"Coming out" to a 9 year old.

[Anniejustagirl]

So far we are just carrying on, but introducing the concept of same sex relationships. So, on Friday night when we were playing the board game "Life", when it was time to marry I announced I was going to marry my girlfriend and put a second pink peg in my car.

I love this... it's all about exposure... and what is more real for a nine-yr-old than a reality based game of Life?! Excellent, Lez!

My daughter was older when i came out to her, but then, i was a late bloomer myself. KJ was nearly 15 when i said it out loud to her. Thing was... she and her friends had been discussing it and speculating for years. They picked up on my stereotypical tomboy cues, but they were still correct. I was into more masculine dress... doing my own car and cycle work... 'tomboy' stuff.

Looking back i know that i was a born dyke, but my religious upbringing scared the bejesus out of me and kept me in the closet for far too long. In my case... i was very lucky. My daughter absolutely loved the fact that i was a dyke. It 'fit' me and she knew it and was much happier with my happiness.

Good luck, Lez... you are so on the right track... and knowing how honest and open you are... i have every faith in you and your gel doing this the way it needs to be done for both of you and her son! *HUGZZZZZZZZZZ*

 

[playwithlezli]

I love this... it's all about exposure... and what is more real for a nine-yr-old than a reality based game of Life?! Excellent, Lez!

My daughter was older when i came out to her, but then, i was a late bloomer myself. KJ was nearly 15 when i said it out loud to her. Thing was... she and her friends had been discussing it and speculating for years. They picked up on my stereotypical tomboy cues, but they were still correct. I was into more masculine dress... doing my own car and cycle work... 'tomboy' stuff.

Looking back i know that i was a born dyke, but my religious upbringing scared the bejesus out of me and kept me in the closet for far too long. In my case... i was very lucky. My daughter absolutely loved the fact that i was a dyke. It 'fit' me and she knew it and was much happier with my happiness.

Good luck, Lez... you are so on the right track... and knowing how honest and open you are... i have every faith in you and your gel doing this the way it needs to be done for both of you and her son! *HUGZZZZZZZZZZ*

Thanks Annie! It helps to have the friends (and role models) I have met here.

As to your religious upbringing, may I provide the folllowing ammunition, in case it comes up again,

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

Keep smiling!

 

[CuriousNiceGuy]

OMFG Ahahahhahhahahhahahhahahhaha that was so funny!!! XD
Sarcasm rulez

 

[neonflux]

Hey Lezli, sorry I didn't get here earlier... And I apologize if others have already suggested this and I missed it... May I suggest by beginning with the fact that you love each other. Let him ask the questions from there. And books can help - expecially young people's literature that is story driven, so that he won't feel so alone. A place to start:

Love you

Neon

http://www.amazon.com/Lesbian-Gay-V...f=sr_1_55/002-2122672-4883211?ie=UTF8&s=books

Hey everyone!

We are a female same sex couple, looking for input on talking with a 9 year old boy about his mom having a girlfriend.

He is bright and sensitive, and we already are fairly obvious with our care for each other. As of yet, we have put no names, labels or qualifiers on what we share, but feel it is time to have an open discussion about our relationship.

At some point, we feel it may be prudent to discuss what other people may say or teasing he may be subject to.

Any input from your own thoughts or experiences would be appreciated. If you are not comfortable posting, feel free to PM me.

Thanks in advance all, I look forward, as always to your thoughtful responses.

Lezli

 

[chromefreak]

Interesting how he's so against homosexuality ... yet is prowling the GLBT board.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Hell, I'd fuck him...If for no other reason than to brag about it here. Oh...And post pics, of course!

 

[BosozokuX]

My opinion, homosexuals should not keep kids. It's just wrong...unless you're trying for some cures to change your gayness.

George

you really are a fucktard aren't you? you mean you would rather leave normally parentless kids in "the system" then have them raised in a happy healthy home by 2 men or two women? maybe thats the problem with our goverment, the zelots and fundies are slipping into the cracks all over the place.too bad this is amercia, i would be the first to vote for a candidate who sponsored a pogrom of all neo cons and fundies.

