Highly Spirited (Closed for Alexavious and Ravenloft)

[Alexavious]

Justice... reconnecting with my Mum and making sure she actually gets closure... maybe even feeling loved? These had been fantasies, mere dreams that had run through my head while I had floated about. Now it was my turn for the tears to well up and the lump to form in my throat. It was real, this was real and now I finally had the hope for those dreams to be realised. I could see Ethan moving through a number of emotions, mostly unreadable though it was clear that he was a passionate man. I looked over his shoulder at my own picture and the tears streamed as he whispered my name.

When the notepad came back up, I took my position in front of the laptop once more.

"lots to say lots to tell you and lots to ask but please eat rest and finish this keyboard and i will tell you everything xxxxxxxxxxxx"

The letters were amazing and I desperately wanted to tell him the whole story though it would take some time to write out. But right now, he'd been working for hours straight with only a sexy spoonful of peanut butter to satiate him. I found myself wanting to sit him in front of the TV, pull his head into my lap and run my fingers through his hair as we relaxed the afternoon away. I knew that he was equally desperate for me to write but without punctuation, or the line returns, it would end up being a garbled mess.

I also wanted to more about him, his life with Zoe and my heart burned with wanting to know how he felt about her and where I fit in. It was clear we had a connection, and I had to admit I was... attracted to him. But I had been down this road before and the feelings gnawing in the pit of my stomach were achingly familiar. Still, there was time, I only had time....

 

[Ravenloft]

Even before Lara began to type, I felt her here with me. Her presence was growing clearer and more defined with every interaction we shared. "I know, I feel you, I'm drawn to you, Lara..." I whispered, emotions washing over me, overwhelming me with a longing to hold her in my arms. I read her message, my heart racing with every clack of the keys, it was thrilling to see how my efforts to give her some concrete way to communicate were working out!

"Yes, I want to know all about you, and I will do whatever I can to help you Lara!" My excitement was at fever pitch in that moment, but then, she continued on... Showing such a concern for me, that I was stunned into silence. She was right, of course, I was feeling terribly woozy, from lack of sleep and sustenance, I had just been ignoring it this entire time, like Wile E. Coyote, if you just refuse to acknowledge that you've run off a cliff, than you can keep running, right? Just don't look down. Oh wait, I just did... "Fucking hell, I am bloody hungry..." I admitted, a hand on my stomach. "Chinese should be here by now..." Just then, there was a knock at the door and sure enough, it was my food delivery, which I took and payed for and tore into in less than five minutes flat!

"Oh! Oh my Goddess!" I groaned after the first bite, perhaps revealing a bit too much about my spirituality, something that I shared with Zoe. The jolt of renewed energy and passion that filled me made sleep or rest irrelevant and next to impossible to achieve. "Okay! Got to get the rest of this keyboard operational for you then, cause I just can't wait to know more about you Miss Dennings!" I exclaimed, with my mouth half full of the most delicious chinese food I think I had ever tasted! Obviously it was seasoned by my gnawing hunger.

Eyeing the keyboard between bites, I tried my damndest to work out what would be the most time efficient way to give her the best use of the keys. "Punctuation and the return key is paramount, I think, but I want to give you complete functionality before I stop. I have no idea what any of those f keys do, but they seem important too, and that mouse, I still have to find a way for you to use that, so you can surf the internet any time you want. Without the mouse, it's such a pain in the ass! Maybe a simple box frame so you than move it, and a shaped and fitted tile on each mouse button?" I was still working the concept out in my head, it would be tricky, but I knew I could get it to work. "That stylus though, if you just strengthen your connection to this world, I think you could end up using just about any of these modern touch devices with that!"

I went on amazon using my phone and ordered a tablet for like $150... Zoe wouldn't notice that, would she? I cringed, but I had to, Lara needed it! And I had to do that for her, right? Such a small price to pay for someone so special to me. I knew Zoe would reseed an entire forest if the 'green man' asked her to. "Green man..." I muttered, a little too bitterly. I wished she had never told me that her entire life's work was nothing more than dreams and fables... It had put my own dreams into question for over a decade and left a growing rift in our marriage. I only wanted her to feel that her dreams, her art... Were as real and valid as my own. But when she told me her's were just based on myth... I was gutted.

I was empty and our love suffered for it. I hated the rift that was formed and had grown between us... But it seemed so insurmountable, that I couldn't even dream of a way to bridge it, and I just gave up trying.

I don't really want it back now, not since I discovered the existence of Lara, but I felt nothing but grief over the emptiness that Zoe must be feeling, so, while I worked with such diligence to finish this key board for Lara, I had to ask. "I know how bad this must make me seem, Lara, but I feel so torn... I feel things for you, wild, passionate things, I want to hold you, touch you, tell you how much I am feeling for you, but... Please forgive me, I must do honor to my wife, Zoe, I just don't know how... I feel lost and alone... I don't know what to think or what to do... I know that when she admitted to me that her visions were just that, visions, beautiful stories of ancient times, that she could never truly embrace... I felt this... Disconnect from her, I never lost faith in my visions of an afterlife, and you, darlin, are proof of that... It sundered me to think that she never truly embraced her dream, that she never found the faith to dream her gifts, her art was a window to the beyond..."

I cleared my throat, damning myself over my next request. "If you have the power, and I know you do, could you... Would you... Give her faith in her gift? Its a terrible thing to ask of you, I know, but I just... I just need her to have faith... In herself again... Even if it gives her the strength to leave me... Oh, Lara, I... I don't know what I'm asking of you... I just... I love you!" I knew that if Zoe ever left me, I'd be ruined and there would be nothing I could do to help Lara from then on. At the same time, I had embraced so much of what Zoe's family believed, there was no turning back from that either. "The Goddess, maiden, mother, crone, the Morrigan... That is what we all take root in, spring from, and take wisdom from. All I can do is beat my chest and create nothing but ashes and dust..."

I was spent and drained, after having affixed the last of the punctuation, number keys, shift and enter keys. I didn't even have the willpower to finish my last few bites of the chinese I had ordered. "If you could restore her faith, as you have mine... I... I would be eternally grateful... She lost so much when I forced her to admit she couldn't see never saw the faery realm..."

I stood up on shaking legs and paused. "I never meant to hurt her... I believed... I should have kept my damn mouth shut." I cast about for something, anything to help me make my way to the couch that waited for me in the living room. "But if i had, I would never have embraced my own dreams so tightly, never would have dreamed of buying this place... Never... Met... You... Lara..." I stumbled, drained, and wrought with emotion, to the space just before the couch, and collapsed, in semi-consciousness. A space where I was open to any being beyond the bounds of the living. A space open to direct communication, regardless of my vulnerable state.

 

[Alexavious]

I waited patiently, rolling my eyes as Ethan wolfed down his food, like a Mother who is glad her little one is eating but frustrated that more care isn't being taken. If Ethan choked and died, I was going to slap him so hard. The thought oddly made me giggle, not that I ever wished for him to join me like that. For one I wasn't sure if it even worked like that and secondly, life was more important and shouldn't be thrown away.

As Ethan went back to work, I began to order the thoughts in my head. It would be quite the sad story and knowing how much of an emotional man Ethan was, I would need to head off any rash action on his part. He was idealistic though and I really liked that about him, just the hopeful optimistic approach was so... refreshing. 'Just strengthen your connection'. How was that even possible? Though I had to admit that just by knowing Ethan and being with him, I'd never felt more connected to this world.

