Highly Spirited (Closed for Alexavious and Ravenloft)

[Ravenloft]

I went a little crazy in the hardware store, okay, so I was channeling Kevin Bacon from Stir of Echoes. If only there was a kiddo at home with the open mind to reassure me I wasn't going bat shit... "You're awake now, Daddy. Are you okay? Don't be afraid of it, Daddy." That's what the kid in the movie told Bacon... Man was that movie spooky. And now... Here I was, trying to figure out how the fuck to communicate with Lara. At least I was more creative than poor Kevin.

"Okay, if I'm going at this intelligently, I only want to sand the door enough to at least get a yes or no consent to messing with that door..." I said to myself as I grabbed a clear plastic storage box, something that could easily collect sawdust and seemed adequate as a sort of, ahem, supernatural etch a sketch. Then I picked out a small power saw, this was not exactly an excavation project, after all, this was about establishing communication. I could use the saw to cut off a thin strip from the door and turn those into tiles. Next I picked out a dremel saw, with a variety of fine tips, so I could etch letters into the, soon to be crafted, letter tiles.

Finally, I picked up a pack of permanent ink sharpies in a variety of colors. Play to your strengths, Ethan, you are an artist, not a line man. If Lara was as fun and playful as I suspected, she'd hopefully appreciate the extra time and effort my artist's heart was going to put into this.

This would be a crude system, but I had high hopes it would work out, and it would have to be a damn sight more reliable and far less silly than marking my body up with letters again and trying to guess at what Lara was trying to get across.

I checked out and rushed my ass back home.

Calling out for Zoe, no answer, followed by another pang of guilt.

"Lara?" I whispered as I entered the kitchen and stood with the bag full of my purchases, in front of the door, her door.

"I don't want to cause you any more suffering, but I have to help you, I just have to..."

I hesitantly unboxed the power sander, I had picked the least intimidating one I could find, it was this cordless DeWalt that was black and yellow. Kind of neat, actually. "Focus, Ethan, aesthetics aren't important right now, yeesh!" Giving it a once over, I didn't need to think another second, I pressed it against the door firmly and braced myself for the inevitable pull as I turned it on and pressed the trigger button. Nothing... "Nothing?" I pondered for a few seconds. "Powerpack needs to charge, dumbass... Yeesh! Okay..." I set that up, my face turning red. "I'm and artist..." I explained to the empty room, hoping Lara wasn't right there to notice how clueless I tend to be with power tools. If she was, all I could do was shrug and smirk over my own cluelessness.

"Okay, well, while that charges, here's what else I got..." I presented the saw and the dremel to the empty room, to Lara, I hoped. "At least these two are plug ins... Heheh. So we won't have to wait for them to charge. I got the dremel to etch letters into the strip of wood and then I got these to mark the etchings so that the letters really show up good. I know its silly, but I got a pack with a variety of colors, so that you can... Um... Pick your favorite..." My face was burning with embarrassment over feeling like a grade schooler, trying to get his crush to notice him. I actually looked over my shoulder, to see if I was alone, or if Zoe had caught me talking to my ghost again...

That thought should have made me feel that old familiar wave of guilt in the pit of my stomach, but this time, I felt a rush of glee. My ghost... A ghost? The ghost? Maybe? Lets not rush things, Ethan... Yeesh!

 

[Alexavious]

I didn't know what to do with myself. The house had never seemed so empty and even my favourite pastime of watching the wildlife from the attic window wasn't enough to soothe me. It was about the twentieth circle of the house I'd made, deep in thought, when I came to the realisation that if they left now, that would be it for me. This taste of companionship, I needed it. I hadn't known how much I missed it and without it, I would spiral into madness. Whatever end, whatever pain or darkness that pulled from deep within the basement... I would accept it. Perhaps I would just vanish into whatever true end there was for me.

I grew more anxious as the seconds ticked by. Perhaps Zoe had gotten lost in the woods, maybe Ethan had had an accident or decided this was too much trouble. The self-doubt surfaced up until I heard the car pulling down the drive, the crunch of stones beneath tyres and there he was. The relief I felt welled up inside me and I was instantly by his side as he carted his purchases up into the house.

He called out for Zoe and I absently responded, "She's in the woods, taking photos or whatever." Obviously Ethan wouldn't respond to that but it felt good to talk out loud, much like he did. I followed him to the basement door, the dark wood standing as an imposing boundary between me and whatever lay beyond. As you prepared the new equipment, my hands began to shake. A mixture of nerves and excitement. I floated down close to where he began to work, my eyes like saucers as I mentally prepared for any consequences.

Click. The button pressed and nothing happened. My brow wrinkled even as Ethan pondered himself. When he found his own solution, I giggled and grinned, but as his face notably turned red I was once again hit with the need to wrap my arms around him. To comfort him. Ethan was trying so hard to help and he didn't know me at all, didn't know that I could never judge someone for so simple a mistake.

I watched eagerly as he explained the rest of the items. Having never so much as been shown anything DIY related before, I was fascinated with the power tools and wished even that I could have go. When Ethan presented the colours, my eyes widened still. I could choose a colour? I could choose a colour! Why such a simple thing had touched my heart, I couldn't tell. Perhaps the idea that I could finally affect my surroundings was so powerful that tears welled in my eyes.

First, I reached out and brushed Ethan's cheek, to both let him know I was here and also to hopefully help him relax. Next I turned my attention to the sharpies. Pack of eight - Red, Brown, Purple, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue and Black. I smiled softly to myself, and gently tapped a finger three times up Ethan's left arm, watching with rapt attention to see if he understood "Three from the left".

 

[Ravenloft]

I felt the heat in my cheek suddenly cool and knew it was Lara, comforting me. A lump rose in my throat and I felt tears of joy come to my eyes. I felt so happy, just from the whisper of her touch, I mattered and it wasn't because I was fucking something up or aggravating someone else with my presence. It felt fantastic. Conventions and signing gigs, with all that adoration and all of those questions that I could never quite answer that the fans posed, that paled in comparison to that one touch.

There was a tingle and a cool sensation up my left arm, three of them... "Hmm..." Staring at the sharpies, I worked it out the best I could. "Three? In? Okay, Purple or green? I hope it's purple, I love purple. A nice emerald green is nice, but purple, nothing feels quite as lovely, a nice clear blue comes close, but..." As I talked, the sander on charge beeped, making me jump a little and I couldn't help but chuckle at my reaction. "Whew, jump scare!" I joked.

It was still a little unclear which color Lara wanted, but at least it was narrowed down to just two. "Okay, lets get to it, I'm ready if you are, Lara, here goes nothing!" I whispered, excitement in my voice as I pulled the sander from its charging base and grabbed the plastic tote to collect the saw dust. "This will be a lot quicker and theoretically let you communicate, at least something to start with." And with that, I pinned the tote between me and the door, so that it would collect as much of the saw dust as possible.

I went to work, the little sander kicked on and pulled a little, but immediately sent a shower of fine powdered wood floating down into the tote, and up into my eyes and face. I smirked a little, maybe if some of that was a part of me, inside me, my lungs, maybe that might mean Lara could really touch me somehow not just pass through me. Her touch, the thought thrilled me.

I was careful not to sand too much in any one spot, and by the end, I had pretty much sanded off the dark, time worn top layer of the old door, so that it was much lighter and less drab looking, so it looked like new wood. That would impress Zoe, I thought. There was a fine layer of saw dust in the bottom of the tote and on my face and chest, I shook as much of it off into the tote and brushed what was coating my face into the tote as well. "Well, this might work..." I was a little nervous, it really didn't seem like much in the end and I didn't dare do any more damage, in case it was causing poor Lara harm, or worse, scaring her. That door was important and there for a reason, to protect her from something, I felt that much in my heart.

