goodbye my friends......

[lil_slave_rose]

I have my thoughts about what has happened, but this isn't the time or place for them. Instead I will just wish you the best, rose, and I hope you'll come back when you feel ready.

i'm not sure what this post even means? honestly, what happened was we grew apart. the time, the distance got to be too much and we just drifted apart. we've played the blame game, but that's over now. it just happened. i am truly happy for Him and i do wish Him the best of luck, He deserves nothing but the best. again thank you ALL for your kind words.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

After checking his posting history, he doesn't appear to be trying to hurt your or throw anything in your face.

I think y'all both still care for one another.

I hope you don't leave.

it wasn't in HIS post history.......but it's ok, i'm ok now. last night when i posted this thread, i was hurt, angry, and confused. then i found some posts from her about Him and well, it hurt, even though i know she was not posting to rub anything in my face, it still hurt. anyway, all's well now, i'm on my way to healing......

 

[Etoile]

i'm not sure what this post even means? honestly, what happened was we grew apart. the time, the distance got to be too much and we just drifted apart. we've played the blame game, but that's over now. it just happened. i am truly happy for Him and i do wish Him the best of luck, He deserves nothing but the best. again thank you ALL for your kind words.

It was mostly a jab at him, because I'm feeling defensive of you and because the male mind makes no sense to me. No harm was meant.

 

[the_pet]

so if you've read the distance thread, you know He and i have "split up" so i find out tonight not only has he let go, He's moved on, with someone from Lit.

OUCH


...i'll let everybody else say all the nicey~nice supportive things...i'll say, "THAT'S bullshit" and i'm sorry he played you like that.

pet

 

[graceanne]

the male mind makes no sense

word.

 

[WriterDom]

He should have been up front and honest and not taken a lit ho behind your back. But 5 years in a LDR? That's insane and probably not healthy for either of you.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

It was mostly a jab at him, because I'm feeling defensive of you and because the male mind makes no sense to me. No harm was meant.

*soft smile* well thank you, and i kind of thought maybe it was but honestly, i have no ill feelings toward him. what happened, just happened. i'm no angel and i'm to blame probably more so than he is.we just somewhere along the line lost track of what was important. He was ready to move here and start our life, i was not ready, my kids were not ready for that. me and my kids have been through alot in the last 3 years and well we are still adjusting to everything so we just weren't ready, and he got tired of putting everything into it and feeling like i wasn't putting anything in. truth be told since the last time he came here to be with me, things have not been right. that visit didn't go right and ever since then things have been bad, but neither one of us could admit that it was over, until recently.

i wish him and her (you know who you are) nothing but the best. i feel like i shouldn't have made this thread because i don't want Him to take the heat for what happened to US. He is a great man, and He just couldn't wait anymore, i understand it. i love Him and will always be here for Him, as i know He will always be there for me too. there is alot of behind the scenes things that happened, this did not happen over night. but i was shocked to find out that he had someone else so soon, it still hurts, but ya know what? i'm gonna be ok!

thank you Etoile and everyone else, honestly your support and concern mean ALOT to me.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

OUCH


...i'll let everybody else say all the nicey~nice supportive things...i'll say, "THAT'S bullshit" and i'm sorry he played you like that.

pet

honestly, it's not like that. this thread was not meant to "call him out" so to speak. the blame is not entirely on Him. alot of it lies with me. most of it can be chalked up to a breakdown in communication.......

 

[lil_slave_rose]

He should have been up front and honest and not taken a lit ho behind your back. But 5 years in a LDR? That's insane and probably not healthy for either of you.

yikes! i wouldn't say she's a "lit ho" and you're right He should have been up front and honest. he didn't technically leave me for her. and you can't help when you click with someone. she was there for Him when things were going sour between Him and i. while it does hurt me that He shared anything about our relationship problems with someone else, it's done and nothing can be done to change it. i did feel betrayed and hurt.

and you're also right that 5 years in an LDR was not healthy for either of us, obviously because it ended here. but like i've said in other posts, i'll be ok......