Ethan was muttering, making me frown. I turned towards him and my eyes widened at the concerned and almost pained expression on his face. He set about working but I could almost feel the pain that emanated off him like a hot radiator and yet all I could do was crouch down beside him until finally he opened up. It was strange, how easily he was vulnerable with me, was it just because he couldn't see me? No, it felt more than that.

It was like a punch in my gut as Ethan confirmed what so far, we had feared to speak. It was clear he still loved his wife, even if he might not want to anymore. Perhaps it would have been easier if he didn't. But something didn't add up, his description of Zoe's beliefs, maybe something changed and he didn't know. Someone didn't rush outside and spend nearly the whole day in the forest at my smallest touch. I was thinking on how to respond to Ethan's request, and how I would even go about such a thing but then he let slip words I was not prepared for. The rest of the words floated around me, slightly muffled as I replayed those three little words. "You... love me..." It felt impossible. Even after all the time I was with Kai, he never said those words despite my many proclamations of it and yet Ethan found it very easy and it was me who hesitated.

Was he in love with me or in love with the idea of me? As soon as I heard the thought in my head, I dismissed it. He had already shown that it was more than that, the things he was doing, and saying. But did... did I love him? I was attracted to him, I felt connected to him, there was a spark of something... that kiss... I definitely wanted that to happen again... but then his Wife..."

He seemed so drained as he finished the work. It had been quite intense and with the rest of the keys and other bits, time was slipping by and already the sun was making its descent, another day flown. I followed along, frowning all the way as Ethan stumbled to the floor, mumbling. These artists were very dramatic, but it was part of their charm. I sat a moment, before leaning down to gently caress your hair. Our touch, it was definitely firmer, I could almost feel you there, feel the softness of your hair. As I closed my eyes, I smiled to myself. I think... yes, I think I do... "I love you too..." I whispered.

Before my eyes, we were suddenly standing before one another. The place was different, but it seemed unimportant because as I looked at you I felt you look back at me. I smiled and threw my arms around you, a solid connection, a warm embrace and as I cried and laughed, our lips met once more. Heated. Passionate. Tongues against each other. It lasted both moments and forever, fingers entwining in hair, lost in each other...

Opening my eyes, we were still in front of the sofa, but the feeling of your body against mine lingered...

 

[Ravenloft]

I sunk into this strange dream state, feeling as though I could float away, like I was made of clouds. In an instant, I was standing over myself, collapsed at the foot of the couch, but oddly, that didn't concern me, when I was standing there, in front of Lara. She was whole, and although I was light as a feather, I felt whole as well. We looked into each other's eyes and without speaking a word, we embraced! Lara laughed and cried, while I held her tight. "How?" Was all I could breath out in wonder, before the kiss stole my breath away. Entwined as we were, I felt as if we could melt into each other and that just drove me on. It was unfathomable, how intensely erotic it was, how being shed naked of your living body, which was clearly, just a shell, leaving your soul vulnerable, felt.

As suddenly as it had happened, I felt it all slip away, like I was being carried away on a black current of oceanic tides. "Lara?" Lara!" Called out in the darkness of my dreaming, while my mortal lips softly mumbled her name in my sleep, my soul desperately wanting to cling to hers, if the Goddess could hear me, I implored her to let Lara into my dreams. My mind and heart were open to her now.

 

[Alexavious]

I could feel the pull of it, similar to the feeling whenever the basement door is open. A yearning for me to descend. However this was different, instead of cold and fearful, this was warm and loving. Full of unbridled desire and longing. I latched onto that feeling and felt the pull strengthen until I was falling. The world was spinning, fleeting images and senses and in the centre, there was Ethan. The mindscape flickered between memories and places, words and conversation surrounded me and I had to admit, I felt the apprehension creep in as I was bombarded by sensations. Ethan however, was solid and once more I embraced him, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face into his warm shoulder.

The possibilities felt boundless, here in this place we could explore so much. We could be with each other, and very likely we could be WITH each other. The idea sent tingles down my spine. I knew if I stayed in this place, in this current state, that would very much happen. But right here, right now, this wasn't a good idea. Not with how weary he was, drained of emotion... vulnerable. "I can't stay..." I whispered into his neck before straightening for a soft tender kiss. I looked into his eyes and smiled, "Rest. There's time."

Forcibly, I rose, fighting against desire from both of us until I was once again floating about his sleeping form. "Rest." I repeated softly.

Staying by his side as the minutes ticked away, there was a quiet click from the hallway as the sound of the front door creaking open broke the silence. Gently I shifted away from Ethan to find Zoe entering with only the light of her phone to illuminate a frowning face. She cast her eyes about, moving through to the kitchen where her frown turned into a cold scowl. Her gaze shifted from one thing to another, the sawdust coating the floor, the unfinished food left on the counter, the laptop and the wooden keys. Fortunately, I was able to delete the text on the notepad before she saw the screen. She muttered curses under her breath, sticking her head into the lounge to see her husband curled onto the floor. It was almost as if she was about to bare her teeth and growl, but instead she rolled her eyes hard and made her way upstairs.

I followed, wishing I could explain the behaviour that must seem peculiar and trying hard to listen to the muttering. Something about 'foolish behaviour' and 'he might be right' whatever that meant. As she moved into the bedroom, she threw her bag onto the bed with a little angry scream. "What the fuck are you doing Ethan? Why are we fucking here Ethan? Why are your dreams more important than ME Ethan?! Just because of what, I don't believe that my art is real and you do?! How is that fucking FAIR!" she finished her rant panting. How'd she get so riled? Perhaps she had been drinking, it was all I could guess. But it still didn't add up, if she didn't believe, what had she been doing after our..."

I quickly shifted in front of her as she stood, fists clenched by her side, trying to get her breath under control. I reached out and in a similar fashion to what I'd done with Ethan, I ran my fingers down her pretty cheek. Even I could feel the warmth that emanated from my touch and it made her instantly gasp and press her hand to where we had connected. "No! No that's not... who's there?!" She cast her eyes around but of course, couldn't see me. "No no no I'm... I'm tired, I'm... yes, that's it, I'm tired. It's late and I need to..." she trailed off, "What is happening to me..." she whispered.

I decided to leave her be at that point, maybe I would visit her in the morning and see if she was more open then. I found my way back to Ethan, dropping down into a lying position and nestling myself against him. In my mind, I could feel his stomach against my head, at least I hoped I could...

 

[Ravenloft]

"Im dreaming..." I was instantly aware of that the moment Lara embraced me, I knew it was really her, because I could never have dreamed her so perfectly real as she felt in that moment. "But you, you're real! Oh Lara..." I turned my face in toward her, my lips brushed across the silk of her hair and I breathed in her scent. Another lingering moment... "I can't stay..." She whispered, straightening, plying her sweet lips to mine once more, in parting. "Rest..." I nodded, feeling myself float away on that kiss.

Drifting deeper, I was at peace, my typically racing mind taking a much needed rest, comforted by Lara's presence.

