Down the rabbit hole

[Apisto42]

I’ve been thinking about this as I slowly go through 25 years of accumulated stuff. The garage is full of boxes from our last move. These boxes were packed in a tropical country, spent time on a container ship and then storage and then stored in a garage for 12 years because we were busy living.

We were busy doing projects, traveling, doing new things. So all these projects from what is now a previous life, sat in boxes. And we knew there was a good chance that all this stuff as already ruined, but like cat in the box, we didn’t know.

Every box I’ve opened has been fuvked in some way. So it’s load the trailer and go to the dump.

And it’s upsetting. Not because this stuff is ruined, but because of all the things left undone. I have very few regrets for the things that were done for good or ill. But I’m grieving for all the things she wanted to do that will never be done.

That is one I didn’t really expect how hard it was going to hit.

 

[Apisto42]

A little bit of Americana for happy. Had to stop and take a pic on the way to the dump. I like watching the corn grow.

 

[cheekygirl75]

I’ve been thinking about this as I slowly go through 25 years of accumulated stuff. The garage is full of boxes from our last move. These boxes were packed in a tropical country, spent time on a container ship and then storage and then stored in a garage for 12 years because we were busy living.

We were busy doing projects, traveling, doing new things. So all these projects from what is now a previous life, sat in boxes. And we knew there was a good chance that all this stuff as already ruined, but like cat in the box, we didn’t know.

Every box I’ve opened has been fuvked in some way. So it’s load the trailer and go to the dump.

And it’s upsetting. Not because this stuff is ruined, but because of all the things left undone. I have very few regrets for the things that were done for good or ill. But I’m grieving for all the things she wanted to do that will never be done.

That is one I didn’t really expect how hard it was going to hit.

 

[Zumbamami_69]

And it’s upsetting. Not because this stuff is ruined, but because of all the things left undone. I have very few regrets for the things that were done for good or ill. But I’m grieving for all the things she wanted to do that will never be done.

That's what hits me, too. All those thoughts, dreams, and plans that never materialized.

That's the insidiously selfish part of grief that you can't prepare for - just live through. But, maybe... when a little time has passed, you can revisit those dreams, make plans, and take a brave leap: to do them.

 

[Apisto42]

That's what hits me, too. All those thoughts, dreams, and plans that never materialized.

That's the insidiously selfish part of grief that you can't prepare for - just live through. But, maybe... when a little time has passed, you can revisit those dreams, make plans, and take a brave leap: to do them.

Oh hell no. These were her projects.

My shit is neat and organized and contained in tubs with only a messy project desk.

But I appreciate the sentiment.

Travel though - yes. We’re making plans to go places that we all wanted to go.

 

[Zumbamami_69]

Oh hell no. These were her projects.

My shit is neat and organized and contained in tubs with only a messy project desk.

But I appreciate the sentiment.

Travel though - yes. We’re making plans to go places that we all wanted to go.

OH!!! Oops. My bad. I completely misread it as "shared projects." That was my complicated grief informing my comment.

Travel. Yes! Anywhere and everywhere!

 

[Apisto42]

OH!!! Oops. My bad. I completely misread it as "shared projects." That was my complicated grief informing my comment.

Travel. Yes! Anywhere and everywhere!

Wellllll, her projects were also my projects by default.

Secret: it’s actually quite freeing to be absolved of the responsibility of doing things that needed to be done that I wasn’t that interested in doing in the first place.

And that’s okay.

 

[SparkleFur]

I’ve been thinking about this as I slowly go through 25 years of accumulated stuff. The garage is full of boxes from our last move. These boxes were packed in a tropical country, spent time on a container ship and then storage and then stored in a garage for 12 years because we were busy living.

We were busy doing projects, traveling, doing new things. So all these projects from what is now a previous life, sat in boxes. And we knew there was a good chance that all this stuff as already ruined, but like cat in the box, we didn’t know.

Every box I’ve opened has been fuvked in some way. So it’s load the trailer and go to the dump.

And it’s upsetting. Not because this stuff is ruined, but because of all the things left undone. I have very few regrets for the things that were done for good or ill. But I’m grieving for all the things she wanted to do that will never be done.

That is one I didn’t really expect how hard it was going to hit.

Sigh. I keep thinking of places we were going to go, and things he's missing (like the World Cup.) It's the worst. I'm sorry.

 

[Peeking77]

I mourn with you

 

[Apisto42]

Yesterday I had my annual eye appointment, which went fine, but of course the first question from the doctor was “how’s your wife and son?” We’ve been seeing her for at least 13 years and we’ve often gone as a family.

Which wasn’t unexpected, I should have gone last month due to the contact supply (one pair left), but fuck this notifying people all the time. So I followed it up by getting take out at this really fantastic Thai place nearby.

