Delving the Psyche of Sadists

[RJMasters2022]

Homburg::
To me there is no greater emotional beauty to be found than in struggle. Struggle makes life worth living in general, and pain provokes struggle at its' most basic level. When I see her face twist in a suppressed scream, when I see her body and mind struggling to process what I am doing, when I see that edge teetering between breaking down in pain and breaking down into orgasm, that, to me, is beauty.

That my partner is willing to struggle and suffer for me, shows devotion. That she keeps coming back shows loyalty. In each case, this is the result of an emotional struggle in its' own way, as I am not easy to live with, and, to me, is beauty as well.

There is also an aspect of artisanship in it. I like producing pleasure quite a bit, and enjoy my partner's pleasure and orgasms often more than my own, and to provide pleasure while giving often serious pain is an ego trip. If I can hurt her to the point of sobbing and still provoke an orgasm, I am doing something right.

I miss those who knew me and understood. could articulate something most couldn't understand. So many years have gone by...I look back and wonder where did the time go... and if any of my old friends are still around and remember..

RJMasters

 

[IrisAlthea]

One of my favourite threads.

 

[roxanne1971]

Thank you for the perspective. I am pretty self aware of what being submissive means and why I am how I am.
I am just now embarking on my first true D/s relationship and I am now trying to figure out how Sir ticks a little.

 

[Older_Pervert]

I have hurt women in sexual play on numerous occasions, but only once it’s been established that this causes them intense sexual arousal. I have also hurt women from time to time as punishment for breaches of pre-agreed rules of behaviour. The former is welcomed by the recipient, the latter less so, but understood and agreed to as part of an ongoing D/s relationship. Is this true sadism?
I think not, as I don’t get aroused from inflicting pain on those who don’t welcome it or agree to the need for discipline. In my book a true sadist (and there would appear to be a few on this thread), hurts people for their own arousal or to boost their need to feel superior. Discuss……

 

[IrisAlthea]

I have hurt women in sexual play on numerous occasions, but only once it’s been established that this causes them intense sexual arousal. I have also hurt women from time to time as punishment for breaches of pre-agreed rules of behaviour. The former is welcomed by the recipient, the latter less so, but understood and agreed to as part of an ongoing D/s relationship. Is this true sadism?
I think not, as I don’t get aroused from inflicting pain on those who don’t welcome it or agree to the need for discipline. In my book a true sadist (and there would appear to be a few on this thread), hurts people for their own arousal or to boost their need to feel superior. Discuss……

No, what you describe doesn’t sound like sadism to me.

As for what is ”true sadism”, the answers are going to depend on what glasses people want to look at it through. Kinky partner search is different from the legal or medical perspective.
Self acceptance and willingness to judge self or others or need come off
”Barney/Betty Badass” or ”Pollyanna” and a whole lot of other stuff also comes into play.

 

[Older_Pervert]

I guess what I do (mostly) is facilitate sexual masochism!

 

[Tallcajun]

Great info. I have some reading to do.
Quite insightful

 

[cascadiabound]

Wow. This is quite a thread. Some of the BDSM greats from the past provide meaty content to chew on. The OP alone is gonna take me at least 3 reads to fully absorb.
I'd be fascinated to read the comparable thoughts of sadists currently active on the Board. @DeepGreenEyes @Tallcajun and others.

 

[txblush]

Bumping this thread in the hopes others will contribute their views on the psyche of a sadist. I'm not a sadist. I'm a writer and I found this thread interesting because I've often wondered if I'm accurately portraying a sadistic Dom's characteristics.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Wow. This is quite a thread. Some of the BDSM greats from the past provide meaty content to chew on. The OP alone is gonna take me at least 3 reads to fully absorb.
I'd be fascinated to read the comparable thoughts of sadists currently active on the Board. @DeepGreenEyes @Tallcajun and others.

Yes, amazing thread! And some of the voices in here! Betticus, CutieMouse, Netz, Stella, ADR, Sir Winston… Wow!

I’d love to hear from @Primalex and @Miles Long, too. (If either happens to pop in).

 

[txblush]

Yes, amazing thread! And some of the voices in here! Betticus, CutieMouse, Netz, Stella, ADR, Sir Winston… Wow!

I’d love to hear from @Primalex and @Miles Long, too. (If either happens to pop in).

I recognized most of them even though I was too shy to participate in any of the discussion threads. I appreciated those who shared their views while I lurked in the shadows behind a screen. *smiles*

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I recognized most of them even though I was too shy to participate in any of the discussion threads. I appreciated those who shared their views while I lurked in the shadows behind a screen. *smiles*

I totally understand that. I read soooooo much more than I posted in this forum back when I first found it and for several years. I learned a lot from the folks I listed and the many who shared their thoughts and experiences.

 

[Massive_Ass69]

I have wanted to understand more about the psyche of a Sadist. Admittedly I have some preconceived notions, and I think I have a good handle on the couple of reasons I like to inflict pain upon another person, however I wanted a chance to open up the discussion to learn more from other people's perspectives. So the playground is open...

