How cliquish are we, really?

[A Desert Rose]

Meh.

Not so much, from my POV.

There were some cliques once upon a time, and some clique wars. One side won. The other side won, too, oddly enough.

This is absolutely nothing like it was back then, thank whatever face of divinity you choose to honor.

I remember those days. I came here in the middle of that whole debacle. And you're right, this is place is nothing like it was back then.

Good thing, too.

 

[Mike260]

I once started a thread on BDSM Talk that rubbed people the wrong way and was ganged up on unmercifully. It wasn't offensive. It just ran against the grain of the forum.

At other times I've expressed an interest in having my wife sleep with other men on other Lit forums. I was attacked with such gang moralism that I still suspect Dick Cheney was leading the charge.

Cliquish? Maybe. Gang mentality? Definitely.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I once started a thread on BDSM Talk that rubbed people the wrong way and was ganged up on unmercifully. It wasn't offensive. It just ran against the grain of the forum.

At other times I've expressed an interest in having my wife sleep with other men on other Lit forums. I was attacked with such gang moralism that I still suspect Dick Cheney was leading the charge.

Cliquish? Maybe. Gang mentality? Definitely.

When someone starts a thread like this, one has to accept that there will be negative views. And in those views, we all see part of ourselves or at least, we should. I'm sorry this happened to you.

 

[brioche]

At least we aren't still responding to newbies' threads with a link to the last time it was discussed. I remember when that was happening, and someone brought up how patronizing, aloof and unwelcoming it was, and people stopped doing that - that seemed pretty cliquish to me.
I'm not a big part of the board. I come here and chat, but no one PMs me for the most part. However, I do get the support I need from it when I need it for the most part, and can state my views on other stuff, though lately BDSM has been the farthest thing from my mind. I am pretty stressed out, which is why I am up at 2:30 on a school night - insomnia.
I like to think I give support too, and hopefully can actually get back to visiting more than one or three select threads in a few weeks when school's over (here we go right to the end of June).
Anyway, I think we are less cliquish then we were, and that's a good thing.

 

[lne_iii]

Geez...I think litsters in general (not in "general" as the board, but, I mean...all litsters) are really -really- fucking cliquish.

I've posted threads in two of the other boards...one got a single response, the other got nothing.

Granted, one might have been kind of stupid, but the other...meh...whatever.



LNE

 

[FurryFury]

If I remember correctly, when I first started posting here, my posts were largely ignored. I think people kind of wait to get to know you before they start responding to you unless you do something especially appealing or unpleasant right off the bat. I think you sort of have to establish yourself and earn their interest, respect or whatever.

*shrugs*

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I am VERY cliquish... I have a clique of one.

Me.

No one else will hang out with an old, fat, balding, ugly, evil, sadistic, hung-like-a-stud-fieldmouse, SF/horror reading, game-playing, Etoile stalking, RenFest costuming pirate type swash-buckling, geek.

Okay, I might have to admit Fury and Rebecca in the clique, 'cause they like me for some reason.

But that's it! No one else in the clique!

Well, maybe Marquis 'cause he's a chick magnet.

And Betticus, but only if I can borrow his car. That seems to be a chick magnet.

And Etoile if I ever catch her...

OH! And ADR! Cause I think it would just be totally cool to hang with a chick with a plate in her head so she could just like totally crush beer cans on her head and give helacious head butts in a bar brawl...

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I am VERY cliquish... I have a clique of one.

Me.

No one else will hang out with an old, fat, balding, ugly, evil, sadistic, hung-like-a-stud-fieldmouse, SF/horror reading, game-playing, Etoile stalking, RenFest costuming pirate type swash-buckling, geek.

Okay, I might have to admit Fury and Rebecca in the clique, 'cause they like me for some reason.

But that's it! No one else in the clique!

Well, maybe Marquis 'cause he's a chick magnet.

And Betticus, but only if I can borrow his car. That seems to be a chick magnet.

And Etoile if I ever catch her...

OH! And ADR! Cause I think it would just be totally cool to hang with a chick with a plate in her head so she could just like totally crush beer cans on her head and give helacious head butts in a bar brawl...

Ohhh well color me delighted

 

[FurryFury]

*smiles*

I feel liked back! Cool!

My first ever clique. I must now readjust my self image.

LOL

*gets hot thinking about the possibilities, wait damn it, I was going to adjust my self image . . .*

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

*smiles*

I feel liked back! Cool!

My first ever clique. I must now readjust my self image.

