Get my love life back?

[Windows]

Hey there readers just wondering if anyone can give me some advice on how to get my love life back more precisely have s-x with my partner again. We did have a lot of s-x each week and this last year it has become very infrequent. It is not like we are not getting in the mood as she will masturbate as I watch she will have me masturbate her and she will even sometimes undress me but then she will climax and call it an end. This never was a problem before as it would continue. So just wondering if there are any girls out there that can give me some insight as to what may be happing as she says she wants to but just falls out of the mood now. I am very confident that she is not cheating as we work from home and she doesn’t go out much as we have just moved not long ago. Serious response only please.

 

[blueyz22]

Maybe it's a hormonal problem. It happens to most women from time to tme. If this is the case there are natural remedies to fix this issue.

There's pills you can buy online (herbal formula) called estraVil and yes that is the way they spell it. I was taking them a couple of years ago when I experienced a "dry" spell. She can take them about an hour before you want to get busy.

www.estraVil.com

It seems they may have changed the name of the pill to provestra.

 

[SweetErika]

Before she just starts taking supplements off the internet, she should go see her doctor, get her hormone levels checked and talk about the other potential causes of low libido (if that is actually what she has). Some of those include stress, depression and other mood disorders, menopause (hormonal changes can actually start 10, 15 years ahead of actual menopause), parenthood, relationship issues, fear of pregnancy/STIs/things like UTIs, and the effects of past traumas coming back to get us.

Sometimes people just get into a rut or selfish groove, though, too. My husband and I have been there multiple times, and it can take a lot of work to get out of it. For me, part of getting out of it is just forcing myself to have sex and try different things, even if I don't particularly feel like it. It takes conscious effort and communication.

Because you say she has the desire to masturbate, I'm inclined to think this is more of an issue that's likely to be solved through effort and communication (vs. a physical problem, like wacky hormone levels). To that end, I'd suggest conversing honestly about things like (if talking face-to-face is too difficult, you might try talking while you hold her from behind, talking in the dark, or even writing your thoughts down):
-How does she feel about sex?
-Does she find it satisfying and exciting?
-Does she like what the two of you do, or would she prefer to do other things?
-Does she worry about anything related to sex?
-Can she figure out why she seems to prefer masturbation to sex?
-What could you do better, in and out of the bedroom?
-What are some of her fantasies or things that excite her mentally? Would she like incorporate some of the elements that she finds mentally stimulating into your sex life?

Have you told her how you feel about the situation and suggested some solutions?

Also, this is something you may need to sort out with the help of a good therapist. Ask if she'd be willing to go with you; even if she's not, you could still go on your own, and hopefully the therapist can give you some ideas on what could be going on, and tips on communicating your feelings and problem-solving/reaching compromises.

On an unrelated note, you don't have to censor your words here. Lit has a free speech policy, and as long as you're not breaking the rules by advertising, posting personal info, talking about underage sex, bestiality, violating the pic posting policies, etc., you can say whatever you want, whether that's "sex" or "fucking" or "cock/dick/pussy/cunt" or whatever.

 

[Windows]

Thanks for the feedback blueyz22 and SweetErika, it is good to get a couple of perspectives and approaches. Thanks SweetErika for the advice on posting here and sharing as it is good to know that we are not the only one that has experienced it. And that you got through it with your husband is very reassuring so thanks for sharing your experiences and what worked for you. The questions you provided I am also thankful for as I hope this will help us get to the route of the problem. She keeps saying that she does want to have sex but if the actions only showed it. Her interest in sex toys lately has also got larger as she has been masturbating more and more. It seems like to me that one is getting substituted for the other so maybe it is just a selfish faze that she is going though. If you don’t mind me asking did your faze last long or once you identified it the faze passed relatively quickly?

But thanks for the advice again and will try the more direct questions suggested tonight when we catch up while in bed.

 

[SweetErika]

Her interest in sex toys lately has also got larger as she has been masturbating more and more. It seems like to me that one is getting substituted for the other so maybe it is just a selfish faze that she is going though.

Do you use the toys when you're together as well? Is it possible she needs toys to come or have really satisfying orgasms, and that's something she's not getting when you have sex?

If you feel insecure about the toys, fine, tell her that ("I'm feeling a little insecure about and jealous of the toys. I love that you really enjoy them, but I feel like I need some reassurance right now."). Let her reassure you or whatever, but don't try to make her feel bad about, or get rid of, the toys. Hopefully you can aim to incorporate them into your sex life together, so you both get what you want/need.

If you don’t mind me asking did your faze last long or once you identified it the faze passed relatively quickly?