"Okay then, I don't know how well this will work or if its good for more than a few words, but..." I stood up and set the tote on the counter beside the door. "Lara, if you are with me, please give me a sign." I teased with a shit eating grin, like one of those cheesy seances always did. I was really itching to get to making her those scrabble tiles, but I needed to get her permission before I messed with the door any more. I kind of already knew that she would want some way to speak, who wouldn't? Silence isn't always golden... "Do I have your permission to cut just a tiny strip from the bottom of your door? It will leave a gap and I don't know what that might mean for you, or if it will cause you pain somehow." I felt compelled to warn her, after all, first, do no harm. But also, it has to hurt to heal? Thanks Hypocrites, clearly never watched Neverending Story, did you?

 

[Alexavious]

Well that sort of worked, Ethan was close enough to the colour I has chosen and when the time came to use them he could just hold them up and I'd tap the Purple. Simple! It felt good to be on the same wavelength but I did really hope his ingenious plan would work. It would feel so good to have a true way to communicate.

Eagerly I watched him work, occasionally closing my eyes to try and 'feel' whether the deep dark pull was growing stronger. Nothing yet, and the door itself looked a lot nicer. It no longer had that dark menacing or foreboding look and even brightened the room. It could use a stain or a bit of colour maybe but oddly it was actually a massive improvement.

Seeing Ethan straighten, looking proudly at his work was incredibly endearing, like a mix of a master crafter and a young child. Looking down into the tub, there was more dust collected than I thought there would be, slightly thicker than the dust that had collected on the surfaces over the last few years. Looking at Ethan, my fingers itched to reach out and touch his face... his neck... his chest. I found myself idly chewing my bottom lip... wow where did that come from!

I quickly shook myself from whatever direction those thoughts were going and towards the task at hand. I obviously had no idea how the door "worked", why I had been able to touch it or why it was a barrier to whatever lay beyond. I just prayed that Ethan's plan would work. So, I stood at the counter, opposite Ethan, and took a deep breath. Slowly my hand descendes into the tote, finger extended...

My finger passed through it.

"No!" I cried out in desperation, my heart falling and tears immediately welling in my eyes. I tried again, and again, stabbing the sawdust, growing increasingly frustrated. Something shifted and I froze, eyes wide. The sawdust had parted around one single fingertip, leaving a little hole through to the counter. I let out an explosive breath I hadnt realised I was holding and shook my head.

That was a lot of effort just for a single spot, just like the hand print in the flour. Both had stemmed from an outburst of emotion, anger and fear mostly. Same with the light from before. But did it have to be? Taking another deep breath, I closed my eyes, finger hovering lightly above the wood dust. I tried to focus on the last day, the hope and joy, the empathy that Ethan glowed with. I focused on the longing for communication, the need for connection, and the hope for not having to be alone again. Slowly my finger dipped into the sawdust and began to move. I opened my eyes, latching onto this feeling as I beamed from ear to ear.

I wasnt an artist, not like Ethan, and the flower I drew was crude and childish but it was my first doodle in years! Taking only a moment to appreciate my drawing, I brushed it flat once more and wrote a simple, "Yes. Hi."

 

[Ravenloft]

The seconds crept by like hours and the lump in my throat grew larger as my spirits began to sink. "Lara, I believe in you, I know you can do this..." I whispered, despite my sinking feelings, that nagging notion that I was completely alone, that we all were, that this was it, one life and then oblivion. But then, something happened! There was a dot! As if a finger tip had poked through the sawdust!

"I knew it! I knew it would work!" Ethan hooted with excitement and leaned in, peering into the tote, as though it were some mystical portal to the beyond, and in a way, it sort of was! "You got this, Lara, go on!" I urged, barely containing his excitement, and over just a simple dot! I watched in dumb amazement as Lara drew a simple flower, my eyes wide and my jaw slack. Somehow, I don't know how, I found the presence of mind to pull my phone out and switch it to the camera before the little flower was erased and took a snap shot of it. "A rose?" I asked. "Thank you, I will treasure this forever, Lara." I whispered and, with the camera still on, it occured to me, I should be taking video of this event. Not to be greedy, but to prove I wasn't insane after all! I switched to the video capture mode and began recording, just in time to capture the flower being erased and Lara spelling out "Yes. Hi." This thing only took 20 second clips, but it was enough, this was live proof... but of what? I knew in my heart it was a ghost named Lara, but I also knew that this was not something that would convince anyone but me... They'd say it was staged, a trick, but there was no trick here. I saw it with my own eyes. I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket, there were more important things to think about, Like Lara, I suddenly wanted to know everything about her.

"Hi there Lara, are you doing okay? No pain? Is there anything I can do to help you?" I fought the urge to ask her what it was like, but that just seemed terribly rude. Yeah: How does it feel to be dead? Don't be a dick, Ethan! Yeesh! "Wait, yes? Yes, you want me to cut at the door? Right? I don't... Don't want to cause you any more pain, or anything, but yes, okay, if it makes communicating easier, than I will go right to work! Oh, and did you want purple or green?" I paused for a moment and pondered things. "You're real... You're really real... Oh Lara..." The lump in my throat was back, but for a completely different reason, it was like a childhood dream had come true. "You exist!" I blurted out, way too loud and covered my mouth as if I might get caught. A moment later, I dropped my hand from my mouth and smiled. "I wonder what you look like, Lara." I admit, I couldn't help but be curious, maybe she would let me make a painting of her? "Maybe, with enough, I don't know, belief, force of will, soul... Maybe now that you can manipulate something in this world, maybe there is some way you can... Um... Not to sound cheesy... But manifest? I don't know how, but I know you're here, even if I can't see you and only feel your presence."

"Oh gosh, Zoe is going to be so jealous, ghosts exist..." And again, I covered my mouth, feeling terribly ashamed having said that aloud. "I am so sorry Lara, I... She and I... Aren't doing well... I feel like such a failure and I really don't know what to do... But I know that I have to help you, even if it makes me look like I've lost my mind!"

 

[Alexavious]

As I stood staring at my handiwork, Ethan's movement caught my eye. I looked up at him grinning, like a child presenting their work to their parent. But the smile faltered as I spied the phone being closed and slipped away. My heart dropped into my stomach as I was suddenly filled with panic. Was this all this was about? What would he do with that footage? Am I just a circus freak...?

Those feelings were immediately squashed, both by my own anger at my wavering self-confidence but also by Ethan's outpour.

My finger hovered again but there was so much to respond to, so many questions, so much emotion that ranged from excitement to guilt. I listened to it all and when he paused, I started again, keeping sentences simple.

"No Pain. Company = Happy." I ended that with a smiley face and two lines the curled off the round head and ended just past where the shoulders would be. My hairline, the last haircut I ever had. Dark auburn, almost brown hair with a sweeping fringe that cut right across my forehead. At least that was one benefit to death, no maintenance. No matter what I did, it was always neat and shiny.

I swept the dust clean and wrote more.
"Cut door. Scared but ok." The more I wrote, the easier it seemed. The feeling of actually talking filled me with a hope and joy that was easy to latch onto and focus on. Underneath I wrote "Purple".

I paused my brow wrinkling as I tried to remember what Ethan had said next. The thing about manifesting but I didnt even know how to touch things much less appear in the real world. Maybe we could work it out, but instead my heart went out to him as he mentioned Zoe. Would helping me make his situation woth Zoe worse? Certainly their move here had further damaged the relationship more. I didnt know what to say, how to comfort him or how to tell him not to sacrifice anything for me. Instead, with a clear surface once more, I just drew a heart.

Suddenly I had an idea. I flattened the shavings rapidly and wrote my full name, or at least my full stage name: "Lara Frost - Find Me". I'm not sure why we hadnt done that immediately but I was certain he could research me, there must be something out there in the world. Young singer missing! or Lara Frost murdered! Ok I hadnt made it big and famous but there must be something!

 

[Ravenloft]

"No pain, whew, that's good, I was afraid all of this was hurting you, like cutting into the door was cutting into you somehow, but yeah, that's just silly, isn't it? You're not made of wood." I said, with a serious nod, a stray thought going back to how, when I was a kid, how I had Monty Python and the Holy Grail nearly memorized. Shaking my head, I returned focus on what Lara was writing. "Yeah, I like your company too, Lara, hey, is that you? I love shoulder length hair, its just right, you know? Not too short not too long." As I talked, Lara swept her last words away and wrote more. I hope I wasn't distracting her with idle chit chat. I stared with rapt attention "Okay, I am too, but okay, this is a first for me, I never thought I'd know an actual ghost..."

