Death of Wooing?

[CurlyKat]

The easiest one should be bloody obvious, just act like a gentleman to her and you're a goddamn novelty already given the amount of pricks out there.

The sad part is how much truth is in this statement. While the whole "men and women are equals" debate is for another place and another time, respect is something totally different. If a man acts like a gentleman and treats me with respect, of course he's going to earn my attention above everyone else.

It's prudent to spend some time getting to know someone before jumping straight into a relationship. It keeps hearts from being broken as badly, keeps the excitement there, and honestly keeps from wasting time in the long run. Once you're in a relationship, it's much harder to get out if you find you've got nothing in common or can't stand some part of the other person's character.

I don't think it matters what the dynamics are in the relationship, but continuously finding the little ways to show your partner that he's important to you really goes a very long way in building a better, stronger relationship. Sure we're all overworked and tired, but that's why these little sentiments go so far in showing that you're thinking of him, and that you care.

Wooing is more than a dying art, I think, it's more of a long lost art. Putting it back into practice could (and this is just a guess, there are no facts whatsoever to back this up) help lower divorce rates and help turn around some of the negative things in society as a whole.

(Disclaimer: all pronouns in this post can be exchanged depending on reader's whim)

 

[Keroin]

(Please don't quote, as I'll likely delete. Sorry, I'm kind of sheepish about sharing intimate details but modern day examples were asked for, so...)

Recent wooing of K:

*Private mushy stuff deleted*

 

[graceanne]

A drink yes. Sixteen drinks is just trying to get in her pants, whether she's conscious or not.

It is?

 

[DiscusDave]

The easiest one should be bloody obvious, just act like a gentleman to her and you're a goddamn novelty already given the amount of pricks out there.

"Nice guys" or gentlemen really do seem like a novelty now a-days. But that's what I mean.... does this loss of regular gentlemanly actions equate to the reduction of wooing? IMHO, it does.

 

[ZRT]

"Nice guys" or gentlemen really do seem like a novelty now a-days. But that's what I mean.... does this loss of regular gentlemanly actions equate to the reduction of wooing? IMHO, it does.

Yeah, I think there's a bit of that to it.

Hell, look at movie romance. Used to involve the usual pageantry and courtship. Now it's a couple of explosions and then a quick bang.

 

[DiscusDave]

Yeah, I think there's a bit of that to it.

Hell, look at movie romance. Used to involve the usual pageantry and courtship. Now it's a couple of explosions and then a quick bang.

Looks like foreplay is the new courtship. Hehe.

 

[LilyBart]

(Please don't quote, as I'll likely delete. Sorry, I'm kind of sheepish about sharing intimate details but modern day examples were asked for, so...)

Recent wooing of K:

Yes. I think that falls under wooing.

Definitely.

~LB

 

[Keroin]

Yeah, I think there's a bit of that to it.

Hell, look at movie romance. Used to involve the usual pageantry and courtship. Now it's a couple of explosions and then a quick bang.

And your problem with explosions is...?

Kidding. (Sort of).

Personally, I'm glad we no longer have to go through the rigmarole of old time courtship practices. I don't require that a man holds my door open or buys me flowers. Actually, none of that, sweet as it may be, interests me. My idea of wooing is subtle. It involves getting to know me, learning the little things that make me tick. A bouquet of flowers won't make me swoon half as much as bunch of broken back Rappala fishing lures.

Once I'm in a relationship, wooing is as simple as telling me I'm beautiful or noticing some detail about me that others wouldn't.

Have you seen the movie "Phenomenon"? In it, John Travolta's character keeps secretly buying the homemade chairs that Kyra Sedwick's character is trying to sell to earn a living. It's both a small and a grand gesture. It speaks of a man who understands what's important to the woman he's infatuated with. I like that. That's wooing.

Off topic: DD, I keep meaning to tell you to check out davewear t-shirts. They are for and about Daves. I think you'd get a kick out of them.

 

[Keroin]

Yes. I think that falls under wooing.

Definitely.

~LB

Yeah, he melts me in a thousand ways. I'm blushing just thinking about it, no one else makes me blush.

 

[LilyBart]

And your problem with explosions is...?

Kidding. (Sort of).

Personally, I'm glad we no longer have to go through the rigmarole of old time courtship practices. I don't require that a man holds my door open or buys me flowers. Actually, none of that, sweet as it may be, interests me. My idea of wooing is subtle. It involves getting to know me, learning the little things that make me tick. A bouquet of flowers won't make me swoon half as much as bunch of broken back Rappala fishing lures.

