Hiding from the light

[Youroldscotsman]

Those last three lines

 

[Moochienanu]

January 16, 2022

Question

there is an answer
it’s on the tip of your tongue
or maybe on mine today
and it wants to be said
out loud
screamed for us
to feel inside
this one heart
beating

there is an answer
it’s so easy to say
or maybe it is difficult today
and it wants to crawl out
on knees
aching to be closer
to be together
this one look
binds

there is an answer
it’s written already
or maybe it hasn’t been yet today
and it wants to be read
across time
blazing to be eternal
to last forever
this one whisper
burns

 

[Inspirinious]

Question

there is an answer
it’s on the tip of your tongue
or maybe on mine today
and it wants to be said
out loud
screamed for us
to feel inside
this one heart
beating

there is an answer
it’s so easy to say
or maybe it is difficult today
and it wants to crawl out
on knees
aching to be closer
to be together
this one look
binds

there is an answer
it’s written already
or maybe it hasn’t been yet today
and it wants to be read
across time
blazing to be eternal
to last forever
this one whisper
burns

The answer, unknown but hinted at,
requires reflection to reveal the question.

It's insisting upon introspection.
It's begging for more questions.
It's demanding more answers,
from you, from me, from everyone.

What appears to be simple.
actually is richly complex.
And very beautiful.

 

[Moochienanu]

January 18, 2022

Molten rubble

A phoenix knows nothing
Of this fiery demon
Lost far below
Which rumbles and cries
Falling like erupted rock
From the depths of unknown

A quarry hollowed out
Scraped away
Unearthed with precision
For its precious contents
Never before seen
Never again known

 

[Moochienanu]

January 19, 2022

I’m scared

It feels silly
And unnecessary
And foolish
But I am scared
To go back to work

Maybe it’s more like
I am worried
About what I will find
How it will be
Whether I will
Be able to
Power through
Another seven nights
Of hell

I read my work emails already
To get ready
To feel more ready
But they only concern me
With numbers well over
Sustainable…

I just feel like a failure
Before I even go in

And worse,
I worry about you
Who have to steer a ship
While I just ride along…

I can’t imagine what
If anything
The next week of nights holds
For us,
But I hope you are there
To hold me
At the end of it all

 

[butters]

can't even begin to appreciate how hard it must be, no matter how we try to imagine, led by your words. thank you, to all medical staffers, for your service in the face of so many odds rigged against you.

 

[Inspirinious]

I’m scared

It feels silly
And unnecessary
And foolish
But I am scared
To go back to work

Maybe it’s more like
I am worried
About what I will find
How it will be
Whether I will
Be able to
Power through
Another seven nights
Of hell

I read my work emails already
To get ready
To feel more ready
But they only concern me
With numbers well over
Sustainable…

I just feel like a failure
Before I even go in

And worse,
I worry about you
Who have to steer a ship
While I just ride along…

I can’t imagine what
If anything
The next week of nights holds
For us,
But I hope you are there
To hold me
At the end of it all

What open, honest, and powerful emotions.

I am amazed at the experiences you are living, and how you share these with us.

I wish I could wrap a shield of protection around you, to keep you safe in these dangerous times.

I feel inadequate in that the best I can offer are virtual hugs and digital flowers.

 

[Moochienanu]

January 20, 2022

Last Night In the Things I Wore

I walked in
A different world
Than it had been
When I had left before
New walls
For isolation
New masks
For more filtration
And less of us
Less to pull from
Less to use
More wring out
More to abuse

I walk in
Street clothes
Through the waiting room
Past the double doors
Down the longest hall
Up four flights of steps
And into the changing room
My locker is where I put everything
Anything I wore before
I shed it all
But my bra
And my panties
These days, I even bring different socks
Because you never know
When your shoe covers won’t save you

I put on my work things
Carefully chosen from a dwindling pile
For their pockets
And their lack of holes in the crotch
Because when you find something worn down
It is thrown out these days -
Not fixed like they used to be

One of the pockets of my shirt
Has a hole I find
When I’m putting a call list
And my pen in it
In front of another nurse
I use a desk stapler to fix it

Throughout I wear a mask
While I’m walking
While I’m dressing
While I’m learning what the night holds

