Hookin' up via the web ...

[PennyG]

Re: Really?!?

To be fair, I know that Sparkey was not directing that last sentence specifically at the women here on Literotica, but I'd be interesting to hear a female perspective on this...

Roman

It appears to me that Sparkey was making a very general statement that, unfortunately is quite often still true among many of us that were raised prior to the present generation. I am older and how much older I do not care to say but I will not respond to ads placed by a man. I think a lot of that is due to my up bringing although a small portion of that is based on bad experiences that I have had in answering ads.

 

[double16in]

I'd like to clarify my earlier post....I did not mean to suggest that my desire for face-to-face meetings was solely for sex...I am older than the vast majority of Literotians, and am just trying to meet (and share with) new friends...if it becomes intimate, it does; and if it does not, well, it doesn't...at least I've got a new friend to talk with.

The problem with online dating, or cyber, or whatever you want to call it is that it is such damn unfamiliar territory to those of us who grew up in the 50s and 60s...I just can't get into going out at night and prowling bars, or singles clubs, or laundromats, or wherever looking to meet a woman. I have always found myself tongue-tied in those types of social situations, but don't have the same constraints in cyberspace.

The key is trust...if you can build trust through countless emails and chats, both of you will do whatever it takes to meet, somewhere, somehow. Sparkey makes a good point, that online dating is getting to know someone from the inside out....that should make trust-building easier, I would think.

 

[GypsyHeart]

Re: No one else is surprised with these results??

Well, I for one am surprised at just how many of us seem to live entirely in an ethereal world here rather than getting physical. I *FELT* that most posters here seemed to project a more physically active sexual style.

Guess I am alone in my surprise.

No, you are not alone!!! I am with you n-erasmus!!! I cannot believe more people don't own up to RL meetings, unless most of the people I talk to on here are lying about their 'active' sex life!! LOL I for one have met several men, most MUCH younger!! I take precautions and am safe but I am also prepared to 'pay the fiddler' if something happens!! It's my life and a chance I choose to take! I know most women on here and some men will not agree, but we are all entitled to our own opinions!! ..... what I need, I can no longer get at home. The internet has definitely made my life a lot more exciting and interesting!!!! BTW, right now I have 3 regular.....boi-toi's and am LOVING life!!!

 

[ozme52]

Re: Saxetman is right.

When you get to know someone on line you get to know them from the inside out, unlike when you meet someone face to face and you get to know them from the outside in.

[color=dark red]Wow, that's a great perspective Sparky[/color]

It is highly unlikely that any person can disguise there real selves while writing letters and chatting online. No one can keep up with a charade in their letters and online conversations over a long period of time. Any adult with some common sense can see thru a faker over a period of time here on line.

I basically agree with you, but one word of advice. The really evil folk out there, the sociopaths and paranoid psychotics, are exceptionally intelligent and are practiced their whole lives at deceiving us normals.

 

[Sparkey]

Re: Re: Saxetman is right.

[color=dark red]Wow, that's a great perspective Sparky[/color]



I basically agree with you, but one word of advice. The really evil folk out there, the sociopaths and paranoid psychotics, are exceptionally intelligent and are practiced their whole lives at deceiving us normals.

You're right ozme, however, those same really evil folks, the sociopaths and paranoid psychotics, are out there waiting to prey on us in the bar scene, singles clubs, the grocery store, etc. and on line. There is no escaping them and there is no way to know exactly who they are whether we meet them face to face or here on line.

 

[ozme52]

Re: Re: Re: Saxetman is right.

You're right ozme, however, those same really evil folks, the sociopaths and paranoid psychotics, are out there waiting to prey on us in the bar scene, singles clubs, the grocery store, etc. and on line. There is no escaping them and there is no way to know exactly who they are whether we meet them face to face or here on line.

Agreed.

The first real life meeting between cyber-friends should be in those same venues.

 

[Sparkey]

For what it's worth

With everyone, except one, of the people that I have met on line I used certain guide lines to decide if I wanted to meet that woman face to face. I never tried to communicate with a woman that could not write an intelligent letter. By that I mean, if I asked her a question in a letter I expected more than a simple yes or no answer back from her. I expected a letter that was more than just answers to my questions, or comments on what I had to say. I expected her to bring up issues of her own. I think that all of us here on Lit. can read things from others and get a little bit of an idea as to what that person is like. A person writing also frequently shows their slovenliness. It was pretty easy, after the first few letters that I received from a woman, to tell whether I wanted to continue corresponding with that person. I always tried to get a woman that I was corresponding with, to chat with me on line in some form of chat. Chatting on line requires spontaneous thought by a person which also gave me some insight into a person’s personality. The third thing that I always insisted on was phone conversations with the person before we met (this was usually after lengthy letter writing and chatting on line). Conversing with someone gives more insight into what that person is really like. The last thing that I always insisted on was meeting for the first time, face to face, in a very public place that was very well lit. This helped dissuade some of the fears that a woman might feel in meeting a strange man. A location where there would be many other people around such as department stores, shopping malls, a sports arena, the airport, just to name a few. I never met a woman in a bar or a dimly lit restaurant. I always tried to put the person that I was meeting at ease, even before I met her.
This worked for me as I met my wife on line and I couldn’t be happier.