Once I'm in a relationship, wooing is as simple as telling me I'm beautiful or noticing some detail about me that others wouldn't.

Have you seen the movie "Phenomenon"? In it, John Travolta's character keeps secretly buying the homemade chairs that Kyra Sedwick's character is trying to sell to earn a living. It's both a small and a grand gesture. It speaks of a man who understands what's important to the woman he's infatuated with. I like that. That's wooing.

Off topic: DD, I keep meaning to tell you to check out davewear t-shirts. They are for and about Daves. I think you'd get a kick out of them.

The bolded part is the nail on the head. And it goes both ways.

Coming from an insanely introspective point at the moment.

~LB

 

[Keroin]

The bolded part is the nail on the head. And it goes both ways.

Coming from an insanely introspective point at the moment.

~LB

Exactly. I don't want to feel I'm being assembly-line wooed. If the words/gifts/actions aren't specific to me, they don't mean all that much. And, yes, I return the favour in kind.

Introspect away, LB.

 

[DiscusDave]

Exactly. I don't want to feel I'm being assembly-line wooed. If the words/gifts/actions aren't specific to me, they don't mean all that much. And, yes, I return the favour in kind.

Introspect away, LB.

I definitely agree, that every single person should be given special treatment as an individual. Keroin, why do you think old-timey and out of date wooing styles are assembly-line-like?

PS- davewear is hilarious... thanks for sharing

 

[ZRT]

And your problem with explosions is...?

Kidding. (Sort of).

Please. Do I honestly strike you as the sort of guy who has any sort of dislike for explosive activities?

My complaint is that there's nothing to Hollywood relationships these days. Big noise, obligatory love scene, roll on.

I just like the notion of substance in relationships.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I like wooing.

 

[LocaChica]

What would "good original condition with matching numbers" be?
My husband and I have been married for 23 years and he still finds ways every week to show how much he loves and desires me. Sometimes its a call just to say I love you or he will surprise me with something he knows I love dove chocolates, a new book or something I had admired but would not get for myself. I try to let him know with the things he loves as well. He's pretty happy with a good hot bath and long massage before we play or for no reason. The other side of this is we no longer seem to structure our romantic gestures. Valentines day is not something we need/want to make a big deal over, or any of the other calender romance days.
Sorry for the book I seem to be in ramble mode.

How lucky the two of you are to love each other so completely. The rarity of 23 years together and still being in love is unheard of in todays society.

 

[bitchee62]

How lucky the two of you are to love each other so completely. The rarity of 23 years together and still being in love is unheard of in todays society.

Thank you
Oddly it was harder in the early years. When I was young it was almost imposable to not get upset/angry, When something that he would say or do hit one of my react before I think buttons. Luckily he is not as volatile as I am.
I am not an easy person to live with, He puts a lot of effort in to keeping me calm. I have finally figured out he is my perfect match in almost all ways.
My son and his wife are still in the jump to a wrong conclusion and start yelling stage. I am about ready to smack them both. They haven't yet figured out that you need to treat the person you love with more courtesy and respect than others not less.

 

[Keroin]

I definitely agree, that every single person should be given special treatment as an individual. Keroin, why do you think old-timey and out of date wooing styles are assembly-line-like?

PS- davewear is hilarious... thanks for sharing

You're welcome. My favorite has to be, "I've had a long, hard Dave". LOL.

Old time wooing is not necessarily assembly line. For some women, opening doors and giving bouquets of flowers would be perfect but if a man has taken the smallest amount of time to get to know me, he'll know that's not my thing. You know that guy who uses the same line on every girl? That's what I'm talking about. He's just playing the odds, he's not really wooing.

Please. Do I honestly strike you as the sort of guy who has any sort of dislike for explosive activities?

My complaint is that there's nothing to Hollywood relationships these days. Big noise, obligatory love scene, roll on.

I just like the notion of substance in relationships.

You know I was joking, right?

I love when they insert the obligatory love scene into an action movie. "I know we only have twenty-four hours to find the terrorists and save the world but, hey, how about a quick shag?"

(But don't stop renting action movies. Royalties, ya know. Girl's gotta eat.)

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I can't speak for others

but I do woo.