 

[Etoile]

yikes! i wouldn't say she's a "lit ho" and you're right He should have been up front and honest. he didn't technically leave me for her. and you can't help when you click with someone. she was there for Him when things were going sour between Him and i. while it does hurt me that He shared anything about our relationship problems with someone else, it's done and nothing can be done to change it. i did feel betrayed and hurt.

and you're also right that 5 years in an LDR was not healthy for either of us, obviously because it ended here. but like i've said in other posts, i'll be ok......

That's what I question, though, sweetie...if he is hurting "just as badly" as you are, can it really be that bad if he has someone to get him through it? Breakups hurt, especially when it's because one person has found someone else, but that person at least has their new person to rely on, while you do not have that luxury. You have us, but I don't think it is the same...I don't see how he can be hurting "just as badly" when he's the one who made the choice to be with someone else.

 

[EmpressFi]

That's what I question, though, sweetie...if he is hurting "just as badly" as you are, can it really be that bad if he has someone to get him through it? Breakups hurt, especially when it's because one person has found someone else, but that person at least has their new person to rely on, while you do not have that luxury. You have us, but I don't think it is the same...I don't see how he can be hurting "just as badly" when he's the one who made the choice to be with someone else.

but we dont know what he's feeling right now. we can't say if he's feeling "just as badly" or not. Having someone to share the burden doesnt necessarily lesson any of his pain of the relationship ending, or any guilt he may be wrestling with over the relationship's end.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

That's what I question, though, sweetie...if he is hurting "just as badly" as you are, can it really be that bad if he has someone to get him through it? Breakups hurt, especially when it's because one person has found someone else, but that person at least has their new person to rely on, while you do not have that luxury. You have us, but I don't think it is the same...I don't see how he can be hurting "just as badly" when he's the one who made the choice to be with someone else.

*nods* that's what i had a problem with too.....and that's why i lashed out...with a thread, and decided i couldn't be on lit anymore. but i'm not going anywhere. everything happens for a reason........i'm gonna make it, and i'm gonna be stronger because of all of this. He can't help that He fell for someone. honestly, as i said befoe the blame lies alot with me. i closed myself off, He didn't know what else to do.....

 

[the_pet]

honestly, it's not like that. this thread was not meant to "call him out" so to speak. the blame is not entirely on Him. alot of it lies with me. most of it can be chalked up to a breakdown in communication.......

...ok i'll take your word for it, you lived it not me, and i'll reserve my opinion about his tactics and delivery to myself,

but i'm truly sorry you were hurt in the process.


pet

 

[Etoile]

*nods* that's what i had a problem with too.....and that's why i lashed out...with a thread, and decided i couldn't be on lit anymore. but i'm not going anywhere. everything happens for a reason........i'm gonna make it, and i'm gonna be stronger because of all of this. He can't help that He fell for someone. honestly, as i said befoe the blame lies alot with me. i closed myself off, He didn't know what else to do.....

YAY for not going anywhere. {{{hugs}}}

but we dont know what he's feeling right now. we can't say if he's feeling "just as badly" or not.

True - I was going by what rose said in post #15.

 

[Lamont Cranston]

*nods* that's what i had a problem with too.....and that's why i lashed out...with a thread, and decided i couldn't be on lit anymore. but i'm not going anywhere. everything happens for a reason........i'm gonna make it, and i'm gonna be stronger because of all of this. He can't help that He fell for someone. honestly, as i said befoe the blame lies alot with me. i closed myself off, He didn't know what else to do.....

Rose,
Hang in there and good on you for staying. You certainly have plenty of friends and supporters here and that can't be a bad thing. We all live, learn and grow from both the good times and the hard ones. It isn't always easy to see that until we're looking at it in the rear view mirror. That takes time and distance and that's what you're gaining.

