First Time Writer & long time lurker

[BoredinLeather]

I’m just excited I went through with writing my first short story on here, I’m thinking of writing a part two. I haven’t done any creative writing in years & it felt great experiment with it in a new way.

Unboxing a Latex Fetish

 

[AlinaX]

Best to use ‘and’ rather than ‘&’. The latter works in some situations, like the law firm Penny & Whistle, and I like Jane Austen’s version of et cetera, &c.

It’s worth reining in on the commas too.

And take your time. Let the mystery tease you. Eroticism is nine tenths anticipation. Linger on the illicit nature of the desire, the fear of discovery.

Nice, though.

 

[BoredinLeather]

Best to use ‘and’ rather than ‘&’. The latter works in some situations, like the law firm Penny & Whistle, and I like Jane Austen’s version of et cetera, &c.

It’s worth reining in on the commas too.

And take your time. Let the mystery tease you. Eroticism is nine tenths anticipation. Linger on the illicit nature of the desire, the fear of discovery.

Nice, though.

I will absolutely have that in mind in the future, thanks for the help!

 

[nice90sguy]

I’m just excited

take your time.

Yep, obey your Domme.

 

[calmlikeabomb]

I’m just excited I went through with writing my first short story on here, I’m thinking of writing a part two. I haven’t done any creative writing in years & it felt great experiment with it in a new way.

Unboxing a Latex Fetish

Loved it and gifted a 5*. The world is a better place when men can share what makes them tick vs trying to fulfill what "society" wants us to be.

My negative feedback is as follows:

TOO FUCKING SHORT GODDAMIT WRITE MORE! EXPRESS MORE! GIVE US THE LITTLE MOMENTS ONLY YOU CAN EXPERIENCE, AND LET US CHERISH THOSE IN YOUR WORDS!

once again, congratulations and hoping to read more.

 

[BoredinLeather]

Loved it and gifted a 5*. The world is a better place when men can share what makes them tick vs trying to fulfill what "society" wants us to be.

My negative feedback is as follows:

TOO FUCKING SHORT GODDAMIT WRITE MORE! EXPRESS MORE! GIVE US THE LITTLE MOMENTS ONLY YOU CAN EXPERIENCE, AND LET US CHERISH THOSE IN YOUR WORDS!

once again, congratulations and hoping to read more.

Thank you so much for the compliment! The story started out as a little blurb on BlueSky that included pictures (of me) and was a few posts long. I just kept adding on more details edited it and made it much more explicit.

Whatever you think happens after the end of the story is way hotter than anything I could think to write. But I do want to add more and continue the journey. That said, I know who walks in, and I know where the package came from…

 

[BoredinLeather]

Yep, obey your Domme.

I can be a bit of a brat.

 

[Duil2]

Well done on your first story. I really enjoyed it overall.
I did however become a bit hung up on the questions I was left with about the door to their apartment.
Early on you say the bell rang and it might be the wife coming home early but why would she have to use the doorbell - surely she'd have a key?
Conversely later on the main character is panicking about being caught in the fetish wear but how would any of those mentioned, the maintenance man or the solicitors be able to get into the apartment without him letting them in?
If I've missed something glaringly obvious, apologies.
Definitely want more and would encourage you to continue.
Is the line at the end of paragraph 3 about his wife 'She could deal with this.' an artful foreshadow of who came into the room linked to the final words "Deal with this." ? I wonder...

 

[calmlikeabomb]

Thank you so much for the compliment! The story started out as a little blurb on BlueSky that included pictures (of me) and was a few posts long. I just kept adding on more details edited it and made it much more explicit.

Whatever you think happens after the end of the story is way hotter than anything I could think to write. But I do want to add more and continue the journey. That said, I know who walks in, and I know where the package came from…

That's pretty cool. I like a bit of breadcrumbs. Can't wait to find out what happens next.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Pretty decent story. You've gotten some good advice. I'll add a couple more:

You should cut back on the rhetorical questions. There are better ways to show doubt than to have a character asking a bunch of questions, and especially in such a short piece they're really going to stand out. Do I think of them as a crutch? Kind of. Case in point, there are four in this paragraph alone:

My blood was on fire & rushing straight to my groin. The latex pants grew tighter, as the outline of my phallus stretched across the length of my right thigh. Had my cock always been this long? I reached down to feel it. I rubbed the length of my cock though my latex pants, & at that moment, I snapped out of it. What the hell was I doing? This wasn't like me at all! I clawed at the buckles on the back of my head at the realization. What would happen if I got caught looking like this? Had I locked the deadbolt? If my wife came home early and saw me like this it'd be the best-case scenario. Maintenance was still scheduled to fix the water heater, & those solicitors were surely at my building by now. Anyone could open the door at any second! I needed to get out of this stuff immediately!

Instead of questions, focus on consequences, uncertainties, hope.

Had my cock always been this long? > My cock extended nearly to my knee. I'd never seen it that long before. (Focuses the realization that the cock seems longer, and more than just a little bit. Good tease for the reader that something is off. Could be he's more aroused, or could be something more.)
What the hell was I doing? (Probably the most appropriate, acts as a good bridge between snapping out and the realization that something is wrong).
What would happen if I got caught looking like this? > I couldn't get caught looking like this. (Ramps stakes from wondering to knowing that being caught like this would be bad.)
Had I locked the deadbolt? > I prayed I'd locked the deadbolt. (Less question, more "Please God, let me have remembered to have locked the door!" Shows his fear a bit more, especially paired with knowing there would be consequences to being caught like this.)