 

[RomanHans]

Re: For what it's worth

With everyone, except one, of the people that I have met on line I used certain guide lines to decide if I wanted to meet that woman face to face. I never tried to communicate with a woman that could not write an intelligent letter. By that I mean, if I asked her a question in a letter I expected more than a simple yes or no answer back from her. I expected a letter that was more than just answers to my questions, or comments on what I had to say. I expected her to bring up issues of her own. I think that all of us here on Lit. can read things from others and get a little bit of an idea as to what that person is like. A person writing also frequently shows their slovenliness. It was pretty easy, after the first few letters that I received from a woman, to tell whether I wanted to continue corresponding with that person. I always tried to get a woman that I was corresponding with, to chat with me on line in some form of chat. Chatting on line requires spontaneous thought by a person which also gave me some insight into a person’s personality. The third thing that I always insisted on was phone conversations with the person before we met (this was usually after lengthy letter writing and chatting on line). Conversing with someone gives more insight into what that person is really like. The last thing that I always insisted on was meeting for the first time, face to face, in a very public place that was very well lit. This helped dissuade some of the fears that a woman might feel in meeting a strange man. A location where there would be many other people around such as department stores, shopping malls, a sports arena, the airport, just to name a few. I never met a woman in a bar or a dimly lit restaurant. I always tried to put the person that I was meeting at ease, even before I met her.
This worked for me as I met my wife on line and I couldn’t be happier.

WOW! That post ought to be published in a manual or somewhere similar.

 

[Sparkey]

Re: Re: For what it's worth

WOW! That post ought to be published in a manual or somewhere similar.

Thanks Roman

 

[saxetman]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Saxetman is right.

Agreed.

The first real life meeting between cyber-friends should be in those same venues.

Thank you Ozme and Sparkey. I agree with your other comments and to add to Sparkeys list of rules. The woman that I have met, I met first in a public place. Yes I know you could be caught there or seen, but for both persons piece of mind, it has to be safe. I just picked a place that I know I had never been to nor my friends had been to. Now that takes some thought, but if you really believe the person you are cyber-dating is someone you want to start a real life relationship with, then it is VERY worth it!

 

[n-erasmus]

"True Love"

Ok -- a bunch of you people are after your "one and only" true love, often for the first time. Good luck and sign prenuptual agreements!

There are some of us, however, who just want to hook up with some *GREAT SEX* with compatible people. We approach things a bit differently.

In any case time to give this survey a *BUMP*.

 

[PennyG]

Re: "GREAT SEX"

Ok -- a bunch of you people are after your "one and only" true love, often for the first time. Good luck and sign prenuptual agreements!

There are some of us, however, who just want to hook up with some *GREAT SEX* with compatible people. We approach things a bit differently.

In any case time to give this survey a *BUMP*.

If you are looking for some "GREAT SEX" then you should pay attention to the previous posts. Most of us, even when just searching for sex, appreciate feeling safe when we meet a guy. "GREAT SEX" doesn't come from a quick meeting then falling into bed together. "GREAT SEX" comes from a relationship and a relationship is built on respect and that respect for each other begins with the initial meeting.
In any case, I do agree with the fact that this survey needed a "BUMP"

 

[n-erasmus]

Thanks Penny !

I appreciate the advice, but I already knew it. I think there are a *NUMBER* of requisites for *GREAT SEX*:

-- both must be mostly comfortable but *NOT* completely comfortable with one another

-- both must be aroused by the same general family of activities (e.g. bdsm, role playing, exhibitionism, etc)

-- both must make an *EFFORT* to bring arousal to the other, usually in a sort of pulsing rhythmn

-- both must leave outside agendas at the door and *BE* there only

-- both must PERFORM


So there is my two bits on how to get there. The mechanics of how you be (*MOSTLY*) sure I am not an ax murderer are laid out above. Men also are sometimes subjected to unwanted violence and want to feel reasonably comfortable too.

Happy mating all !

 

[GypsyHeart]

Re: Re: "GREAT SEX"

If you are looking for some "GREAT SEX" then you should pay attention to the previous posts. Most of us, even when just searching for sex, appreciate feeling safe when we meet a guy. "GREAT SEX" doesn't come from a quick meeting then falling into bed together. "GREAT SEX" comes from a relationship and a relationship is built on respect and that respect for each other begins with the initial meeting.
In any case, I do agree with the fact that this survey needed a "BUMP"

I respect your opinion Penny. I am NOT looking for a relationship, that's the point of these meetings.....it's the 'unknown' that is a rush for me!! I love the quick meetings and falling into bed or the couch or the floor or the shower as soon as walking into the room! I am addicted to sex!!! I play safe, at least as safe as possible, but I know the risks. I've never had a problem other than someone lied to me about a pic he had sent to me. Turns out he sent the pic of someone besides himself because he was dog-ugly and I don't do ugly!!! lol I always talk/chat to establish I am actually talking to a male adult. I always meet in a public place first. I always get some kind of REAL information about the person and give that to a friend of mine, just in case!!! I do not meet a 'new' person often any more but I do have about 5 or 6 I see on a kind of a regular basis.