Upstairs, alone, Zoe retrieved her hand carved wooden idol of the Green Man and slipped into bed, holding it tightly, wishing with all her might that those spirits would just reveal themselves to her, that she was worthy of their sight. It felt so wrong to paint such beautiful lies, to live with someone who embraced his self deception so tightly, that he actually believed in his visions. Why couldn't she? She wondered as she pressed her lips to the top of her grandmother's gift to her. "Please... I don't want to be alone..." She whispered to it.

Back in the living room, Ethan was snoring softly, more at peace than he had been in years, and upon Lara's return, laying with him, he stirred slightly in his sleep, shifting as though to make space for her to cuddle against him. If anyone had been watching, it might have appeared as though there was an invisible being nestled there, comfortably with him.

 

[Alexavious]

I had not rested all night, there had been no bad thoughts pulling me into the nightmares that I so often experienced. Laying awake, I had thought about everything that had happened over the last couple of days but mostly my mind lingered on Zoe. Ethan's request to help her find herself was going to be a challenge but from what I knew of the woman, there was hope. I had settled on a plan that I hoped would push her in the right direction, as clearly that's what she needed, a big push! I had to do something drastic. I had considered doing the opposite, trying to scare her away so that I had Ethan all to myself but ultimately I realised that that would cause Ethan more pain. He cared for her, maybe loved her at least in some way, I even think he still needed her. So I would do everything in my power to help, even if that hurt more. I was dead, she wasn't. End of.

As soon as I heard even the slightest creak that suggested Zoe was rising, I zipped straight up there. Rising through the floor, I was once again greeted by the sight of her fully naked form. At least she wasn't playing with herself this time, instead she stood bare skin in the streaming sunlight that filtered through the window. Her pale body was skinny and bony, with small breasts and neatly trimmed public hair that matched her chestnut brown trestles that fell about her shoulders.

She was meditating or something like that, eyes closed, breathing soft and slowly. It was the perfect moment and without hesitation, I threw myself at her. So far we had only experienced small simple touches but now I came to occupy her space and her entire body flushed with the heat of it. Her eyes opened wide and stunned and her legs quivered, her cheeks flushed and her mouth opened slightly. There was a sort of pleasure to it, perhaps it had to do with the first real image of her being toy deep inside her but there was an almost orgasmic quality to being there with her in that moment.

"N... No... please..." She tried to step away, letting the warmth of our merging bodies fade. Zoe moved to her bed and scooped up the wooden idol, frowning, fingers coming to her trembling lips. "Is it you? Are you... real?" I went at her again, pushing into her space and feeling the hot touch of our bodies as the connection was made. She gasped, almost dropping to her knees, her hands unconsciously coming to her breasts, her legs clamping together tightly. "Ok! Ok!" It almost came out as a ticklish laugh. "Stop, stop please..."

Relenting, I stepped out from her and she let out a long exhale. "Look, if you're real, if I'm... if I'm not going mad then... well... we'll see..." She trailed off cryptically as she tried to catch her breath. Slowly, on shaky legs, she made her way through to the bathroom. I left her be, wondering what she might be thinking, but making my way back downstairs to wait for Ethan to wake...

 

[Ravenloft]

I awoke to the feeling of Lara's presence and smiled softly, although my body ached from laying on the bare floor, just shy of the couch. "I may have overdone it yesterday..." I groaned, rising, and getting up, onto the couch finally, to ease my aching body. "But it was worth it!" I rubbed my sore shoulder and legs, trying to ease the discomfort. I felt well rested otherwise, in mind, if not in body. "Its like magic, I heard you, in my dream, I saw you, we... We kissed, it was real, and whatever you did, I've never slept so sound in all my life Lara... It was like magic!" I confessed in a rush, looking up, in her general direction. "Its like I can sense you there... I can't stop thinking about you, your kiss."

I was silent for a moment, reliving that moment over in my mind, a memory I would never regret. "So..." I began, just as I noticed Zoe sneak into the kitchen, in her bath robe. "Huh..." I muttered, wondering what she was up to, skulking about like that. I got up and peered into the kitchen, she was rummaging through the pantry for something. Hopefully it wasn't the peanut butter, which I had left open on the counter by the sink, so preoccupied with everything else last night. She found what she was looking for, with an exclamation of "Ahah!" and I shrunk back, a bit shy of her all of a sudden as she dashed over to the silverware drawer and clamored around in it, retrieving a knife. "What in the world..." I whispered, squinting my eyes as she dashed out the back door of the kitchen. "Is she up to?" I couldn't help but smile, whatever it was, had her looking more vibrant than I had seen her in years.

"Lara? Would you like to go for a walk with me?" I asked, still smiling, feeling the mischievous urge to go find out what Zoe was about to do with that knife and... 30 oz canister of table salt? She had taken from the pantry. Whatever it was, had that distinct vibe of witchery to it, so obviously I was intrigued to see what was up, but I didn't want to get too close, Zoe kept those things to herself, for the most part.

 

[Alexavious]

I felt the same. As Ethan awoke, I felt that warm flutter of excitement just to begin the day with him. It was very reminiscent of the way I used to feel about another man, which I tried to push to the back of my mind. Instead, I focused on the feelings that Ethan too was describing and that kiss... yes I couldn't stop thinking about it either and how much I wanted more.

Ethan's distraction caused me to frown and I followed along like a puppy as he crept to the kitchen. I'm not sure why the sight of Zoe spiked a wave of jealousy this time. Perhaps it was the smile on Ethan's lips. In all other interactions with Zoe, it had always been pain and sadness, making me want to envelope him in my arms. But that smile was... perhaps a reflection of that struggling flame of love.

When he turned that smile towards me, and he really could look in my direction now as if he knew exactly where I was all the time, I briefly wondered whether the smile was for me or for Zoe. Then I mentally punched myself because that chain of thought was so stupid. My consciousness literally cringed at how 'lovesick' I was being.

Moving past Ethan when Zoe had gone, I pressed a random key to wake up the laptop that was still sat where we'd left it on the kitchen counter. Luckily it was still plugged in. Ahh punctuation, proper spacing, I could write anything I wanted to now... but later, I didn't want to squash Ethan's good mood straight away so instead I just wrote:

"A walk would be lovely. I can't go far from the house though."

 

[Ravenloft]

The moment I heard the light clacking of the keys of my lap top, I felt this surge of excitement wash over me. I was so eager to read what Lara was writing that I rushed over to it while holding my breath. "A walk with you will always be lovely, Lara..." In fact, everything I did with her was nothing short of magical. "You can't? Or you think you can't?" I asked, smiling, something inside me made me think otherwise. "Try using me as a beacon, I just have this feeling... That your only limits are those that you believe are your limits, darlin."

And to further instill some sort of faith in herself that she could walk with me, even beyond the house, I took a hand full of the remaining blank tiles and put a couple of them in my pants pockets, and held one in each hand. "There, now, we can hold hands, sort of, so if there is indeed a limit to how far you can go, just use the tiles to give me a sign!" The need to touch her, feel her presence and reassure her overwhelmed me and I focused on that lingering impression of where I felt her presence, in front of me, standing at the lap top. "Lara, look at me, I want you to take my hand, there is something I want to say." I held my out toward her, my palm up, a tile resting neatly in it, to give her something solid to hold onto, if she decided to take my hand.

