Hiding from the light

[Moochienanu]

February 14, 2022

Paper Heart

when we fell,
folding into each other
with origami intricacy,
our every bend & pleat
found itself closer,
touching,
interlocking,
pieces made to fit -
following lines
& curves
finding shape -
too strong to be torn

 

[Youroldscotsman]

Paper Heart

when we fell,
folding into each other
with origami intricacy,
our every bend & pleat
found itself closer,
touching,
interlocking,
pieces made to fit -
following lines
& curves
finding shape -
too strong to be torn

On this day, perfect.

 

[Moochienanu]

February 15, 2022

My Comet

please pass by again
feel the heat of our bodies
pull upon one another
so close
yet so far

caught up in flashing moments
brief and radiant,
the brightest
of falling stars
shooting across the sky

our paths crossing
orbits colliding
a whirlwind of light
dancing in space
please pass by again

 

[Moochienanu]

February 16, 2022

Sex dreams

push me back onto the mattress
rip the last layer of clothing from my skin
while my eyes tell you ‘yes’
my body squirms and wiggles
trying vaguely to get away

your hand on my breast
hard squeeze
keeping me in one place
as you lower your face next to mine
that sexsoaked voice
dripping into my ear
all the words
I don’t know I need to hear

your hand tugging of my hair
the arch of my back
hips pressed to yours
the slow, deep rhythmic rocking
so unbelievably close
exactly what we need

 

[Moochienanu]

February 22, 2022

Untitled

I want to wrap myself in you
Use you as a shield
Block out these thoughts
The ones that say I’m not enough
The ones that say I won’t be missed
The ones that say you don’t need me
The ones that lie through the pinholes of truths

I want you to say the opposite
To tell me that there’s nothing wrong
With thinking about escape
But just, don’t let me pull the
Real thing off
Because I don’t feel very safe
Alone in these thoughts
Which disguise themselves as tears
Falling unabashedly from my face

 

[Inspirinious]

February 16, 2022

Sex dreams

push me back onto the mattress
rip the last layer of clothing from my skin
while my eyes tell you ‘yes’
my body squirms and wiggles
trying vaguely to get away

your hand on my breast
hard squeeze
keeping me in one place
as you lower your face next to mine
that sexsoaked voice
dripping into my ear
all the words
I don’t know I need to hear

your hand tugging of my hair
the arch of my back
hips pressed to yours
the slow, deep rhythmic rocking
so unbelievably close
exactly what we need

{I think I am getting a handle on this new UI.}

I really love this poem as it created vivid images in my head, as if I was there, witnessing what you were experiencing.

Very well done.

 

[Inspirinious]

February 22, 2022

Untitled

I want to wrap myself in you
Use you as a shield
Block out these thoughts
The ones that say I’m not enough
The ones that say I won’t be missed
The ones that say you don’t need me
The ones that lie through the pinholes of truths

I want you to say the opposite
To tell me that there’s nothing wrong
With thinking about escape
But just, don’t let me pull the
Real thing off
Because I don’t feel very safe
Alone in these thoughts
Which disguise themselves as tears
Falling unabashedly from my face

A very powerful poem.
I can sense your pain, while wishing this wasn't happening to you.
Thank you for sharing.

 

[Moochienanu]

February 24, 2022

Left

Spend it
With me
Feel the unwind
Muscles remember
Your touch
Your lips…

Don’t go
Stay here
Where our thoughts
Spill over
Fill rooms
Fill me
Leave me ruined…

It’s not enough
It never will be
As arms reach
Feeling closer
Your voice
Leads me
And then…

 

[Moochienanu]

February 28, 2022

All the pieces

Scattered echoes
Of what is left
Resounding thuds
Tenderness in a p-wave
A stranger
To anyone else

Losing the memories
Grains of sand
Slipping away
Escaping like the ones before
Emptied
To anyone else

Sprinkled destinies
Anthologies of us
Written in blood
Torn apart into tiny parts
Unrecognizable
To anyone else

 

[Moochienanu]

March 1, 2022

NightLight

A night lit by
Hundreds of twinkling lights
Lining the street
Refracting beams back
In the magic air
Of rainfall

A glance upon
Destiny shows quickly
In a blink so slow
An entire day passes inside
The scent of fresh kiss

 

[Moochienanu]

March 3, 2022

It was his hand on my chin
The way he lifted me
Up to his height

It was how he smiled
The way the world stopped
When I looked up

It was his eyes locked to mine
The way an entire life changed
At his glance

It was an end and beginning
The way his hand touches my thigh
As he runs it down

It was good to see
The way his eyes opened
When they saw mine

 

[Moochienanu]

March 7, 2022

Savage Cycles

the night is longer
pulled both ways
ends that loop
falling back
and spinning into
a warm day on the inside
looking up, forward
hoping for more
for everything
for fantastic dreams
for reality to fold
to find answers again
in the bend of notions
falling back
and spinning into

 

[Moochienanu]

March 8, 2022

Maelstrom

Bridge behind
Suspended, falling
Swirling feelings around
Deep inside myself

Is this it?

