible. I don't know what to do."

 

[KieranSoares]

Sam's gaze fell as she spoke those words. "Then... Maybe it's best not to put yer bets on me anymore... If things change, maybe it'll work... But I don' want t'make you wait fer me..."

 

[heartofcourage]

"Would you fight for me, Sam?" Fiona asked softly. "Do you still want to marry me?"

She stared into his green eyes, her heart racing so quickly as she waited to hear what he would say. She loved him deeply, but if his heart wasn't completely in their relationship, it would be the end for the both of them.

 

[KieranSoares]

Sam didn't have to hesitate, murmuring, "Yer th' only person I've ever wanted... An' we've been through so much already..."

 

[heartofcourage]

"Then tell me what I need to hear, Sam." Fiona practically begged him, tears falling down her cheeks.

 

[KieranSoares]

"We'll make it... I'll get better. Somehow..." Sam laid his head in her lap once more. He didn't know what else he could truly say.

 

[heartofcourage]

Fiona stayed with Sam all that evening and even the next day, she rode on Gaiann with him, scared that he might do something drastic as they made their way back to Inverness. He needed his family and she needed someone to help her with the dark mood that seemed to have settled over Sam. When they finally made it home, Julia and Brogan were there to meet them.

"Welcome home, love." Julia said softly, kissing her son's cheek before she saw the look on both Fiona and Sam's features. "Come inside and have a meal. You can meet little Brogan. He's been screaming in the great hall, demanding that his ma stop what she's doing to feed him."

Julia wrapped her arm around Sam's waist, feeling that he needed her support in that moment. Fiona hung back slightly, the sounds of a screaming infant reaching their ears as the doors opened and they were ushered inside.

Kate struggled to eat her lunch, glancing at her son from time to time as he shrieked and let his displeasure be known. Kell had gone off to attend to business, leaving her to tend to Brogan for the first time since he was born. The baby seemed entirely displeased about something just then, his stressed mother trying her hardest to help him.

 

[KieranSoares]

Brogan welcomed Fiona with an embrace and welcomed her along, but as they entered the great hall he broke away to go to Kate and his grandson. Kate and Kell had been struggling, the little boy sickly and taking a long time to get better. Mariko had insisted he was recovering, but it'd be a slow process. And once Gallus was set, Mariko would return to check on little Brogan again.

As Sam was guided over, he leaned down to kiss Kate's cheek before looking to the infant. "I see yer already gettin' payback fer yer childhood."

 

[heartofcourage]

"Just let him cry, Da. I've done all I can for him. He's fed, he's dry, and he's warm." Kate said as Brogan appeared to help her with the infant. "Don't you dare start with me, Sam. It's bad enough that you went off to Edinburgh and missed everything."

She kissed her brother's cheek in return, sighing as she finally pushed away her half eaten lunch and picked the cub up. "What is the matter, little one? You've hardly made a fuss this entire time and now you're screaming loud enough to raise the dead."

She cuddled him close, sighing as he clung to her, his ears folded back tightly against his head as the crying slowly stopped. It seemed that the tiny prince simply wanted to be held by his already frazzled mother.

"Qira? Would you go and see if there are any messages for me?" Kate asked of her bodyguard, depending more on him now that Kell was gone.