Closing my eyes, feeling the tile press firmly into my palm, I smiled. "Lara, I love you, all I think about is you, but right now, I am worried about Zoe, and what she intends to do with that knife. I'm concerned that she's going to hurt herself, and as bad as things are between her and I, I would never forgive myself if she did. Maybe I am overreacting, maybe she's just out there, enacting one of her wiccan ceremonies to honor the Green Man. I don't know... But that knife was pretty sharp looking. If its nothing, than I will let it be, but... I just don't want to be alone..." I admitted, instantly realizing how that must have sounded to Lara. "I need you with me Lara, feeling your presence will give me the strength I need to confront her, I think. If she's out to do herself harm... "

 

[Alexavious]

A beacon? It was true that I already felt a connection to Ethan, something I hadn't expected. He had swept me off my feet, and it would seem I had done the same. We had entered each other's spaces, even if it was just temporary. Him into whatever realm I occupied, followed by me into his dreams. If that wasn't a connection, then what was!

As he took up the tiles, my eyes widened and I beamed at him. I always loved holding hands, it was such a sweet gesture and the giddiness grew. I happily took the pro-offered hand and was amazed by the feeling. Again I was struck by the sensation that I was holding something, like sand or soft snow. I could feel him but it felt like I would drop him at any moment. But the little wooden tile, made of the boundary between whatever was down in that basement, anchored me to his hand. It felt solid in my palm, unwavering. It was... beautiful.

Then his words struck home. It was so much more real than before. When he'd said it last, he was overcome with emotion and on the verge of collapse but this time... of course it was hard not to feel like he was just in love with the idea of me, and if he had met me when I was alive it would likely be a different story. But this time I was sure, though it felt silly that we were only a few days in meeting but I did love him back and it was silly to be jealous of his wife. It wasn't a competition and ultimately, it wasn't like he was going to have a life with me. We couldn't get married, or have children. We only had these moments and I had to accept and enjoy each and every one of them. He was so caught up in helping me but I had to help him too, and that meant helping Zoe.

But first, still gripping his hand in mine, I turned back to the laptop and typed three words I wanted him to see.

"I Love You."

Giving him a pause to let that sink in, I felt like I had to follow up.

"Not because you want to help. Not because you're attractive (FYI you are xxx) and not because you're the only one here right now. I can see your soul, how pure it is, how passionate it is. Your kindness and generosity extends beyond this life and I am so happy you stepped into this house."

I gave his hand a squeeze as he read, or as much of a squeeze as I could give. It felt like the sort of speech one gave before a hot and heavy make-out session, but a hand squeeze would have to do.

 

[Ravenloft]

Those three simple words were enough to win my heart, but Lara continued on and as I read what she typed, I sunk to one knee, tears in my eyes, I was so completely overcome with a myriad of emotions. "Oh Lara... You are everything to me..." Was all I could manage to force out before my throat closed up and I did the only thing I could think to do to show her my affections, I bowed my head to that tile I held, and kissed it tenderly, as though I was kissing the back of her hand. I felt her squeezing my hand and I felt a tingle and a slight chill upon my lips, a sure sign that I was kissing her, not just a blank wooden tile.

"God, how I want you..." I thought, as I kissed the aura of her hand, not realizing that thought passed through our contact and directly to her consciousness. I stood up and rubbed my eyes with the back of my sleeve and tried to compose myself, feeling painfully awkward and vulnerable over my reaction to her written words. "Come with me, give me strength, I don't think I can face her without you..." I admitted, I had no idea how to deal with Zoe anymore, it felt like everything I did just pissed her off, and I wanted better for her than I could offer. "I don't want to hurt her, but all I'm doing is hurting her... I hope she's not hurting herself... What do I do?" Take action, dumb ass, I told myself. Don't leave her out there to cut herself!

"Come on, I know I have no right to drag you into any of this, Lara, but I need you, your love gives me strength." I held her hand, feeling that connection between us through the tile I clasped within my palm, and led her from the house, every step I took I grew more confident Lara was with me and would not be torn away, like Eurydice was from Orpheus. "Have you ever heard the myth about Orpheus and Eurydice, Lara? It just came to mind. Would you like to hear it?"

 

[Alexavious]

I grinned at my emotional artist, and he really was mine. Incredibly, I really did feel his lips against the back of my hand, sending tingles down my fingers. I could truly feel his desires, feel that hunger for me and I returned those feelings. Apparently, I had been dead for only 3 or 4 years but they'd each felt like a lifetime and that's a very long time not to have any fun. I hadn't known what I was missing until now and it was like a large door grinding open, letting all the hormones and impulses flood in. Perhaps it was just Ethan's own sexual desires reflected back, but all I knew was that I was feeling in keenly.

Desperately packing those thoughts away, I tried to focus on Zoe. What was she doing out there? Had I started something with this mornings "attack"? I was just every bit as curious as Ethan was.

"Lets go" I typed and we were on our way. Rather than float and fly around like I always did, I tried to 'walk' beside Ethan and for the most part it worked. He anchored me, rooted me to ground level and it made me grin with joy all the way. We emerged from the house into the beautiful morning light, but Zoe was no-where to be seen. No doubt she had quickly retreated into the woods, likely in a similar direction as I had seen her go before. Gently, I tugged Ethan's hand in the direction I thought we should go and leaned in to kiss his cheek to try and let me know that he can tell me any story he likes.

 

[Ravenloft]

I felt Lara guide me in a specific direction and I trusted her implicitly, feeling all sorts of giddy over the feathery sensation that played across my cheek, somehow, I knew, I just knew those were her lips. She was kissing me on the cheek! "Nowhere in myth are love, death and creativity intertwined so poignantly as the story of the Bard, Orpheus, who sang so sweetly that wild beasts and even the stones and the trees were enthralled by it, and his beauteous young bride, Eurydice." I began, giving Lara the basic prologue of the old myth that I held so dear.

"They had not been married long when Eurydice stepped upon a venomous snake, was bitten and perished. Distraught at the loss of her, Orpheus vowed to bring her back from the dead. Carrying only is lyre, he entered the underworld and pleaded with Hades himself, for his brides return. He sang of love so pure that even the lord of the underworld could not deny him one request. Orpheus immediately asked for Eurydice's return. The lament that washed through Hades realm was enough that the lord of the underworld could not deny this one humble request, though it broke every law of the gods and nature itself. One condition, mortal, Hades said. You shall not look back until both of you have returned to the world of the living."

I paused, smirking to myself, this is where it got dramatic. "Orpheus guided his wife by striking notes upon his lyre as they toiled up the dark path. But just as the light of day and the land of the living shown bright as the morning sun ahead of them... His longing for her overcame him. He turned to embrace her, only to watch helplessly as she slipped back into the shadows with a piteous cry. Just wait, it gets worse..." I warn Lara as we reach the edge of the forest.

"Overwhelmed by this second bereavement, Orpheus returns home, alone, and hardens his heart against women. This and his faith in Apollo, arouses the anger of the wild Maenads, female followers of Dionysus. In a crazed orgy, they fell upon the poet and tore him to pieces, tossing his head into the river Hebrus. Still singing, his head washed down to the sea and was carried by strange currents to the island of Lesbos, where it was laid to rest in a cave, serving as an oracle for all who came to consult it."

