Don't you wish

[CandiCame]

I love you, Stacy, I wish I were near you in RL. I don't have the knowledge to really add anything more then what's already been said- I have no special insights or anything, but I really just want to send all my good vibes your way- to let you know that I'm listening.

 

[StacyTG]

I'm glad to see you change to this new name. I really ache inside for you when I see how much you want to be the same woman on the outside that you are on the inside. Are you getting some help in that direction? From what I see here, you're such a sweet person and I wish all the best things for you.

Feel free to PM me and keep me posted on your progress toward transition and womanhood.

I'm just trying to accept myself for who I am. I'm looking into counseling/transitioning, etc., but it's very cost-prohibitive for me at this point (new job, no insurance), so I guess it's something that I just have to struggle through until that door opens for me...

I don't know how to say this without sounding like an asshole...but I just want you to know, you've made me immensely grateful for the struggles I have not been dealt.

I hope you find you way. I'm sure you will. Keep your head up.

Thank you for your support. Lit is really all I have right now, and it's wonderful that I can come here and be able to share myself completely with people like you. *hugs*

I love you, Stacy, I wish I were near you in RL. I don't have the knowledge to really add anything more then what's already been said- I have no special insights or anything, but I really just want to send all my good vibes your way- to let you know that I'm listening.

Thank you candi! I wish you lived closer to me as well! I need some support to go to the local GLBT meetings at the local college. They're open to the public, and I've come very close to going, but I'm scared beyond words, and it would be wonderful to go with someone that I knew for support!

 

[Sara_Unknown]

This struck me as completely profound when I first read it. I've been really struggling with this lately, and I even went so far as to completely cut myself off from my other account and create this one.

I'm not a crossdresser. I'm transgendered. I accept that now. It's the body I'm in that I'm having the most trouble with.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Sara, for your suggestion.

And a heartfelt thank you for everyone showing support.

Oh you're welcome

My advice...I guess...is truly make this about transition...not huge leaps but little steps. The small things can be cherished and can strengthen you, and yes I know that the frustration and impatience will only grow as you move forward with this.....but for all that might get in your way in the world around you, the world inside you is YOURS and a lot of the biggest steps can be taken there...have to be taken there. Being born transgendered is not a mental illness but there is much head work that needs doing. Build a good foundation and the rest will follow.

Oh and writing in a journal. SOOOOO huge for me. I have now been keeping one for 10 years and being able to go back and read through things each step of the way...was such an asset. It's another way of forming your own world....through words, drawing, cut and paste...anything. And if you hate reading your own voice....just date a page and write something or makes notes or sketch....and let that evolve as you do.

I found that as change happens, it's easy to forget what was and loose sight of where you have come from.

And be careful..and smart..and reasonable...and as practical as possible.

(And um...maybe try a prayer or two, once in awhile...even if it's full of swearing and cursing and crying. If you can't or don't believe in God, well it's a good release...talking to yourself is a good thing! And if God is there, which is my own personal experience and reality, than I know He's just happy to have you talk to Him (or Her, or whatever...). I haven't had all my prayers answered the way I wanted, it doesn't work that way...but I have had answers and help I didn't even know how to ask for. But that's my own personal story and I know religion fucks things up a lot, though you might be surprised by a few(or a lot) of us "Christians")

 

[daddyslittlebitch]

You could just flip a switch and wake up the opposite sex?

I know I do. I'm sick of being inside this body. I really, really am. I'm tired of the whole gender performance bullshit (sorry to swear). I'm tired of performing the masculine gender because that's what I am physically when mentally I'm feminine, and I'm screaming to get out. I feel like I can't take it anymore.

I hate this masculine form and all the crap that goes with it, and society forces onto it.

I feel like...I'm trapped in a prison...a woman screaming for release that I know will never come. When I look down I don't like what I see. Don't get me wrong, I love penis, but, just not on me. I want a clit, a vagina, two voluptuous breasts, an ass that won't quit...a body that makes men cream their pants just at the sight of me, the mere thought of me on my knees, sinfully sucking them off, or naked on my back, being ravished...filled with their seed, their love.

http://lh6.ggpht.com/_GZQyupVwbSs/TM9iNqc0qfI/AAAAAAAAcaw/BzT1OoJru4M/s800/bb1b615f36f19454deec95bf7856f268.jpg

Like her. I would give anything, everything to be her. To be that beautiful, to feel that smooth and sexy...feeling the heat from my lover against my back..his pulsing cock twitching against me, begging, aching for release...submitting myself to him...

This sucks. I can't take it anymore.

[/rant]

I wouldn't ever want to become a girl for good, but just to have one day to dress up sexy and act slutty would be pretty great. If I could wake up in my mom's body, get fucked hard by my dad and then wake up the next morning and still be myself, I'd be thrilled.