 

[FastFastr]

When my daughter asked what "gay" meant (after hearing gay marriage mentioned on the radio) I answered "the mom and I love each other, grandma and grandpa love each other, aunt _ and uncle _ love each other, sometimes a girl loves a girl or a boy loves a boy.

No sexual descriptions, no value judgements. She said "ok" followed by "can I go watch a video."

Answer what they ask and nothing more. No need do discuss sex, just as you wouldn't share your hetro sex life if you were a male/female couple.

 

[playwithlezli]

Well, we still haven't come out as a couple to her son, but I did come out as a lesbian to him.

We were sitting in a restaurant and a toddler nearby was crying and fussing. C and I both said we were glad we were past that stage in our life and that while we loved the kids we had, we sure didn't want to make more babies.

At that point I said I didn't have to worry anymore about getting pregnant seeing as I liked kissing girls better than I liked kissing boys.

E's eyes got a little bigger for a moment. Then we talked about which was our favourite movie at the film festival.

 

[Wolfman1982]

playwithlezli: I think he will add 1 and 1 together now, and in some ways know. That C and you are together.

So that is a great thing, at least now he knows you are a lesbian.

 

[playwithlezli]

playwithlezli: I think he will add 1 and 1 together now, and in some ways know. That C and you are together.

So that is a great thing, at least now he knows you are a lesbian.

Thats what I figure-and as we spend 90% of our time together, and my daughter has sleepovers at C's house sometimes now too-well, I don't think too many words will be required!

 

[Xelebes]

Being 9 years old was only 12 years ago for me, so let me have a stab at this for this hypothetical.

Probably the thoughts going through my head at the time if it were the case... "Hm, my mom is pretty good friends with this woman or something. They sometimes kiss and stuff..."

In other words, it would actually be a lot like heterosexual couples.

 

[HeavenCanWait]

Deeply saddened

Reading Tough Neocon's post has really saddened me,

I somehow expected Lit to be one of the few places where one could escape this kind of backward, hateful expression.

I'm sexual. And when I find Mr / or Mrs right, I will have kids. And those kids will be loved and nurtured. my only wish for my future children is that they don't grow up to be as hateful as you Neo.

 

[playwithlezli]

Well, finally we got to tell him.

Our plan was to say something at supper on Saturday, but he was so cranky during the day, we almost didn't.

But as he is generally cheery when he has eaten, we decided to forg ahead. C said "E, you know how Lezli said she likes to kiss girls, well, so do I. I really like her, in fact she is my girlfriend. She's already been spending a lot of time here, so, not really anything much is going to change. What do you think about that?"

At which point, he giggled, then said "so".

We then said if he had questions, now or later, he could talk to either of us. Or to his dad, cuz he knew too. Lots of people knew, it wasn't a secret. He giggled again. Then he ate more pizza.

He was much cheerier immediately and all day today. He even did his underwear dance in front of me, and put his hand on my back for a minute while we watched tv.

We aren't 100% sure why he was kinda cranky before, then cheered up, but maybe he sensed we had something we weren't telling him and was relieved when we did. Don't know exactly but we are sure happy that it went well!

In fact, we are so happy, we are gay! (ok, bad pun, but hey.....)

 

[The Neon Wolf]

Lezli I'll raise my half full mug of whatever the hell I'm drinking at the moment in celebration to everything being fine. Congrats!

My god I'm wired...

Hey Neocon, I'd love to chime in and illustrate free speach and hatemongering are two very different subjects, blah blah blah, but honestly I'm kinda hyper and think my ferret can probably illustrate a better point then I can.

A good friend of mine and her significant other have given their child a loving home, two very caring parents, and would do everything possible to be there for their child. So here's to your family's wellbeing and happiness (Is wellbeing one words or two..I don't know )

 

[saw_man1]

********

 

[BreeCarter]

i say fuck all the close-minded asses. you have every right to raise a child as anyone else. so long as you are not hurting them, molesting them, et cetera. i say good for you. i'm never had that experience myself, but good luck. i guess all i can suggest is be honest. are there situations like this that have gone bad? yes. but there are many that have gone well also. just be honest, and continue loving your child. make him realize that you are still a family, that you still love him.

