he refuses to talk dirty! :(

[msjoy]

My fiance refuses to talk dirty to me, even though he knows how much I love it. He keeps saying he thinks it sounds ridiculous and that he can't treat me like a prostitute because he loves me and blah blah blah.

He's succumbed maybe once or twice, but that ended in him spitting out phrases like "I want to fuck you till blood pours out of your ass" - I don't know where THAT one came from, and, apparently, neither does he (he's really ashamed of having said that, though I personally thought it was a bit funny).

How can I get him to relax and let the fantasies *ahem* pour?

 

[herecomestherain]

msjoy, you may enjoy Violet Blue's article on the subject at tinynibbles.com,

http://tinynibbles.com/dirtytalk.html

 

[LadyTemptress]

I would say it will take practice and patience. Don't expect him to say full dirty sentences to you, maybe just a word or two at first. Wait until your really in the heat of the moment and you start the dirty talk. I also like to ask my man questions that get him to tell me things. Like: Tell me how good I feel, What do you want?

That sort of thing will usually get my guy talking. Good luck

 

[Winemaster]

He will start enjoying it!

I agree with the above...it takes some patience when breaking into something new. Being that he has already said something...funny or not....he is trying. That is what counts....Give him support and I am sure he will come around. Of course don't be the one saying...YOU Should say.... Why don't you say...that kind of direction may turn him off. Tell him you like hearing it from him and see what he can come up with....I guess what I am saying is - be naive and supportive!
Good Luck....talking dirty can be half the fun....

 

[Weird Harold]

My fiance refuses to talk dirty to me, even though he knows how much I love it. He keeps saying he thinks it sounds ridiculous and that he can't treat me like a prostitute because he loves me and blah blah blah.
...
How can I get him to relax and let the fantasies *ahem* pour?

I suspect that you'll never get nearly as much "dirty talk" from him as you want because his fantasies just don't run towards being verbally abusive -- He sounds like the type of person who wouldn't treat a prostitute "like a prostitute."

I'm one of that type myself and would never feel comfortable with the kind of "talking dirty" you seem to imply with "treat me like a prostitute." For me, (and your fiance I suspect,) that kind of treatment is linked to a tightly controlled anger and can only be released by releasing the controls on my "dark side" and letting the anger loose -- something you DO NOT want to happen, because it would no longer be "playing" or "sensual."

You might be able to get him to use "slut" (or some similar word) as a term of endearment the way that most Literoticans refer to themsleves as "perverts," but I really doubt you'll ever get him to completely loosen up -- or enjoy it if he does.

 

[Bobmi357]

I'm going to have to chime in and agree with Harold on this one.

What you have to understand is that many men have been brought up to be considerate of the feelings of others. Your guy feels uncomfortable talking dirty, probably because he feels that its demeaning to you and demeaning to your relationship. Also its sorta distracting. There he is pounding his point home and he has to wonder whether or not calling you "his cum craving butt monkey" will offend you or not.

I know that occasionally I talk dirty when making love, and quite often it IS a distraction.

Frankly I would not let this upset me too much. First off, if you give him enough time he'll probably come around, and secondly is "dirty talk" really all that important when you've found someone that obviously cares deeply for you? There are plenty of shitty men out there that would have no problem calling you a "cum crazed whore", and then hitting you to emphasize their point.

I think you should be resigned to the fact that this is something he may NEVER get into. On the other hand, if this is his only fault as far as you're concerned, you should be grateful. He could be a lot worse.

 

[Bridget69]

Personally, I'm not really into the whole name calling thing because I do agree that it's offensive, but on the other hand, it can be a turn-on to have a man describe what he wants done to him or to describe what he is feeling during some particular moments.

 

[LindaL]

It took me a while to get in touch with my desire to hear "hot sex talk". I always thought certain words, like the "C" word were degrading, and that "dirty talk" was inherently demeaning. When hub intially tried to inject some steamy words into our lovemaking, I shut him down pretty quick!

Well, with time I learned that I did like to hear certain terms, and they needn't be degrading. I love it when we play, and hub says "spread wide your hot cunt for me" or "first I want to lick, then fuck your horny pussy".

Fortunately hub got over his inhibitions about language that I instilled in him initially so we can have fun like that.

Is that the sort of stuff you want to hear? I don't consider it degrading, and now that hub knows I enjoy it, he's willing to cut loose with a string of explicit stuff.

We do stay away from stuff like "I'm gonna fuck ya till your ears bleed, you whore" and the like tho.

 

[msjoy]

Hehe thanks for the suggestions, guys & gals.

I might've made the wrong impression, though, in my initial post - I'm not asking him to be verbally abusive or offensive, god no! The problem is that what I consider "hot sex talk" (e.g. "Suck my cock, baby" or something to that extent), *HE* considers "prostitute talk" *and* abusive/offensive towards me. How can I get him to loosen up? I've tried explaining that it's not abusive at all, but I don't think he's had much experience in the area (he hadn't had much experience before I came along, might I add), so what's "hot" to me seems wrong to him, and he's deathly afraid of hurting my feelings.

Whenever he does get on a roll, though, he starts blurting out ridiculous (and really nasty, to be honest) things and then starts apologizing profusely. Poor guy I could really use pointers on how to get him to talk to me the way I'd want him to (we live in a non-English -speaking country, btw, otherwise I would've sent him straight to Lit )

 

[hopesprings]

patience young lady.

he is not comfortable with it, so ask open questions,
talk with him, ask him, love him. But most of all, learn to love him for what and who he is, not what you want him to be.

bacause if he is not what you want, he can never become it

 

[hopesprings]

double post

dont you just love IT

 

[msjoy]

He *IS* what I want, 150% of what I want I'm just hoping those last 50% will open up

 

[Weird Harold]

...*HE* considers "prostitute talk" *and* abusive/offensive towards me. ....