I perked right up when she confirmed that she wanted purple. "I hoped you'd say that!" I said with a nervous laugh, again, feeling like a teenager with her. "Funny story about that, for the longest time, I had the hardest time telling purple apart from blue, still kind of do, but when I look really closely, I can see it now. It just takes a bit of extra care, that's all." I was still talking while I plugged the saw in and went back to the door, getting down on my knees and used the black sharpie to mark a line to follow across the bottom. It occured to me that Lara might not have been done talking and I was being rather hasty, so I got back up and checked the tote for more. When I looked, there was a drawing of a heart, but it was quickly erased, my heart swelled, if I hadn't looked when I did, I never would have seen it, and that scared the hell out of me. Missing out of Lara's affections? Yes, that was something that bothered me.

"Lara Frost..." I whispered, my eyes shining as I spoke her name aloud. "I will, I will find you!" I vowed, placing my hand over my heart, I was so affected by her in this moment. "But first, I need to make these tiles, or that will never get done!" I rushed back to the door and went to work. I was pretty nervous at first, the saw felt a little wobbly and wanted to pull up, away from the line I had marked, it took a surprising amount of control to keep the cut even, but when it was done, I had a solid half inch thick strip of wood about three feet long to work with. The hard part was done, now we were back in my domain, the delicate, artistic side of the project. I marked the strip off into one inch increments and realized that the door was a good two inches thick. "Holy shit! This one strip is going to make seventy two tiles, if I'm careful!" I exclaimed, more than a little surprised that there was that much wood to work with in this one strip. "I know, I can make doubles of each letters and even punctuation and special characters even! I know that's probably too ambitious, but I'll work on the letters first. There's time for fancy stuff later, right?"

 

[Alexavious]

It was interesting watching Ethan work, the enthusiasm and excitement that bubbled in him. I also enjoyed his constant monologue, as if all his thoughts tumbled from his lips without filter. It was refreshing, considering the last male company I had kept had been so closed off, so distant. Ethan was so opposite and it brought a genuine smile to my lips. Funny how I was comparing Ethan to Kai, the man I had once loved. The man who had betrayed me. But I guess I did live with Ethan now so it was easy to draw those comparisons.

As I watched the man cut, movement caught my eye. A shadow in the doorway, the feminine figure of Zoe watching with a frown on her face. Before I could think about warning Ethan as he went on about the tiles and letters, Zoe rolled her eyes and disappeared into the house. My jaw hung, shocked really, that she hadn't come storming in and demanding what he was doing or at the very least curious as to the work. It was like she didn't even care.

Quickly dipping my finger into the dust, I wrote a little note: "Back Soon" and followed after Zoe. I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, regardless of whether she could hear me. The frustration and pain I felt on behalf of Ethan roiled inside me, and I thought maybe I could use that to give her a well deserved fright. I whizzed through the house and found her making her way up to the bedroom.

"Where you going, huh?" I shouted at the back of her head. "Why do you keep running away?! What did Ethan do to deserve this! Your... your... fucking Apathy!" Zoe fled into the bedroom, unintentionally slamming the door in my face. Disgruntled, I pushed through, ready to continue my tirade but I was brought up short by the look on the woman's face. Tears rolled down red and blotchy cheeks as she perched herself on the edge of the bed. Her body convulsed with wracking sobs as she covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the noise. I was frozen, floating awkwardly at the door as I watched this poor woman's emotional outpour. Just like it had with Ethan, my heart just went out to her.

Slowly, she got herself under control, at least where it was only the tears glistening on her cheeks that she desperately tried to wipe away. It hadn't occurred to me that Zoe was in just as much pain as Ethan. Why were these people still together? Zoe rose and moved to her bedside table. It looked like most of their possessions were still packed away in suitcases and the drawers were pretty empty but Zoe retrieved what looked to be a silk bag from the back of the draw, pulled the strings and extracted some kind of wooden figure.

At first it looked just like a few twists of sticks held together with a rough string but as Zoe held it up to examine it, there definitely seemed to be some kind of face shaped into it. It was hard to make out and Zoe clutched it tightly as she moved to the window and looked out over the trees.

"Spirits of the Forest, hear my call. Lend me your strength."

I was shocked once more, sneaking towards her as if my footsteps could somehow disturb this prayer. Did Ethan know about this?

"Help me... weather my Husbands... eccentricities... help me to love him..." she trailed off, trying to dab the tears from her cheeks with her sleeve. She dropped her hands to her side and let out long sigh. "What are we doing here..." she whispered to herself. Why are things so... hard..." She glanced once more at the wooden idol in her hands, and then back to the tree line. "Are you even real?"

I couldn't help it, tears were glistening in my own eyes, filled with shame and guilt. Had I judged her too harshly? Had I wanted to judge her because Ethan... I didn't even know what. I'd only known the man for a day but all I was sure about was not wanting him to leave. Poor Zoe. I reached out almost involuntarily, to touch her hand. All I wanted to do was hold it, to reassure her that it would be ok. She let out a girlish squeak and jumped back as my touch passed into her clenched fists, dropping the idol as her eyes widened.

"The... the fuck?!" She hissed, staring at her hands. She frowned hard, before stooping down to examine her little figure, reaching out and patting it to check how it felt. She scooped it up and straightened, casting her gaze around the room before back at the figure. "Did you just..." Suddenly her face split into a massive grin, and I was genuinely touched by how beautiful her smile was. "I feel your heat. Thankyou..." Zoe whispered.

Wait... wait what? Heat? Not cold? It was my turn to frown in confusion as I stared at my hands. What had happened? I shifted closer to Zoe, intent on trying again but the woman darted off, slipping the figure and silk bag into a pocket, grabbing her sketchpad and pencils off the side and raced out the room leaving me floating dumbstruck and speechless. How had I made my touch warm?

I looked out the window as I heard the front door close and spied Zoe hastily racing into the woods, no doubt to draw on whatever she imagined had touched her. Meanwhile, I ventured back downstairs to see how Ethan was getting on, all the while my mind racing at how my abilities to affect the environment were constantly changing now that I had these people in my lives.

 

[Ravenloft]

OOC: Just wanted to note that Alexavious was the author of the article Ethan reads about her disappearance. I just weaved my latest post around that article.

I was busy carefully cutting the strip of wood into sections, feeling unbelievably happy and content in the moment, while I kept half an eye on the saw dust etch a sketch, hoping for more words from Lara. While I worked, I was completely oblivious to everything else. It was like the rest of the world had fallen away and all there was to care about were the tiles, the tote, and Lara. So when I read the short message. "Back soon." I nodded and smiled, figuring that she just needed to rest or something, to regain her strength maybe? In my imaginings, I had always had this theory that if ghosts were real, and now I know they are, that to effect this plane, they would obviously have to use their force of will to cause any effect here, and I had already worked out in my head that would have to take a lot of emotion. Lets face it, its got to take a lot of strong feelings and or concentration to push something with just your feelings. "Okay darlin, I'll be here when you get back." I said without thinking and continued to work.

A minute later, it occured to me that I could go get my lap top and start searching for her by name. "Frost... Lara Frost..." I said aloud and felt my heart swell. I knew her name, and maybe I would turn up something, maybe even a picture... "I have to know..." I said with a sigh as I took another glance at her last message. "Yeah, me too, darlin girl." I whispered, somehow, I knew I was alone, her presence was gone, for the moment. Setting my work aside for just a moment, I rushed out to the car and got my lap top in its case from the back hatch and rushed right back in, never knowing that if I had just waited a minute longer, Zoe and I would have met at the door.

Half way though unpacking my lap top and setting it up, I heard the front door close, and I instinctively froze, listening for the sound of Zoe's shoes on the hard wood floor, there was nothing. Had she frozen too? Was she listening for signs of noise, just like me, nervous and afraid of confrontation? "Zoe?" I called out, not loud enough to be heard from the other room, unless she was out there, trying to hear something. I thought I heard the slightest hint of feet crunching on gravel, and it occured to me that in my focus on working on those tiles and talking openly with Lara, she might have already come in and this was her leaving...

