Funny sex stories

[graceanne]

Have any pics of that bed?
My husband has been drooling over metal beds lately. I told him that thing will break under him just as well

I do, but I can't find it. I'll take another one, later. It's solid wood, and has four drawers under it and two 'cubby' holes. It used to be a water bed, so the box spring fits perfectly in the place where the water bed would go, and our mattress is on top of that. There's a book shelf on the headboard part. It's a pain in the ass to move, but it's solid.

 

[StrayKat]

I do, but I can't find it. I'll take another one, later. It's solid wood, and has four drawers under it and two 'cubby' holes. It used to be a water bed, so the box spring fits perfectly in the place where the water bed would go, and our mattress is on top of that. There's a book shelf on the headboard part. It's a pain in the ass to move, but it's solid.

Yeah, that sounds solid and I love drawers under the bed.
My ex father-in-law made something similar for me, really huge too (was probably hoping I would stop kicking his son out of bed, poor man). I left it with my ex.
I really want something huge and solid once I get to decorate my little house, a kind of bed that would support an orgy

 

[neci]

because it's just not serious all the time!

So, one day I walked into our bedroom. My husband was standing there, looking weird. And naked. I noticed that there seemed to be something on bed spread and I was thinking "no way, he did not just EJACULATE on the bed? wtf?"

He looked at me and said, completely straight faced and serious: "Look, I had a towel ready, but right when I needed it, I realized it was the Disney Princess towel and I just couldn't do it on Cinderella. (pause) If it had been the Bratz towel, that would have been different-those bitches have it coming."

I just left the room. And fell over laughing. The thing is, I think this is a funny as hell anecdote, but there is no one in my real life that wouldn't be horrified at me talking about the fact that my spouse masterbates.

this is soooooo funny. i hurt myself laughing.

 

[graceanne]

Yeah, that sounds solid and I love drawers under the bed.
My ex father-in-law made something similar for me, really huge too (was probably hoping I would stop kicking his son out of bed, poor man). I left it with my ex.
I really want something huge and solid once I get to decorate my little house, a kind of bed that would support an orgy

An orgy? Pervert!

I LOVE the drawers under my bed. We've had some really small rooms, and having to only fit one set of drawers in my room has been a God send. Right now we're in a good sized room, so it's moot point, but nonetheless. As I continue to buy what I want in furniture, I plan to decorate around our bed, cause I have no intention of switching.

 

[WriterDom]

It wasn't funny at the time but the first time my last subbie fucked me she squirted and gushed everywhere wetting the entire queen or king sized bed. She was so embarrassed having never done that before she hid in the bathtub for an hour until I finally walked in and talked to her. It was the only time it happened. She came a lot but no much gush.

 

[StrayKat]

An orgy? Pervert!

Old swinger habit dies hard, what can I say.... the more the merrier

 

[graceanne]

Old swinger habit dies hard, what can I say.... the more the merrier

*gasp*

What is this world coming to? *sigh*

 

[sb2009]

I'm shocked at all the perverted people around this place!

This in the first year of marriage - we were visiting his mother and in the morning I was under the covers performing wifely oral duties. His mother came into the room to ask what we wanted for breakfast. She said "oh" and apparently backed out of the room.

 

[WriterDom]

I told this before but I had one girl in the 90s go to the grocery store and come back with a zucchini in her pussy. It was a huge mutherfucker and made me feel a little inadequate. She was a good sized woman to begin with. My first sub if I don't count the grad student I had a spanking relationship with.

 

[graceanne]

I got curious about babies and stuff when I was six. My mom did not want to have to have this conversation twice so she made my five year old sister sit with us. Consequently she (my sister) was bored, and absorbed nothing. Fast forward five years, and mom and her husband are 'taking a nap'. I'm in my room, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, and my sister marches up to my mom's room, throws the door open, and says 'WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?' Evidently, Mom was on top, so it wasn't even like they could lie about it.

The sucky part? I had to sit in on 'the talk' with Melissa, cause they didn't want to do it again, BUT I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS.

Evidently my sisters daughter recently did something similar to my sister. Mom just laughed and laughed and laughed.

 

[sb2009]

I have never been caught by the kids and I swear, if I do then I'm running away. I can handle most anything, and have had sex in several public environments, but I just can't hack the idea that my kid will most likey walk in on me one day.

 

[StrayKat]

I have never been caught by the kids and I swear, if I do then I'm running away. I can handle most anything, and have had sex in several public environments, but I just can't hack the idea that my kid will most likey walk in on me one day.