 

[Seamen]

The thing about stuff is, the more you think about it, the more complicated it becomes.

Here's how I've dealt with stuff:

1. Worrying about things that are beyond my control will achieve nothing, and only make me feel worse.

2. What I cannot change I shall leave alone and not think about it.

3. What can be changed, ought to be changed, if it makes me feel good about myself.

4. I don't believe in labelling. Am I gay/bi/cd/tg? I like older men taking me as if I were a woman; I like to put on anklets, waistlets and stuff like this in bed; when I watch porn I always imagine myself as the woman. What does that make me? It really doesn't matter. Life is too short to spend fussing over what you are. I know what I am. Why must I be a label?

I HATE the way I look. I HATE IT. I do, really. But there's nothing I can do about it, really, so I don't think about it too much. Looks aren't important to ME, so it is natural that the man I seek would be likewise oriented and see the woman(person?) inside of me. My lover would be, above all, an enlightened individual. So the way I look is of little value; will he be the worse off for choosing someone who looks like me? I doubt it. I'll more than make it up to him - I'll do things to him, and let him do things to me, that he won't even think of going to anybody else.

That's my perspective; it helps me sleep at night.

I don't know you personally, Stacy, but from what I've learned about you from your posts, ANY GUY would think you're beautiful; inside and outside. You do whatever it is you gotta do to feel better about yourself; if something needs to be changed, then change it. But, you have to understand that there are MANY people who think you're perfect already

 

[StacyTG]

The thing about stuff is, the more you think about it, the more complicated it becomes.

Here's how I've dealt with stuff:

1. Worrying about things that are beyond my control will achieve nothing, and only make me feel worse.

2. What I cannot change I shall leave alone and not think about it.

3. What can be changed, ought to be changed, if it makes me feel good about myself.

4. I don't believe in labelling. Am I gay/bi/cd/tg? I like older men taking me as if I were a woman; I like to put on anklets, waistlets and stuff like this in bed; when I watch porn I always imagine myself as the woman. What does that make me? It really doesn't matter. Life is too short to spend fussing over what you are. I know what I am. Why must I be a label?

I HATE the way I look. I HATE IT. I do, really. But there's nothing I can do about it, really, so I don't think about it too much. Looks aren't important to ME, so it is natural that the man I seek would be likewise oriented and see the woman(person?) inside of me. My lover would be, above all, an enlightened individual. So the way I look is of little value; will he be the worse off for choosing someone who looks like me? I doubt it. I'll more than make it up to him - I'll do things to him, and let him do things to me, that he won't even think of going to anybody else.

That's my perspective; it helps me sleep at night.

I don't know you personally, Stacy, but from what I've learned about you from your posts, ANY GUY would think you're beautiful; inside and outside. You do whatever it is you gotta do to feel better about yourself; if something needs to be changed, then change it. But, you have to understand that there are MANY people who think you're perfect already

Seamen, your post is profoundly touching and moved me to tears.

I absolutely loathe the way I look, but I know if I could find a guy to see past that and see me for the woman I am, I could get more comfortable with it. I just can't imagine why a guy would want a TG when he could have a real woman-a woman to give him children. That's something that no matter how much I try I will never be able to give him, and that's what really hurts.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sweetheart, there are so many men out there who don't want children. They want lovers.

 

[StacyTG]

Sweetheart, there are so many men out there who don't want children. They want lovers.

Of course, I'd want to be more than his lover, but thank you for your kind words, as always, Stella!

*hugs*

 

[JaxRhapsody]

I wish I was more like a zerophiliac and I could switch at will.

 

[StacyTG]

I know in my heart, once I went female, I'd never go back!

 

[bimomforyounger]

lover

Stacy, one day you will find the right man who will love you for who you are. If you both want children there are many babies available for adoption. I was adopted as a baby and eternally grateful for my good fortune to be adopted by a loving couple, as would a child who was adopted by you and your husband would be.

 

[Seamen]

I just can't imagine why
a guy would want a TG when
he could have a real woman

You're right. He won't.

At the same time, there are many, many people here (including me, and the hundreds, if not thousands of other users active on this forum and elsewhere) who can't imagine why a guy would want a woman when he could have a real TG.

I
-a
woman to give him children.

You forget, there are millions of real women who can't have children. And, there are millions of men who shoot blanks. You could've been a real woman and still might have been unable to conceive. Its unfortunate, but it happens to many people. Doesn't mean you can't still be a parent and start a family. Didn't you watch Friends? Remember Monica and Chandler?

 

[StacyTG]

You're right. He won't.

