Feedback on my first story

[Raymitchell1]

I’m retired. Ive always enjoyed writing a I read a lot of erotic literature so I thought I would give it a whirl. Tell me what you think. My stories are inspired by trips I have taken.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-onsen-1

 

[Deepikafrozen]

I’m retired. Ive always enjoyed writing a I read a lot of erotic literature so I thought I would give it a whirl. Tell me what you think. My stories are inspired by trips I have taken.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-onsen-1

Such a gorgeous read, You completely nailed the atmosphere the steam, the snow outside, and the sensory tension had me hooked.
I did find the beginning a bit hard to buy into; an unknown woman casually walking into the bath without a word and instantly being that comfortable felt a little unrealistic. However, the twist at the end completely reframed it! Turning what seemed like a stranger encounter into a playful roleplay between a long-term couple added so much warmth. Hands down, the most incredible part was how raw and intimate the ending felt when he released inside her that detail was absolute perfection.
It’s wonderful to see a mature relationship explored with this much spark. Can't wait to read more of your travel-inspired stories.

 

[Raymitchell1]

Such a gorgeous read, You completely nailed the atmosphere the steam, the snow outside, and the sensory tension had me hooked.
I did find the beginning a bit hard to buy into; an unknown woman casually walking into the bath without a word and instantly being that comfortable felt a little unrealistic. However, the twist at the end completely reframed it! Turning what seemed like a stranger encounter into a playful roleplay between a long-term couple added so much warmth. Hands down, the most incredible part was how raw and intimate the ending felt when he released inside her that detail was absolute perfection.
It’s wonderful to see a mature relationship explored with this much spark. Can't wait to read more of your travel-inspired stories.

Thanks so much for the feedback. I’m glad you liked it.

 

[MadeleineSinha]

Such a gorgeous read, You completely nailed the atmosphere the steam, the snow outside, and the sensory tension had me hooked.
I did find the beginning a bit hard to buy into; an unknown woman casually walking into the bath without a word and instantly being that comfortable felt a little unrealistic. However, the twist at the end completely reframed it! Turning what seemed like a stranger encounter into a playful roleplay between a long-term couple added so much warmth. Hands down, the most incredible part was how raw and intimate the ending felt when he released inside her that detail was absolute perfection.
It’s wonderful to see a mature relationship explored with this much spark. Can't wait to read more of your travel-inspired stories.

Spoilers!
I won’t bother reading it now you’ve revealed the twist.

Did you go round telling everyone Bruce Willis was a ghost?

 

[Raymitchell1]

Spoilers!
I won’t bother reading it now you’ve revealed the twist.

Did you go round telling everyone Bruce Willis was a ghost?

Come on! Read it for me?

 

[AngelaSaxon]

I've lost count of the number of stories on this site with exactly that twist, but it's in the dozens.

This is far from the worst, but unfortunately I long ago started hating it every time someone pulls that 'hey they really knew each other all along and it's just a game!' conclusion.

At least it's in Erotic Stories instead of another category where that conclusion is frequently used to excitingly reveal the big twist - the twist being that it's in the wrong category...

 

[Raymitchell1]

Spoilers!
I won’t bother reading it now you’ve revealed the twist.

Did you go round telling everyone Bruce Willis was

Thanks so much for the feedback. I’m glad you liked it.

I've lost count of the number of stories on this site with exactly that twist, but it's in the dozens.

This is far from the worst, but unfortunately I long ago started hating it every time someone pulls that 'hey they really knew each other all along and it's just a game!' conclusion.

At least it's in Erotic Stories instead of another category where that conclusion is frequently used to excitingly reveal the big twist - the twist being that it's in the wrong category...

I've lost count of the number of stories on this site with exactly that twist, but it's in the dozens.

This is far from the worst, but unfortunately I long ago started hating it every time someone pulls that 'hey they really knew each other all along and it's just a game!' conclusion.

At least it's in Erotic Stories instead of another category where that conclusion is frequently used to excitingly reveal the big twist - the twist being that it's in the

Fair point, and honestly I can't argue with it — it's a well-worn twist for a reason (it's easy to reach for), but that doesn't make it less tired to read the tenth time. Appreciate you sticking with it anyway.

 

[Raymitchell1]

The first three chapters of my second story is out now.

 

[Raymitchell1]

All chapters of my new story are published. It’s set in modern day China. Lots of sex! I hope you like it.

Read it here. Let me know what you think. https://www.literotica.com/series/se/495647974