funny sayings

[bone251]

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

 

[Oblimo]

If a thought ever entered her head it would perish from loneliness.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Self esteem is an erroneous assessment.

 

[bone251]

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

 

[ThatsTheGuy]

"I just had a Monster drink and cappuccino. Coffee gives me the shakes."

 

[suboots]

Born with a silver tongue in his cheek.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

If a thought ever entered her head it would perish from loneliness.

And another, like unto it.

His speeches leave the impression of an army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea. Sometimes these meandering words would actually capture a struggling thought and bear it triumphantly a prisoner in their midst until it died of servitude and overwork. Senator William McAdoo, speaking of Warren Harding

 

[ThatsTheGuy]

If a thought ever entered her head it would perish from loneliness.

I like that one. A lot.

 

[FutaMonster]

Light a fire for a man and he will be warm for a night. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It won't last long if you're fat.

 

[jehoram]

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

Sounds like what Mark Twain once said: "I did not attend his funeral, but I sent the family a very nice letter saying that I approved of it."

 

[Emirus]

Rough as a bear’s arse

 

[bone251]

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."

 

[bone251]

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

 

[bone251]

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.

 

[ThatsTheGuy]

" I hit my funny bone, but it's not so funny"

 

[JerseyGirlDownUnder]

I've been collecting Australian phrases I particularly like; possibly not funny but pithy:

* You can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter
* You don't know shit from clay
* Throw the dead cat on the table (meaning just lay out the facts)
* They banged like a dunny door in a cyclone (similar to the US version)
* That sticks out like a dog's balls
* (Over) charge them like a wounded bull
* That's like the floor of a cockie's cage (aka full of shit)
* How's your bum for grubs? (I think it means, how are you?)
* I'd rather a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

 

[ThatsTheGuy]

*comes back from the store w/ice cream to apologize for something I know nothing about - only to hear this*:

I KNOW it was you spying on me! I seen the car driving by a gazillion times.

 

[jehoram]

"He was so ugly that when he was born, the doctor slapped his mother."

 

[xelliebabex]

I've been collecting Australian phrases I particularly like; possibly not funny but pithy:

* You can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter
* You don't know shit from clay
* Throw the dead cat on the table (meaning just lay out the facts)
* They banged like a dunny door in a cyclone (similar to the US version)
* That sticks out like a dog's balls
* (Over) charge them like a wounded bull
* That's like the floor of a cockie's cage (aka full of shit)
* How's your bum for grubs? (I think it means, how are you?)
* I'd rather a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

May I suggest you follow Ozzy Man on Facebook he is full of these lines and much much more

https://www.facebook.com/viralmotion/videos/1719411174854989/

 

[bone251]

Some people understand.
Some people will understand if you explain.
Some need to whiz on the electric fence before they get it.

 

[bone251]

Nuttier than a Squirrel turd.

 

[Handley_Page]

Nuttier than a Squirrel turd.

or
Nuttier than a Fruit Cake

 

[bone251]

Slicker than a harpooned hippo on a bananna tree.

That's slicker than snot and smashed bananas.

 

[bone251]

She was battin' her eyes like a toad in a hailstorm.

 

[beachbum1958]

Mirrors don't lie; in your case, you're lucky they don't laugh, either...