Why, or what is it within me that finds pleasure in inflicting pain upon another?

In some ways I have a clear and narrow reason why. I use pain as a means to induce deeper love, loyalty and fear in order to draw the person of my desire closer to me.

Love - Knowing there is a deep seeded need in the one I am administering the pain unto(meeting the masochistic needs of my S/O). I want to be the one to meet that need, to be that keeper and controller of that drug. This translates to control.

Loyalty - The word is a bit misleading on the surface as to why I choose it to convey my thoughts. With in the context I have created, to me the inflicting of pain is a means in which I can test and probe the extreme love of my S/O to me. Simply put..."What will you endure for me today, my love?" This translates to devotion.

Fear - Again, on the surface a tad misleading unless you understand how I relate it to respect. There are many facets of what respect can be derived from, specifically applied here, it means the recognition of real force or pain. When one has felt the sting/cut from my hand/mind, as painful as it may be, they know it is but only a taste of what could be brought to bear. As the "taste" is administered in a controlled loving way, leaving plenty of room for the imagination to try to grasp what "uncontrolled" would be. This translates to respectful obedience.

So to summarize the above:


I used pain as a means to induce deeper love, loyalty and fear in order to draw the person of my desire closer to me. What I get out of it is control, devotion and respectful obedience, which is "why" I find and take pleasure in inflicting pain upon another

I have spoken specifically about the sadist within me. I would like to share my notions about the psyche of the Sadist in a more general way.

To understand the psyche of a sadist, I feel is important to speak about the realness of pain. Some would laugh at such a simple and obvious statement, but it is easy than one might think to over look the value of grasping what I mean by the "realness" of pain.

Most people spend their whole lives developing defensives and ways to numb them selves from knowing and experiencing pain. Sadist spend their whole lives developing ways to tear down these defenses and remove the numbness in order to make others face the realness of pain.

In a sense it sounds almost like a cosmic battle, and in some ways I guess that is true as there is something which burns within the heart of the sadist for other to experience the realness of pain as terrifying as that may be.

The realness of pain simple means there is real power or force. The sadist knows this, feels it, and seeks to use it as a means of control and pleasure. They are intimately aware of the advantage this gives them over two types of people; Those that do everything to shy away from pain in order to not feel it, and those who have a need or craving for it.

Last but not least is more of a theory, but I sense there is truth in it...I feel at the root of why a person take pleasure in giving another pain, is the sadist's way of sharing the deep struggle within themselves. When doing this with a S/O, they are opening themselves and showing the other "this is who I am" and yes it is that scary. Imagine the great worth when the S/O shows not only acceptance, but takes pleasure from who and what they are. It defies words to explain the exchange between them, and the rest of us watch in horror not understanding the raw beauty which we behold.

Thank you for taking the time to read and consider what I have shared. Some may not want to delve this deep and it is enough for them to say "I just like it and that's good enough for me". But I hope that my thoughts have stimulated some of you out there, with the hopes you will share.

I realize this post was from 2004, I was only 20/21 yrs old, so I’m hella late but this is a GREAT post. Very thought out and offered insight on sadistic behaviors and thoughts from a self proclaimed sadist instead of someone who is researching the topic and writing about something they have no true knowledge of from experience.

 

[y=mx+b]

I had a lengthy overblown explanation but have concluded it best to keep it simple.

Within each wince and flinch; I see what I feel inside, reflected back. And I find it rather therapeutic.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Wow. This is quite a thread. Some of the BDSM greats from the past provide meaty content to chew on. The OP alone is gonna take me at least 3 reads to fully absorb.
I'd be fascinated to read the comparable thoughts of sadists currently active on the Board. @DeepGreenEyes @Tallcajun and others.

Yes, amazing thread! And some of the voices in here! Betticus, CutieMouse, Netz, Stella, ADR, Sir Winston… Wow!

I’d love to hear from @Primalex and @Miles Long, too. (If either happens to pop in).

Isn’t it stellar? I can’t believe that somehow this thread slipped below my radar for all these years. I haven’t read the whole thing, but it gets an A+ for thought-provocation.

It made me wistful to see all these vital BDSM litizens from the past, and reflect on how much I learned from and enjoyed their unique voices and perspectives. I loved Sir Winston’s post on page 6, and felt such pangs. I remember how he shared his very first medical tests in the cafe — “My doc wants to run a few tests. I’m sure it’s nothing” and was posting almost until the day that the cellfucking brain cancer killed him.

Feels like rainy-day church.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I have hurt women in sexual play on numerous occasions, but only once it’s been established that this causes them intense sexual arousal. I have also hurt women from time to time as punishment for breaches of pre-agreed rules of behaviour. The former is welcomed by the recipient, the latter less so, but understood and agreed to as part of an ongoing D/s relationship. Is this true sadism?
I think not, as I don’t get aroused from inflicting pain on those who don’t welcome it or agree to the need for discipline. In my book a true sadist (and there would appear to be a few on this thread), hurts people for their own arousal or to boost their need to feel superior. Discuss……

Do you think sadism and consent are mutually exclusive? Can’t you hurt people for your own arousal while knowing that the hurtee gains satisfaction from being hurt?