I considered the old myth even as I recited it for Lara and once it was finished, I added. "Whatever happens, I won't be dumb enough to look back, like he did, not until the time is right." I wasn't exactly sure what I was trying to say, but it felt right in the moment. Pure. Honest.

We were quite a way into the woods and the thick canopy was making it seem almost as though we were entering twilight. "Where the hell could she be?" I wondered aloud, feeling all turned around, I was definitely not a seasoned woodsman here... I had been so wrapped up in the telling of the tale that I had payed no attention to how we had gotten here. "Shit... I think I'm lost..." I admitted, turning around in a circle. "I can't even tell which way we came from..." Just then, I swore I could hear Zoe's voice rise and fall from up ahead. "What's she doing? Chanting?"

"Come on, darlin, I think she's this way." I urged, going toward the distant echo of Zoe's chanting. "What is that? Gaelic? Welsh? Sure as hell isn't english... Oh crap! That's not good! She's casting a spell! I hope she knows what she's doing!" We drew closer to her echoing voice, but the closer we got, the more unnerved I got. There was something about her voice that didn't sound quite natural, maybe it was just the way it was echoing. But the hair on the back of my neck was on end. "Maybe I should just leave her alone?" I asked, hesitantly, but it felt like Lara was urging me on, my connection to her though the tile was drawing me closer to Zoe's chanting now.

What I didn't know was that Lara, herself, was bring drawn to Zoe's voice as well, If I could have seen or heard her, I would have realized she wasn't leading me that way, but being dragged herself. "Well, okay, I trust you, Lara..." I whispered, following until it was too late, there was a clearing and in the center of it was Zoe, her arms raised above her head, the knife in one hand, the idol in the other, her robe splayed open so that the front of her naked body was on full display. there was a shallow cut above her left breast, and blood dripped from her left hand as well. "What the?" I stammered even as the tile that I had gripped in the palm of my hand was suddenly and inexplicably torn from my grasp and fell silently into the tall grass surrounding Zoe. I made a small yelp of surprise and ducked down trying to hide even as Zoe began to turn my way.

She stumbled back and fell against a tree as though a gust of wind had sent her off balance. Her body began to convulse like she was having a seizure, or something and I panicked. "Zoe? Zo-Zo!" I sprang up and rushed to her, bracing her by her shoulders, her head hung limp for a moment, then slowly rose to look me in the eyes. "Hey, you okay? You looked like you were having some sort of attack, hun!" Was I seeing things, or were her eyes a different color? "Whats... Going... On?" She asked, but her voice was different, soft and sweet and kind of confused. "L-Lara?" I stammered in complete disbelief. "Is that you?" I caressed her cheek tenderly, wanting so much for it to be true, damning myself for even thinking it. "You're bleeding... You cut yourself..." My eyes were drawn to the cut above her left breast and I took her left hand to examine the cut across her palm as well. "What did you do?" I felt sick to my stomach and the hair on the back of my neck was trying to run away in terror, but I remained rooted where I stood, for Lara, if nothing else.

 

[Alexavious]

As we walked, I most definitely decided that I enjoyed Ethan's stories, even if I didn't quite understand the point of it. It was odd, because I had never much cared for history or even art when I'd been at school quite a number of years ago now. But because it was Ethan, his passion and interest seemed to be infectious. If he'd been my teacher at school then things might have been a lot different. It made me chuckle to think that I would have been that doe-eyed school girl with a crush, trying to get her teacher to "notice" her.

Was he likening himself to Orpheus? I supposed that he was essentially pulling me from the afterlife. Especially when... my eyes opened wide and I looked around. The fact that I couldn't even see the house through the trees meant I was further away than I had ever been. I could still feel the connection to Ethan through my hand but there had been no barrier, no pull back to the house. Ethan had been right and I could have broken down and cried right there and then. The world suddenly seemed so much larger, I was... free.

What followed felt a bit like someone had come up behind me and given me a shove. My shoulders rocked to one side and if I couldn't float, I was certain I would have been thrown to the ground. Only my hold of Ethan's hand kept me at his side. What the hell was that? It happened again, this time it felt more like a pull than a shove, my chest being yanked forward as if someone had put a hook in me. I cried out in concern but it died out to silence as I tried to listen to that voice on the wind. Zoe. Curiosity overwhelmed fear and I didn't fight the pull, knowing I still had my partner at my side.

The clearing opened up before us, there was Zoe and whatever she was doing was created a pull that felt eerily similar to that of the one from the basement. Now there was fear, I cried out as I felt myself lift and despite trying to hold onto Ethan with all my strength, the tile dropped and I screamed. Everything went black.

My head hurt, in fact it pounded like I hadn't felt in years. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Ethan's handsome face peering down at me like he could really see me. "Whats... Going... On?" the words came from my mouth didn't quite sound like mine. Confusion fuddled my brain but when Ethan called my name, I snapped to focus. "Ethan... It's me. I'm... in Zoe?" I asked, not really believing or understanding how that could be true. I tried to sit up and was suddenly and violently thrust backwards as whatever control I had was lost. I could feel her, Zoe, her force of will and sense of self was strong and her sub-conscious bullied its way to the forefront once more. I was still 'inside' her, could even sense her thoughts and feelings to some degree and I could still see through her eyes like I was watching a film...

"Ethan? I... no you shouldn't be here I..." Zoe tried to rise, much like I had, her hand coming to the rising bump on her head where she'd hit the tree. I could really sense Zoe's embarrassment and so many mixed emotions when she looked at Ethan but mostly... shame?

 

[Ravenloft]

"Lara? Lara!" I knew it was her, behind Zoe's eyes, but just as quickly as she had come to life behind those stormy hazel eyes of Zoe's, I watched as Lara seemed to fade away again. "No! come back! Please?" I stammered, caressing her face tenderly, searching those eyes for any sign of her still within Zoe. Was I being punished just like Orpheus? Had I done something to deserve this kind of torment? "I need you..." I whispered just as Zoe opened her eyes. "Zoe?" I asked, feeling just as confused as she looked. "Zo-Zo, what were you up to? You cut yourself! Here, on your chest and there, on your hand! You were chanting and then it was like you were thrown back into this tree! Here, let me look, please." Blood magick, she had been using blood magick... Then I remembered the salt and realized that she must have used that to form a circle!

"These cuts need cleaned and dressing and that lump on your head could use an ice pack, come on, let me help you to your feet." I didn't dare press her for why she was out here, playing with witchcraft, I just wanted to make sure she was going to be safe. Especially if Lara was somehow trapped inside of her. Lara... Oh god... was she? Was she trapped somewhere inside my wifes mind now? For good? I was equally thrilled and terrified by the prospect of that. If Lara could experience life, even through my wife's body, than that was a good thing, wasn't it? But the thought of their two souls trapped in the same body, that was bound to cause some serious emotional and mental issues, wasn't it? What the hell had Zoe done?

 

[Alexavious]

Allowing Ethan to pick her up, Zoe staggered a little, her eyes rolled in her head slightly. Frowning, as she gained focus, she pushed away from Ethan and pulled her robe closed tightly around her. "I know what I did..." she scowled out of frustration. She looked around across the clearing, as if searching for something, some understanding of what had happened. She muttered her confusion in a hushed whisper to herself as her eyes came to rest of where she landed. Suddenly her hand came to her temple and she winced in pain, doubling over as she hissed through clenched teeth. As Ethan tried to approach her, she shot a hand out towards him to stop him before straightening. "Why... do I remember you going on about that stupid Greek myth again? No, never mind. Fuck! Did it work, did it... I felt... I feel..."

