How cliquish are we, really?

[@}-}rebecca----]

I voted 'not very' and because my little brain is sore today ...........

Is it possible that familiarity may be mistaken for cliquish behaviour some times ?
Many excellent points above this one ..............your invited to skip mine..........

 

[Lilith]

I'm proud to say that I am not cliquish at all!

Oh OK, it's really because no one will let me in their little group.

I :click: you or :clique: you You can pick!

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Outside

I'm proud to say that I am not cliquish at all!

Oh OK, it's really because no one will let me in their little group.

Yes. That would be me, too.

I always feel like Thomas Mann's Tonio Kreuger, outside looking at the party through the window. (Even when I'm in the room.)

 

[BeachGurl2]

Well, I chose "other". I think that there is some clique-like behavior here, but that's true of any group of people. I also think that when someone new comes along, they see people who have been here for a long time chatting on threads about things that the new people don't get. That can lead new people to have feelings of being outsiders because they don't know the jokes or the people or the lingo. Unfortunately, that can lead new people to feel shut out of the group and they may leave. I almost did that a couple of times myself. But I kept reading, even when I went through periods of not posting. As I did that, I came to realize it wasn't about cliques as much as it was about a shared history.

Of course, I'm also with Pita and ADR in that I don't feel I'm part of any real group here, either. But that's okay because I tend to go my own way anyway. I do have certain people I will follow because I enjoy the way they think or the way they make me think. But really, there isn't anyone on this board whom I talk to outside of posting. The people I've gotten to know off the boards have all come from the Playground. Go figure.

 

[FurryFury]

I always feel like Thomas Mann's Tonio Kreuger, outside looking at the party through the window. (Even when I'm in the room.)

Me too, even when it looks like I'm the center of things.

*shrugs*

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

I voted 'not very' and because my little brain is sore today ...........

Is it possible that familiarity may be mistaken for cliquish behaviour some times ?
Many excellent points above this one ..............your invited to skip mine..........

I think you have hit the nail on the head there. Cliques get mentioned here usually when someone backs up another, agrees with another, or disagrees with someone who takes exception to it, and often when one person jokes with another. It seems it is assumed there is always on off board relationship existing and that the people in question shut out anyone they do not already know. That is not what I understand clique to mean.

Catalina

 

[Guest]

Well...You can call it whatever you want...You can call it Fred..
But, if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, and looks like a duck.... Well then, the odds are pretty damn slim that old Fred there ain't a duck...

 

[Kajira Callista]

*sigh* I'm not clique-ish. Never have been never will be.
I may step out and have my say at times but basically i prefer that dark corner over there
--->>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[chris9]

There are (or seem to be, I wouldn't know) different groups of friends that I would maybe call cliques. Ironically I would put many of those that said they don't belong to any clique in one of them.
It's obvious that some are friends off the public part of the forums by the way they interact, understand little clues, stuff like that. If it feels like there's actually a group who all like each other, chat privately, get the 'in'-jokes I would say that's a clique. I could also just call it a group of friends. Or two friends.
I seem to be more the lonely figure here, but it seems that many feel that way, so maybe my feeling of all those great friendships is wrong.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well, I chose "other". I think that there is some clique-like behavior here, but that's true of any group of people. I also think that when someone new comes along, they see people who have been here for a long time chatting on threads about things that the new people don't get. That can lead new people to have feelings of being outsiders because they don't know the jokes or the people or the lingo. Unfortunately, that can lead new people to feel shut out of the group and they may leave. I almost did that a couple of times myself. But I kept reading, even when I went through periods of not posting. As I did that, I came to realize it wasn't about cliques as much as it was about a shared history.

Of course, I'm also with Pita and ADR in that I don't feel I'm part of any real group here, either. But that's okay because I tend to go my own way anyway. I do have certain people I will follow because I enjoy the way they think or the way they make me think. But really, there isn't anyone on this board whom I talk to outside of posting. The people I've gotten to know off the boards have all come from the Playground. Go figure.

