Guy goes soft with me on top

[dollface007]

I've never had this issue before. Lately, being on top has been giving me amazing orgasms that are difficult for me to have in other positions, but I'm with somebody new and it hasn't exactly worked out so far. Size/shape is not the issue. Other positions work out fine for him. I think he tends to get soft when I'm on top.

Is this a physiological thing? He told me he can't come when I'm on top, but seems to be sort of in denial about the fact that he goes a bit soft...and he's been very open and communicative about everything else so far. His size/performance seems to be a major point of pride for him. I don't think it's psychological...he says he likes to be dominated sometimes, so the fact that he's not in control shouldn't be a mood killer.

Is there anything physically I can do? Different positions that would feel the same for me, but also better for him. Is there a way for him to keep the blood circulating down there while I'm on top...like should his heart be elevated or something?

I want to approach this in a fun "let's try this!" kind of way rather than a serious, "I want to get off while I'm on top and it's not working out" kind of way b/c this could be delicate territory. Thoughts?

 

[DrGeniusWiener]

I wouldn't necessarily rule out shape or size, Miss Face It may simply be physical. Which is to say he (as in his wiener) might feel somewhat smothered or cramped.

In cases like this you may wanna jack hammer him a bit. I forget what's it's called... "froggy style"? You know... you're bracing yourself while working your ass straight up and down on his cock.

Reverse Cow Girl is also good for keeping him interested (that is if you've the build for it).

Don't have an emoticon for that. But here's a depiction of his wiener if you succeed.

 

[SweetErika]

It might simply be a physical stimulation thing. I know my husband gets less physical stimulation when I'm on top, although the visual and mental stimulation more than make up for it in his case. Maybe your guy is even used to certain types of stimulation from masturbating, and he can't get [as close to] that when you're on top because he's not controlling the speed, depth, angles, etc.

Is there a compromise to be had? For instance, could you get really, really close to orgasming through foreplay, hop on top of him to come, then switch to a position that works for him better, or some similar arrangement? Is he open to experimenting with anal/prostate stimulation (I'm thinking a prostate-stimulating vibe might give him the extra physical boost he needs to stay hard when you're on top)? Have you tried a cock ring (you could sell the idea as something fun to try that might enhance his pleasure)? I'm sure you can come up with some other ideas, too!

 

[more_snow_plz]

I'm always a little leery of the girl being on top in case she doesn't know what she is doing. I occasionally feel like she is going to miss on her way down and hyperextend the schlong. Then you're up a creek.

 

[Albannach]

I've experienced this myself from time to time and I have to say it was partly due to lack of stimulation, as the girl was moving in a way that gave her pleasure but not so much me (more grinding minimum in and out!) The more turned on I am the less it matters though...

I've read somewhere and it is kinda common sense but gravity can't be ruled out of the equation either, as in the blood being pumped into the guys cock has to fight against gravity if he's on his back.

Hope you get it sorted anyway!

 

[bad_dave]

He told me he can't come when I'm on top

I'm the same with my partner, but I consider this a good thing. If I feel like I'm to closing to cumming in other positions I get her on top to make sure she gets to cum.

 

[blackjackerouac]

Yeah I've experienced this a bit, usually because it's a bit painful or starts to bend things in the wrong way (which isn't painful but feels weird and uncomfortable, like sitting on the remote).

I would suggest not placing as much weight on him, and finding an angle that suits his cock so it's not bending too much back or forward. Maybe alternate between letting him grab you and fuck you hard the way he might like it, and grinding yourself on him the way you like it...

 

[amofiga]

Dollface

Abbanach and others hit it on the head as far as I'm concerned. Sometimes a woman on top doesn't give a man the type of action he needs to keep him stimulated. When my wife used to get on top, she would lean too far forward for my preference and work the head of my cock but not provide any sort of deep thrusting. I'd try to lift up and thrust and she would shift again to limit the thrusting. It was frustrating for me. However, I had experience with other women who could mix it up a little and provide some of that "cowgirl" type posting to provide deep penetration which I like. The other thing, at least as far as for me, is verbal interaction while fucking. I love dirty talk so when a woman could be on top but get into the "Watch how that cock disappears all the way up in my cunt when I rid it" type thing, it would keep my blood pumping. But that's me. Some guys apparently don't like hearing their partner talk like a slut. Somebody above mentioned visual stimulation. I've found that a mirror at the foot of the bed placed so that I could watch the action from the "porno movie angle" can be a huge turn on for me. But again, that's me and not all guys think the same. You need to see if you can get your guy to open up about the issue and you both need to be sensitive to each other's needs.