She snapped her eyes back to Ethan and narrowed them, her face flushing once more in embarrassment. "Don't, just don't Ethan. This doesn't mean I..." She was going to say 'this doesn't mean I believe' but that was no longer true. It was clear Zoe didn't want to believe in 'The Green Man', the spirit of nature that her Grandmother had indoctrinated her with for her youth. But it was hard to deny what she had felt, and the ritual had done... something!

Zoe closed her eyes, and oddly, I could feel her 'searching' for me in her mind. I tried to make myself known, to 'step forward' and a soft smile crossed Zoe's lips. I filled my mind with comforting reassurance and I felt her whisper, "So you are real..." Then the smile faded and her mind blanked momentarily. I was shocked at the intensity of the sudden emotional wave, anger at herself, despair at the years of denial and a well of sadness that I couldn't understand. With a shriek of effort, Zoe somehow 'shunted' me out, and suddenly I was free floating again. Zoe gasped as she felt me leave, tears streaming down her face but the clearing fell silent once more.

It started with a buzz, and then a light jingle. Zoe's phone, tucked into the pocket of her robe, like it was desperately trying to lighten the mood with Mozart's Serenade No. 13. Turning from Ethan, she slipped the iPhone from her pocket and answered it. It looked so strange, standing in the middle of this clearing in nothing but a robe with splashes of blood and salt on the ground, speaking on the phone like nothing was wrong.

When she hung up, it seemed like she had calmed down somewhat. "The buyer wants to see me for lunch and discuss more of my work and potentially sponsoring me..." Zoe looked down guiltily, knowing that this was the perfect escape from the awkward conversation. "I... better get myself cleaned up and ready..." With that she hurried off, using nearby trees to balance herself whenever her legs felt too much like jelly.

 

[Ravenloft]

"Well than, enlighten me Zoe, what were you up to?" I asked, even as she pushed away from me. "Because you look confused to me... believe me, I'm just as confused and lost as you are anymore!" I had no idea where this new found resolve to confront her came from, but I had had it with being pushed away, every time I tried to show her some sort of concern.

Just as quickly as I had found my resolve, the sight of her doubling over in pain had me panicking again. All I wanted to do was help her, but she stopped me and her words cut into me like knives. "It's not stupid! It's the story of Orpheus and Eurydice and you know how much it means to me..." I snapped back, but trailed off, it was apparent that she didn't really care. I stood there, staring at her in disbelief. "Did what work? Your spell? The way you're acting, Zo-Zo, I would think that you got what you wanted, but I'm not so sure you even know what that is..." I felt an icy coldness toward her in that moment and even as I was saying these things out of spite, I was regretting every second of it. This wasn't me, I couldn't be this petty...

"Don't? Fine, I won't, but even your grand-mum knew enough not to mess with blood, blood magick is dangerous. Unpredictable. Im just... Concerned, I don't want to see you get hurt Zo-Zo..." I don't think she was even listening to me at that point, her eyes were closed and there was this serene sort of smile on her lips, which whispered something so softly, I couldn't make any of it out. Then, she did what she always did and blocked the world around her out, including me. She did that so easily these days, but this was different, it seemed like it took something out of her.

I was aware of Lara's presence again, feeling her hovering near, when only a moment ago, I couldn't. Seeing the tears streak down Zoe's cheeks, I felt like complete shit for what I had said. "I'm sorry..." I stammered, backing up, lowering my gaze. Her phone rang and she turned her back to me. All I could think to do was look around for any sign of Lara. The tile! I had to find that tile! I knew if I could just find it, I could touch her again. I needed to feel her hand in mine once more!

It was almost as though things were back to the normal dispassionate numbness between Zoe and I, that was all too comfortable, after she got off the phone, while I was sweeping my foot through the tall grass to see if I could find that small wooden tile. "Sponsor you? That's great! Who is this buyer? Be careful though, okay? Have your agent look over everything before you sign anything... Protect yourself first." I knew it went without saying, but I had to say it anyway. I'd made some bad deals with some of my art in the past and it had cost us both, getting out of them.

I looked up and reached for her as she rushed off, but when I stepped forward, I kicked something up out of the grass. Lara's tile! I crouched down to pick it up and when I stood, Zoe was already out of sight. I frowned, feeling miserable about the way things were left between us, but one look at that tile and I banished all guilt and found it easy to smile once more. "Lara? Come here Darlin, I need to hold your hand." I whispered, offering my palm out for her to take. Hoping that she would return to comfort me, and I comfort her. "Are you okay? What happened? It was like you slammed into Zoe and I swear you spoke to me, from her lips! Did she... Hurt you?" I was so concerned and more than a little confused still, I would have to do some research to find out just exactly what kind of spell Zoe had used to cause this all to occur.

 

[Alexavious]

It was like watching someone talk to a statue or a painting. Ethan spoke and Zoe... she was barely there. I had felt her sadness, her pain and the feelings lingered still. Watching her leave was hard, so many unresolved emotions and now she was running again.

When I heard Ethan call my name, I found tears running down my cheeks. My heart swelled as I cried for the pair of them and I took one look at the outstretched hand and threw my arms around Ethan. There was a moment, a beautiful moment where our bodies connected, our arms locked about each other and we clung on. His smell filled my senses as I burrowed my face into his neck and prayed that moment would last forever.

It didnt. Slowly, the imprint disappeared and he slipped from my grasp, but it had been enough to calm me and I took a hold of his hand once more, tile keeping us connected. I wanted to talk to him, so I pulled in the direction of the house, the need to communicate burning hot and bright.

 

[Ravenloft]

"Woah!" I gasped, feeling the sudden press of Lara's form against my body, although I felt her, I still couldn't see her, but it was special beyond all reason, to hold her in my arms, even if it only lasted for mere seconds. "Oh Lara, thank you, I needed that... I... Need you." I admitted, even as my hands folded over themselves as the solidity of her form melted away. How had she done that? I wondered. The only reasons I could come up with was the force of her emotions were so strong that she had used them to embrace me, or, maybe... After being drawn within Zoe and then forced out so suddenly, there could have been some lingering semblance of my wife's life force clinging to her?

I prefered to think that it was all Lara, to go down the other line of thought, I was sickened by the thought of how easy Lara's potential possession of Zoe would make things for us, Lara and I. Zoe had done this to herself... I caught myself even as I began to think it and forced that thought down, ashamed of the idea. Using what Zoe had done, using her, to have Lara in the flesh... In Zoe's flesh... That was simply monstrous! Wasn't it? And yet, the idea lingered in the back of my mind, something thrilling, but awful of me to even entertain. Yet it remained...