I rushed to the kitchen window and peeked out, like a peeping tom, not wanting to get caught, but I needed to know, was she leaving me? Without a word? Had things really gotten that bad? I saw her walking briskly away, with her camera, back to the woods. "Yeah, she's pissed..." I surmised aloud. "I need to do something..." I felt sick to my stomach, I felt really awful about the way I was treating her... Maybe if I revealed to her this discovery, that Lara existed, that there was something more than just the mundane, could that rekindle her belief in the fey? At the very least give her hope in there being something beyond this world? Yeah, that would go over great. "Hey honey, this place has a real ghost and her name is Lara Frost, I'm about to go online and do some digging, want to join me?" Just what every wife wants to hear, right?

At least she was going toward the woods, I knew what that meant, she was throwing herself back into nature, back into her work and obsession. For her sake, I genuinely wished that her fairies really were out there. Something to believe in. I know I believed it until she took that away from us, saying what she said all those years ago. Even if there was no proof, I never ever stopped believing that one day, I would find proof of something after this life. All I want for Zoe is the same, to restore her faith in her beliefs, somehow.

With a heavy yet blindly hopeful heart, I returned to setting up my lap top and powered it on, ready to do some digging, while I was busy crafting Lara's tiles. Finally, with the computer up and running, I spoke aloud. "Search Lara Frost." Yeah, I had this thing loaded with voice recognition, it was pretty sweet. A moment later, a few results popped up on screen. An old facebook page, one that looked like it was some reddit thread about stars that never made it big, and an article from the local paper, dated three years back. All the rest were results that did not include the name Frost, and most of the rest were about Tomb Raider, of course.

I clicked on the article from the local paper first, feeling my gut tighten, I knew it wasn't going to be an easy read, but I immediately started reading it aloud.

"Miss Musical Missing - Lara Frost"

I liked saying her name.

"Anyone who has immediate sighting of Lara Jemma Dennings aka Lara Frost should call 911."

I really liked saying her name, her real name. Jemma... I sighed, I would look up Dennings next, she must have family, although I had no idea how to approach them with this, any of this, if I found someone to contact.

"Police are conducting 'extensive' searches for a woman missing from her home in the rural Seattle. Lara, who is also known by her stage name Lara Frost, was last seen at home yesterday, March the 12th at 4.45pm and hasn't been seen since."

I forced the lump in my throat down while I read this, this was hard to read, knowing what I knew. Even this article's writer knew she was gone, why would they have put Extensive in quotations if they had any hope of finding poor Lara alive, or at all? What was up with that?! That reporter should be ashamed of themselves... Or did they know something about the situation? Another lead, maybe.

"The 25-year-old is described as 5ft 5in tall, white with pale skin, last seen dressed in a short red dress, dark opaque tights and black blazer. Officers have been searching for her since she was first reported missing, and extensive searches are continuing today."

Reading Lara's physical description nearly took my breath away, and made me want to see her all the more. But then it occured to me, all she was worth was a two day search? That couldn't be right... That disgusted me.

"It was thought she was travelling to rehearsals with her manager Kai Edwards, but according to Police, never arrived at her destination. Her Mother and only known relative, Julie Dennings, stated that she was bright and happy when she left, nothing different to any other day."

Kai, that name, it just rubbed me the wrong way. Who names their kid Kai? Bet he had a really punchable face, instant dislike, and he was definitely and firmly in my 'suspect' list, although I had never met the man. Julie Dennings, I would have to look her up... And say what? Excuse me, ma'am, but I think I am in communication with your daughter and would like to pry into your personal lives? What's that? Can you talk to her? Well, yes, but I don't think she can talk back. I'll just repeat everything she says... Oh, no ma'am, I'm not holding her hostage, I am not trying to extort money from you, please don't call the police! Shit, that's probably how THAT would go... Ugh!

"Lara Frost, this year's winner of Seattle's Miss Musical talent show was due to showcase her music in her debut album release later this year."

At this, I felt a strange mixture of pride for her accomplishment and just a heart breaking feeling of loss that she never got to see her work published. Maybe I could help with that... If any of her music still existed somewhere... I could get it released, right? If it was in this house, technically, it would belong to me now... Right? Hmm... If that's even what she wanted...

"Police are appealing for people to call 101 with information on Lara's whereabouts, or 911 for any immediate sightings. Seattle Police tweeted today at 2.29pm to say: 'We are continuing to appeal for help to trace a woman who is missing from #Seattle. Lara Dennings aka Lara Frost, aged 25, left home at around 4.45pm yesterday, the 12th of June. Extensive searches are continuing. Call 101 with info or 911 for immediate sightings. Pls RT.'"

The article came to an end and I stood there in the kitchen, wondering if I was alone. "Lara? Are you okay?" I asked aloud, because I knew I wasn't, I was on the verge of tears, feeling her loss as if it were my own and I desperately wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be okay, that I would turn this world upside down if I had to, to help her get the justice she deserved. "Can you talk to me? What should I do? Should I contact your mother? What should I say?" My head was swimming with all this new information and my guts were tight with barely contained emotion.

 

[Alexavious]

I re-entered the room to see the work abandoned and instead Ethan was sat at the kitchen counter in front of his laptop. The words Miss Musical brought a smile, my first time singing on a proper stage. That contest had absolutely rocked! It was also where Kai Edwards had "found" me. I thought my life was about to go places. I even rapidly fell in love, a whirlwind of fame and romance heading my way, until...

I listened intently to Ethan reading the article aloud, coming to rest behind him. Ugh, I hated my middle name. Jemma with a 'J', what was my Mum thinking!

The description of me was fairly accurate, and I looked down to find myself still wearing the same outfit. It was odd, I had barely registered what I'd been wearing the last... wait, 3 years! It had only been 3 years! Each day of those 3 years had seemed a year in itself.

There was so little detail about what happened that night but I remembered it vivdly. My murderers knew exactly where I would be and when to take me. No wonder they got away with it. So... Kai Edwards, the man I thought I loved, together with his... wife... had gotten away with it. Fuck.

That was it? No more. One article and what? They gave up? Was I that unimportant? Surely my Mum had kept looking...

Ethan broke the silence but I didnt know how to answer his questions. I didnt really know how I felt. Hurt, alone... except I wasnt alone, not any more. Conflicted...

I moved to the tub of dust, still resting on the counter, erased my last message and instead drew a crude face, with a smile on one half and a frown and tear on the other. I did feel the need to talk to him, explain everything that I could remember. But a few words at a time wasnt enough.

Instead, next to the face, I wrote: Tiles = Talk and I added a little x at the end.

 

[Ravenloft]

I don't know how, but I was beginning to have a sense of when Lara was around or not and even thought I felt a subtle brush of air as if someone was walking by me. My gut told me to go look for a message from her in the tote, and sure enough, she was drawing a half smiley face/half frowny face. "Yeah, I'd be conflicted too..." I grinned from ear to ear at the reminder, there was work to be done! "I'm on it!" I chirped turning back to the job at hand, but then I took a quick moment to hit the back button on the browser and show Lara the other two results. "But before that, I found a facebook page for your stage persona AND a mention of you in some Reddit thread about unknown artists. Someone out there was a big enough fan to remember you." I clicked on both links to bring them up in separate windows, the facebook page had a picture of her and the Reddit was a litany of fan boy praise of her work.

"I hope you don't mind if I keep your facebook page up..." I looked at the picture of her and smiled. "You look stunning in that shot." I admitted, a lump in my throat. What I couldn't admit was that I wanted to hold her, I wanted to kiss her. I had to focus on making her tiles though, so we could talk more easily. Once I had all the tiles cut, it took about five minutes to etch each one and color the etched in letters purple. I went alphabetically and sat them on the counter, next to the tote, wondering if Lara was as eager to experiment with the tiles as I was, so I kept half an eye on the finished tiles while I worked to see if she had anything to say while I worked. By the time I got to the letter H, I just couldn't keep my mouth shut, I had to make chit chat. "I hope to hear your music someday Lara. I just feel, I don't know... I have this need, this want to set things right, its just so not fair that you never got your chance to shine, you know? This Kai guy... I think he's suspect... Just a feeling."

