Correlation of Emotional Reaction to Story Content and Rating

[lc69hunter]

 

Do you have a reasonable percentage estimate of how many couples live this lifestyle?

I do not. Any dataset can be manipulated to fit almost anyone's agenda. However, I just read https://www.literotica.com/s/a-marriage-in-trouble-1 by @Cagivagurl for the second time and can not even conceive of acting and thinking like the husband did. She was clear and correct in her assessment that it helped their marriage, and he was an evil asshole for what he did. I almost felt that he didn't deserve to have her back

 

[Lifestyle66]

I like your attitude. If, by any chance, you don't consume or wear animals, we might even develop a friendship (But if, God forbid, you engage in the killing or endangerment of animals for sport, it would be highly preferable for you not to mention it). However, I kindly request that you refrain from referring to others as trolls; they are human beings who have likely experienced traumatic divorces and deserve compassion. No matter how badly they behave, they are still far less venomous than the hissing wordsmiths. You don't spread negativity online simply because you are content, just as you don't leave your spouse behind and get trashed at a sleazy bar because you are exceedingly "happy!"

Thanks, but I use the word "troll" because so many others here use it.

I once objected here in the AH to those using the word "cuckold" to refer to ALL husbands into wife sharing. I tried to point out the word derives from the cuckoo bird who lays eggs in other nests for the unknowing to raise. It would logically imply a cuckold is the husband who is unknowingly raising kids born of his unfaithful wife's activities. I think it was Millie who said word meanings evolve, and cuckold now applies to all men into sharing.

So, with that, I try to use the words those we're dealing with might understand in this context.

And yes, there are hissing, venomous wordsmiths here. But they're people, too, dealing with their own internal demons.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Are you suggesting that it is morally acceptable for someone to cheat, mislead, and disregard boundaries if they believe it will ultimately benefit themselves and their partner?

You were unclear in your earlier post when you asked if they knew of the numbers "in this lifestyle".

Which particular lifestyle were your referring to? Just those cheating, misleading, or disregarding boundaries?

I use the term "Lifestyle" to refer to a far broader range of sexual activities outside of monogamous marriage. If you were referring to extra-marital cheating, then the number of accounts (millions) found in the Ashley Madison site would be one indicator and is probably just the tip of the iceberg.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I meant open marriages.

"Open marriages" are different from "swingers" or "cheaters". So, just like "happy" has many nuisances, lifestyle or open are interpreted by our individual experiences.

To me an open marriage is one where both husband and wife know of the spouse's extra-marital sex and willingly agrees to it, with the sex happening as one chooses without the other.

There are swingers who engage in extra-marital sex, but only when they are doing so together (sharing). There are also those who "share" their spouse in a stag/vixen relationship, in which they are both getting excited by it.

The range of extra-marital sex activities are as unlimited as any one person's imagination. In my latest story, I had the boyfriend telling of his wife encouraging his own exploration with other guys outside of their marriage, and that she had her own boyfriend. So, while we might not personally do or approve of these things, in my experience, I don't discount that someone else does them.

EDIT: Also, in my experience talking to many other couples I've known, there are probably far more "open" marriages (they both know of their spouse's extra activities) than one might think. There are several I know who openly go out to find relief with others, while remaining married due to economic necessity. One spouse might need health insurance provided by the other's job, or neither can afford to divorce and split everything, without living in poverty. And what happens to dependent children or possibly other family members they've both agreed to take in?

So, those holding others in judgement are never the ones who would have to deal with the subsequent consequences.

 

[Rob_Royale]

The general line of the story is the wife of a retired man has been trying to talk him into swinging. Because he has refused she tells him, in as loving a way as possible, that she is sexually bored and intends to be with another man anyway. The man is stricken with such despair at this he is unable to take any action and simply watches as she leaves for her date.

Therein lies the difference. Your assumption that that is every married man's worst nightmare is pretty expansive, and nowhere near true, but it drives the BTB stories and those who tend to comment anonymously in the LW category

Wow. I would guess having one's heart ripped out by one's spouse would be anyone's worst nightmare. I don't care how lovingly she told him. See the word used there? DESPAIR. Which is defined, as the absence or complete loss of hope. What could be worse?

 

[EmilyMiller]

I have no business, I think, giving a tentacle story any kind of a rating on how much it did or didn't appeal to me.

I may have a challenge for you:

The Coleoidphilia Trilogy - tentacle porn for people who don’t like tentacles (or non-con)

Em

 

[lc69hunter]

Wow. I would guess having one's heart ripped out by one's spouse would be anyone's worst nightmare. I don't care how lovingly she told him. See the word used there? DESPAIR. Which is defined, as the absence or complete loss of hope. What could be worse?