Then, thankfully, I felt Lara's connection to her tile pulling me back toward the house. "Okay, okay, Darlin, lets go!" I said with a smile and a laugh, sensing her urgency. "I want to know all about what you just experienced! I was right terrified the moment I thought I lost your tile! Lost you..." I was rushing to keep up with the pull Lara had over me, and a small part of me feared that it was the spell again, dragging her back to my wife. But by the time we weaved our way back out of the woods, the car was pulling out of the drive. "Well... That was fast... Hope she took care of those cuts..." I muttered, lowering my eyes as she pulled out of sight. "Oh Lara... Do you think... It could happen again?" I asked as we reached the back door, that led into the kitchen, where the modified laptop sat. I was so eager to read anything Lara wrote that I was practically stumbling over my own feet to get there.

 

[Alexavious]

That was it, the biggest difference between Kai and Ethan. Kai was always stand-offish and independent, it often felt like I chased him around, chased him for the feelings I craved. But Ethan 'needed' me, he offered his emotions freely and it was exhilarating. I hadn't realised how much I needed that as well. The easy smile and light hearted laugh was exactly what they both needed to cut the tension of the past few moments.

As we moved together again, all was briefly forgotten as we enjoyed the peacefulness of the forest and the closeness between each other. But as we neared the door, I was eager to talk. Not only on what had just happened and what I had felt, but the weight of my story weighed on my mind. Now we had the medium to talk to each other, it seemed like the next biggest obstacle.

Stepping into the Kitchen, I flew to the laptop and began typing.

"That was insane! What was that?? I think you need to explain what all this Green Man thing was about because when we were heading towards Zoe I was literally dragged to that clearing and somehow I was... inside her? Me hitting her was what threw her back I think and then I was in control, I could move her and speak and then she came back. Once she was in control, it was like she could feel me there and I could feel her but I couldn't move or speak. I felt what she felt though..."

I paused, I didn't really want to reveal some of the darker thoughts that Zoe had about her husband, it wasn't my place but perhaps there was some that I could reveal.

"She's sad, Ethan. I don't think she wanted to move her although she is enjoying the surrounding woodland. But something hurts. She seemed very angry at herself, and it seemed related to what she had been doing, something about the Green Man and her Grandma? I didn't fully understand it. Then she pushed me out herself and I was free again."

I also didn't want to say what I was thinking, that I felt a lingering connection. Like I could probably "re-enter" Zoe myself but the concern was that Zoe could probably do the same, pull me back in. It was not something I was desperate to try again, although... maybe when she was asleep...

"Who is the Green Man?"

 

[Ravenloft]

"That was amazing!" I replied, still reeling from the moment I saw her behind Zoe's eyes. "That WAS you! I felt it instantly!" I was ecstatic, the thought of having Lara in the flesh was a potent one, even though it was borderline profane. Even considering using Zoe's body to enact my desire for Lara... That was not something I could bring myself to do. Maybe make out with her, kiss her, go down on her... Maybe... But what I really wanted with Lara... A life. That was wrong, right?

"Okay, okay..." I had to clear my head of all those wrong and wicked thoughts of doing things to Lara. "The Green Man, yes, the Green Man, well, the figure is prevalent in many disparate cultures. Some call him Pan, the Horned God. The figure even existed in ancient civilizations. From Ireland to Iraq. Basically, well, he is a fertility God that goes beyond just one culture, region or era of time. His image even appears in many christian churches. So, you see, no matter the century, whatever he is, he's found some way to remain relevant. Zoe was using blood, her blood, to enact some sort of spell. For being so adamant that her grandmother's stories were all fantasy, she sure went to great lengths..." I trailed off, reading more of what Lara was writing, even as she typed.

"I know that blood magick is powerful stuff, and that Zoe has opened herself up to you. I think that's what pulled you to her, she so desperately needs to believe and whatever power she was playing with... I think... I don't know... But clearly it worked, you were there, within her... I could see you! She was aware of you being in control? That must be what made her come back she never was one to let her guard down..." I paused and tilted my head, wondering what it was that Lara had felt, what emotions Zoe was going through. I wasn't sure I loved her anymore, but I still cared about her.

"I know, this isn't what she wanted, it's what I needed, I needed to get away from all that fake, high society, it was crushing my soul... I tried finding a place that would make her happy too, I thought the woods our here would inspire her, at least that's what I hoped for her. But then, she rejected all those childhood tales when her grandmother passed away... I don't help, I try to, but I think she resents my belief in, for lack of a better term, 'my thing' when she's lost 'her's', after the loss of her grandmother... I wish I could help restore her faith in it all, but I feel so helpless around her anymore, everything I do, everything I am just makes her come face to face with her pain, I think." I had to sit down, coming to terms with it all, realizing how selfish I'd been, but if I hadn't, what would I have lost within myself? If I hadn't come here, hadn't found Lara, hadn't found my purpose. What would I have become a few years down the road? Just another burnt out, sold out, hack.

"It's sick and wrong of me to ask, but if you can give her some of her faith back... Maybe she wouldn't be so sad here, maybe she wouldn't be so angry all the time..." I asked, my voice wavering. I hated to put such a request to Lara, but all that she had done for me, filled me with renewed purpose and all of these needs and desires... I wanted that for Zoe too, before it was too late, before her light and love for life left her, like it seemed to be.

"The Green Man is an omnipresent, ancient guardian of the forest. He’s depicted as being a man with green skin and covered completely in foliage of various types. The most popular Green Man illustrations depict oak leaves and acorns, hawthorn leaves, and sometimes holly leaves and berries. Sometimes leaves spew from his mouth. He’s an ever-present symbol of rebirth, rejuvenation, and the life and death cycle of nature. His job is to keep the woods wild – to preserve the sanctity of the forest (plants, trees, rivers, and animals) threatened by our modern advancements. He is essentially a king of the forest." I recited from memory, from one of the old books Zoe had inherited from her grandmum.

 

[Alexavious]

"I'll try my best" I typed, "But I think she's already started to believe again. Her emotions are all over the place so I think the key is that she still doesn't want to believe. What I felt... I think the passing of her Grandmother must still be very raw for her and maybe she's punishing herself or something? The contact we had though, I think that's shocked her quite a lot. These things will take time, and in the meantime I can keep trying to connect with her."

To me, the whole thing sounded crazy but then, if someone had told me that ghosts and possession was real, I'd have called them crazy too. Perhaps I still had some opening of my mind to do as well. If ghosts were real then what else could be? Perhaps there really were other kinds of Spirit, perhaps the Green Man was just a very powerful ghost. I could certainly do some surreal things now that I had passed on.

I tapped my finger lightly on the keys, thinking about what to talk about next. The subject of my own death was still looming but that conversation was going to be a difficult one to write, and I was again conscious of the fact that Ethan hadn't eaten! I smiled to myself, finding myself more than happy to Mother him a little.

"But now I think you should tell me more about yourself. I want to know everything! And also, get some breakfast will you, and some water. Honestly!" I grinned as I chided him, wishing I could be the one to make breakfast for him...

 

[Ravenloft]

"I miss her grandmother too, the first time, well, the only time I got to meet her actually, she turned right to Zoe and told her, and I quote 'Don't run this boy off, he's got a good heart.' I always wonder if she hadn't given Zoe that bit of advice, if she ever would have accepted my proposal. I know she took her death terribly, its like a light went out in her soul... I... Remember when the call came in, i just knew, in my gut, even before she answered the phone, that Grams was gone. It was like this tidal wave I could see coming for her and there was nothing I could do to stop it, to help her through it... She threw herself into her work after that, desperately avoiding the entire situation. Missed the funeral, she hasn't even gone to her grave stone yet, and I've tried to gently urge her to, but that's 'my thing' not hers, It's pretty clear that she resents my blind faith in the beyond." I let out a heavy sigh, this was not the most pleasant thing to talk about and my growing feelings for Lara made it all the harder to talk about.

