How to not have a crush on someone?

[TheOtherTeacher]

Thank you for the many responses.

To give some clarification - it's a school for adults to learn English in their free time. This girl is doing lessons with other adults. Most of our students are professional businessmen and women looking to improve their careers.
It is a country in Europe.
She is legally old enough to drink, join the army, pay taxes, get married and have relations with anyone she wants.

I try, but find it hard to date new people because of the language barrier. I do not speak the local language well. Enough to go to the supermarket but not enough to hold a decent conversation.

I have previously dated students and ex-students. It's considered acceptable as long as it's done carefully. I once had a 5 year relationship with an ex-student who was 12 years younger than me. Many teachers in our company have married students.

However, I know that this girl is not emotionally ready for a relationship with a much older man. She just has a teenage crush.

I know that several months before she joined the school she had a near-death medical experience and she has told me that she now finds it hard to relate to others her age because she sees them as very immature after facing death herself.

I'm a complete sucker for a sad story. It makes me want to fix them.

I'm trying to stay professional and keep away from her as much as possible. I'm not getting her phone number etc.

I'm not looking for permission.

In many ways I'm just telling random people on the internet because I feel I have to tell someone the burden I'm feeling right now.

 

[AnthonyT0715]

I'm a 39 year old teacher of English as a second language. Been single for 1.5 years.

She's 18. She's a student of mine. She's exactly my type.

She clearly likes me. Like most 18 year olds with crushes, she's not great at hiding it.

TBH if we matched on tinder or something it wouldn't be an issue. just 2 adults.

But I'm in a position of authority. I could lose my job if I act on it.

Any advice?

I was a Professor. My students ranged from 18 to 60. If you both consent, authority issue is out the door! I slept with many of my students, young or old, and it never became a problem. It all depends on them not you. Just play it carefully

 

[Intrigued42]

If you both consent, authority issue is out the door!

I am not an attorney but I consider myself a practical person and I know that the pre-frontal cortex is not fully developed until age 25. I know many young people can demonstrate the maturity of a fully-developed adult that can make good decisions and that seem to be capable of taking responsibility for those decisions. I would not agree that the authority issue is out the door, however, especially if emotions are involved. I would say that "playing it carefully" would not be enough with an extremely young person. Not concerned about the age gap but 25 would be a better age for the younger person.

 

[drunkwombat]

The most common suggestion I've come across is to stay away from your crush, which I know is not an option for you. Another one is to find out more about them because crushes are like a blank canvas that we fill in and once we learn the realities of the person we conclude they are not who we wanted them to be. This one is also a problem because trying to learn more about her means more time around her only making the issues you have worse. The last common suggestion is the hardest; gut it out until you eventually go your separate ways, (she graduates, whatever).

I also believe that one thing you have working against you is your emotional state. You're in a lonely place and here comes someone who "pays attention to you". It sets up a stimulus/reward connection in your brain; you like to be around her because it feels good, you want to be around her more to feel good again which reinforces the connection and on it goes.

If you can find something to do with others which isn't dating, like a hobby, games/gaming or other interest. Exercise works for some people, (full disclosure it never works for me as a tension reliever). If you practice a religion, study the core beliefs with others, volunteer your time (whether connected to a religion or not), look into helping maintain your place of worship. (I knew a church that had a continual list of repairs going and they took anyone, skilled or not - and it's another way to meet people).

Good luck, I know you're in a tough spot.