Delving the Psyche of Sadists

[IrisAlthea]

I don’t get aroused from inflicting pain on those who don’t welcome it or agree to the need for discipline.

My point was that in my opinion a real sadist doesn’t care whether it’s welcomed or not, their arousal comes from hurting another, irrespective of whether it’s consensual.

not being someone who gets pleasure from hurting unwilling “victims”

No, just a smart-arse I’m afraid

Just for clarity: Are you unwilling/uable to grasp the concept that someone who does enjoy pain or despair in a partner, can still be able and invested in finding consenting partners or are you just out to troll/ kink shame?

This is a thread that has been useful to a lot of people and I hope it can stay that way.

 

[seela]

I enjoy sex. I find it arousing. But know what I don’t enjoy and find arousing? Sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with me. Am I not a “real” sex-haver?

Yup.

I think it’s also worth mentioning that people can be aroused by sex or causing pain/distress to others regardless if the others consent to it or not, and still only do those things with people who do consent.

Just because the *thought* of punching someone’s lights out out of the blue or raping someone for real really turns them on, it still doesn’t mean they do it with partners who don’t consent or that doing it with people who do consent is not fun or sexy to them.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

No, just a smart-arse I’m afraid

Guilty! My arse is brainier than the rest of me, for sure. But I’m not trying to be a dick here (I mean, I don’t really need to try). I think this is a conversation worth having.

First of all, labels are free and you can call yourself a can of Red Bull and more power to you. I will say that use of the word “real” with regard to BDSM can raise hackles, because you’re drawing a boundary that invalidates someone’s sexual experience. (See “true dom.”)

As for me, I don’t think that sadism and consent are mutually exclusive (as has been stated by seela, Iris, Bramble and others.) I’ll explain why, from my own experience.

I’m an empathetic person and I also have a wide sadistic streak. They’re both there. Sweet and sour. Daddy and Dom. The empathy serves as a check on the sadism. Trying to enjoy sadism when the other person doesn’t want to be hurt is like driving with the brake on. When the pyl consents, it removes that brake.

I don’t gain pleasure from it (usually) because the degradee likes what I’m doing (“service sadist”) — I gain pleasure from it because when I know they consent, I can completely let go and revel in the pain and degradation I’m inflicting. Consent removes the brake and tells my strong empathetic voice that it’s OK to go take a nap while my sadist plays Old Testament God.

 

[Acktion]

I prefer "Sensationalist."