I walk to another floor
A floor that needs more help
And I can give it tonight
At least to start
On my way, I put on another mask
And when I get there, in the ante-room, another
And a gown
And a faceshield
And two pairs of gloves so that I can change the outer ones
Over and over
And I hope for a call
As I help people leave
And I help people come in
And I remind people to wash their hands
And I tell people not to touch their faces

Until finally I can leave
And do my usual job
After I take all the extra off
In the ante-room
Which I’ve secretly decided is an anti-room
And no one wants to come through it
But everyone wants to leave

I slough some layers
And leave the basement on
The staples holding tight
To my ticket out
Until I can pull it from my pocket
And call down the lists
On my walk back

And I wanted to talk about how I get redressed
And I wanted to talk about when I get home
When the garage door closes
And I can take everything I wore in off
And this time, it all comes off
I go in and wash my arms and hands
Which are already red from scrubbing all night
As high as I can
Then my face
And neck
And I dry off

I put on your shirt
It doesn’t smell like you anymore
It smells like me now
But I’m wearing it
Because it feels safe
And I put on a pair of pajama pants
And I can’t think anymore
And I don’t want to think anymore

 

[Youroldscotsman]

Though I try not to comment too often on your little space here as it somehow feels like an invasion, I do visit often to read your thoughts and the way you express them, you already know I am a fan. But this was just breathtaking, a very open window into your experiences, truly laying your self bare in such a beautiful way.

 

[Moochienanu]

Inevitable

I knew we were meant to meet
After finding out about
The chemistry between us,
Feeling how comfortable we were
Together before even seeing your eyes
And how deep they were when
We did look into each other
And after all the awkward conversation
(It was on my end mostly -
I’m a nervous person…
And I don’t really do this…
Or that -
Or… oh, you know what I mean)
Once we had a kiss
Then another
It was kismet
Like a flame that was on a candle
Had been touched to kindling
That started blazing hot
In a fireplace built
Just for the purpose
Of holding our passion.

 

[Inspirinious]

Inevitable

I knew we were meant to meet
After finding out about
The chemistry between us,
Feeling how comfortable we were
Together before even seeing your eyes
And how deep they were when
We did look into each other
And after all the awkward conversation
(It was on my end mostly -
I’m a nervous person…
And I don’t really do this…
Or that -
Or… oh, you know what I mean)
Once we had a kiss
Then another
It was kismet
Like a flame that was on a candle
Had been touched to kindling
That started blazing hot
In a fireplace built
Just for the purpose
Of holding our passion.

The passion and thrill of a new found love. I hope that for you, this is real and not just wishful thinking.

And...

I agree with Youroldscotsman how breathtaking a view into your life and thoughts your previous piece is.

 

[Moochienanu]

Guns are bad

I’m not going to cry today
I’ve decided all I have to do
Is make it to bedtime
Without crying

So I’ll distract myself
With anything else
And go to bed early

And try not to think of that patient
Who died while I handed instruments
To instruct someone about what to do next

And try not to think of his wife crying
On her sister’s shoulder
As I walked past her and out of the room

And try not to think about all the things
I should not have to think about
When a person doesn’t make it
Up to my operating suite
Where I have all the things
That couldn’t have done any better
At keeping him alive longer

So I’m not going to think about open chests
And I’m not going to think about suggesting cardiac massage
And I’m not going to think about anything
But a bath
And then bed today
Because
Guns are bad.

 

[Inspirinious]

Guns are bad

I’m not going to cry today
I’ve decided all I have to do
Is make it to bedtime
Without crying

So I’ll distract myself
With anything else
And go to bed early

And try not to think of that patient
Who died while I handed instruments
To instruct someone about what to do next

And try not to think of his wife crying
On her sister’s shoulder
As I walked past her and out of the room

And try not to think about all the things
I should not have to think about
When a person doesn’t make it
Up to my operating suite
Where I have all the things
That couldn’t have done any better
At keeping him alive longer

So I’m not going to think about open chests
And I’m not going to think about suggesting cardiac massage
And I’m not going to think about anything
But a bath
And then bed today
Because
Guns are bad.