Unless her actions were egregious and/or intentionally evil, I don't get the despair or heart being ripped out. Hurt, maybe, and requiring serious conversation as to how to go forward, if they can or want to.
Face it. Women now cheat at the same rate as men, and most of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with her husband of marriage. Most men can not or choose not to understand this, as in their mind, it threatens their masculinity.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Unless her actions were egregious and/or intentionally evil, I don't get the despair or heart being ripped out. Hurt, maybe, and requiring serious conversation as to how to go forward, if they can or want to.
Face it. Women now cheat at the same rate as men, and most of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with her husband of marriage.

I quoted and was responding to the OP. So that you get the despair is not my concern. And how each person responds to that betrayal is clearly different as we have just proven.

 

[mirafrida]

For both of you: Why do you write at all if you don't want your readers to get emotional about your story or characters?

... Those from broken marriages hate the husband who allows his wife to have fun with sex, and they hate the wife for having fun. But they read my story!

That last bit is what mystifies me, and probably others. Of course I want to create an emotional response. But I'm not trying to piss off or disgust people for whom it's not their kink. I try to make it pretty darn clear what kind of story it is in the preamble, and usually tagline too. But the people who go in knowing they will hate it still read it end-to-end, 1-vote, and leave a nasty comment anyway. You can tell from their comments that they read it closely. I'm not trying to trigger them, but they are determined to be triggered. So I guess it's as others say - they get off on being offended and blowing up. That's not the emotion I want to create - but it's the one they choose, despite my best efforts to the contrary. Oh well, cest la vie ...

 

[MelissaBaby]

Some people need something to be angry about.

That one of my most common remarks, "Some people are only happy when they are pissed off."

 

[Milo_Grigsby]

Thanks everyone for some really thoughtful responses. As I have watched the response to my story evolve I see a fascinating trend. First of all it is my highest interacted with story in terms of views, favorites and lists. But interestingly enough it is my lowest rated story with the most comments which were in the majority negative, even after I removed the truly vile hate bombs and those that pretty viciously attacked me as a person.
The story was full of raw emotion and, while I said in a response to one of the comments that I believed all of the characters were decent people, there is no question that they are also deeply flawed. That was on purpose for me to explore some things. The protagonist, as many people have commented, is weak. I wrote him that way on purpose. His wife who cuckolded him is unquestionably behaving in a selfish manner but within her reasoning how she did it made sense (i.e. no one is the villain of their own story). Similarly for the woman who seduced the protagonist.
As to the question of arousal factor, there is a strong fetish or kink for cuckolding, hot wife and swinging and this story may have had some arousal potential for those who have that. Again, this is something I wished to explore through the lens of a weak and flawed character. His "awakening" in the story to a desire to see his wife with another man arose organically as I wrote the story. But, in fairness to the critics, that may not have been the best or most logical thing for the character. I considered other approaches but this one seemed to work the best as I wrote. As to his wife having a poor experience with the other man, frankly I just thought that would be funny. His consoling her seemed to fit.
I have thought about closing the comments because truthfully some of them were quite hurtful, but others, even the highly critical ones, are giving me food for thought for when (and I will) I write more LW stories.

 

[Milo_Grigsby]

Therein lies the difference. Your assumption that that is every married man's worst nightmare is pretty expansive, and nowhere near true, but it drives the BTB stories and those who tend to comment anonymously in the LW category

I had to look up what BTB stood for ....

 

[bps]

Stories that involve wifesharing/cuckoldry cheating females and the like are provocative. They’re bound to bring visceral, varied responses from men. Honestly I think lot of the strongest reaction comes either from younger men who haven’t had a lot of experience with the opposite sex, or maybe even more especially from men who have difficulty getting with women at all.

The idea of being turned on by these types of scenarios is completely antithetical and repugnant to them. In some cases I think they probably idealize an imagined relationship if they could have one.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Stories that involve wifesharing/cuckoldry cheating females and the like are provocative. They’re bound to bring visceral, varied responses from men. Honestly I think lot of the strongest reaction comes either from younger men who haven’t had a lot of experience with the opposite sex, or maybe even more especially from men who have difficulty getting with women at all.

The idea of being turned on by these types of scenarios is completely antithetical and repugnant to them. In some cases I think they probably idealize an imagined relationship if they could have one.

Those are subsets of the ones who hate the wife sharing stories. I think the strongest emotional reaction comes from those men whose wife cheated on them or divorced them to marry another guy.

Their main experience with a non-monogamous wife left them FEELING cheated with regard to their marriage vows.

 

[Rob_Royale]

In my experience (not in LW) readers respond favorably to strong emotional content.

On the flip side of this emotional question, we have happy endings, and those are by far, my most successful stories. Two people meet, have a sexual adventure, and fall in love? What's not to love about that?

 

[bps]

Those are subsets of the ones who hate the wife sharing stories. I think the strongest emotional reaction comes from those men whose wife cheated on them or divorced them to marry another guy.

Their main experience with a non-monogamous wife left them FEELING cheated with regard to their marriage vows.

That may be but I get the sense that there’s a segment, just as strident, whose reaction is more akin to a posturing demonstration of flame-throwing hyper-masculinity. They seem drawn to this topic almost as powerfully as we cuck-leaning men.