 

[billrichards41]

Yep happens to me once in a while too. In part if you slide back and forth versus up and down or sit still to long the stimulation directed at the penis is waning. If I sense it, I usually hold my partners hips and move them up and down and things get going again.

 

[doncarlos]

As stated a cock ring is definitely a good suggestion. It makes the penis much more sensitive because it will swell up; it keeps the erectiion, in fact it allows the fella to go on 'forever' if he or she so desires; and for some men it makes for an unbelivable powerful release.

Caveat: It is imperative that the woman stops immediately after his ejaculation. If she keeps jackhammering on the limbing penis the internal pressure in the constricted penis may burst many tiny blood vesels. While that may appear as a scary seriously looking STD the many red spots will normally diappear within 24 hr.

Correct end game: After his release she SOFTLY puts her lips around the dick head and releases the cock ring. After a couple of SOFT hand strokes she will enjoy delicious post-cum in her mouth.

 

[subwannabe]

HHHHmmmmmmmmmmm. I absolutely love it when my wife is on top. To answer your question though, other than things already mentioned here (which may or may not work), I actually believe it IS in the mind and not in the body. Many men are just used to being in "control" of their own orgasm from jerking off to intercourse. So many of them are just used to the control of moving their own cock in and out until they orgasm. To put it simply, all the girl has to do is lay there and we fuck her until we cum. Of course hopefully most men are beyond this simplification but the general instinct is probably still in all of us.

I guess maybe my best suggestion is to let him do all of the work when you are on top. You should be able to position yourself where you can just more or less be motionless and let him fuck you until he comes. Ignore your own feelings for the first several times and just let him have his way with you. Hopefully after several sessions you can start being more involved little by little, hopefully eventually succeeding in achieving a close to 50/50 sexual position for the both of you. Good luck.

 

[BonnevilleFlats]

I prefer the woman on top but I have occasionally had the problem of going soft in this position. Part of the problem for me is if the woman takes too long getting into position and getting my penis inside of her. If there is a lot of fumbling around, especially if she forgets to put in the lubricant before getting on top and then has to reach over for the KY I will go soft while waiting. If that happens the solution is for her to move to my side and for us to continue foreplay. After a minute or so I am ready for her.

 

[dollface007]

Thanks to everyone for suggestions! Please keep them coming.

I think I am going to have to get a little more creative. Maybe incorporate some dirty talk (which he likes), nipple play (which he REALLY likes), teasing, making him take control for a spell, more up & down, etc. I think I tend to concentrate really hard on myself to get myself to the point of orgasm, and at the same time he just kind of lays back and lets me do my own thing...and probably disengages a little bit. That + lack of enough stimulation + condom = The condom issue will go away at some point in the near future, and that will probably improve the situation.

 

[SweetErika]

On the condom front, are you putting a couple of drops of lube in the tip before you roll it on to increase sensation?

I think you're on the right track regarding engaging him while you're on top. Hopefully you can come up with some solutions that will allow you to engage him AND concentrate on your own pleasure/orgasm, or engage him in such a way that enhances your pleasure as well. Talking dirty and nipple play (for both of you) could help as you said; you could also reach back and play with his balls, and there are a ton of things you can do if he enjoys being dominated.

 

[MR.GGG]

Yup

""and at the same time he just kind of lays back and lets me do my own thing...and probably disengages a little bit.""

THAT BTW I think is why so many young(er) women have trouble orgasming. They are under the impression that regular intercourse SHOULD make it all happen. When they masturbate their mind is in the right place, they tense those muscles that need to be tensed in order for an orgasm to build. When they're with a guy that all stops and expect the act alone to lead to orgasm(s).

SO as you are experiencing women aren't the only ones who can lose it if the right combinations aren't there.

Another possibility is that it feels so good what you're doing that he relaxes the muscles (PC - keigle muscles) in his groin and that can allow the outflow of blood and the cessation of nitrous oxide production. Believe it or not some blow jobs can do that too. A good long slow sensual BJ can feeel like a really good back massage and the guy will relax. Some women would find that highly insulting but it has nothing to do with her technique - just that it feels so damn good.

The main thing is to find what rocks his boat IN HIS MIND. Try reverse cowgirl and have him smack dat ass. In that position you can do rude things to places on his body the sun rarely shines upon. Try his face if he gets soft. Tongues never get "soft" when it cums to that. Variety is the spice of sex. If nothing else works shove a sprig of ginger up his butt and then just try and hold on for 8 seconds!