I got another seven letters done before I worked up the nerve to talk again. "Your mother deserves to know... But I have no idea how to do that without freaking her out... I've seen enough movies that I know its a bad idea to tell her things only you would know, she'd probably think I had you tied to a chair in some basement somewhere and report me to the authorities..." I was rambling, but it helped me get the work done, that was sort of on autopilot now, my hands were working without much conscious effort on my part at all, getting p, q r, s done in almost a minute each now that I had a feel for this dremel wand. "Woah, I'm getting pretty good with this thing!" I noticed. How long had it been since I started? Maybe an hour? "Im going to have one whole set done in the next ten minutes! Damn!"

"Then I can start on duplicates, maybe I should make more of specific letters, you know, so you aren't so limited by lack of letters? Like an extra set of vowels? And the ones that get used the most frequently? Whatever ones those are? I know, I can used what's in a scrabble box as a guide!" I didn't have one on hand so I looked it up online. "Woah, I'm going to need more tiles... Holy crap!"

 

[Alexavious]

Despite being invisible, I still tried hard to stop the furious blush coming to my cheeks. Peering closer at the screen as Ethan shifted away from in front of the laptop, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to smile or cry. The girl in the picture, so vibrant and alive, so much hope for the future. Reaching out, my fingers brushed the screen, as if I could reach in and pull her from the pixels. Oddly, the colour distorted and the screen shook with a little static as my fingers pierced the screen, making me snap back. I really didn't want to break the man's computer! Other than the picture, there wasn't much else to say about the page. It hadn't been updated in a long time, with the last post being a plea for me to "come home" with a few hundred likes and a handful of comments.

The Reddit thread was more interesting. It seemed about a year ago, there had been a brief discussion about my disappearance. There was a half dozen theories as to what happened that night, none of which were close to the truth. The closest someone came was some elaborate scheme where Kai had 'sold' me. It was the only one that even mentioned Kai, probably because it was well known amongst those looking into it that he had a solid alibi.

With a little sigh, I glanced over at Ethan and saw he was really getting on with the letters. I moved to stand at his shoulder and watch the skilful artistry. It was incredible that from a strip of door, Ethan had created some quite beautiful little tiles. When he mentioned Kai though, my face darkened. His "feelings" were entirely accurate and I actually looked forward to telling him all about the man.

Curiously, using the tip of my finger, just like when writing in the tote, I gave a tile a nudge. It felt... harder, if that was the right word. I really had to focus down on those feelings of hope, the need to talk, the need to no longer be alone. It did move though and soon I was shunting the tiles all around like little ice skaters. It was such a pleasure to affect the world again. I even tried to pick one up but that seemed harder. I couldn't seem to "grasp" the tile, instead the best I could do was lift it momentarily before it plopped back down onto the surface. I paused my experiments with the mention of my Mum. Ah I missed her so much, I'd always been so close with her and I hoped she was alright. I would love to speak to her again. I quickly moved to the tote and wrote in the sand: "Mum needs 2 know."

Ethan was right though, she would likely think he was crazy. She'd never been a believer of the supernatural, or at least even given it the time of day. I had no idea how you'd even present the idea to her.

When Ethan had finished the tiles, he began to look up a scrabble guide which made me frown. Surely I didn't need multiple tiles if he was going to make a keyboard? With a coy smile, I flicked a tile up onto the laptop where he was browsing. The little L tile clattered before him, and just as I brushed his hand with my own, I pressed it down. The search bar was filled with Gs and Hs where the wooden piece rested on the keyboard.

 

[Ravenloft]

I had been glancing from the lap top to the tote and back to working on letter tiles, working out this idea to shave down the tiles and use hot glue to affix them to my lap top key board, the obvious solution to giving Lara a way to communicate at will. Pausing in my work, I simply enjoyed watching Lara experiment and play with the tiles. It was like magic, and maybe it was, to the outside eye, tiles were moving of their own accord and even floating up into the air for a moment. The sight of it took my breath away and I smiled as I watched Lara at play. I was falling in love with her. I saw her message, saying she wanted her mother to know. "She will, but that's got to be handled just right, don't want to freak her out or get myself locked up in jail or a loony bin, I wouldn't be much good to you in either of those places."

Just as I finished crafting the last few letters, Lara sent me a clear message, by flicking the L tile onto the laptop's key board. "Yeah, I know, I just have to trim the tiles and go get my hot glue gun, so I can affix them to the keys." I went right to work, switching the head of my dremel saw to a sander bit and rushed out to the living room, and searched through the boxes labeled arts and crafts for my glue gun and a pack of glue sticks. Returning to work I smiled proudly. "This has got to be the coolest thing I've ever done!" I exclaimed as I went back through each letter, sanding the edges just enough so that they would sit comfortably on each letter key. "Okay, on the plus side, you're going to have access to unlimited chat, its just going to take at least another hour to get this done right, I can't risk messing up and this is very delicate work, one slip up and the whole key board might get gummed up with glue." I wasn't at all certain I could do this right, but I was going to give it my best shot.

About half an hour in, my confidence was back to soaring as I had taken such care to fit everything before even thinking about gluing anything into place, that I let out a sigh of relief and spoke right to Lara, where ever she was. "Okay, this looks good, looks like it's going to work!" I glanced at all the remaining tiles and knew that I wanted to craft the rest to match all the extra keys for her, even the ones that I had no idea what they were for, like all those F-keys? What the heck did any of those things do? Oh, and the punctuation keys, and the shift key, had to have the shift key, right? Can't type an exclamation without the shift key! I could do all of that while Lara played with the letter keys.

"Okay, I think im ready to start gluing these bad boys on!" I said excitedly as I took a blank strip and fit that on the space bar first, that seemed like the safest key to start with, so I could test the idea out. I was already working out in my head how to use some of the left over wood, or maybe even the saw dust, on my mouse so that Lara just manipulate that too, but one look at the mouse and I realized that would be pretty tricky. I'd have to shape a few strips of wood to the contours of the mouse to make that work. I was pretty sure I could, but it would take a lot of work. But the end result, I knew would be mind blowing. "You've heard of Ghost in the Machine, now, I present to you Ghost on the Machine!" I quipped as I drew my hands away, leaving the first tile affixed solidly to my lap top's space bar. I poked at it gently to prove that it had a solid bond now. "Go ahead, hit the space bar Lara! It's all yours now!" I brought up the lap top's note pad and clicked into it so she could type, if she wanted. "This is way better than the saw dust etch a sketch, isn't it?" Even before she hit the key, I was itching to glue the rest of the tiles to their respective letter keys!

 

[Alexavious]

Blushing, I returned to gentle manipulating the letters as I let him work. I was perhaps as eager as Ethan to start typing and the excitement seemd to bouncing between us as it escalated. Another hour seemed to be another age and I found myself drifting between watching Ethan, running through what I was going to tell him and drawing little pictures in the sawdust. I was not an artist by any stretch, and the doodles were very basic and sometimes comically, embarrasingly childish.

The joke was so bad it was funny and immediately brought a smile to my lips as Ethan stepped to one side to allow me access. Tentatively, I reached out, taking a nice dramatic pause as I closed my eyes to "lock in" that feeling that was becoming more and more familiar.

Clunk. The spacebar pushed down and the cursor blipped forward one empty line. Clunk, again.

ClunkClunkClunkClunk... I thought about going mad on it for a joke but I was so scared I'd break it or damage it so I left it there. So excited, I skipped around, not knowing what to do with myself. With joy welling upside me, I simply had to reach out towards Ethan. My arms sunk into his sides and my face blurred into his check as I tried to "press" my lips to his skin. Stepping away, I beamed at him as I moves to the tote, scrapped my drawings and just put a big X.