We had gotten to know the owner years and years ago, and he’s the one that when we told him about the cancer gave her all the eastern medical advice he could! Great guy. When I’ve gotten take out from there over the past six months when she was too wiped out to go out he’d always ask about her.

Luckily it was dead (early enough on the start of a holiday weekend (today being the federal holiday observance for 4th of July to let our foreign friends know)), so I sat at the bar and we talked after he gave me a bear hug.

Later on, son and I were talking to a friend of the family that we’re very close with and she, while being a staunch catholic, is very … woo-woo in some ways. She was asking son if my wife had made herself known to us yet.

Imma gonna let that one sit there for a minute.

Anyway. I was very happy and proud for son’s response. He explained his beliefs through physics. We’re all just energy and energy is never lost, just transformed.

Hope everyone has a splendid day.

 

[Zumbamami_69]

Your kid is awesome, Rabbit, as is the community of friends y'all created over the years. Namaste.

 

[EyesOnHers]

Anyway. I was very happy and proud for son’s response. He explained his beliefs through physics. We’re all just energy and energy is never lost, just transformed.

Hope everyone has a splendid day.

Your son nails my beliefs too
Atoms that make us... us... don't change. The vessel that held them might.
But 'they' are still here. At an atomic level, at a subatomic level.
Everything that was... is always.

 

[Apisto42]

Here’s a dog with a trim and shades for y’all.

 

[EyesOnHers]

Here’s a dog with a trim and shades for y’all.

View attachment 2645471

Cuuute

 

[LadyLascivious1]

Aw, bunny, catching up here made me smile, frown, think, and want to cry a few times.

My heart goes out to you and your son. I’m glad you have each other to lean on and figure out how to navigate these next life steps.

And if your therapist recommends boobs as part of your coping journey, just let me know

 

[Apisto42]

Why yes, that was her top recommendation.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

Why yes, that was her top recommendation.

I take therapeutic recommendations very seriously.

 

[SparkleFur]

Yesterday I had my annual eye appointment, which went fine, but of course the first question from the doctor was “how’s your wife and son?” We’ve been seeing her for at least 13 years and we’ve often gone as a family.

Which wasn’t unexpected, I should have gone last month due to the contact supply (one pair left), but fuck this notifying people all the time. So I followed it up by getting take out at this really fantastic Thai place nearby.

We had gotten to know the owner years and years ago, and he’s the one that when we told him about the cancer gave her all the eastern medical advice he could! Great guy. When I’ve gotten take out from there over the past six months when she was too wiped out to go out he’d always ask about her.

Luckily it was dead (early enough on the start of a holiday weekend (today being the federal holiday observance for 4th of July to let our foreign friends know)), so I sat at the bar and we talked after he gave me a bear hug.

Later on, son and I were talking to a friend of the family that we’re very close with and she, while being a staunch catholic, is very … woo-woo in some ways. She was asking son if my wife had made herself known to us yet.

Imma gonna let that one sit there for a minute.

Anyway. I was very happy and proud for son’s response. He explained his beliefs through physics. We’re all just energy and energy is never lost, just transformed.

Hope everyone has a splendid day.

Hugs

 

[asian2015]

Yesterday I had my annual eye appointment, which went fine, but of course the first question from the doctor was “how’s your wife and son?” We’ve been seeing her for at least 13 years and we’ve often gone as a family.

Which wasn’t unexpected, I should have gone last month due to the contact supply (one pair left), but fuck this notifying people all the time. So I followed it up by getting take out at this really fantastic Thai place nearby.

We had gotten to know the owner years and years ago, and he’s the one that when we told him about the cancer gave her all the eastern medical advice he could! Great guy. When I’ve gotten take out from there over the past six months when she was too wiped out to go out he’d always ask about her.

Luckily it was dead (early enough on the start of a holiday weekend (today being the federal holiday observance for 4th of July to let our foreign friends know)), so I sat at the bar and we talked after he gave me a bear hug.

Later on, son and I were talking to a friend of the family that we’re very close with and she, while being a staunch catholic, is very … woo-woo in some ways. She was asking son if my wife had made herself known to us yet.

Imma gonna let that one sit there for a minute.

Anyway. I was very happy and proud for son’s response. He explained his beliefs through physics. We’re all just energy and energy is never lost, just transformed.

Hope everyone has a splendid day.

Just saw your 3 July post.
Hope this finds you in a slightly better place.
Have a restful weekend.

