Happily Married But Sexless-- Anyone Else

[vianyajo]

I am in a similar situation, though for different reasons. We have been married going on 10 years, total of 5 children (blended family) pets, house, the whole shebang. I love my wife dearly, and she is an amazing mother, home maker, does work on the side in what she loves to do, and in many ways a great partner. She has a chronic illness and that has just about killed all sex, sometimes its month+ between really any intimacy, however minor, it does have occasional spurts where it is a couple times in a week, but these are very very rare. Before she got sick it was nearly every day, sometimes more than once, but we are a far cry from that now. I am a 37 year old male, she is 35 year old female, and its hard to see things getting any better. We lay together every night, I rub her hair or back to fall asleep many nights, and being COVID lockdown we are together all the time. It is both heartening and disheartening to see so many others with similar situations (regardless of causes).

 

[Forest_Fun]

It seems there are four times the men in a sexless marriage than women. Anyone wondering wby? Would love to hear from you about it

It might be 4 times more men on this site....*

 

[PatricioLincoln]

This is a tale as old as time it seems. I think it cuts both ways...I’ve heard men and women have similar complaints. It is hard, but coming to a place like this is affirming that you shouldn’t take it personally. There are plenty of people who are ina similar boat.

 

[jrdexter]

Happily married over 30 years.... mostly sexless.... is why i found Lit... (I know, same old story). Any ladies care to chat, i am certainly open to that. Jay

 

[Chillygirl]

I am in a similar situation, though for different reasons. We have been married going on 10 years, total of 5 children (blended family) pets, house, the whole shebang. I love my wife dearly, and she is an amazing mother, home maker, does work on the side in what she loves to do, and in many ways a great partner. She has a chronic illness and that has just about killed all sex, sometimes its month+ between really any intimacy, however minor, it does have occasional spurts where it is a couple times in a week, but these are very very rare. Before she got sick it was nearly every day, sometimes more than once, but we are a far cry from that now. I am a 37 year old male, she is 35 year old female, and its hard to see things getting any better. We lay together every night, I rub her hair or back to fall asleep many nights, and being COVID lockdown we are together all the time. It is both heartening and disheartening to see so many others with similar situations (regardless of causes).

This hit home. I’m the one with a chronic illness (rheumatoid arthritis). I’m in pain every day and the medications I take can have horrible side effects. So for years I was the one not interested as I dealt with all my crap and the depression that came with it. It did finally get better. It was also a lot of work.

I hope your situation gets better.

 

[Mraussie]

Hi
so mine is a little different but the same . been with my wife for almost 20 years .i have medical conditions ,one of which has affected everything from the waist down the other is T2 diabetes . now i still have a some what want for sex even though not everything work's the way it should ( the flag doesn't always go full mast ) . my wife was a big girl when we met and in the last 2-3 years she's lost half her weight and i still love her but her drive is pretty much gone . at the moment we're trying to work on something but not sure if it will work on her end .... time will tell.



p.s ... this is the first time i've talked about this outside . the wife find's out .....

 

[vianyajo]

This hit home. I’m the one with a chronic illness (rheumatoid arthritis). I’m in pain every day and the medications I take can have horrible side effects. So for years I was the one not interested as I dealt with all my crap and the depression that came with it. It did finally get better. It was also a lot of work.

I hope your situation gets better.

There is always hope, and thank you for sharing your story. I am glad things have gotten better for you. The medications are awful arent they? and she is just wiped out and in pain for most of the week, and just about the time she starts feeling better its time for the harsh meds again. Hopefully her doctors are able to figure something out and things do get better.

 

[skirt_chaser]

Looking for ladies in the same situation. Enjoying some open and lively banter together. Friendship and sharing. Conversation and maybe connecting. Feel free to PM me.

 

[AdelineL]

I posted previously on one of these (I think this one) threads. 27, WF, no kids, only 4 years of marriage. Our sex life was so good before marriage. The sex dropped off even farther after COIVD started -- maybe once a month if I was lucky... I was/am in great physical shape, mentally healthier than ever before, good job, I was so attentive to his needs and hobbies. I still couldn't compete with twitter, hunting trips, and solo porn watching that I wasn't welcome to join. I finally made my needs clear -- spend 30 minutes in the evenings with me without the cell phones, and sex at least once a week. He asked me for a divorce.

Its still not finalized, but I've had more sex in the last month than the last year with my ex. And I'm now much happier. Maybe marriage just ruins men. I need more in a relationship than just a roommate who expects me to cook for him. It may be selfish, but I am glad I finally prioritized my own needs and made them clear.

 

[MaleMid50sUK]

Sad to hear

People post in here, all with the same issue but all come from different angles & reasons.

Its sad that these things happen, I have posted before here about my situation so not going to repeat it but it does help knowing its not "just me".

Be kind to each other people

 

[N3rfH3rd3r]

So if there are so many of us in a similar situation. We should do our best to help each other out. Right? If only it was that easy. I miss just being intimate with my wife. Just holding her and smelling her hair. It’s sad when it’s gone.

 

[slightcrazed]

Why are you so stuck?

Coming from someone who was in a near-sexless marriage and finally decided to move on, it saddens me to hear all of these stories. If you are happy where you are then by all means stay, but if sex is a need, and a large need, and that need isn’t being met, then find the courage to move on. I think we all get too hung up on being stuck where we are. There are lots of fish in the sea. You CAN be happier with someone else. You are worth it, and you deserve to have someone who can actually meet your needs and help you grow.

Just my 2 cents. Best of luck to you all.

 

[A52trotter]

Good for you,holding firm on your demands,sometimes it is about you,not the rest of the world.

 

[centexmale]

Heartbreaking

After reading many of these messages ... it breaks my heart to see so many folks in this position. I’m finding myself in a similar position after 35 plus years of marriage. Needing to just be wanted and needed again by my wife. I’m feeling like I am a very low priority in her life and many others come before our relationship or me. Intimacy has all but stopped ... I get the occasional quick peck or the surface “affectionate” hug / pat on the back that’s supposed to hold me over but I know different. She is going to counseling and I will join soon and I really hope there is some kind of breakthrough. I can’t bear to think about splitting up after all this time.

After reading many of these posts, I’ve been encouraged that I can go on if I have to. Sometimes the feeling is that life is over ... is overwhelming. I love my wife and want to grow old with her ... I’m just really scared. Thanks for posting your stories.

 

[MMM_wms]

Most times I feel fine but every now and then, a trigger here and a trigger there and I'd start to cry.
Like many posts before mine, it's the loss of intimacy that I mourn. I can't remember the last time we kissed on the lips, or me being held in his arms, embraced from behind or even held hands. Nothing. Almost no physical contact unless I beg for it. Then it becomes a chore, a burden, and thats just for a single kiss. And when he wipes his lips after kissing me, my heart aches and bitterness fills me.
I sometimes wonder how this came to be. Losing interest in sex is one thing, but why all the other physical interactions?
I know I will find no answer here. This is just to say, I know how you feel. I understand.

dear LemonLimeBitters, I wrote you a PM in response to your comment, but I could not send it to you because your mailbox is full.
Would you do me a favor and create some space for me in your mailbox?
Thank you!

 

[Cam138]

To touch, and be touched, intimately and otherwise...it's a key ingredient in making life special, and worth living. I miss it so.

I do love my wife but she's lost all interest in sex. So I live vicariously through all of the wonderful stories on here. But the need and ache doesn't go away.

 

[ace195008]

Mine is an older wife and me having prostate cancer