 

[Ravenloft]

It was difficult fighting the urge to go over to the tote to see what Lara was up to, but I had to keep my focus on the task at hand or I'd find a way to fuck it up and gum up the key board with too much glue. better to use too little and have to reaffix a tile or two than to go overboard and ruin the whole prospect of easy communication with Lara, Lara Frost. No, Dennings, Yeah, Dennings, that sounded so much warmer than Frost. Wasn't Frost the surname of one of the X-men's villains? Focus Ethan, don't get side tracked by old comic books!

A part of me still wanted to see what Lara was doodling, I couldn't help but be interested in everything she was doing. I think I was falling for her... Focus Ethan, I kept warning myself every time I glanced over at the tote, wondering. I had this feeling, like I was feeling her growing excitement and that was just making me all the more eager to finish affixing these tiles to the lap top. I was forcing myself to remain slow and careful, when I just wanted to slap them all on the keys at once.

I held my breath, waiting for Lara's big moment, and I was not disappointed, the room was so quiet that the sound of the space bar being pushed made a satisfying clunk sound and I nearly hooted in triumph over my crazy idea actually working. I may have squeaked a little and my eyes lit up with the thrill and wonder of that moment. Clunk... Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk! I grinned from ear to ear as Lara playfully used the space bar. "Alright! Let me get the rest of these bad boys on and you can really go wild, darlin!" I exclaimed, bursting with joy and excitement over our impending breakthrough in communication.

Suddenly I felt these amazing, tingling bursts of pleasure pass through my sides and chest. It was like that feeling when you decent down a large hill going 55 mph, the almost unbearable tingles you get from having your foot fall asleep, not the prickly part, the waking up from the numbness part, the bursting, tickling 'im alive' part of it, and this feeling of pure, uncut joy, all rolled into one sensation. My body wanted to tense up and go limp at the same time, the sensation was overwhelming and had me holding my breath, my eyes wide with wonder. "Lara?" I whispered, okay, so maybe I moaned it... Once I remembered to breath again. "Wow..." I stammered, trying to process what just happened.

My head felt swimmy and my face burned with heat as I struggled to regain some semblance of composure after that, THAT sensation. "Wow..." was on repeat on my lips and I leaned forward in my seat and placed my hands over lingering tingles in my sides and then on hand over the spot in my chest that still bloomed with the sensation. "Did you just..." I couldn't quite put it into words. I felt her presence even more keenly now, that bubbling joy she was feeling, and I felt her drawing me over to the tote.

I stared down into the sawdust in wonderment as she drew an X, and it all, somehow, became clear in my mind. "Kiss me?" It took me a minute to force the lump in my throat down enough to speak again. "Lara Dennings, will you dance with me?" I asked, taking the crazy leap of logic to sink my hands into the saw dust, with the little bits of glue that had stuck to my finger tips, I suspected that enough of that saw dust would stick to my hands that, maybe, just maybe, I could touch her in return.

Presenting one hand to her, or at least the space in front of me, where I hoped she stood, I smiled and nodded, hoping she would accept my hand into hers.

 

[Alexavious]

"...Dance?" For a moment I was stunned, my eyes wide like saucers as I stared at the offered hand. There was a second where my heart seemed to skip and the memory of the last man I had danced with flashed across my eyes. I felt shivers slide down my spine and a heavy weight in my gut like a sucker punch.

But one look into Ethan's hopeful smile, his eager little nod, it was so completely different to the dark and broody Kai that it lifted the cloud that had hung like a veil. Tentatively, I brushed my fingers against Ethan's dusty hand and gasped as I could feel it. Contact, real contact. Even though it was just the sawdust on his hands, I could almost imagine feeling the heat, the pulse of life. Then I realised how hard I needed to focus in order to maintain contact, almost like trying to lift those tiles and dropping them after a moment. Though since I wasnt trying to lift or move him, I found the trick to it and smiled as we moved our hands together.

Suddenly I beamed a beautiful smile, I loved to dance and I quickly moved to stand in front of Ethan, sliding my hand just lightly onto roughly where his shoulder was. My mind was playing tricks on me as it almost felt a little solid there too but that wasnt possible...

As we gently began to move, I couldnt help but giggle. This must look so strange to him, or to anyone observing. For me, it almost looked normal. Though I couldnt just dance, with the lack of music I began to sing. Nothing with words, just a slowed version of a rock song I used to like. The memory brought an even bigger smile to my face as the pair of us danced around the kitchen floor...

 

[Ravenloft]

At the sensation of Lara's light touch, I drew in a shuddering breath, it was like the whisper of a summer's breeze, that touch. "I feel you..." I whispered, with a smile as my eyes went blurry with tears of joy. I put all my focus on our shared touch, hoping that somehow, by force of will, this touch would remain permanent, even after the dust clinging to my skin fell away...

There was this strange niggling feeling, as if a shroud had been removed, and although all I could feel was Lara's phantom touch, I got the distinct impression that she was smiling, and so was I. I felt a bond forming, and I couldn't deny it, I wouldn't, I wanted this, I wanted her. The tenderness, the playfulness... The joy of knowing she was real, that she was here, now, dancing with me.

"I have to admit, I'm not a great dancer..." I whispered as we swayed to the silence. I swear, I heard the sound of laughter, was I imagining that? I decided that I wasn't, that it was Lara, bubbling over with joy, at least I hoped it was, because I was so full of joy now too that I thought I might burst into a million pieces and just spontaneously join her in the afterlife.

It wasn't hard to imagine Lara there in front of me now, with the feel of her presence AND the sensation of her hands in mine, tilting my head, I almost thought I heard the whisper of a beat even. Listening intently to the silence, almost straining to hear, I tentatively tried to hum along, hoping to bring the music up. It was strangely familiar, but I couldn't place it, even while I hummed it and danced with Lara, my phantom partner.

At one point, I even worked up the nerve to give her a spin and I swear that I could feel the air stir around her as she moved with me. Eventually, I noticed the palpable feeling of her hands in mine was beginning to diminish, so before it was all gone once more, I stopped our dance and drew her hand to my lips and kissed it softly. "Thank you Lara, that was... Indescribably beautiful." My voice was thick with emotion and passion, the likes of which I had not felt in years. "I would return your kiss if only I could see you..." I whispered, my passion for her overwhelming me.

 

[Alexavious]

Dancing there with Ethan, I was filled with a warmth that poured out from my heart. This man had welcomed me without a second thought, had strived to connect with me and made promises with no want of anything in return. I felt... a peace just being with him, something I hadnt felt in a long time, including even before my death. A genuine joy just being around him, caught up in his bubble of enthusiasm and a zest for the beauty of live (and death).

My eyes widened still, my heart "hammering" in my chest as Ethan started humming back. It wasn't quite the same but it was damn near close enough to bring tears to my eyes. I found myself staring at his lips, listened to the joined sounds, swaying and even spinning as if we were one.

It was fading, I could sense it. The sawdust was grinding away and the contact was becoming harder to maintain. Still, a final surprise as I swore to myself I could feel his lips on my fingers. Was that my imagination? Was I just wanting it bad enough?

Ethan's declaration that we wanted to kiss me made me feel like a teenager again. I remembered the days, before Kai, the awkward first dates, the standing outside the front door wondering if we should kiss. It was openly refreshing and brought a brand new rosy flame to my cheeks. Especially as I wished I could return his kiss. Then a thought struck me, I had no idea if it would work or if I'd just make a mess. As our connection faded to nothing, I spun and shoved my hands into the tote.

I scooped up two handfuls of the sawdust and before it could pass through my fingers, I hoisted it into the air like confetti. It whipped up and rained down like flecks of snow, settling upon my face and shoulders as I gazed upward. It would only be brief but I turned a soft flecked smile upon Ethan...

 

[Ravenloft]

I could feel the solidity of Lara's hands begin to melt away even as I placed that last kiss upon her fingertips. Then, it was gone and I felt such a pang of loss that I had to hold my breath to keep from sobbing. I knew she was still there, but the touch, the feel of her, how brief it was, it meant everything to me all of a sudden. In the stillness, I muttered. "Nevermore?" Feeling the kind of longing that Poe must have felt for his Lenore.