"I don't want to push my 'narrative' on her but I know that it's not fair to ask you to pretend to be some sort of fairy folk for her... I'm not sure what I'm even asking of you... When it comes to Zoe, I just feel lost... But I know one thing, Lara, I know I love you." I admitted, in a quiet moment before she started typing again. I read her request to know more about me and immediately felt the spot light shift onto me, which made me a little nervous and shy, like it always did. I really didn't like talking about myself, it felt so wrong and egotistical. But for Lara, I fought through the sudden shroud of nerves that threatened to mute me. Her reminder to get something to eat and drink went a long way to loosen me up and I playfully smacked my hand against my forehead. "Typical staving artist, even when there's food in the house, I tend to forget all about those basic biological needs until I'm about to pass out!"

I considered finishing what was left of the chinese food, but having left it out over night, I wasn't too sure it was good anymore, and I didn't want to look like a slob in front of a lady, so I rummaged through the fridge for something to eat, to quell the sudden pangs of hunger that Lara had reminded me to pay attention to. I found a pear, and some celery, and the confidence to share a bit about myself with Lara as I ate.

"Okay, so I don't really remember a whole lot about my childhood, I mean, I was told things, but its like the memory of it all exists more because of what I was told happened, none of it feels like first hand experiences to me now. When I was five, my mother said I would get up in the middle of the night, sleep walking. I would go 'looking' for something, for 'someone' but I could never explain what it was or who it was for. It got so bad that I got out of the house, one night when mom and dad were out and the half stoned out baby sitter was busy with her boyfriend on the couch, I guess. Apparently I was only gone maybe a half an hour before she came to check on me and freaked the hell out. I have no memory of any of this, in fact, I don't have any solid memories of my childhood until I was about ten, I think. But I'll get to that in a bit. The babysitter was too afraid to call the cops, called mom and dad first, in tears, they rushed home and mom stayed with her while dad went looking for me. He found a trail of matted grass and followed it out into this field behind our house. They say I went to the shed and got an old wooden sled and filled it with little hand fulls of flowers, grass and dirt and dragged it out into the middle of that field. When dad found me, he said I was putting the stuff over a bare patch of dirt, like I was trying to cover it or something, and I was asking someone if that made them feel better..." As I shared what I could remember with Lara, I went sort of off into space, telling it always made me feel strange, like I wasn't within myself... I shook my head and focused my eyes on the half eaten pear, using it to keep myself from... Floating away...

"Where was I? Oh, well, that made everyone go completely insane and I was put on meds and monitored EVERY night, after that incident. The meds pretty much turned me into a zombie... By the time I was ten, dad had had enough and left mom. She couldn't afford to keep me on those meds, so, all I can figure is that I... Came out of a fog? I don't know how to explain it, any of it, but every once and a while, I get this gut feeling that someone is there. It made me half crazy as a kid. Spooked me at first, you don't even want to know about my goth phase... Anyway, I hid it pretty well, but then the art started happening. Before you ask, I don't see things, I just... Feel them... Like I felt you Lara. Its like I'm only half aware, but aware enough that I know something's there? This, with you, though? I'm in uncharted territory here, I've reached out before, but I've never gotten so clear or strong of a response, just vague impressions at most?" I finished off the pear and went after the peanut butter, to dip the celery in.

"That's the big stuff, you can imagine how difficult that made things for me in the drama that is high school. Oh yeah, I was the creepy, Adam's family reject that all the cool kids avoided like the plague. I was okay with that, not that I liked being shunned, but it was better than being noticed. Being noticed, THAT sucked! Come on, cousin It, why don't you tell us what Elvis is up to?! But the worst thing that happened was falling for this one girl, she was goth too... I thought she understood, she even convinced me to explore a cemetery to see if I could unlock some 'hidden gifts' I was young, I took her at face value, boy was I dumb, she just wanted to make out against a mausoleum... I was NOT okay with that! I mean, I get it, Buffy was in full season at the time, but to ACTUALLY do that? For REAL? After that, you could say I went into a social coma, got it in my head that its not the dead you have to worry about, its the living, cause the living can hurt you in more ways than one." I cracked a smile in Lara's general direction and took a snap off of a stick celery, full of peanut buttery goodness.

"Got through the last two years of high school and tried college, on dads dime, but failed to achieve his lofty standards, basically told him to fuck off by scraping up enough dough to take some art courses, and been working on commissions and the occasional publication ever since, got into the convention circuit based on some of my published work, in the old world of darkness role playing books. Sitting in artist alley across from Zoe at least half a dozen times before I worked up the nerve to ask her out to dinner." I paused, wincing, there I go again, talking about Zoe. "I admire her, I care about her, but there has always been this gnawing feeling that we don't really love one another. I know my excentricities vex her and if I'm honest, it pains me to think that I've held her back. If I'm keeping her from the life she wanted, like I fear I have, its left me feeling so conflicted... But now, there's you, Lara, and I refuse to give up on you, even if it means I fuck everything up with her. When I saw you in her eyes, I wanted to kiss you so badly, I've never felt anything so pure and intensely before." I trailed off, touching my finger tips to my lips as I thought about Lara and all the things I longed to share with her.

 

[Alexavious]

I listened, enraptured by the stories. As Ethan described the passing of Zoe's Grandmother, it made me wonder if she too was tied to this world. Was everyone? Or was there a place to move on to? In any case, it was clear that Zoe preferred the idea that this woman who was so dear to her was completely gone and that speaking or visiting a grave was pointless. But missing the funeral? Never saying goodbye? That wasn't healthy. No wonder she had such confusing and mixed feelings.

Satisfied that Ethan was feeding himself properly, I continued to listen intently, desperate to commit every word to memory. It sounded like the perfect person had come walking into my life, though I guess it wasn't that surprising as only a person of a certain mindset would purchase a house like this in the middle of no-where. But the way Ethan described his childhood... again, if I wasn't certifiable proof that ghosts and spirits existed, I would have thought he was absolutely crazy. Handsome, sexy even, but hearing ghosts? Mental! Except... clearly it wasn't!

Descriptions of high school brought back a lot of memories. I always liked the goth kids, from a distance anyway. Most of them were always surprisingly friendly whenever they were in one to one encounters. I of course was in the drama student crowd, hanging out in the studios with the cool hipster drama teacher who was secretly screwing the music teacher and only those in the amateur production society were privy to it.

As the conversation moved back to Zoe, I felt a pang of regret. It was like he had latched onto my like a life-line to save himself (and Zoe) from a relationship that likely from the sound of it had only worked so far because of hope. But I wasn't a life-line, how could there be any sort of relationship with me? And who knows, what if one day I just disappear? But... I couldn't help but smile. It was true that I too wanted to kiss him, to hold him and love him. Maybe that would be enough...

"Thank you for sharing..." I typed, drawing him back to the screen. "That must have been difficult to say. And... I want to kiss you too." I blushed as my fingers pressed those wooden keys, like a teenager texting her crush.