I think there's a lot of truth to that. Shared history is a really good point. Especially to those who've been around more than six months or a year. I also think that, as I'm sure you've noticed, a lot of people come along, make a post or two and are never heard from again. I think a lot of people reserve their friendships until a poster has made more of an impact than that.

There are (or seem to be, I wouldn't know) different groups of friends that I would maybe call cliques. Ironically I would put many of those that said they don't belong to any clique in one of them.
It's obvious that some are friends off the public part of the forums by the way they interact, understand little clues, stuff like that. If it feels like there's actually a group who all like each other, chat privately, get the 'in'-jokes I would say that's a clique. I could also just call it a group of friends. Or two friends.
I seem to be more the lonely figure here, but it seems that many feel that way, so maybe my feeling of all those great friendships is wrong.

You noticed that too? I'm surprised at the folks who feel "left out." Those who do, are the ones who I believed were very much "in."

 

[A Desert Rose]

I always feel like Thomas Mann's Tonio Kreuger, outside looking at the party through the window. (Even when I'm in the room.)

This makes me laugh because I know all too well how that feels.

And it seems to be the overriding feeling in this thread. Lots of folks feel left out of things.

Why is that? Is it part of wanting to be part of the herd or pack? And I don't mean that in a negative way. Do we all want to be part of something - even if that includes something as peripheral as an online community?

I think it's human nature to not want to be alone. And I think we seek out like-minded people, otherwise none of us would even be here.

So, because we've found our little niche, does that make us our own clique, even when we don't all agree on the same things and we aren't all friends with each other? I suppose the answer is yes.

 

[chris9]

I think there's a lot of truth to that. Shared history is a really good point. Especially to those who've been around more than six months or a year. I also think that, as I'm sure you've noticed, a lot of people come along, make a post or two and are never heard from again. I think a lot of people reserve their friendships until a poster has made more of an impact than that.



You noticed that too? I'm surprised at the folks who feel "left out." Those who do, are the ones who I believed were very much "in."

I don't really think people reserve friendships, rather that friendships need time to grow. You need some time to get to know a person. Only because they happen to fit themselves under the big umbrella called BDSM doesn't mean they are your kind of person. Being friends means a bit more than saying occasionally 'how are you, it's sooooo good to see you'.
Personally it may take me a year or longer to make friends. I know people, I like people, but for them to be my friends it takes a lot of time. But then they stay my friends. I don't see why it should be so different online.

 

[kiten69]

I contemplated this for a little while before answering...I've always felt that a clique was a group that you could watch from the outside but if you got close enough then you were made to feel uncomfortable...not allowed...and unwanted.

I've not experienced that at all here if anything else some have gone a little out of the way to make me feel welcome. Since I'm going through a down time right now it's nice to have a place where I feel I can come and have a bitch fit...have some fun or whatever falls between. I do see that certain people seem to know each other pretty well, but looking at the # of their posts I'd assume they have been here a long time and have earned and worked at developing those bonds...but cliqueish...NAH!!!

kiten

 

[A Desert Rose]

I don't really think people reserve friendships, rather that friendships need time to grow. You need some time to get to know a person. Only because they happen to fit themselves under the big umbrella called BDSM doesn't mean they are your kind of person. Being friends means a bit more than saying occasionally 'how are you, it's sooooo good to see you'.
Personally it may take me a year or longer to make friends. I know people, I like people, but for them to be my friends it takes a lot of time. But then they stay my friends. I don't see why it should be so different online.

Aren't we saying basically the same things with different words? If they've posted once or twice and not heard from again, how do you develope a friendship or in your words, how does a friendship have time to grow? It doesn't and we seem to agree on that point. I used the word impact... but we are saying the same thing. If they're not here, there's no chance for someone to become friends with them. I said 'reserve friendship', and you said it takes a lot of time for someone to become a friend. Again, we're saying the same things with different words.

And I don't see it as being at a whole lot different - online or not. If I gave that impression, I'm sorry.

