Forced scenario

[ebergeise]

I’m having a problem with an idea that fits well with my story. I wanted to use a couple of sentences to describe it and move on.
The problem is that I’ve approached it from several different angles but it always feels forced. The only way that seems to work is go into great detail over several paragraphs with lots more information than I wanted to get into.
Any suggestions on how to keep it short and sweet and not have to go into lengthy detail.
I will admit the drawn out version seems to work. It just seems like I’m using a lot of unnecessary verbiage.

 

[usable001]

I’m having a problem with an idea that fits well with my story. I wanted to use a couple of sentences to describe it and move on.
The problem is that I’ve approached it from several different angles but it always feels forced. The only way that seems to work is go into great detail over several paragraphs with lots more information than I wanted to get into.
Any suggestions on how to keep it short and sweet and not have to go into lengthy detail.

Only if you can tell us what "it" is.

 

[Voboy]

Only if you can tell us what "it" is.

This.

What's the idea?

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

Have one of your characters describe it in question and answer style dialog. Then you can get the idea out in a way that feels more natural.

"Captain, we just got a tip the MacGuffin's been stolen by The Syndicate."

"MacGuffin? You'll have to give me a little more detail than that, detective."

"Well, Captain, the MacGuffin is..."

 

[usable001]

Have one of your characters describe it in question and answer style dialog. Then you can get the idea out in a way that feels more natural.

"Captain, we just got a tip the MacGuffin's been stolen by The Syndicate."

"MacGuffin? You'll have to give me a little more detail than that, detective."

"Well, Captain, the MacGuffin is..."

While decent advice, isn't that more drawn out, the opposite of what the OP was looking for?

I’m having a problem with an idea that fits well with my story. I wanted to use a couple of sentences to describe it and move on.
...
I will admit the drawn out version seems to work. It just seems like I’m using a lot of unnecessary verbiage.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I’m having a problem with an idea that fits well with my story. I wanted to use a couple of sentences to describe it and move on.
The problem is that I’ve approached it from several different angles but it always feels forced. The only way that seems to work is go into great detail over several paragraphs with lots more information than I wanted to get into.
Any suggestions on how to keep it short and sweet and not have to go into lengthy detail.
I will admit the drawn out version seems to work. It just seems like I’m using a lot of unnecessary verbiage.

If it seems forced to fit, does the idea actually fit with the story, or do you the author really want it to fit, when it actually doesn't?

It might be a sacred cow type of idea, but if you're writing about horses...

If the idea is truly relevant and genius, it will have fitted together properly already.

That's being philosophical about it. The alternative is to drop in the whole context, however verbose, move on, and give it a good hard look during edit. It might be a rubbish idea after all, or it might snap the whole story together. Fix it up later, would be my advice. Before submission, obviously, don't wait to get reader input.

 

[Britva415]

While decent advice, isn't that more drawn out, the opposite of what the OP was looking for?

I think it was being offered as a way to make the drawing-out of what the OP feels is necessary information less objectionable for being drawn-out. After all, OP did say two things: That they think it's too drawn out, and also that they think it's necessary to do so.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Whatever "it" is, don't describe it. Imply it.

SPOILERS FOR CAT PEOPLE.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I think we need more detail on what "it" is.

What's the downside to more detail? If its important to the story, give it more detail, if it isn't important to the story... well kill your darlings. Tuck it away for another story, another time.

 

[usable001]

“He'd noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination - but at the end of the day they'd settle quite happily for egg and chips. If it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato.” Terry Pratchett

Off Topic, I know: I love Terry Pratchett, but never read that quote, so I tracked down a used copy of The Fifth Elephant. It arrived in the mail yesterday.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Off Topic, I know: I love Terry Pratchett, but never read that quote, so I tracked down a used copy of The Fifth Elephant. It arrived in the mail yesterday.

Terry Pratchett is ALWAYS on topic.

 

[anthrodisiac]

The alternative is to drop in the whole context, however verbose, move on, and give it a good hard look during edit. It might be a rubbish idea after all, or it might snap the whole story together. Fix it up later, would be my advice.

This is absolutely what I would do in this situation. Better to write something meh and keep going than to peck away at something tiny and have it block everything else, unless it's so important and serves as a major lynchpin.

Can't speak to why this is happening, sometimes it just does. Mindframe at the time, something actually wrong. A lot of the times in these situations, the issue is that the characters just don't feel like this is something they would do, which is at least good that they're pushing back on something that doesn't make in-universe sense. So it might require a rethink of the characters or getting to know them better to understand how they would approach the scenario.

However, that's focusing on the issue in the moment, and like EB said, and I second, it's better to dump that more verbose scene in there. You can always pare it back in edits. I frequently leave little notes to myself where I don't want to block my progress by focusing on some silly little detail or some small chunk of scene that isn't working. That's also an option, just come back to it later.

 

[BeechLeaf]

Do you actually need to include all of it?

I had a story that culminated in a wedding. It was the whole point of the story, and I wrote everything leading up to it in suitable detail. Then I got to the time of the actual ceremony, and couldn't be bothered describing that with the same amount of detail. So I just said it went off well, and moved to the aftermath.

Admittedly mine was significantly comic, and I broke the fourth wall. (Someone commented they loved how I did it.)

If it's a big, serious event, like a violent murder or a bank robbery, you have text that leads up to it. The reader knows what's going to happen. But you don't actually have to treat a big event in detail. Go up to it, then move to the consequences. Of course we still don't know what your 'it' is, but the principle could apply to all sorts of things.