 

[Apisto42]

It has been a strange month. In July i had somewhat created a new schedule and things were a new normal. I felt like I was doing well and overall I was. i had kind of gotten used to the grief and the weirdness of life because after all, humans are adaptable. Then I dropped son off at the airport and I went to the house that we inherited when her dad died a few years ago. The first thing that was most unexpected was the sharp impact of anger/sadness/grief that hit as I pulled through the terminal on my way out of the airport. I had been dropping him off at airports by myself for the past couple years as cancer treatments left my wife in too much pain to travel, so I really was expecting a sense of freedom (because while he is a college grad and an adult, I'm still his dad right?). Instead I looked at the passenger seat and said,"Why the fuck aren't you here?"

I had managed to shock myself with that one. I was so pissed off and sad at the same time. It was completely unexpected.

Supposed to be our time right? “Supposed”. It’s a shitty term. Expectations and the root of unhappiness.

Anyway, the trip ended up with good weather and a little dog got to walk around in the mountains a couple times. Being in the house alone in KY was odd. Lots of get togethers with people who knew her. There was one day that was rough - cleaning her clothes out of that house. I had just about made it to Goodwill when “Chasing Cars” started playing. That song always reminded me of the good times and fuck, I just had to pull over in the lot and lose it for a bit.

And what I noticed on the trip was the changing nature of grief. The first 9 weeks were sharp and immediate swings. Now it’s more just a sadness in the background along with an acceptance of it. It’s just the way it is for now. I have no doubt that things will change.

Also, with that, I have found a quiet brotherhood of widowers. The plumber, my friend’s dad, the guy at the auto parts store. They all told me the same thing - it gets better. With tears in their eyes. There were manly hugs and handshakes. It was good.

Finally got some legal stuff finished today. DMV tomorrow. Oh joy

Obligatory Dog tax

And Day 11 on Song’s thread? Y’all killing me.

 

[cheekygirl75]

It has been a strange month. In July i had somewhat created a new schedule and things were a new normal. I felt like I was doing well and overall I was. i had kind of gotten used to the grief and the weirdness of life because after all, humans are adaptable. Then I dropped son off at the airport and I went to the house that we inherited when her dad died a few years ago. The first thing that was most unexpected was the sharp impact of anger/sadness/grief that hit as I pulled through the terminal on my way out of the airport. I had been dropping him off at airports by myself for the past couple years as cancer treatments left my wife in too much pain to travel, so I really was expecting a sense of freedom (because while he is a college grad and an adult, I'm still his dad right?). Instead I looked at the passenger seat and said,"Why the fuck aren't you here?"

I had managed to shock myself with that one. I was so pissed off and sad at the same time. It was completely unexpected.

Supposed to be our time right? “Supposed”. It’s a shitty term. Expectations and the root of unhappiness.

Anyway, the trip ended up with good weather and a little dog got to walk around in the mountains a couple times. Being in the house alone in KY was odd. Lots of get togethers with people who knew her. There was one day that was rough - cleaning her clothes out of that house. I had just about made it to Goodwill when “Chasing Cars” started playing. That song always reminded me of the good times and fuck, I just had to pull over in the lot and lose it for a bit.

And what I noticed on the trip was the changing nature of grief. The first 9 weeks were sharp and immediate swings. Now it’s more just a sadness in the background along with an acceptance of it. It’s just the way it is for now. I have no doubt that things will change.

Also, with that, I have found a quiet brotherhood of widowers. The plumber, my friend’s dad, the guy at the auto parts store. They all told me the same thing - it gets better. With tears in their eyes. There were manly hugs and handshakes. It was good.

Finally got some legal stuff finished today. DMV tomorrow. Oh joy

Obligatory Dog tax

 

[AngelicaS1780]

It has been a strange month. In July i had somewhat created a new schedule and things were a new normal. I felt like I was doing well and overall I was. i had kind of gotten used to the grief and the weirdness of life because after all, humans are adaptable. Then I dropped son off at the airport and I went to the house that we inherited when her dad died a few years ago. The first thing that was most unexpected was the sharp impact of anger/sadness/grief that hit as I pulled through the terminal on my way out of the airport. I had been dropping him off at airports by myself for the past couple years as cancer treatments left my wife in too much pain to travel, so I really was expecting a sense of freedom (because while he is a college grad and an adult, I'm still his dad right?). Instead I looked at the passenger seat and said,"Why the fuck aren't you here?"

I had managed to shock myself with that one. I was so pissed off and sad at the same time. It was completely unexpected.

Supposed to be our time right? “Supposed”. It’s a shitty term. Expectations and the root of unhappiness.

Anyway, the trip ended up with good weather and a little dog got to walk around in the mountains a couple times. Being in the house alone in KY was odd. Lots of get togethers with people who knew her. There was one day that was rough - cleaning her clothes out of that house. I had just about made it to Goodwill when “Chasing Cars” started playing. That song always reminded me of the good times and fuck, I just had to pull over in the lot and lose it for a bit.

