Depression. It's a silent killer.

[Blue255624]

Well after 16 years of marriage the last 5 years being sexless my wife Just told me she never loved me didnt even really like me that i was only a hookup that went to far. Man im so lost right now im not going to do anything stupid Just wanted to say it out loud
L

So sorry, that's tough.

 

[MerryeMikee]

Well after 16 years of marriage the last 5 years being sexless my wife Just told me she never loved me didnt even really like me that i was only a hookup that went to far. Man im so lost right now im not going to do anything stupid Just wanted to say it out loud
L

That’s tough and with a harshness thrown in too - a real trigger for depression! The silver lining (or a straw to grasp) is the advice I was given when first diagnosed with anxiety and depression: it’s an illness from which recovery is possible.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Monday again. I hope you have the best day you can.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Wonderer67]

Well after 16 years of marriage the last 5 years being sexless my wife Just told me she never loved me didnt even really like me that i was only a hookup that went to far. Man im so lost right now im not going to do anything stupid Just wanted to say it out loud
L

Sorry to hear that. That is really rough.

We are here for you if you need to talk about it.

 

[Wonderer67]

I sometimes like to post pictures of flowers and nature here. It helps me and I hope it can help other people on this thread.

I took a walk outside at lunch today.

Definitely some stuff happening in New Jersey although the weekend was pretty cold: below freezing both nights and only about 40° both days. Still, if you work outside, you will stay warm and I can’t tell you how good the sunlight is for me.

Outdoor some things are growing!

Daffs and forsythia.

https://imgur.com/a/L2Qaaqi

Crocus:

https://imgur.com/a/LIWMIsl

The helibore are amazing. My wife catches this shot so I can’t take credit for the artistry.

https://imgur.com/a/WX8TSyG

And indoors a lot of my flowers are starting to come up. I haven’t started any veggies yet.

https://imgur.com/a/zrrxr5p

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

Well after 16 years of marriage the last 5 years being sexless my wife Just told me she never loved me didnt even really like me that i was only a hookup that went to far. Man im so lost right now im not going to do anything stupid Just wanted to say it out loud
L

That had to hurt

 

[Looking4marriedbbw99]

Thank you everyone that wass concerned about me
What was the worst time the other night turned into something i would
have never thought possible, my wife and i talked it through and shetold me she was very sorry for the way she acted and for what she said .
I just found out that the day it all happened was the day her grandfather raped her whenn she was only 6
Wow after it all kinda makes sense why she was never really sexual.
Again thank you everybody for being there for a perfect stranger
L

 

[LeeKee]

I have been in a very dark place for several years and it has progressively gotten worse. Then something happened. The exact opposite of what would be intuitive. I admitted to myself Im chasing something that will never happen, and has never happened. And like loosening my grip on a weight, I admitted these things.

I am no longer in love with my wife.

My wife has not been in love with me for over 10 years, why bother anymore.

And as soon as I admitted this, I actually felt better.
I believe what I was stressing most was the need for clarity; definition to what my conflict is about. As much as it hurt, it actually felt like relief, because it was raw and real truth. For once. My wife has never nor will she ever open up and share her thoughts, or entertain mine. She is selfish beyond understanding. And once I was allowed to see her not on the pedestal Ive had her on for 23 years, I can see her total disregard for me.

Clarity was what I was asking from her, which she refused to even talk. That in itself was my answer.
And now her recent slip ups in her desire to have a relationship outside of our marriage - all has helped me reach an understanding that I myself evaded.

Depression clouded all of my thinking. It made me into someone I fo not know. I allowed myself to be valued on how she and I interacted. She has nothing for me, and looking bad hadn't for 10+ years.

Ive decided that when the time is right, and that is not light statement, I will open the serious discussion of moving to a divorce.

I avoid seeing it as a lesser of two evils, and rather shaking loose the weight of the apathy from whom I thought I loved. I loved who she used to be, and what she meant to me. That person has t existed for over a decade.

I am embracing the idea of moving on. To what? No fucking clue. But it would allow her the freedom she has wanted while making me pay hell for her desire to have love elsewhere.
And, without leaving it out, im doing it to preserve the person who I have always been with and always will be, myself.
I have to be able to live with me first before someone who is willing to lead me on and be so fucking cold.

Good luck. And we shall part ways.

 

[appalachianplay1]

Thank you everyone that wass concerned about me
What was the worst time the other night turned into something i would
have never thought possible, my wife and i talked it through and shetold me she was very sorry for the way she acted and for what she said .
I just found out that the day it all happened was the day her grandfather raped her whenn she was only 6
Wow after it all kinda makes sense why she was never really sexual.
Again thank you everybody for being there for a perfect stranger
L

Unfortunately, that is a common occurrence. I'm pretty sure it is 20% of children.

If you think she would be open to the idea, you might suggest therapy. If she doesn't connect with the first provider, please keep trying and find another. A lot of survivors tend to neglect their physical health which can lead to a shortened lifespan. This goes past anger.

 

[Wetkitty09]

I have been in a very dark place for several years and it has progressively gotten worse. Then something happened. The exact opposite of what would be intuitive. I admitted to myself Im chasing something that will never happen, and has never happened. And like loosening my grip on a weight, I admitted these things.

I am no longer in love with my wife.

My wife has not been in love with me for over 10 years, why bother anymore.