The other is it feels a bit like a play at times, which can easily be fixed by fleshing it out. By that, I mean it reads kind of like stage direction, a lot of short description of the guy doing something in a row.

I laid down & unzipped my latex pants. I pulled my cock free, it was beautiful. Precum spilling down the tip. My gloved hands rubbed the cum onto the head of my penis, then down the shaft. I gripped it tight. Every inch screamed out for release. I started stroking fast and hard, eyes rolling to the back of my skull. I let out a loud moan as the bedroom door opened.

The sentences (or at least the first clauses in the sentences) in this paragraph follow very much the same simple sentence subject-predacate structure: "I laid down..." "I pulled my..." "My gloved hand rubbed..." All have the subject, then the action. Some of the sentences are more complex, which is good. But stage directing, where we're primarily seeing what the body's doing and how it's acting, but focusing less on the character's internal state, can become monotonous and uninteresting, as it starts to read more like a list of ingredients than something more organic and alive. Again, I think this is something easily fixed by expanding out the story more generally. You'll be able to add more focus on sensations, emotion, internal thoughts, etc., and break up the more repetitive structures.

Pretty decent for a first-time story. Keep up the good work.

 

[BoredinLeather]

Pretty decent story. You've gotten some good advice. I'll add a couple more:

You should cut back on the rhetorical questions. There are better ways to show doubt than to have a character asking a bunch of questions, and especially in such a short piece they're really going to stand out. Do I think of them as a crutch? Kind of. Case in point, there are four in this paragraph alone:

Instead of questions, focus on consequences, uncertainties, hope.

Had my cock always been this long? > My cock extended nearly to my knee. I'd never seen it that long before. (Focuses the realization that the cock seems longer, and more than just a little bit. Good tease for the reader that something is off. Could be he's more aroused, or could be something more.)
What the hell was I doing? (Probably the most appropriate, acts as a good bridge between snapping out and the realization that something is wrong).
What would happen if I got caught looking like this? > I couldn't get caught looking like this. (Ramps stakes from wondering to knowing that being caught like this would be bad.)
Had I locked the deadbolt? > I prayed I'd locked the deadbolt. (Less question, more "Please God, let me have remembered to have locked the door!" Shows his fear a bit more, especially paired with knowing there would be consequences to being caught like this.)

The other is it feels a bit like a play at times, which can easily be fixed by fleshing it out. By that, I mean it reads kind of like stage direction, a lot of short description of the guy doing something in a row.


The sentences (or at least the first clauses in the sentences) in this paragraph follow very much the same simple sentence subject-predacate structure: "I laid down..." "I pulled my..." "My gloved hand rubbed..." All have the subject, then the action. Some of the sentences are more complex, which is good. But stage directing, where we're primarily seeing what the body's doing and how it's acting, but focusing less on the character's internal state, can become monotonous and uninteresting, as it starts to read more like a list of ingredients than something more organic and alive. Again, I think this is something easily fixed by expanding out the story more generally. You'll be able to add more focus on sensations, emotion, internal thoughts, etc., and break up the more repetitive structures.

Pretty decent for a first-time story. Keep up the good work.

Thank you so much for the in depth response and breakdown. This will definitely help me out in the future.

It’s kinda funny that the story actually started as a 4 part microblog post on BlueSky, but I kept on tweaking it until it turned into what you read.

I’ve only started writing the second part of the story it’s already longer than the first. When I finish it I plan on going back to part one and fleshing it out more so they can fit together better, and add more emotional/situational beats.

 

[anthrodisiac]

I’ve only started writing the second part of the story it’s already longer than the first. When I finish it I plan on going back to part one and fleshing it out more so they can fit together better, and add more emotional/situational beats.

Welcome to the wonderful world of "How the hell did this get so long???"

Glad I could be of service!

 

[BoredinLeather]

Welcome to the wonderful world of "How the hell did this get so long???"

Glad I could be of service!

Thanks again, part 1 just got published. Parts 2 and 3 are queued up awaiting approval.

https://www.literotica.com/s/latex-fetish-unleashed-part-1

 

[BoredinLeather]

That's pretty cool. I like a bit of breadcrumbs. Can't wait to find out what happens next.

Thanks! Finished the rewrite part 1 is out and 2 and 3 should be available really soon!

 

[anthrodisiac]

Thanks again, part 1 just got published. Parts 2 and 3 are queued up awaiting approval.

https://www.literotica.com/s/latex-fetish-unleashed-part-1

No problem! Best of luck with your series

 

[BoredinLeather]

Well done on your first story. I really enjoyed it overall.
I did however become a bit hung up on the questions I was left with about the door to their apartment.
Early on you say the bell rang and it might be the wife coming home early but why would she have to use the doorbell - surely she'd have a key?
Conversely later on the main character is panicking about being caught in the fetish wear but how would any of those mentioned, the maintenance man or the solicitors be able to get into the apartment without him letting them in?
If I've missed something glaringly obvious, apologies.
Definitely want more and would encourage you to continue.
Is the line at the end of paragraph 3 about his wife 'She could deal with this.' an artful foreshadow of who came into the room linked to the final words "Deal with this." ? I wonder...

This was really helpful while I was writing up part 2 and 3 out. To the point where this helped me rewrite part 1 to paint a better picture of the situation.