To my amazement, what remained of the sawdust geysered up into the air and slowly drifted down in a billowing cloud, cascading and coating... "Lara?" I gasped, it was faint and ghostly, and perfectly her! "You're brilliant!" I exclaimed as I swept up to her and without wasting another second, I caressed the already fading image of her cheek, and it was real, not solid, but tangible, like water. I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers, pouring all of my focus upon her, hoping against hope that that focus would make her lips all the more tangible.

Maybe it was all just in my head, my hopes for this kiss, but I chose to believe that the tender give of her lips as I pressed mine to hers was real. It only lasted a second before the physical sensation of tangible skin fled, but it was enough to draw a breathy sigh of passion from my parted lips. "Damn..." I whispered, my eyes alight with desire. "I could just die for more of that..." Even as I said it, I winced and held my hands up, palms out. "I mean... I mean..." I stammered, feeling extremely insensitive and more than just a little retarded for having said it that way. "Oh damn..." My face must have been beat red, knowing that there was no way to take that back, nor to sound even remotely clever or sophisticated. "I may die of embarrassment, actually... Then I'd be the first case of Mortified mortification!" I laughed nervously, desperately trying to cover up with my warped sense of humor. "I should probably finish glueing those tiles to the lap top, huh?"

 

[Alexavious]

There was no hesitation, like two people intimately familiar separated by an achingly long time. I felt myself melt against your lips, even as I tried in vain to wrap my arms around you. It was almost easy to forget what I was, though it felt like trying to hold onto a bubble. Still, the feel of your face against mine, the taste of your firm lips. Was that real? Then it was all gone, a fleeting sensation that washed away with the dust leaving me breathless.

Then the moment was broken and I laughed heartily, both from the awkwardness and the rushing release of passionate tension. I just wanted to ball you up in my arms, it was adorable. Looking in the tote, I decided trying to write in anything that was left just wouldn't be worth it and besides, you knew what you had to do so I just let you get on with it. If only I could help or even prepare you a meal as it was already mid afternoon! My mind wandered to Zoe, last seen rushing out the door and that was a couple hours ago. I was struck with a pang of guilt, having just kissed her husband. Seemed I was following familiar footsteps, my taste in men apparently firmly in the married department. I hoped Zoe was ok, she had rushed out the door pretty rapidly with an unexpected zeal.

Deciding to go for a wander, I leaned in and just brushed my lips against where your cheek was before sauntering off. I slipped through the outer wall and into the surrounding gardens facing the woods. Initially I thought there was no sign of Zoe but the soft sound of sobbing once again reached my ears. The poor woman was at it again, tucked behind a trunk right at the edge of the treeline.

Obviously she had rushed out the door suddenly expecting to find something based on the little bit of contact but since I had been occupied with Ethan, she would have found nothing. In her slender hands was her sketchbook, and the page she was clutching was filled with beautiful trees and flowers, and tiny sprites and fairies. She was incredibly talented and even though it was just a pencil sketch, the images leapt out the page as if they were real. I wanted to reach out to her but here and now, in the woods, it would only fuel whatever it was that she was looking for.

Despite me just floating there watching her, Zoe's crying seemed to stop. Her eyes narrowed and she got to her feet. Flicking her mousey curls from her face, she adjusted her glasses and looked around intently. "Is someone there?" she called, her voice barely wavering. The woman clearly had a fire in her that gave her strength when she needed it, or maybe she was just good at masking herself when she thought someone was watching. Zoe cast her gaze around and it did seem to linger where I was floating.

"Why do you play games with me?!" She suddenly called out. "What did I do to deserve this? Are you testing me? Please... if you're real... are you real?..." she trailed off as her phone buzzed. She extracted it from the back pocket of her jeans and flicked at it until her eyes lit up. Once again I noticed how beautiful her smile was, it was a shame she hid it so often behind a frown or scowl. But she suddenly began charging towards the house, frantically typing away. Lara followed hurriedly, wondering if she would head towards Ethan and suddenly catch him gluing wood to his laptop. The door slammed behind her as she almost ran in.

"Ethan?!" She called without looking up. "Ethan, I'm going out for dinner, you'll have to order something in for yourself! Last minute invite to the Buyer's Club. Apparently someone's interested in the Garden of Secrets." I had no idea what that was but from her tone, Zoe bubbled with excitement as she charged straight upstairs, not even glancing into the kitchen. I returned to Ethan, confused about the entire exchange.

 

[Ravenloft]

I had returned to working on affixing the tiles to the keyboard when I felt what I assumed was Lara whafting whisper softly along my cheek, drawing a happy sign from my lips. I half imagined being able to glance up to watch her sauntering off, and caught myself thinking that old line. "Hate to see you go, but love to watch you leave." Which made me turn a little red but grin non the less.

Feeling the absence of Lara's presence did seem to make the space seem less alive, less vibrant, but I had work to do, if I ever wanted to know the rest of her story, and I did, god help me, I wanted to know everything there was to know about Lara Dennings, because in knowing her, I had this strange suspicion that I'd end up discovering more about myself. I liked the idea of growing into something else, with her. Something special, something powerful, not just here, separate, apart from her, like I felt with Zoe.

Zoe... The guilt in my heart over our failing relationship... It gnawed at me and I really didn't know what to do. It felt like each letter I glued to this keyboard was another step away from her, another step closer to Lara. It was like a shard of glass working its way under my skin, I didn't like the feeling of causing Zoe any harm, but my heart was drawing me away from her and toward Lara. That, I could not deny.

"Ethan?!" Zoe called out, letting the front door slam shut behind her in the next room and I nearly jumped out of my skin, fumbling with one of the last several letter tiles, while it was dripping with hot glue. "Yikes!" I yelped and barely managed to keep the tile from glopping all over the keyboard. The dollop of hot glue dripped into my palm and I felt it burning me, seering me actually and I hissed in pain from between clenched teeth. "Yes dear?" I called out, with a bit of an edge to my voice, unintentionally. I winced at the annoyance in my reply. Fuck me, the last thing I need is for her to think I'm annoyed with her, I've been less than a stellar husband lately. I knew it, she knew it. I felt like shit about it. I didn't really know how she was handling it, not really, and I was too afraid to ask.

"Dinner?" I replied dumbly as I rushed to the kitchen sink to stick my burning palm under the cold water, hoping to ease the burning pain. That's when the pit of my stomach reminded me, that yes, indeed, I was mortal and way over due for something to eat myself. I felt a little woozy suddenly, as if acknowledging my lack of food had broken whatever spell was keeping my mind off of my biological needs. Like one of those roadrunner cartoons, where Wily Coyote runs off the cliff, and keeps running... Until he looks down? Then weee! Down he goes! Thankfully, I had a death grip on the lip of the sink to keep myself standing.

"Alright hun, I'll do that! Is it alright if I use the main account then?" I called back to her, as we were both clearly not eager to meet in the middle to talk face to face. I had to process what she was saying for a second, weather it was from lack of food, or maybe the fumes from the glue, or the haze of feelings dominating my mind at the moment, I was feeling particularly slow...

"Really? That's fantastic! The original piece?! Garden of Secrets is amazing! I miss having it on display above the mantle piece... Who's the interested party?" I called out, but it was apparently too late, Zoe was already rushing upstairs, well out of earshot to have heard my reply. I sighed and looked at the white blister marring the palm of my hand, feeling this longing to support Zoe, but yet again, I was too slow to be there for her in any meaningful way.

I felt Lara's presence return, and I perked back up almost instantly. "Garden of Secrets, one of Zoe's original works of art, that wasn't commissioned by a magazine or publishing house for a fantasy novel. Its stunning to say the least, lush and green, with hundreds of fey creatures hidden in the art, people are still finding characters hidden in it even after twenty years of being on display in one art house or another. I guess someone rich has just shown an interest in buying it... I was kind of hoping she would reclaim it and we could have it here... But..." I explained, talking low enough that I knew Zoe wouldn't catch me talking to Lara when she came back down. "Guess I'm on my own for dinner tonight, maybe I'll get chinese... Yeah, that sounds nice. Wouldn't be great if there was take out in the afterlife? We could share a meal together, you and I, Lara... That would be lovely, wouldn't it?" I got this far away, dreamy look in my eyes as I blathered on, and kept my hand under the cool, cool water, to sooth the burning in my palm.