Yes, I know. I am girl. Woop de do. I believe that everyone deserves to be treated with repect and honor. That makes me a gentleman. (grins)

I have been with baby girl for over a year and a half. I text her at least 3 to 4 times a day because she needs to know when I am thinking of her. I buy her small gifts for no reason because I know the sorts of things she likes. We spend time cuddling because nothing beats a good snuggle. (and yes, I give flowers...)

When I was with my children's father (over 15 years off and on) I did the same sorts of things for him. Relationships should not end the wooing, a serious relationship should make the wooing BETTER.

Do I think wooing has went the way of the Dinah Shore show? No, but I do think we adults tend to rush things.

 

[ZRT]

You know I was joking, right?

*straight face* I am not devoid of humor.

Yeah, I knew. But the implication that I don't appreciate the big boom is SERIOUS BUSINESS.

I love when they insert the obligatory love scene into an action movie. "I know we only have twenty-four hours to find the terrorists and save the world but, hey, how about a quick shag?"

(But don't stop renting action movies. Royalties, ya know. Girl's gotta eat.)

It's just like they've given up altogether is what irritates me. Like 'We know they're gonna fuck, so let's just do it and get it over with.'

I mean, hell, the original Terminator was cheesy as fuck, but at least there was a plausible sequence of development there. Soldier from the future with a crush on a woman who is a legend to him, comes back and saves her from peril, they get a spare moment and the hormone/fight-or-flight rush catches them.

They don't even bother with that sort of development anymore.

 

[Keroin]

It's just like they've given up altogether is what irritates me. Like 'We know they're gonna fuck, so let's just do it and get it over with.'

I mean, hell, the original Terminator was cheesy as fuck, but at least there was a plausible sequence of development there. Soldier from the future with a crush on a woman who is a legend to him, comes back and saves her from peril, they get a spare moment and the hormone/fight-or-flight rush catches them.

They don't even bother with that sort of development anymore.

Original Terminator cheesy? Bite your tongue!

Actually, I just watched it again not long ago. From someone who's pickier than most when it comes to action, that movie is still good...after how many years? Technically, that movie was very well done. And, yes, even story development with plausible romance. Crazy.

 

[ZRT]

Original Terminator cheesy? Bite your tongue!

Actually, I just watched it again not long ago. From someone who's pickier than most when it comes to action, that movie is still good...after how many years? Technically, that movie was very well done. And, yes, even story development with plausible romance. Crazy.

Cheesy doesn't mean good, but it was kind of cheesy. One of my all-time favorites, though.

I remember that magical moment when I finally was old enough to understand that exchange at the police station.

"But he punched through the windshield!"

"He was hopped up on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand, didn't feel a thing. See this scar on my knuckle..."

 

[CurlyKat]

Like Keroin said, notice those small things that are particular to me, and act on it. That's how I know you care. Being together means you've chosen that person as more special to you than the rest of the world, and being treated as such will make the relationship stronger.

I think, at least from my observances, that women in a relationship tend to be better at this sort of thing than men now. Women tend to make more mental notes on what their men like and get them exactly that, whereas men seem to have a harder time remembering what's special to their women.

 

[DiscusDave]

Like Keroin said, notice those small things that are particular to me, and act on it. That's how I know you care. Being together means you've chosen that person as more special to you than the rest of the world, and being treated as such will make the relationship stronger.

I think, at least from my observances, that women in a relationship tend to be better at this sort of thing than men now. Women tend to make more mental notes on what their men like and get them exactly that, whereas men seem to have a harder time remembering what's special to their women.

They key there for men to remember things better is to take a lot of mental notes for later use. Gotta make up ground somewhere.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm terrified of frogs. It's completely irrational, and I accept that. Those little fuckers just scare the crap out of me for no good reason.

Earlier, I was online working (boo for working on weekends) when an email came through. Master had emailed me from his phone. The text of the email said, "Thinking of you." How sweet, I thought to myself as I opened the picture attachment he'd sent with it.

He'd taken a pic of himself holding a frog!

Does that count as wooing?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'm terrified of frogs. It's completely irrational, and I accept that. Those little fuckers just scare the crap out of me for no good reason.

Earlier, I was online working (boo for working on weekends) when an email came through. Master had emailed me from his phone. The text of the email said, "Thinking of you." How sweet, I thought to myself as I opened the picture attachment he'd sent with it.

He'd taken a pic of himself holding a frog!

Does that count as wooing?

ribbit!