At the same time, there are many, many people here (including me, and the hundreds, if not thousands of other users active on this forum and elsewhere) who can't imagine why a guy would want a woman when he could have a real TG.


You forget, there are millions of real women who can't have children. And, there are millions of men who shoot blanks. You could've been a real woman and still might have been unable to conceive. Its unfortunate, but it happens to many people. Doesn't mean you can't still be a parent and start a family. Didn't you watch Friends? Remember Monica and Chandler?

I do, and I'm really trying to remain positive. It's so much easier here, because everyone is accepting (for the most part), but I can't just go out in the real world and go full TG and expect to be welcomed with open arms...in fact, I'm afraid it could be downright dangerous.

Hope springs eternal. I'm really hoping to meet someone here, and maybe it could blossom into something more...who knows?

 

[Seamen]

I'm afraid it could be downright dangerous.

I understand completely.Even for me, "coming out" could mean social ridicule, discrimination, hostility and worse. It is simply not an option.

But you know, nobody is themselves 24 hours a day. Everybody wears a mask of some sort. Compromise is the order of the day. So, during the day, at work and such, you could "dress up" so that you would be safe, and then at home, you could be the real you - the Stacy we all love so much and want to bang

Now, as long as you're careful, I think finding someone online could be a nice option; but caution is required. Never give out any personal detail until and unless you're really sure. Love will find you when you're ready. In the meantime, self service might be a good way to get some release

 

[Stella_Omega]

Stacy, you might consider joining fetlife.com if you haven't done so already, and looking for accepting folk in your area. There are excellent discussion groups hosted on fetlife, and you might find something face-to-face as well.

I think the BDSM crowd is sometimes a better fit for TG folk than the gay and lesbian crowd, even when you are completely vanilla. There's more acceptance of roleplay. Hopefully.

 

[StacyTG]

Stacy, you might consider joining fetlife.com if you haven't done so already, and looking for accepting folk in your area. There are excellent discussion groups hosted on fetlife, and you might find something face-to-face as well.

I think the BDSM crowd is sometimes a better fit for TG folk than the gay and lesbian crowd, even when you are completely vanilla. There's more acceptance of roleplay. Hopefully.

Thanks for your advice, Stella. I may just have to do that. I know there's a GLBT group that meets at the local college (it's open to all). I've been trying to get the courage to go, but...

I'm scared.

If I could just take that first step...

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thanks for your advice, Stella. I may just have to do that. I know there's a GLBT group that meets at the local college (it's open to all). I've been trying to get the courage to go, but...

I'm scared.

If I could just take that first step...

I hear you.

Do they have an online presence? Believe it or not, I get hit with social anxiety off and on, and it's helped me to have talked with a few folks via the internet first before meeting them plus whoever else at meetings.

Maybe you could call one of the counselors first for a phone chat? Be honest and tell them about your fears-- HOPEFULLY they will know how to interact with you once they understand the issue.

 

[StacyTG]

I hear you.

Do they have an online presence? Believe it or not, I get hit with social anxiety off and on, and it's helped me to have talked with a few folks via the internet first before meeting them plus whoever else at meetings.

Maybe you could call one of the counselors first for a phone chat? Be honest and tell them about your fears-- HOPEFULLY they will know how to interact with you once they understand the issue.

That's a very good idea, Stella! I may have to investigate! I'm sure there may be a way to contact whoever is in charge of the meetings (is that the right word?) I'm just scared to death I'm going to be outcast. I'm afraid to stand up and finally proclaim to the world what I am and have everyone in the room look at me like...

I'm just afraid I'll be judged because it's a GLBT meeting...notice the T is at the end? What if there's no other TG's there, and everyone thinks I'm only there because they think it's some sort of fetish thing with me (it's not, I hope I've made that clear).

I'm just scared. Like this. I've made wonderful friends here on Lit. If I knew that one of them would be there, it would make it that much easier, because I feel like I'd have someone there to support me, somebody who already knows me....I wouldn't be a stranger.

I'm just scared and afraid to be judged.

 

[mandoscot]

Don't be scared hon - we all love ya. Take that confidence and support with you.

 

[Seamen]

Well, you will be judged. Whatever you do, whoever you are (or are not), let me assure you, you will be judged.

The point, however, is whether you should be bothered that you will be judged or not. There are many factors you ought to consider about this:

1. Whether you hold somebody in such high esteem as to care what they think about you, it being of some significance whether they accept you for who you are or not, and

2. Whether they ought to be held in such high esteem if they do not accept you for who you are in the first place.

In other words, if somebody can't / won't accept you for who you are, why would even care what they think? If they don't care about you, why should you care about them?

Stacy, I think you have self-esteem that function beyond the question of sexuality. Maybe you need to work on that first.