Current of thought
Tugging on my toe
Hard enough to pull
Further down

Is this it?

Under placid surface
Tumultuous tumbling
A hand ready
Holding my breath

Is this it?

Twisting whirlpool
Of mind and body
Everything
Held close to the chest

 

[Moochienanu]

March 10, 2022

Gone

I thought I lost it
Searching everywhere
Through everything
Digging deep into places
Trying to remember

I thought it was gone
And I gave up
Trying to find
Something so irreplaceable

And then today
Months after the last time
I remember feeling it
It showed up

Nothing is ever gone forever

 

[Moochienanu]

March 22, 2022

I feel like

In this I could leap
Take a jump off the cliff
Feel the rainclouds
All enveloping
Pulling
Pushing
Deeper into it

In this I could fall
Turning and spinning
Absorbing the heat
With the steamy showers
Tumbling
Descending
Further into it

In this I could collide
Breathing in the air
Finally finding answers
Smashing
Stumbling
Closer into it

In this I could be everything.

 

[Moochienanu]

3/28/22

Escaping

In thoughts
Of soft moans
Of warm beds
Of cool air
Of long mornings

In dreams
Of your hand
Of your eyes
Of your kiss
Of your voice

In moments
Of hearts beating
Of shared smiles
Of hushed secrets
Of us

 

[Moochienanu]

March 30, 2022

Razor

Fine and fragile
Brittle edge of
A bitter cold
Brightness
Staring at me -
Begging for
A purpose

 

[Moochienanu]

May 6, 2022

How your name tastes

The consonant sounds
So sweet
Honeyed drops
Slipping around my tongue
And clinging to my thoughts
Thick with your embrace

Every vowel’s music
Soft pillows
Marshmallow clouds
Comforting my descent
And absorbing every worry
Safe in your arms

The involuntary sigh
Before or after
Refreshing bubble water
Cleansing my palate
And adding playful smiles
To kisses on my forehead

 

[Moochienanu]

May 8, 2022

she made me this thing
screaming at me, finally
after being too quiet
as my thoughts raced
and I remember thinking
those ‘what if’s’
we all do
until finally, there she was

and it’s not like she wasn’t there
months, almost a year, before it,
but she was less abstract
when they finally set her little body
on my tired chest
with a pink and blue hat in her eyes
and that snuffling, rutting sound
as I looked for the future in her face

so, sure, it’s my day…
but really, it wouldn’t be if she wasn’t around,
and that’s why, after working
for countless hours since yesterday,
and being almost unable
to keep my eyes open any longer,
I still come home and want nothing more
than to hold her,
and listen to her stories,
and watch her succeed,
and keeping her close

she made me this thing
and I love that we’re in this together.

 

[Moochienanu]

June 24, 2022

Stream of unconsciousness

It feels like floating
The moment of falling asleep
When the world starts to drift
And every thought becomes whirled
Into a magnetic ball
Tightening before me
Pulling me deeper
Further into it
Tugging me
Urging me to follow
Down into the waves of unconsciousness
Where you’ve been waiting all day
To place your arms beneath me
And hold me
Head above the water
As I fall

 

[Moochienanu]

August 10, 2022

I want to call

I want to call her,
Tell her why I’m thinking of hurting myself
Like I will
When things feel out of my control
And uncollectable -
Fallen and spread into too many pieces to point to one thing

I want to call and tell you
I’m hurting,
But I can’t because yours is a deeper hurt
And I can’t compare anything to what you’re going through
And how you must feel right now -
I can’t imagine,
So in perspective
This is just something I should be over by now
And can’t get past

I want to call and tell you
I fucked up again
And the cans,
They called my name,
So I listened
As they told me I would feel better
About what he did
All those years ago
If I just drank them
And forgot for the evening

I want to hear your voice
Saying you love me
And not just as a reflex or reply when I tell you how much you mean to me
And how deeply I miss
Every tilt of my head to meet your gaze
Or how fucking delicious your lips taste

I’m left here worried
About bugging you
About burdening you
About paying for time
About hating myself
About hating what he did
About hating more, that they believe him over me
About hating being dismissed
About hating being the outcast from groups, from family

I’ll think about hurting myself,
But I won’t
I’ll think about letting myself drift below the waterline
In my tub
Full of Sleep -
But I won’t do it
Because it’s not over yet,
Yet -
Yet…

Yet I wish it were
On this day
Of all days
That he was born
And ruined me so shortly after.