And as soon as I admitted this, I actually felt better.
I believe what I was stressing most was the need for clarity; definition to what my conflict is about. As much as it hurt, it actually felt like relief, because it was raw and real truth. For once. My wife has never nor will she ever open up and share her thoughts, or entertain mine. She is selfish beyond understanding. And once I was allowed to see her not on the pedestal Ive had her on for 23 years, I can see her total disregard for me.

Clarity was what I was asking from her, which she refused to even talk. That in itself was my answer.
And now her recent slip ups in her desire to have a relationship outside of our marriage - all has helped me reach an understanding that I myself evaded.

Depression clouded all of my thinking. It made me into someone I fo not know. I allowed myself to be valued on how she and I interacted. She has nothing for me, and looking bad hadn't for 10+ years.

Ive decided that when the time is right, and that is not light statement, I will open the serious discussion of moving to a divorce.

I avoid seeing it as a lesser of two evils, and rather shaking loose the weight of the apathy from whom I thought I loved. I loved who she used to be, and what she meant to me. That person has t existed for over a decade.

I am embracing the idea of moving on. To what? No fucking clue. But it would allow her the freedom she has wanted while making me pay hell for her desire to have love elsewhere.
And, without leaving it out, im doing it to preserve the person who I have always been with and always will be, myself.
I have to be able to live with me first before someone who is willing to lead me on and be so fucking cold.

Good luck. And we shall part ways.

I’m glad to hear about your clarity and choice to follow your relief to find a better life for yourself. It’s a tough road but I think ultimately you’ll be in a better place even though it may be a rocky path in the beginning.
We’re here if you need us.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Unfortunately, that is a common occurrence. I'm pretty sure it is 20% of children.

If you think she would be open to the idea, you might suggest therapy. If she doesn't connect with the first provider, please keep trying and find another. A lot of survivors tend to neglect their physical health which can lead to a shortened lifespan. This goes past anger.

I’m pretty sure the percentage is higher than that because most often it goes unreported and the victim is left to deal with the consequences alone and in shame.
I hope she gets help. It’s much better than trying to deal with it alone.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Spring is coming or already here in some places. More sun is helping me to feel more energetic. I think I run on solar power. Lol.
Have the best day you can.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[appalachianplay1]

Absolutely agree with the real percentage being higher due to not reporting among other factors. I haven't worked in peds for a couple of years now, so that was just the last stat I remember.

Also, @Looking4marriedbbw99, it might be helpful for you yourself to get help in how to best support your wife. You can't make it all better, but you can definitely help the healing process.

 

[Blue255624]

I can offer two small thoughts that I have found helpful. Use them or ignore them as you wish.

First is the 'presumption of innocence'. This means that when someone does something hurtful or that you feel is unwarranted, rather than getting upset or angry with them, take the view that he or she is a good person and not trying to be nasty. If you assume that they are a good person, then there must be something making them behave in that way. Find out what it is and help them, then that negative behaviour will more often than not go away.

The second is the realisation I had a long time back that it is ok to want to be happy and enjoy life. A friend helped me to understand that and as a result I was able to take myself out of a very unhappy relationship.

Hope this helps someone somewhere

 

[Wetkitty09]

Back at home after almost two months away. Different day, same drama. I hate drama.
Hope your day goes smoothly.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[MerryeMikee]

Back at home after almost two months away. Different day, same drama. I hate drama.
Hope your day goes smoothly.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

Home can be a refuge and oasis, but sometimes can feel constraining and closed, I hope it’s the former for you.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Spending the day with my grandson today while dad works. Fingers crossed it’s a good day.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[ericalauren]

How is everyone doing today? I had such a bad day yesterday. My fibromyalgia pain was awful, which in turn made my C-PTSD bad. So far today, my pain hasn't been as bad. I'm doing my SAD light therapy now. I hope that everyone has a good day!

 

[Wetkitty09]

How is everyone doing today? I had such a bad day yesterday. My fibromyalgia pain was awful, which in turn made my C-PTSD bad. So far today, my pain hasn't been as bad. I'm doing my SAD light therapy now. I hope that everyone has a good day!

I had an A-fib episode yesterday that laid me out for about 5 hours.
I hope today is better for the both of us.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Another day with the grandson today. Hopefully this one won’t end with me laid out due to A-fib. Though it was a fun day until that.
Have the best day you can.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Morning. A good day yesterday and hopes for the same today. Traveling with a friend to an event in Yakima this afternoon. I love it when I get to dress up like a girl.
Hope your day goes smoothly.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Happy Easter to those that celebrate.
Me? I celebrate the chocolate.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Monday morning to you all. I hope it’s a decent day. Don’t let the bastards get you down.
Be safe out there.
Love you

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

I had an appointment with a psychiatrist yesterday and he suggested I try an anti-depressant. I straight up told him my libido is really important to me and that meds in the past have suppressed it.

He was very respectful and put me on one that isn't supposed to mess with my libido. I'm willing to try again if helps stabilize my moods and give me more energy.

Work has been nuts (people are quitting), but family life has been good.

Hope everyone out there is ok.

 

[Blue255624]

I had an appointment with a psychiatrist yesterday and he suggested I try an anti-depressant. I straight up told him my libido is really important to me and that meds in the past have suppressed it.

He was very respectful and put me on one that isn't supposed to mess with my libido. I'm willing to try again if helps stabilize my moods and give me more energy.

Work has been nuts (people are quitting), but family life has been good.

Hope everyone out there is ok.

I've never found that anti-depressants have affected me in that way, if anything the reduced stress has probably helped. (Not it the libido has much of an outlet at the moment.) Hope this works for you.