And what I noticed on the trip was the changing nature of grief. The first 9 weeks were sharp and immediate swings. Now it’s more just a sadness in the background along with an acceptance of it. It’s just the way it is for now. I have no doubt that things will change.

Also, with that, I have found a quiet brotherhood of widowers. The plumber, my friend’s dad, the guy at the auto parts store. They all told me the same thing - it gets better. With tears in their eyes. There were manly hugs and handshakes. It was good.

Finally got some legal stuff finished today. DMV tomorrow. Oh joy

Obligatory Dog tax

And Day 11 on Song’s thread? Y’all killing me.

for all the hard stuff

for the dog tax

 

[Shenanigans90]

It has been a strange month. In July i had somewhat created a new schedule and things were a new normal. I felt like I was doing well and overall I was. i had kind of gotten used to the grief and the weirdness of life because after all, humans are adaptable. Then I dropped son off at the airport and I went to the house that we inherited when her dad died a few years ago. The first thing that was most unexpected was the sharp impact of anger/sadness/grief that hit as I pulled through the terminal on my way out of the airport. I had been dropping him off at airports by myself for the past couple years as cancer treatments left my wife in too much pain to travel, so I really was expecting a sense of freedom (because while he is a college grad and an adult, I'm still his dad right?). Instead I looked at the passenger seat and said,"Why the fuck aren't you here?"

I had managed to shock myself with that one. I was so pissed off and sad at the same time. It was completely unexpected.

Supposed to be our time right? “Supposed”. It’s a shitty term. Expectations and the root of unhappiness.

Anyway, the trip ended up with good weather and a little dog got to walk around in the mountains a couple times. Being in the house alone in KY was odd. Lots of get togethers with people who knew her. There was one day that was rough - cleaning her clothes out of that house. I had just about made it to Goodwill when “Chasing Cars” started playing. That song always reminded me of the good times and fuck, I just had to pull over in the lot and lose it for a bit.

And what I noticed on the trip was the changing nature of grief. The first 9 weeks were sharp and immediate swings. Now it’s more just a sadness in the background along with an acceptance of it. It’s just the way it is for now. I have no doubt that things will change.

Also, with that, I have found a quiet brotherhood of widowers. The plumber, my friend’s dad, the guy at the auto parts store. They all told me the same thing - it gets better. With tears in their eyes. There were manly hugs and handshakes. It was good.

Finally got some legal stuff finished today. DMV tomorrow. Oh joy

Obligatory Dog tax

And Day 11 on Song’s thread? Y’all killing me.

Hugs my friend. One day at a time.

 

[hotoldrguy]

It has been a strange month. In July i had somewhat created a new schedule and things were a new normal. I felt like I was doing well and overall I was. i had kind of gotten used to the grief and the weirdness of life because after all, humans are adaptable. Then I dropped son off at the airport and I went to the house that we inherited when her dad died a few years ago. The first thing that was most unexpected was the sharp impact of anger/sadness/grief that hit as I pulled through the terminal on my way out of the airport. I had been dropping him off at airports by myself for the past couple years as cancer treatments left my wife in too much pain to travel, so I really was expecting a sense of freedom (because while he is a college grad and an adult, I'm still his dad right?). Instead I looked at the passenger seat and said,"Why the fuck aren't you here?"

I had managed to shock myself with that one. I was so pissed off and sad at the same time. It was completely unexpected.

Supposed to be our time right? “Supposed”. It’s a shitty term. Expectations and the root of unhappiness.

Anyway, the trip ended up with good weather and a little dog got to walk around in the mountains a couple times. Being in the house alone in KY was odd. Lots of get togethers with people who knew her. There was one day that was rough - cleaning her clothes out of that house. I had just about made it to Goodwill when “Chasing Cars” started playing. That song always reminded me of the good times and fuck, I just had to pull over in the lot and lose it for a bit.

And what I noticed on the trip was the changing nature of grief. The first 9 weeks were sharp and immediate swings. Now it’s more just a sadness in the background along with an acceptance of it. It’s just the way it is for now. I have no doubt that things will change.

Also, with that, I have found a quiet brotherhood of widowers. The plumber, my friend’s dad, the guy at the auto parts store. They all told me the same thing - it gets better. With tears in their eyes. There were manly hugs and handshakes. It was good.

Finally got some legal stuff finished today. DMV tomorrow. Oh joy

Obligatory Dog tax

And Day 11 on Song’s thread? Y’all killing me.

It does come in waves. Hang in there. It does get better. little by little overtime

 

[Apisto42]

Holy speed racer Batman, the dmv was virtually dead and only took 1.5 hours. It’s a fucking miracle. What should I do for the other three hours I had allocated?