Sex is a recreational sport!!!!

To each their own!!

 

[saxetman]

Ok

Well Gypsy, I would agree with Penny to the point that the meetings that I have had went really well because a relationship had been established. Not a relationship as in dating, engaged or hope to one day get married. A friends relationship where both people already know and feel comfortable and safe with each other. Hey, I am all for having a meeting with you on your terms. I looked at your profile, I match what you are looking for and you match what I am looking for. Now we just have to get together for several hours and have a wild time!

 

[Lady_Sam]

I've met a few people offline that I first met online. My son's father I met on aol. We were together for just over four years. I honestly think, looking back, that if we hadn't have had our child, the relationship would have failed a lot sooner. I've met friends from an online game I play and those simply remain friends. And then there's my current relationship. A friend who's been under my nose for two years and we finally got together.

 

[RomanHans]

I've met a few people offline that I first met online. My son's father I met on aol. We were together for just over four years. I honestly think, looking back, that if we hadn't have had our child, the relationship would have failed a lot sooner. I've met friends from an online game I play and those simply remain friends. And then there's my current relationship. A friend who's been under my nose for two years and we finally got together.

I've long believed that good friends can, more likely than not, make great lovers...and that would by extension include friends whom you meet on-line. But it seems clear that knowing someone on-line is often to know only one facet of their personality, so real friendships are forged off-line. After all, 'the eyes are windows on the soul.'

Anyone want to refute?

Roman

 

[n-erasmus]

True enough

roman,

Sure, friends can be great lovers. There are a number of ways to have great sexual fun, and friends are definitely one, but one with higher emotional risks than strangers.

sex => friendship *OR*

friendship => sex


I tend to prefer the second myself but have had good experiences with the first too.

 

[RomanHans]

OK, 'fess up--who are the 12 folks who claim to have 'hooked up' with 3 or more people over the Web? So far, we have few success stories or guidelines...in particular, any Web sites (other than this one, of course) that seem to be best-suited for making connections?

Roman

 

[ozme52]

Wherever I'm at.

The best place to be, to hook up, is wherever I'm at!

And I'm sure n-erasmus feels much the same. (Meaning wherever he's at.)

Roman, It sounds like you're looking for the equivalent of a pick-up bar. Someplace where it's easy to find, what? easy scores?

You have to be real, whether in person or on the web, you can't really meet people if you're putting up a false front. And because so many people do hide behind their online "personas" it's all the harder to convince potential friends and partners that you're the real thing.

You can take one vote off of the "male-1-time" category and add one vote to the "male-2-times" category.

Yours truly and keeping it real, I'm

 

[RomanHans]

Re: Wherever I'm at.

The best place to be, to hook up, is wherever I'm at!

And I'm sure n-erasmus feels much the same. (Meaning wherever he's at.)

Roman, It sounds like you're looking for the equivalent of a pick-up bar. Someplace where it's easy to find, what? easy scores?

You have to be real, whether in person or on the web, you can't really meet people if you're putting up a false front. And because so many people do hide behind their online "personas" it's all the harder to convince potential friends and partners that you're the real thing.

You can take one vote off of the "male-1-time" category and add one vote to the "male-2-times" category.

Yours truly and keeping it real, I'm

Point well taken. Seems to me that a lot of folks (well, to be specific, guys) perceive the Web as an ideal pick-up bar. After all, the exercise of relating to people via a screen gives a kind of sterile impression. Easy to see the Web as a practical route to what Erica Jong called the 'zipless fuck.'

Hopin' to still be real in the morning,

Roman

 

[ozme52]

Re: Re: Wherever I'm at.

Point well taken. Seems to me that a lot of folks (well, to be specific, guys) perceive the Web as an ideal pick-up bar. After all, the exercise of relating to people via a screen gives a kind of sterile impression. Easy to see the Web as a practical route to what Erica Jong called the 'zipless fuck.'

Hopin' to still be real in the morning,

Roman

Plenty of ladies too. Chat rooms, forums, groups.

 

[saxetman]

ME

OK, 'fess up--who are the 12 folks who claim to have 'hooked up' with 3 or more people over the Web? So far, we have few success stories or guidelines...in particular, any Web sites (other than this one, of course) that seem to be best-suited for making connections?

Roman

I have hooked up 5 times with woman I have met off the internet, 3 of them turned out to be one night stands. ozme52 is right, it takes a long time to set it up, I am talking a period of over three years, different reasons for each person and what it took for the both of us to agree on a meeting.

 

[RomanHans]

Re: ME

I have hooked up 5 times with woman I have met off the internet, 3 of them turned out to be one night stands. ozme52 is right, it takes a long time to set it up, I am talking a period of over three years, different reasons for each person and what it took for the both of us to agree on a meeting.

More power to ya, saxetman, ozme and the rest who are in the same class for this poll (male or female). I can certainly appreciate the patience and attitude it takes to 'hook up' via the Web. As I've said elsewhere, the concept of 'Internet time' doesn't seem to apply when you're using the Web to build a relationship...

Roman

 

[saxetman]

This thread needs more attention! BUMP