Do your subs ever use innocent bystanders against you?

[MasterPhoenix]

As far as handling things in public, I would expect that I wouldn't have to do more than say, "This WILL be handled when we get home." Maybe a grasp to the upper arm in the more extreme cases.

 

[Marquis]

It sounds like you have your answer right there in front of you, bro. You are talking about one of the concerns that I have always had when I have thought of poly. They both need their OWN time with you, and balancing that need from both of them sounds like it is wearing on you.

If I may offer a bit of a suggestion, find a way to block out a certain period for each where they get their alone with Dom time. Make it clear that the set aside time is for each one, and that its not to be disturbed but in a cataclysmic emergency.

IF I am off base, feel free to tell me.

No, I don't think you're off base at all, and your suggestion is the direction we're headed in.

For a long time I tried to let it be much more organic, on some "if you're being a raging bitch, I assume you need some time alone" type shit.

I think committing to more of a schedule is probably the way to go, but brings up numerous practicality problems (which are also being worked on).

I think living arrangements where we all have a little more space, comfort and security could be a huge help.

 

[Etoile]

No, I don't think you're off base at all, and your suggestion is the direction we're headed in.

For a long time I tried to let it be much more organic, on some "if you're being a raging bitch, I assume you need some time alone" type shit.

I think committing to more of a schedule is probably the way to go, but brings up numerous practicality problems (which are also being worked on).

I think living arrangements where we all have a little more space, comfort and security could be a huge help.

Eeeeeeeeeeek. Never assume that a person only demonstrates a need for alone time when they're getting bitchy. That is the best way to make a poly relationship crash and burn. Instead, assume that they ALWAYS need alone time, and work backwards from there on how to balance it.

 

[Marquis]

Eeeeeeeeeeek. Never assume that a person only demonstrates a need for alone time when they're getting bitchy. That is the best way to make a poly relationship crash and burn. Instead, assume that they ALWAYS need alone time, and work backwards from there on how to balance it.

Yeah, I'm learning that.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

No, I don't think you're off base at all, and your suggestion is the direction we're headed in.

For a long time I tried to let it be much more organic, on some "if you're being a raging bitch, I assume you need some time alone" type shit.

I think committing to more of a schedule is probably the way to go, but brings up numerous practicality problems (which are also being worked on).

I think living arrangements where we all have a little more space, comfort and security could be a huge help.

Sounds like you are on the right track bro..

 

[Anne_Prospere]

That would be the best/worst thing you could do!

Being walked away form after knowing that I have surrendered, knowing that he is not angry with me, and trusting that he will come back when I have had time to cry is wonderous.

Being walked away from in anger, abandoned, feeling the deep dissapointment would have me following him, wanting to beg for the hir brush so that I could be fogriven, but knowing that if I said one more work it would just upset him more.

oooh I relate to this feeling so well. I'd do pretty much anything to avoid it. KILLS me.

 

[SubKekiLee]

That would be the best/worst thing you could do!

Being walked away form after knowing that I have surrendered, knowing that he is not angry with me, and trusting that he will come back when I have had time to cry is wonderous.

Being walked away from in anger, abandoned, feeling the deep dissapointment would have me following him, wanting to beg for the hair brush so that I could be forgiven, but knowing that if I said one more word it would just upset him more.

I am with TMS on this... I know in public he never would have to do anything out of line to make know I had dissapointed him, He can just look at me and I know ive done something... and makes me know I need to straighten up... I think as being a SUBMISSIVE, I know Ill punish myself much worse than he ever could if I disapointed him.. (I recently found that out) Let me tell you it isnt any fun when you realize youve disrepected the Man whom you give all your respect to. Very difficult... I wouldnt need him to back hand me or be that way to me ( nor would he be) cause I know. by his reactions when Ive let him down..

 

[oysterman]

To raise your hand or hit your sub in public you are just inviting trouble to yourself. Like others in many states consent is not a valid excuse. In fact in many states cops have no choice but to arrest if a domestic violence situation exists.
If a sub acts out in public to me the best way to handle it would be either a look or a few stern words whispered in the subs ear. In fact this happened to me just last night. My sub overstepped her bounds a bit while out at Wal-mart. I grabbed her by her arm and held her firmly and whispered in her ear that her behavior would not be tolerated. It was subtle to all around but was enough to get my point across to her and the behavior stopped. If the behavior had continued I am sure another whisper in her ear that the situation would be handled when we got home would be enough to correct the behavior and she would spend the rest of the time out knowing she had truly displeased me and would be fully expecting punishment when we got home and were behind closed doors.

 

[Etoile]

Although, again, what seems subtle to the doer may not be subtler for the viewer.