I've never gone through a 'I'm going to masturbate instead of have sex with you long-term' phase, but we've certainly been stuck in boring ruts and had slow and sexless phases (we did do everything but intercourse during those times, however). All of them have lasted 3-12 months.

From what I can tell, the vast majority of long-term relationships go through sexual ups and downs. We both make an effort to have a great sex life and make sure each other's needs are met, but sometimes sex gets put on the back burner or isn't possible for an extended period. If the relationship is solid, you communicate, figure out the problem(s) and do your best to find compromises and solutions to sustain you through the low period. If it's not, it usually fizzles out, and you figure out maybe you're not that great of a match after all.

 

[subwannabe]

Maybe somehow this is all related to you moving and it has got her depressed?

 

[CWatson]

W-y do you f--l the n--d- to bl-t out the v-w-l in the w-rd "sex" in your p-st? Sorry, I'll be serious now.

I'm with what others have said, which is that you need to talk to her. Communication is the real basis of sex. (Heck, you could make an argument that sex is simply a form of communication that uses d-rty b-ts instead of words.) As you've indicated, the sex toys means she still has a libido, but for some reason you aren't satisfying it or she doesn't want you to satisfy it. No matter how many scenarios we propose, we cannot answer the question of why this is; you must ask her yourself.

Ask her what you can do differently. Approach it from an angle of, "What am I doing wrong?" At the very least, this will make her feel more generous about the matter, which is far preferable to putting her on the defensive as I'm sure you can guess. But even more than that, mean it when you ask it. What are you doing wrong? What does she want from her sex life, and how or why are you not providing those things? And how, for that matter, can you provide those while getting your own needs met? Be prepared to compromise and you'll be much better off.

 

[Jack_Craver]

this happens to lot couple after first few months of physical-relationship
best of luck
http://i.123g.us/c/gen_luck/th/101667_th.gif

 

[Eilan]

this happens to lot couple after first few months of physical-relationship
best of luck

Ya know, if you're just going to bump threads with annoying, useless drivel you'd be better off heading over to the word games and number threads in The Playground.

Best of luck!

 

[SweetErika]

Ya know, if you're just going to bump threads with annoying, useless drivel you'd be better off heading over to the word games and number threads in The Playground.

Best of luck!

JINX!
Do kids still say that?

 

[ivantheterrible]

good luck, i went without sex for months and at times a year without sex for one reason or another. i tried to find a lover, no luck. small town attitude you have to know. then after years i don't want to have sex with her, and she gets pissed off and calls for an end of the marriage. go figure.

 

[cunnyluvz]

Well, it is an important thread, at least to me.
Here's what happened to me.
I met a lady from 100 miles away and we got on well.. met at a motel in a 'neutral' town for our first date and yeah, we were at it within seconds of closing the door... the next weekend at my place, the next at hers, and after a cpl months she moved in with me. Great sex or 2 1/2 years.
Here's what happened. She fell or me right out the gate and acted like a little girl in love, blushing giggling.. her sister saw her spinning around with her arms out in her garage!
I was 'too cool' too tuff to fall in love (not to mention getting over heartbreak) and just treated her like a roommate and great lover.
She went to visit family out of state... I missed her so much I coulda died and decided that as soon as we were back together I was going to love her with all my heart, treat her with all the romance she ever imagined - do her right in every way.
Oops, when she was gone she decided she could get along just fine without me, and in fact didn't love me romantically any more.
She allowed sex, never asked for, and even the most intimate things we had done before faded a little each time.

Okay, so my misery over her is not important to the thread... but reading the OP and their self-assurnce that the girl wasn't cheating knocked out my last emotional defense about it not being me who blew the relationship... cuz i don't think my girl cheated either.


Here's the moral if there is one: When you find a partner as sweet as I had spend every second you can making her know she is special and perfect in your eyes and if she loves you, show her your love every chance you get.

Of course sometimes people simply drift apart no matter the intentions. shit happens.

****
This is the fifth or sixth long reply I've started to type tonight and damn the torpedoes I'm shippin this one! lol

EDIT:
ahhh now I see the JINX lol... damn I thought the board had awakened! but nope, just a lot of post necromancy. Oh well, I got my cherry popped for a meaningful post! I'll figure it out here, promise

 

[ivantheterrible]

yup. and remember to always keep your heart in it. even if she/he moves on. that love reminds you can still FEEL.

 

[philos]

I tend to be less optimistic. If she is willing to talk, change, see a doctor, etc., fine. Good for you and you will probably be fine or even closer for the experence. If not get ready for the long, slow, and very painful decline into a non-existant sex life and eventual heartbreak.