Whenever he does get on a roll, though, he starts blurting out ridiculous (and really nasty, to be honest) things and then starts apologizing profusely.

It sounds like he's got just two images of women -- "good girls" and "bad girls." You might start with teaching him that there's more than the two extremes with room for "A slut, but MY slut" in the middle.

You might try using the kind of language you want him to use -- describe what he's doing and/or what you want him to do in the way you want him to describe what he's doing or going to do; in other words, set the example and boundaries in language use.

 

[herecomestherain]

msjoy I just remembered another terrific article on dirty talk right here at Lit.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=72904

For me the idea of dirty talk is that I want to know and hear how much my sweetheart desires me and what he loves about me. The details, the words turn my head on. It's as simple as that and as complex as that. The erotic charge from words or particular phrases can give me flashes of pleasure long after they've been spoken.

I'm with WH about use the language you'd like him to try. When we first went down this route I just used to give lots of positive reinforcement..."I love it when you say_____it makes me feel so_____" then they get the idea of why you like it.

Good luck.

 

[SlvrTongueDevil]

Just my humble opinion, but it appears that I want to fuck you till blood pours out of your ass might just be like someone skipping the training wheels and trying to go downhill at 40 mph on their dirt bike without knowing what they're doing. That is, it appears that you won't be able to get him to talk real dirty to you from the beginning, but have you considered encouraging him (maybe by how you talk to him, or as others suggested by you asking questions) to just say a few dirty words while you and he are going at it. It's a comfort zone thing and he's not going to jump in the deep end till you've reinforced some half steps - to mix too many metaphors.

 

[Seattle Zack]

My suggestion (no expert here, only one ex-wife to my credit, though I'm currently looking for my second) is to try some role-playing. For example, dress up sexy and have him pick you up at the bar. Play the whole thing in character, you can be the naughty prostitute or whatever and he can be the undercover cop.

Sometimes with men (especially those that have been brought up with that feminist mantra of 'respect women' and whatnot) it can be difficult to verbalize our desires. Usually we just grunt. When you're just playing a role, it's much easier.

If it's what gets you going, then there's no reason he shouldn't accomodate it. No doubt you accomodate him, after all, even when you don't feel like it. Let him know it's important to you then explore it together, in a way that doesn't make him feel pressured or 'on the spot.' Have some fun with it, make it very lighthearted, and it will work.

 

[Winemaster]

the talk

well, I thought I was going to pop back on here and hear good news.....I agree with all the suggestions on this thread...it shoud have started slow and moved on....keep plugging in suggestions....people

 

[OneSublimeGuy]

He *IS* what I want, 150% of what I want I'm just hoping those last 50% will open up

So how did things turn out? From reading some of your descriptions
of what he does blurt out you might be better off if he keeps that
stuff buried. It could end up getting way too weird!

 

[DarkWizard?]

Dirty talk is a good time.

 

[fergus4]

my 6 cents

Women tend not to communicate in the way that men "hear".

If you tell him that you want him to talk dirty without being specific on what turns you on, he will just spout out things hoping to be right like: ...til blood pours out your ass.

Unfortunately, women want their men to "know them" without having to tell them specifically what they want. It is symbolic of closeness.

Trust me when I tell you that when a man does or says something that is indicative of "knowing" you....it is a lucky guess. We DO want to know you, but are unable to read signals. It is all hit or miss for quite a long time.

The good news is....he CAN be trained. Maybe he will never say exactly what you want him to say....but you can teach him about what you want. Most men will gladly listen....but you must be DIRECT and SPECIFIC. At least if you want good results more quickley.

If he still has trepidations....try talking about what turns him on and be willing to do some of these things even if it is not what you want. Then he might just see that it is okay for him to do the things that YOU want.

If you are DIRECT and SPECIFIC and he STILL does not "get it"....time to move on.

Good luck,
fergus

 

[BlueSugar]

ooo my best piece of advice for this topic is to slowly draw it out of them, make it seem like their idea - and really it is.

there is an awesome top notch (one of my favorites of all time) in the Blank Manual I believe Pink Orchid started it... and its called "How to bring out the beast" ... Its a great GREAT read with alot of awesome ideas and advice from over the years concerning different situations/personality types.
I highly reconmend it

 

[jradek75]

Maybe I'm totally am misinterpretting this but here what I got out of it:

1) You ask him to talk dirty to you.

2) He tries even though he's uncomfortable (and has told you so) and makes a mistake.

3) You interrogate him like a police detective and/or make fun of what he said.

I don't know where THAT one came from, and, apparently, neither does he (he's really ashamed of having said that, though I personally thought it was a bit funny).

4) You come here and wonder why he doesn't want to get on the horse again.

How can I get him to relax and let the fantasies *ahem* pour?

It seems pretty simple to me why he doesn't want to do it. And frankly, I can't blame him!

 

[lisasmurf]

i'll make him talk drity

i got a Great idea,, no sex for 30 to 60 days see how much dirty talking you get then.....

what most of the post it say here

Keep her happy so you men can be happer

will i said cut him offf, let read the whole tread

seee what laugage he learns

men are visualize
women are into sound, smell, touching, ect

so what you think is wrong

 

[PrincessHoney]

see if he'll read some sexy stories to you... it might take the pressure off him thinking of what to say..

 

[OneSublimeGuy]

see if he'll read some sexy stories to you... it might take the pressure off him thinking of what to say..

Yeah! Some guys get tongue tied when eatin' pussy!