Take care,
LC

 

[lil_slave_rose]

...ok i'll take your word for it, you lived it not me, and i'll reserve my opinion about his tactics and delivery to myself,

but i'm truly sorry you were hurt in the process.


pet

thank you, pet. you are right you have the right to feel about it how you want, but i honestly do not want to see him bashed on here. i mean, you guys are both of our friends not just mine. i know i'm the one who started the thread. MP really is a GREAT guy, as is the person he is now with. i can't say that enough. does it suck what happened? yea, it does. Does it suck the way that it happened, Yea, it does. but there are always two sides to every story. and the truth is, in the last few months i've not been the submissive/girlfriend that i should have been to him. i cannot blame him really for looking elsewhere. i wish he hadn't, but i DO understand.

i love Him, i will ALWAYS love Him. i have no ill feelings towards MP or the other person involved, in fact i wish them both well and i hope they can make it. it does hurt me that he is moving on, but i'm moving on too. i made my mistakes in this relationship, many of them. i honestly never should have posted this thread last night, but i was angry when He told me what was going on and i was even more angry when i found the posts that i found, so in a rash decision i made a thread to say goodbye and instead of just saying goodbye, i lashed out and posted parts of the end of our relationship that i shouldn't have posted.

To MP: i'm sorry.....i truly am. i know we've talked about it already but i wanted to apologize publicly because i feel like you're being attacked and that is NEVER what i wanted. thank you for being here for me through all of this. i want you to be happy, even if that means it's with someone else. You deserve NOTHING but the BEST and i hope you've found your happiness. i'm sorry for everything.......i love You......

 

[MasterPhoenix]

rose: Thank you for coming to my defense in this thread. That really does mean a lot to me. As we have talked about nearly ad nauseum, I am very grateful that after all that we have been through, all of the love, laughter, hope, joy, tears, and pain, that we have shared over the years, we have been able to begin transitioning into a stage where we have acknowledged the longstanding reality that neither of us wanted to truly accept. Neither one of us wanted us to reach the place where we did, but alas despite our best efforts, we ended up losing the plot and drifting away. You know that I will always love you, you will always have a special place in my heart, and always be someone who is an important friend.

Many times we had discussed what would happen if we would reach the stage we had to part, even when that was less believable than the entirety of all editions of the National Enquirer. I am glad that we have been able to move on as close friends, just as we had always talked about.

WriterDom, the_pet, and all others who have been taking shots at me: Thank you for judging me without having walked through the fires that her and I have been through together. There are multitudes of factors over the course of a long period of time that have led to what happened. Rose has explained it well enough in subsequent posts, if you chose not to read them or listen to what she is saying there, then you are welcome to bash me.

To the one whom I shall not name: I am truly sorry that you have been treated hatefully. I do thank you for the caring and understanding that you have shown as I have been dealing with everything. We are at the beginning of what will hopefully be a long path, and as I always say, "This will be a journey not a sprint. There is no destination, but it is about enjoying the path."

 

[lil_slave_rose]

rose: Thank you for coming to my defense in this thread. That really does mean a lot to me. As we have talked about nearly ad nauseum, I am very grateful that after all that we have been through, all of the love, laughter, hope, joy, tears, and pain, that we have shared over the years, we have been able to begin transitioning into a stage where we have acknowledged the longstanding reality that neither of us wanted to truly accept. Neither one of us wanted us to reach the place where we did, but alas despite our best efforts, we ended up losing the plot and drifting away. You know that I will always love you, you will always have a special place in my heart, and always be someone who is an important friend.

Many times we had discussed what would happen if we would reach the stage we had to part, even when that was less believable than the entirety of all editions of the National Enquirer. I am glad that we have been able to move on as close friends, just as we had always talked about.

You're welcome thank You for being here, for not turning Your back even when you probably should have. thank You for loving me, guiding me, nurturing me into this person that i have become. the time we spent together, the love that we made, the joys we shared, and even the tears are ALL things i will cherish forever. the other night i kept saying "how can we throw away 5 years?" i realize now, we didn't throw them away at all, we are just moving onto another part of this journey (lifes journey). i'm glad also that we are moving on as close friends, i couldn't imagine it being any other way. i couldn't imagine you being out of my life all the way. and a quick note to the one who shall not be named: i'm sorry that this thread got You bashed, i have no hard feelings towards you at all. i wish you both the best. i love You P, and You'll also have a special place in my heart...forever.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

The only things I will say is that splits, for whatever damn reason, suck. And hurts. Hurts real bad... Both of you are in my prayers. Let your hearts heal as soon as possible.