 

[playwithlezli]

Thanks all!

 

[AussieAngel]

thats great.

I'm glad things went well

~AA~

 

[BreeCarter]

*deleted*

 

[persephoneate]

i can't say i have any experience with introducing children to same sex relationships but i look at this from my memories of my own childhood. my parents separated and took years to face facts and file for divorce. it strung me out emotionally. looking back, i think that maybe they should've just gone ahead and did the deed and made the transition smoother. i was such a wreck for so long. one thing i would have liked to have told my parents is that children can't go elsewhere for love or security. they can't get in their cars and take a drive or go have a drink or a smoke. they go home for that. home is a safe haven and where they should know everything's cool. they're loved. and things will be okay. make a child feel loved and wanted and secure and you have a happy child.

 

[The Neon Wolf]

Your welcome.

Now for a moment of humor and reflection on how hyped up on coffee I really am...

I had no idea this was the GLBT channel for 20 minutes...I thought the topics were kinda similar in nature..I'm not normally this dense, honest!!

Anyone know how to stop a caffiene high? Pwease?

 

[Wolfman1982]

playwithlezli: wonderful news and what ever to the tough neo con, since to me he is just a Neo Cunt.

 

[playwithlezli]

i can't say i have any experience with introducing children to same sex relationships but i look at this from my memories of my own childhood. my parents separated and took years to face facts and file for divorce. it strung me out emotionally. looking back, i think that maybe they should've just gone ahead and did the deed and made the transition smoother. i was such a wreck for so long. one thing i would have liked to have told my parents is that children can't go elsewhere for love or security. they can't get in their cars and take a drive or go have a drink or a smoke. they go home for that. home is a safe haven and where they should know everything's cool. they're loved. and things will be okay. make a child feel loved and wanted and secure and you have a happy child.

Very good point-thank you. Your timing is perfect as this morning he was very cranky (he's not a morning person), then told his mom that she was spending too much time with me. We have been spending a lot of time together, all 3 of us, since September, so that was a little bit of a headscratcher, especially seeing as yesterday he was so happy.

He then went on to say that there were "too many changes". Of which there were a few lately as his mom has wanted to get more organized and follow a few of her own interests, not just his. So, we have been clearing out clutter and trying some new activities. This lad really doesn't like the idea of anything changing but then is happy once it has occured, so we have decided to hold steady on our course and give him the chance to participate in planning at a level that is appropriate for his age.

I know that one thing upsetting him is that she doesn't do absolutely everything for him anymore. He is responsible for drying dishes a couple of nights a week, sorting his laundry, putting away his clothes, and taking care of his hockey equipment. He seems to think that she should do it all, but she explained that in the parenting course she was taking that she realized most kids his age were more independant, and she wanted him to grow up knowing how to look after himself.

So, hopefully he will settle down again soon, it's new turf for all of us, and in the meantime, we will just keep showing him we love him.

Persophonate, thanks for the reminder about home and security and love. It's good to have the insight of others while we settle into our new roles and relationships.

 

[HeavenCanWait]

Something I'll add, from the point of view of a primary school teacher.

Children, even those as old as 9 or 10, often have few preconceptions regarding what is normal and 'abnormal'.

Sadly, people like neo here, believe that we are abnormal.

The idea of starting from thenpoint of view that you are in love is the best way. Simply that 'mummies and daddies love each other' and that sometimes, daddies and daddies, and mummies and mummies love each other too.

A child should have little difficulty in grasping the idea of two people loving each other.

I'm glad its working out for you

 

[pa-guy]

I dont know whats funnier the intended humor of that letter or the unintentional humor of that idiot's posts.

On a different note, I dont know if that letter was penned before or after West Wing. But some of those statements are a direct quote from my favorite scene where Bartlet tears into a radio personality who doesn't stand when the President walked into the room. Great scene.