Okay, I’ll call her.

 

[Nevyn_Black]

August 10, 2022

I want to call

I want to call her,
Tell her why I’m thinking of hurting myself
Like I will
When things feel out of my control
And uncollectable -
Fallen and spread into too many pieces to point to one thing

I want to call and tell you
I’m hurting,
But I can’t because yours is a deeper hurt
And I can’t compare anything to what you’re going through
And how you must feel right now -
I can’t imagine,
So in perspective
This is just something I should be over by now
And can’t get past

I want to call and tell you
I fucked up again
And the cans,
They called my name,
So I listened
As they told me I would feel better
About what he did
All those years ago
If I just drank them
And forgot for the evening

I want to hear your voice
Saying you love me
And not just as a reflex or reply when I tell you how much you mean to me
And how deeply I miss
Every tilt of my head to meet your gaze
Or how fucking delicious your lips taste

I’m left here worried
About bugging you
About burdening you
About paying for time
About hating myself
About hating what he did
About hating more, that they believe him over me
About hating being dismissed
About hating being the outcast from groups, from family

I’ll think about hurting myself,
But I won’t
I’ll think about letting myself drift below the waterline
In my tub
Full of Sleep -
But I won’t do it
Because it’s not over yet,
Yet -
Yet…

Yet I wish it were
On this day
Of all days
That he was born
And ruined me so shortly after.

Okay, I’ll call her.

Yeah. I feel this one.

August 10, 2022

I want to call

I want to call her,
Tell her why I’m thinking of hurting myself
Like I will
When things feel out of my control
And uncollectable -
Fallen and spread into too many pieces to point to one thing

I want to call and tell you
I’m hurting,
But I can’t because yours is a deeper hurt
And I can’t compare anything to what you’re going through
And how you must feel right now -
I can’t imagine,
So in perspective
This is just something I should be over by now
And can’t get past

I want to call and tell you
I fucked up again
And the cans,
They called my name,
So I listened
As they told me I would feel better
About what he did
All those years ago
If I just drank them
And forgot for the evening

I want to hear your voice
Saying you love me
And not just as a reflex or reply when I tell you how much you mean to me
And how deeply I miss
Every tilt of my head to meet your gaze
Or how fucking delicious your lips taste

I’m left here worried
About bugging you
About burdening you
About paying for time
About hating myself
About hating what he did
About hating more, that they believe him over me
About hating being dismissed
About hating being the outcast from groups, from family

I’ll think about hurting myself,
But I won’t
I’ll think about letting myself drift below the waterline
In my tub
Full of Sleep -
But I won’t do it
Because it’s not over yet,
Yet -
Yet…

Yet I wish it were
On this day
Of all days
That he was born
And ruined me so shortly after.

Okay, I’ll call her.

Damn, I feel this one. I feel this one a lot.

 

[Moochienanu]

The November Thoughts

They’re coming
I can already feel them
When I start class
There’s darkness
And that’s normal
Because there it isn’t
But that’s okay

They’re coming
The prompts that tell me
What to say
And I think only of
Thrombocytopenia
And how wonderful your bite
On my thigh would look
If my coags were off

 

[Moochienanu]

Feed me

I am sustained
On three and a half hours
For months
With the memories
Of the between time
As hungry lips
Search for their match,
Finding them safely
In one another.

I am nourished
On one morning
Until the next time
With the feelings
Of our belonging
That spring from deep,
Fingertips grazing
Up and down
After collapsing
Over and over again.

I am rebuilt
In anticipated moments
For the foreseeable future
With the knowledge
That we’re there
On the other side,
Heavy breathing
And flying heartbeats
Leading the way.

 

[Moochienanu]

four w’s

This woman staring back at me
Wrinkles around the eyes
Showing the years
And the love
And the tears
And the hope
And the fears.

This nubile thing
Who thinks she’s younger than she is
Trading tomorrow for today
Knowing my dreams
And my wants
And my needs
And my thoughts
And my feelings.

It was while I slept,
As it always seems to be,
My life away along with everyone else’s
Letting the dreams be real
And our space
And our time
And our memories
And our moments.

My head in the clouds,
I am already gone from here
To a place where lists are forgotten
And a touch fills months
And a sigh crosses kilometers
And a whimper shakes mountains
And a kiss lasts forever.