*BIG HUGGS*

 

[Etoile]

thank you, pet. you are right you have the right to feel about it how you want, but i honestly do not want to see him bashed on here. i mean, you guys are both of our friends not just mine. i know i'm the one who started the thread. MP really is a GREAT guy, as is the person he is now with. i can't say that enough. does it suck what happened? yea, it does. Does it suck the way that it happened, Yea, it does. but there are always two sides to every story. and the truth is, in the last few months i've not been the submissive/girlfriend that i should have been to him. i cannot blame him really for looking elsewhere. i wish he hadn't, but i DO understand.

i love Him, i will ALWAYS love Him. i have no ill feelings towards MP or the other person involved, in fact i wish them both well and i hope they can make it. it does hurt me that he is moving on, but i'm moving on too. i made my mistakes in this relationship, many of them. i honestly never should have posted this thread last night, but i was angry when He told me what was going on and i was even more angry when i found the posts that i found, so in a rash decision i made a thread to say goodbye and instead of just saying goodbye, i lashed out and posted parts of the end of our relationship that i shouldn't have posted.

To MP: i'm sorry.....i truly am. i know we've talked about it already but i wanted to apologize publicly because i feel like you're being attacked and that is NEVER what i wanted. thank you for being here for me through all of this. i want you to be happy, even if that means it's with someone else. You deserve NOTHING but the BEST and i hope you've found your happiness. i'm sorry for everything.......i love You......

Sweetie...I see a WHOLE lot of blaming yourself here. It takes two to tango. You didn't "drive" him to anything, he made the choice. This is NOT your fault, he was not forced into someone else's arms...he went willingly. I know it's hard to find fault with someone you love so much, but please take this from an outsider's perspective: you are blaming yourself FAR too much. It happened to both of you.

 

[WriterDom]

WriterDom, the_pet, and all others who have been taking shots at me: ."

You are right. There are always three sides to every story. Your side, her side, and the truth. There is also a saying about not hanging up your dirty laundry for everyone to see.

And wonder why this drama piece wasn't moved to the cafe?

Anyway, I wish the both of you happiness.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

What you going thro reminds me what I was going thro when I've split with my husband. There was so much of pain and why's. I didnt understand and I know you dont understand either. It makes me sad to see you broken cuz I know how it feels. sigh

Some things just happens Rose and we can understand WHY they happened only with time. Your looking for a reason, for what have you done wrong. I dont think you must have done something wrong. The distance it self is a BIG thing to deal with. From MP old posts I understand he needed you real bad. Maybe more than the distance allowed him to have you ya know?

If you really need to blame someone - blame the distance, not yourself!!

 

[catalina_francisco]

*nods* that's what i had a problem with too.....and that's why i lashed out...with a thread, and decided i couldn't be on lit anymore. but i'm not going anywhere. everything happens for a reason........i'm gonna make it, and i'm gonna be stronger because of all of this. He can't help that He fell for someone. honestly, as i said befoe the blame lies alot with me. i closed myself off, He didn't know what else to do.....

Rose, we have talked here before about the issues you have both gone through as a couple and also at times how you do tend to overlook and make excuses for things in others which are not always in your best interests to do so. You have a soft heart, and you are generous in your nature toward others often at your own expense. I have no problem with MP and what has happened, nor is it a surprise given the difficulties you have both been through in recent times, but I also don't buy into someone can't help falling in love with another while committed to someone else...you didn't. It is very rare it cannot be prevented from happening just by making sure you do not make yourself available to others in that way, nor do you open yourself to the temptation. I also think that when someone does take that path, they owe it to the one left out and themselves to stand up and take responsibility for it, not feel slighted and attacked if others do not feel they did right by you and your relationship. For a PYL I would think it even more redeeming for them to be able to take that responsibility instead of feeling misjudged and attacked and happy to have you step in and defend them, especially given you are the one alone and in pain while he has a new love to comfort him if that is what you would call it. Personally I would not want to be part of a relationship where my partner claimed to be in pain over breaking with another to be with me...does not make for very firm ground to build a future on at all.