It wasn't long before I heard Zoe coming back down the stairs and I left the sink so I could catch her before she rushed out. "That's great news hun, Garden is one of your best works. Who's the interested party? Someone rich I hope, you shouldn't let that one go for less than 50k, its a masterwork you know. Mind if I use the main account to order some chinese?" I asked holding a napkin balled up in my throbbing hand, trying to conceal the pain.

 

[Alexavious]

Curiously I listened to Ethan talk aboht his Wife's accomplishments. Perhaps it was just Ethan's strong feelings towards art but it seemed clear that Ethan did still care for Zoe. It only made the stolen kiss almost burn on her lips. What was she doing... again!

I followed behind him to catch the last exchange,

"I don't know yet. Polly just said he was some kind of big time movie producer or something like that. I'm meeting him and his Wife for dinner. Do what you like but I tell you, I know what we discussed about you doing up this house but if I clinch this deal, I'm getting fitters in for that bathroom." She said it with a smirk and a jokey tone but there was a sharpness around the edges of her eyes that belied her seriousness.

There was a moment where she hesitated, and I only just caught it. An indecision whether she should embrace Ethan or not. Ultimately she chose not and gave him a quick wave as she headed out the door.

Not knowing what to do, I simply laid an icy hand on Ethan's shoulder...

 

[Ravenloft]

"Big time hollywood guy? That's pretty cool, maybe they'll put your art on the big screen! That's great exposure, the kind money can't buy." I replied before giving Zoe a supportive smile. For a second I was relieved to hear that this guy, whoever he was, was married, than I felt my spirit sink when I wondered why she didn't want to have me along, was I just a dirty secret to her now? The nutso goth artist she made the mistake of marrying a decade ago?



I forced a broader smile to my lips and nodded, chuckling. "I hope you make the sale, I just want you to be happy here, hun... Whatever it takes." I hadn't even been upstairs to look at the bathroom yet, since we moved in, but it didn't matter, if it made Zoe happy, than Fitters it was.



I was maintaining my smile, but my eyes were lowered, I was genuinely happy for her, but I felt so empty I had to lean against the door frame to keep from sinking to my knees in front of her. I looked up in time to see her wave and head out the door. I waved back and watched her go, staying in the door way, staring at the front door with tears in my eyes until I felt the familiar, cooling touch of Lara's hand on my shoulder. Was it just my imagination, or was her touch becoming more solid?



I relaxed under her touch and sighed, turning to face her, even though I could no longer see her. I rubbed the back of my arm across my eyes then opened the palm of my burned hand to see how bad the blister was. "I almost dropped some glue on the keyboard, but I caught the glob before it landed..." I whispered, smiling softly. "Its almost done, I've only got three letters left to place... L, A and R." My smile broadened as I shared that. "I always save the best for last." I added, doing my best to ignore the burning pain in my left palm which was thankfully beginning to dull, as well as my hunger pangs, which were only growing stronger. There was no way I was going to be able to wait for Chinese, which I hadn't even ordered yet, to be delivered, I needed something now. "Peanut butter!" I exclaimed, heading to the cupboard in the kitchen, retrieving a spoon from the silverware drawer on the way. "Sorry Lara, I don't dare finish gluing the last tiles until I get some nourishment, I'm feeling really shaky and I don't want to mess this up."



I grabbed the jar of peanut butter and twisted the lid off, scooping out a modest spoon full of that creamy goodness. Turning and leaning against the kitchen counter, I took a taste, hunger making the stuff taste way better than it had any reason to taste. "Um... O my god... That's the stuff..." I muttered before taking another slow lick. "Mmm..." I growled, not thinking about how it must look, then it hit me and my face burned like a brand. "Sorry... Sorry... That's just..." I stammered, covering my mouth, realizing how lewd it must look, licking peanut butter from a spoon almost passionately, like I was tasting a lover or something.



The thought stuck in my head and I must admit, there was more than one hunger that needed to be satisfied... I pulled my phone from my pocket and called out for chinese, that would be here in about half an hour. I took one more spoon full of peanut butter, and let that settle on my stomach, that would be just enough, I hoped, to hold me until the food arrived. Back to the keyboard I went and eyed the three remaining letters, asking myself if I was okay to do this, I felt fine, calm, a little spaced out, but no longer shaky. "I got this..." I whispered and finished up, being extra careful, especially with my sore hand. Treating the remaining tiles like they were radio active isotopes being carefully placed into the heart of a reactor, so as not to have a nuclear explosion blow up in my face.



It took about nine more minutes before the job was done and I slumped back in my seat, a dining room chair I had pulled over to the counter some time earlier. "Whew, done and with time to spare! The glue should set in..." I looked at the empty package. "One to ten minutes... Feels like an eternity, doesn't it?" Most of the keys were sure to be set by now, but the last seven or so might still need a couple more minutes, especially the L, A and R.



Glancing at what was left of the strip of wood, I had an idea. "I know, I could make a stylus out of this strip! I don't know why I didn't think of that before! That would have saved so much time!" I went right to work, whittling the four inch strip down into a rough, pencil shape. "I can just affix a rubber tip to this and it would be perfect for touch screens and tablets!" I was full of ideas, apparently. "The majority of the keys should be safe to use now Lara, go ahead and type if you want to." I was bursting with excitement, wondering what would be the first thing that Lara would say, now that she had a way to communicate with me, with the world, if she wanted to.

 

[Alexavious]

As Ethan showed off the red welt, I winced. That didnt look nice, and I was filled with a need to bathe and dress it. Before I could reach out, he was off once more, bringing that familiar smile to my lips at his chaotic thought pattern. My eyes widened as I stood staring at him as he ate peanut butter in what was the most erotic display I had seen in a very long time. It was something so simple, yet his tongue... his moans... my own cheeks turned a little pink.

I waited patiently, it was all I could do and I had become very good at it. When it was ready, I had to laugh Ethan moved straight into his next project. A stylus sounded interesting but I was less confident of that working as quickly. Perhaps I hadn't quite found the right feeling yet.

Nervously I approached the laptop. The keys were beautiful and so well crafted. It made the whole thing look like some kind of typewriter. I was suddenly shy, my fingers hovering above the keys. What should I say? There was so much I could write, like how he made butterflies party in my stomach. How I hadnt stopped thinking about that kiss...

There was one thing I had to say though.

"ethan thank you this means so much to me these years have felt an eternity and i cant believe you would do this for me"

 

[Ravenloft]

The second the first key clicked and Lara began to type, my heart leapt up into my throat and I rushed to see what was being written, bending at my knees so that I was at eye level with the screen. As the words slowly crawled across the screen, waves of emotion washed over me. Shocks of joy assailed me as she addressed me by name, thanking me for the help. My heart swelled with longing to do so much more than what little I had.

"I have only just begun, there is so much more I will do, with your guidance, I will help you get justice, help you reach out to your mother, I will do all that I can, everything within my power, you only need to ask, and I will make it happen, no matter the cost. You've given me my dream, just by existing, now I know that we don't just disappear in the end! You must know how much that means to me! I should be the one thanking you, for trusting me, for touching me, for showing me that there is existence even after we die."

Waves of joy, sorrow for her, anger over what was done to her, for I now felt that I had already felt, dreamed how she had met her end. That dream... Those feelings of dread in the basement... I had the distinct feeling that had all been imparted somehow, through opening myself up to her, her reaching out to me, a connection had been formed.

I reached out for the mouse and clicked over to the tab for her facebook page. "Lara Dennings... You are beautiful." I whispered, endeavoring to sear that image of her into my mind, so that I would never forget her face. I was smitten. But I was being rude, keeping her from typing, by being on her fb page. I caught myself mooning over her and quickly put the screen back to the note pad. "Go on, darlin, you must have a ton of things you want to say. I've talked more than enough, its your turn to shine, Miss Dennings. No one is ever going to ignore you again, if I can help it!"