I think I'm not very clear in my posts and I apologize for that. I just don't see that you and I differ on this topic. ;-)

 

[Kajira Callista]

toes

 

[A Desert Rose]

I contemplated this for a little while before answering...I've always felt that a clique was a group that you could watch from the outside but if you got close enough then you were made to feel uncomfortable...not allowed...and unwanted.

I've not experienced that at all here if anything else some have gone a little out of the way to make me feel welcome. Since I'm going through a down time right now it's nice to have a place where I feel I can come and have a bitch fit...have some fun or whatever falls between. I do see that certain people seem to know each other pretty well, but looking at the # of their posts I'd assume they have been here a long time and have earned and worked at developing those bonds...but cliqueish...NAH!!!

kiten

Judging by the poll results, I'd say you're in the minority, doll. But I'm glad your experience so far, has been so positive. I'm sure that won't change, either. ;-)

 

[A Desert Rose]

toes

LOL I'd say word but I don't really know wtf that means.

 

[boz]

I voted "very" because I figured that was the expected answer.


I'm very passive-aggressive, don'cha know. Maybe I should startup a new clique.

 

[chris9]

Aren't we saying basically the same things with different words? If they've posted once or twice and not heard from again, how do you develope a friendship or in your words, how does a friendship have time to grow? It doesn't and we seem to agree on that point. I used the word impact... but we are saying the same thing. If they're not here, there's no chance for someone to become friends with them. I said 'reserve friendship', and you said it takes a lot of time for someone to become a friend. Again, we're saying the same things with different words.

And I don't see it as being at a whole lot different - online or not. If I gave that impression, I'm sorry.

I think I'm not very clear in my posts and I apologize for that. I just don't see that you and I differ on this topic. ;-)

I think my brain got melted today. It's incredibly hot here and I'm working on my final paper, basically spending the day buried in books. It's very well possible I misunderstood you. To me "reserve friendship" sounded more deliberately, and "impact" like people would be waiting for someone to be especially smart or merited or something. And I just used this for some blabbling. I agree that we don't disagree. And I never meant to say we do.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I voted "very" because I figured that was the expected answer.


I'm very passive-aggressive, don'cha know. Maybe I should startup a new clique.

So what you did was skew the whole poll??? Sheeeesh.

lol

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think my brain got melted today. It's incredibly hot here and I'm working on my final paper, basically spending the day buried in books. It's very well possible I misunderstood you. To me "reserve friendship" sounded more deliberately, and "impact" like people would be waiting for someone to be especially smart or merited or something. And I just used this for some blabbling. I agree that we don't disagree. And I never meant to say we do.

And I never meant to sound condescending. I think it's a common problem regarding my posts being misunderstood or misread and by those folks who can't say that English isn't their first language, either. It leads me to believe that there's a problem with how and what I post and not with those who happen to read my stuff.

I don't think there are many people who've mastered English as well as you and some others who post here, have.

 

[His_pita]

I :click: you or :clique: you You can pick!

You know how talk like that makes me tingle all over?

 

[chris9]

And I never meant to sound condescending. I think it's a common problem regarding my posts being misunderstood or misread and by those folks who can't say that English isn't their first language, either. It leads me to believe that there's a problem with how and what I post and not with those who happen to read my stuff.

I don't think there are many people who've mastered English as well as you and some others who post here, have.

You didn't sound condescending to me.
I know there are enough opportunities for misunderstandings just reading something, no matter the language.

And thanks, I have to confess, though, I had the major advantage of living in the US for one year, so basically I expect of myself to have mastered English at least enough to understand almost all books.

 

[Guest]

I think there may be some mis-apprehension ...That "clique" implies a group of people that hang out together...Etc etc etc...
Ala High school...
As applied to a board like this .. Well, I think you can see the inherent problems with that definition...
That doesn't mean we don't get occaisional exhibitions of behaviour that mirror the worst aspects of any high school clique..

 

[SpectreT]

Meh.

Not so much, from my POV.

There were some cliques once upon a time, and some clique wars. One side won. The other side won, too, oddly enough.

This is absolutely nothing like it was back then, thank whatever face of divinity you choose to honor.