No-one is perfect, and it takes two to make a relationship work, and two to break it, but if it isn't working it is better to end it and then move on than make sure you have a soft place to fall before pulling the rug out from under your unsuspecting partner who may not have the same advantage. Also, the other person, if they have been on Lit before this would have known you were a couple, and so also share responsibility of stepping in where they did not belong. Sheesh woman, you have to endure this pain without someone to lean on, and with children also to take care of and keep going for...is it any wonder people feel for you and the pain you are in?!

I am not trying to be hurtful, but you need to look at the reality and stop excusing behaviour which was not necessary nor kind and caring to you...it has never done you any favours and is not going to now either. You had difficulties, it happens...MP says he did all he could think of to help, but still does not make you the one to place most of the blame on...you also did plenty and tried to make it work. Plenty have offered advice in the past as to what could have been done but wasn't, and in some ways perhaps it was just meant to be that you wouldn't make it together...that does not make it mainly your fault..relationships are partnerships which mean both have to work equally and toward the same goal, not find another to take your place and help them move on.

MP has moved on and I wish him well, but you do not deserve to shoulder the responsibility you are, or to feel obliged to defend him and apologise for starting a thread which you needed to explain what you were going through, and to see just how much people are willing to support you. You are alone, you are in pain, and you have nothing to apologise for. I know you wish to remain friends but I suspect, as some have said, that continuing that contact right now is not good for you...in the future when you have regained your life and heart perhaps it would be possible. Only you can really know it but please be careful about adding more pain to the buckets full you already have.

Catalina

 

[minx1]

I haven't said anything yet for the simple fact that knowing everyone involved, I feel slightly awkward. I will not start to apportion blame because not only do I think its inappropriate, nobody here except Rose and MP really know what may have gone wrong with their relationship. It is my feeling that if they are able to refrain from casting blame, then I think we should probably follow their lead. Particularly when from what I can see everyone has handled a terrible situation in a responsible and sensitive manner.

Rose and MP I will just say this; you have been through so much together in the last five years and its a testament to your feelings that even after this you emerge the other side still sharing love and affection for one another.
I cannot begin to understand or empathise with what both of you must be feeling right now; acknowledging that although your relationship is over you still hold eachother in high regard and with respect.

As for the third party, Rose I think you have shown incredible strength and undertanding and are very gracious in offering apologies for any comments made against her.

She is certainly no 'lit whore'', whatever one of those may be. She is an extremely sweet and gentle woman and thats all I will say on that matter.

I will finish by saying that I would hate to see any of you leave Lit. You are all really decent people. As we all know too well, its an unfortunate fact of life that love ends or changes; loves that you would never ever imagine ending. In those circumstances people deal with things the best they can. Sometimes they do it well, sometimes they do it badly. No one is perfect. For what its worth I think that you have all dealt with this incredibly well and shown enormous integrity and generosity of spirit.
Rose you have people here who are very fond of you and as everyone else has said. you would be missed greatly. You will need the support of your friends and we all want to be here to make sure that you get it should you need it.

The same goes for you MP and the other party. I would hate to see you leave Lit also. I want you to know that I for one will gladly offer you friendship and an ear should you ever need any support.

I wish you both the very best of luck and send you positive vibes. I hope you continue to talk and share with eachother and remain close.

 

[intothewoods]

<snip>we just somewhere along the line lost track of what was important. He was ready to move here and start our life, i was not ready, my kids were not ready for that. me and my kids have been through alot in the last 3 years and well we are still adjusting to everything so we just weren't ready, and he got tired of putting everything into it and feeling like i wasn't putting anything in. truth be told since the last time he came here to be with me, things have not been right. that visit didn't go right and ever since then things have been bad, but neither one of us could admit that it was over, until recently. <snip>

Please don't feel one bit bad or blame yourself for this. You did the right thing in thinking about what is best for your family.