Amen.

 

[Moochienanu]

January 26, 2022

Morning Glow

A few savored moments
Long awaited after weeks
Hard and fast
Just like you asked for
Just like I wanted
Just like we needed

As light streamed in
Between half-closed blinds
I couldn’t help but follow
Hand over yours
In yours
With yours

While the time slipped away
Quicker than expected
I’ll continue to grasp
At those memories
Of mornings together
Of them
Of us

 

[Moochienanu]

January 27, 2022

A ride

Another day
When time speeds past
And minds get a chance
To breathe into a wind

Sticking your hand out the window
As foot hits the accelerator

The whipping thoughts
Fly away
Past fingertips
And lost behind
In the dust being kicked
From out below

 

[Moochienanu]

January 29, 2022

Us vs them

I think about dying
And about how you would find out
If I didn’t have the ability
To keep going

I think about dying
And about whether my husband
Would know to tell you
That I did

I think about dying
And about how I would be if you did
If you never told her
And I turned up

I think about dying
And about if beforehand
We were able
To be us
Without them.

 

[Moochienanu]

January 31, 2022

purgatory

Anxiously waiting
Only a few more hours
But it has been days
Since I felt it

Something wrong
Something that doesn’t belong

And so starts the wait
Thinking the worst
That my body is corrupt
Eating itself

But reality is
In limbo

Between
Waiting
And knowing

All I want
Is to hear your voice
Telling me

No matter what,
Everything will be alright
Because you’re here.

 

[Moochienanu]

February 1, 2022 - a month of love (and yes, it might get sappy. I like that shit)

The door wide

Her bottom lip
Needs my teeth
Biting and pulling
As my needy hands
Work up and down her
Petite frame
Resting with a light smack
To her supple ass

I have to taste
Every one of her sighs
An imperative to feel
Bright red budding mouth
Giving to my tongue’s press
To explore,
Finding the gateway
To ecstasy which hides
Ready to open
With the meticulous
Sequence
Of touching
Of tease here
A soft caress
A fingertip there…
My teeth sinking in
As she-
we-

Find ourselves
Standing

Together

 

[Inspirinious]

The door wide

Her bottom lip
Needs my teeth
Biting and pulling
As my needy hands
Work up and down her
Petite frame
Resting with a light smack
To her supple ass

I have to taste
Every one of her sighs
An imperative to feel
Bright red budding mouth
Giving to my tongue’s press
To explore,
Finding the gateway
To ecstasy which hides
Ready to open
With the meticulous
Sequence
Of touching
Of tease here
A soft caress
A fingertip there…
My teeth sinking in
As she-
we-

Find ourselves
Standing

Together

That's

 

[Youroldscotsman]

Inspirinious is right, this is so hot.

"I have to taste
Every one of her sighs"


And if February gets sappy I am okay with that, I like that shit too.

 

[Moochienanu]

That's

Inspirinious is right, this is so hot.

"I have to taste
Every one of her sighs"


And if February gets sappy I am okay with that, I like that shit too.

Awe, you guys! Thank you.

 

[Moochienanu]

February 2, 2022

Ballet

A dancer on pointe
Years now
The lingering glances
A hand on my hip in crowds
A drink between friends
Being comfortable
Wearing down edges over time
Hiding underneath
A long hug
A conversation that doesn’t end
Hand on your thigh
Yours running through my hair
A kiss
That smile

 

[Moochienanu]

February 5, 2022

In Simplest Moments

when, after and
in between,
we would lay
in each other’s arms

physical energy exhausted

your fingers would move
up and down my sides
memorizing the curve there

my hand, rested upon
your shoulder, chest
making lazy lines

small talk
big talk
pillow talk

That is love.

 

[Moochienanu]

February 9, 2022

Secure

When I see him
I feel a key turning inside me
Opening parts
Inside that weren’t forgotten
But rather, left untouched
Placed for safe keeping

 

[Youroldscotsman]

Secure

When I see him
I feel a key turning inside me
Opening parts
Inside that weren’t forgotten
But rather, left untouched
Placed for safe keeping

I love all your thoughts and musings, but this, this is perfection.
Hope you are having a lovely week Moochie x