 

[dollface007]

Thanks again, you guys. I'm trying to keep him more engaged and try new things and I think it's helping. It's not exactly a terrible problem to have...I love being with him no matter what. I haven't got it all figured out yet, but I'll get there.

 

[Triggershadexxx]

I've experienced the physical end of what people here are describing, when she is riding me sitting straight up in the position which gives her the most powerful orgasms, the actual physical stimulus is fairly diminished for me. This is made up for almost purely because she is very vocal and effusive in her ecstatic state, and simply knowing that she is deriving pleasure from my flesh is massively exciting for me (in fact, if she isnt being fairly deeply pleased, THAT is when I have the hardest time maintaining turgidity). The other thing she will do is, once mounted, she will lay down so that our faces are close (anywhere from touching to maybe 6-8 inches apart) and roll her hips forward and back creating more of the in-out motion that is more physically stimulating for a few minutes before rising fully upright and riding her way into a serious 'O'.

 

[sweet_secrets4u]

Ive never had that problem with my husband. Riding him is where I max out my orgasms. He stays hard no matter how long I go (and he encourages me to keep going), he gets off watching me pleasure myself on him. I guess its just the person, maybe his head wasn’t right into it.

 

[jojodancer]

keep trying

i feel bad for him..
i love it when my partner rides me...she gets very..very intense..
i love the faces she makes...the way her body stiffens and relxes...
i hopw you find a way to enjoy this

 

[Tmmldr]

Thanks again, you guys. I'm trying to keep him more engaged and try new things and I think it's helping. It's not exactly a terrible problem to have...I love being with him no matter what. I haven't got it all figured out yet, but I'll get there.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your going into sex in a way that gets you off but not him. Guys do that sometimes, too. In fact they usually don't really know if the woman got off.

Sure there are definitely some girl on top movements and actions that make it difficult for a guy to cum. Some of these make it easier for the girl to get hers, an example is squirming hard by hip rotation to the left or right over and over.

So what? Here's a little bit of play. Go oral on him, then cowgirl, then oral, then cowgirl. Pace youself so you get your climax for sure.....He's not gonna cum after THAT?

 

[Riles]

It seems to me that it's a two part issue. One COULD be psychological, but you already said he likes the chance to be a little more submissive, so this might not apply. You might consider flexing your powers in this instance and get into the domme roll a little more whilst on top?

Second, typically the great thing about this position is that we can keep our fella shallow, and rub all those great nerves right at the entrance. Unfortunately, this may do very little for stimulation for him, as he isn't deep enough to get the benefit of our muscles working on him.

I would suggest you try an alternative to w.o.t. and have you both sitting upright. Turn yourself around even. I've yet to meet a man who doesn't respond whole heartedly to his lady' rear view as it grinds upon his lap.

 

[JackVettriano]

Balls to the wall

Well as a guy who has had this happen to me I can shed some light on this problem. I had a girl who was amazing in bed and sex was out of this world but when we got down to it, especially if it was the first session of the day my balls would be rather full and just a little tender. So she gets on top and starts grinding away. It feels great and she looks great and she would always come quick as I teased her clit with my thumb, but she would grind down on me as her orgasm built up and her ass would slam my balls between my thighs, at first uncomfortable but made me last even longer and as the first ride of the day was a real bonus, but her orgasms got pretty wild and if I didn't make her come quickly my balls would hurt like hell and I would go soft. The problem being I wouldn't dare tell her that her ass cheeks were slapping my balls. She had a nice bum and it wasn't big, but if I told her that she would have been put right of, see the problem? I asked her to turn around and it felt even better and looked great, I never slapped my balls again. I hope this helps.

 

[dollface007]

Well as a guy who has had this happen to me I can shed some light on this problem. I had a girl who was amazing in bed and sex was out of this world but when we got down to it, especially if it was the first session of the day my balls would be rather full and just a little tender. So she gets on top and starts grinding away. It feels great and she looks great and she would always come quick as I teased her clit with my thumb, but she would grind down on me as her orgasm built up and her ass would slam my balls between my thighs, at first uncomfortable but made me last even longer and as the first ride of the day was a real bonus, but her orgasms got pretty wild and if I didn't make her come quickly my balls would hurt like hell and I would go soft. The problem being I wouldn't dare tell her that her ass cheeks were slapping my balls. She had a nice bum and it wasn't big, but if I told her that she would have been put right of, see the problem? I asked her to turn around and it felt even better and looked great, I never slapped my balls again. I hope this helps.

Thanks!