Heh, my then 17 yo told me once that I am too loud in sex

Her younger sister was "being helpful" and cleaning my bedroom once while husband and I were sitting and talking about possibility to have another kid. At one moment he turned to her, she was walking by with hands full of clean sheets, and asked her "how would you like if we made you a little brother?". She said in a matter of fact tone "just wait a minute til I make you a bed, ok?".

 

[graceanne]

My best friend and her boyfriend got done having sex, opened there bedroom door to find her daughter sitting in the hall out in the hallway. "You woke me up, Mom."

ROFL

 

[WriterDom]

My very first date we were in the back seat on a double date riding around and making out. First time I ever really kissed a girl. She reached in my shorts and started playing with my cock. I came in about 30 seconds. She just giggled.

 

[bambikiller]

I'm banging this girl at her house.
She's on her back with her legs spread wide.
I'm on top humping away with my legs spread open too.
Well her damb dog got on the bed. I didn't notice untill that cold nose hit my ass hole.
I jumped about a mile.

 

[drinkmeup83]

I used to be friends with benefits with this guy from Nigeria. After fooling around he would tell me stories about what his life was like back in Africa. One night we decided to go back to my house where he had never been. The entire way over to my house he was telling me about how he used to be in a boy scout type program back home and when he was much younger had to actually go out into the “wild” and hunt his own food, and various other survival trials. We finally make it to my house and clothes are coming off, the kisses are hot and he is doing a fantastic job at worshiping my boobs. All of a sudden my 10 week old tiny kitten jumps on to the bed. He screamed like a little girl and moved to the far side of my queen size bed leaving me baffled. Surely this manly hunter that was just telling me about all the dangerous situations he has been in and dangerous animals he has faced did not just jump 10 feet in the air because of an itty bitty kitten? Even now when I run into him I refer to him as my mighty hunter.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Not much of a story, but I will say that having a young kitten jump on one's ass with all 20 (?) claws digging in is a good way to spoil the mood...

 

[HottieMama]

Not much of a story...but last fall my now HusDom threw his back out while fisting me.

 

[BiBunny]

Not much of a story...but last fall my now HusDom threw his back out while fisting me.

Oh, damn that had to have been some GOOD fisting. *Drool*

This past January, Master had me positioned so my butt was hanging off the edge of the bed. He had my legs thrown up over his shoulders, fucking me. Well, apparently, we got a little too into it because he hurt his back. (This was right after he lost his job, too, bless his heart.)

That night, I had to walk on his back while he laid in the floor, so he could relax it enough to get to sleep.

Not that it helped, though. He was so sore and stiff for the next week that he ended up having to go to the chiropractor two or three times to get his back to start cooperating again. God, I'm glad I wasn't around when the chiropractor asked, "What happened?" because whatever lie the domly one thought up wouldn't have been enough to keep me from laughing.

 

[the captians wench]

Not much of a story...but last fall my now HusDom threw his back out while fisting me.

I had some one throw his back out fucking me once

He was so into it he finished before he admited what had happened *giggles*

 

[HottieMama]

I had some one throw his back out fucking me once

He was so into it he finished before he admited what had happened *giggles*

Same here... He finished...well...let me "finish..." then admitted that he couldn't move.


Is it any wonder I said "I do?!?!?!?!?!?!"

 

[WriterDom]

Back in the beginning we met on the forums here. Had dinner in Clemson. Decided to get a room and spend the night together. She was sitting on the carpet blindfolded. We had been alone for maybe five minutes. I picked up a spreader bar and turned around with it. Hit her square on the forehead with it when I spun around. Don't know how it happened but it did. She was stunned and I was horrified. Somehow we got past it and had a wonderful evening. She laughs about it today. I still regret her leaving. But her life was complicated and the stars just didn't line up for us I guess.

 

[StrayKat]

last fall my now HusDom threw his back out while fisting me.

Well, apparently, we got a little too into it because he hurt his back.

I had some one throw his back out fucking me once

Thats why I found me 20 years younger guy now.
Less chance hes gonna hurt himself like that

 

[Cattypuss]

Have any pics of that bed?
My husband has been drooling over metal beds lately. I told him that thing will break under him just as well

Not the question you asked, but I have this bed and it looks really delicate, but I've never had a bed anywheer NEAR as sturdy. It does not move a micrometre, no matter what you do on it or how much you weigh. It's also handy for bondage.

http://www.nightsiniron.com/index.php?item=13

 

[sb2009]

Thats why I found me 20 years younger guy now.
Less chance hes gonna hurt himself like that

quit bragging!