 

[Dearelliot]

My Mistress hurts me because she knows that's what I want.
she isn't a sadist, she receives no pleasure from it.
I've has many dominant Mistresses but doubt any of them were sadists.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Do you think sadism and consent are mutually exclusive? Can’t you hurt people for your own arousal while knowing that the hurtee gains satisfaction from being hurt?

I would draw a distinction between a "service sadist" (Bob hurts other people solely because those people want to be hurt, and Bob likes making people happy) and a "sadist by preference" (Jane hurts other people because she enjoys hurting them). Bob wouldn't actively seek out partners with masochistic preferences, but he's happy to indulge them when he encounters them; Jane OTOH does look for masochists, and might even rule out partners who aren't into or at least willing to be hurt. (The latter being "service bottoms".)

Both types exist, and I'd guess many people are a mix of both in one proportion or another. I don't see either as being incompatible with consent.

For Bob, it's pretty simple. His pleasure is directly tied to his partner's, so he has no motivation to hurt people who don't want to be hurt, or more than they want to be hurt. You could say that Bob's preferences make it more or less necessary for him to seek consent.

For Jane, consent might not be mandated by her preferences - she might find the idea of hurting somebody against their will very sexy indeed. But that doesn't mean she doesn't have ethics, and her ethics might well mandate consent even if that sometimes gets in the way of what she might find sexy.

And then there's the interaction between the two: the idea of hurting somebody and making them enjoy it can be arousing in a way that's more than just the sum of those two parts and which probably defies easy explanation. The boundaries between sadism and domination are not clearly drawn.

 

[IrisAlthea]

For Jane, consent might not be mandated by her preferences - she might find the idea of hurting somebody against their will very sexy indeed. But that doesn't mean she doesn't have ethics, and her ethics might well mandate consent even if that sometimes gets in the way of what she might find sexy.

This is something I sadly think gets glossed over, denied and forgotten in the eagerness to make BDSM more acceptable in the mainstream.

When the narrative is that we are all just teddy bears really, people like Lisa loose their sounding board and are on their own with coming to terms with their inner grizzly (Or polar bear? I’m in over my head with this metaphor.)
And people who miss the fact that it is quite possible to be the teddy bear with some people and in some situations and still have that grizzly in need of a tight leash inside, risk getting in way over their heads.

 

[Older_Pervert]

Do you think sadism and consent are mutually exclusive? Can’t you hurt people for your own arousal while knowing that the hurtee gains satisfaction from being hurt?

Of course it’s always possible that the desire to inflict pain is matched by a compelling need to receive it. My point was that in my opinion a real sadist doesn’t care whether it’s welcomed or not, their arousal comes from hurting another, irrespective of whether it’s consensual. I personally don’t get aroused unless it’s welcomed, which is why I don’t think I’m really a sadist……

 

[IrisAlthea]

Of course it’s always possible that the desire to inflict pain is matched by a compelling need to receive it. My point was that in my opinion a real sadist doesn’t care whether it’s welcomed or not, their arousal comes from hurting another, irrespective of whether it’s consensual. I personally don’t get aroused unless it’s welcomed, which is why I don’t think I’m really a sadist……

The thing is, the arousal might not care about consent but the person can still care and choose to find partners who consent.
Partners can give consent because of ”a compelling need to receive” pain but for other reasons too.

 

[Older_Pervert]

If you're going down that line, wouldn't a 'real sadist' by your definition be someone who prefers inflicting pain on someone who isn't receiving it willingly? If you wanted to take an extreme position, you could argue that it can't be pure sadism if the sadist knows that the person on the receiving end is actually enjoying the pain.

If you get aroused by inflicting pain, rather than getting aroused by the pleasure your partner receives when you hurt them in the right way, I'd say you're a sadist, aren't you?

You are probably right, but not being someone who gets pleasure from hurting unwilling “victims” it’s hard to be definitive. Anybody”real” sadists want to comment?

 

[IrisAlthea]

You are probably right, but not being someone who gets pleasure from hurting unwilling “victims” it’s hard to be definitive. Anybody”real” sadists want to comment?

If you read the thread, a lot of them did.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Of course it’s always possible that the desire to inflict pain is matched by a compelling need to receive it. My point was that in my opinion a real sadist doesn’t care whether it’s welcomed or not, their arousal comes from hurting another, irrespective of whether it’s consensual. I personally don’t get aroused unless it’s welcomed, which is why I don’t think I’m really a sadist……

I enjoy sex. I find it arousing. But know what I don’t enjoy and find arousing? Sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with me. Am I not a “real” sex-haver?

 

[Older_Pervert]

I enjoy sex. I find it arousing. But know what I don’t enjoy and find arousing? Sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with me. Am I not a “real” sex-haver?

No, just a smart-arse I’m afraid