LOL

*gets hot thinking about the possibilities, wait damn it, I was going to adjust my self image . . .*

Fury

*gives Fury's self image a little tweak and grins*

There you go!

 

[kiten69]

Geez...I think litsters in general (not in "general" as the board, but, I mean...all litsters) are really -really- fucking cliquish.

I've posted threads in two of the other boards...one got a single response, the other got nothing.

Granted, one might have been kind of stupid, but the other...meh...whatever.



LNE

Now two of your posts have gotten a response lne...

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

If I remember correctly, when I first started posting here, my posts were largely ignored. I think people kind of wait to get to know you before they start responding to you unless you do something especially appealing or unpleasant right off the bat. I think you sort of have to establish yourself and earn their interest, respect or whatever.

*shrugs*

Fury

Agreed... this is actually true of any type of social situation. People who are established *regulars* and follow certain codes of behavior, rules or whatever, watch and see the newbies.. whether it be a club scene, an RPG , a garden party or a message board.. Most of the time, one of two things will happen for me, myself.. Either- I will attempt to simply come in and join whatever fun or discussion is going on, OR if it becomes hostile, or even remotely unfriendly, I tend to pull back, and watch some more myself, to see how things are normally going within a certain group.. This is what I do personally...

We all must find our own path, and decide where we feel comfortable, where we fit in, and whats appropriate for us.

I have never considered myself part of a *group* ... I much prefer to be me.. and just see who I can feel comfortable being me around.

Take care.
~RS

 

[A Desert Rose]

Most people I know, lurked for a bit before jumping in. I read numerous threads and posts and had no trouble picking out those who I wanted to be friends with. I can say without too many exceptions, that my judgement was good. I made a bad choice here and there but for the most part, those folks have remained my friends to this day. And many of them don't post here any longer or post on other forums. We still chat, email and PM each other. I even think there are some who would be embarrassed if everyone knew we were friends. I respect their privacy.

Someone mentioned that they are elitist. I guess I am to a point, too, but I also look for the genuine and sincere person, regardless of how well they know the "rules of grammer and spelling." If someone comes across as passive/agressive, or otherwise phoney, and they've proven themselves to be that after my attempts at interaction with them, I won't be bothering again. If someone doesn't have a sense of humor or doesn't try to understand mine, then I'm not going to acknowledge that person. And if I'm ignored or my PMs go unanswered, I won't be bothering with that again, either. (Which is one of the reasons I PM very few folks.)

I don't much flirt on the boards and for one very good reason (to me, at least.) Well, okay there's more than one reason. If someone says something, I think is special on the boards, to me, and then turns around and says it again to someone else, it means nothing to me. (Don't misunderstand me, I mean special words from someone special to me.) Special words are for special people... not for every cutesy poster who comes along. If I am sent erotic pictures from someone I care about and then see them posted on the boards, they no longer hold any value to me and that person drops in my heart, too.

I'm also a crappy online flirt. I admit it. In private discussion, I can hold my own well enough. If they weren't so embarressed, I'm sure there's a few fellas who could testify to this... LOL. I'm also very picky about the Doms I become romantically involved with. Above all else, I value trust and honesty in a person, whether it's a Dom I'm romantically involved with or someone who I'm barely acquainted with. I suspect they respect that in me too.

If you (collectively) fail to honor the confidentiality that someone expects from you, the trust they place in you, then you won't have many friends. Word gets around that you aren't trustworthy.

To sum up this utterly boring tome: You can't have friends without first being one.

 

[chris9]

Just to make it clear right from the start: I believe I agree with you (even though I don't have any friends here *sob*), I'm just taking this snip to base some general thoughts on. Don't want any misunderstanding to happen (again)

Most people I know, lurked for a bit before jumping in. I read numerous threads and posts and had no trouble picking out those who I wanted to be friends with.

I think many new posters start reading mostly, posting only little. No wonder those first 100 posts take forever to gather. After reading around, reading several different threads, on different topics, posts by people over several months, or even years, one gets the feeling of knowing lots about a poster. And they probably do. If they start posting then, it's very easy to forget that while they know lots about the others, about some of their developement, problems, joys, relationships, life in general, have known them in a way for some time, because the posts go back all that time, all the other posters know NOTHING about them. So it's not really extraordinary, clique-ish or snobbish if they don't get greeted like a long lost friend. It might (and often does) feel like that, but I believe it's a pretty normal social situation, with the added difficulty of all that written proof of what one side said, felt, did all that time ago.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Yes Chris, we agree... lol.

I also think that, although we are basically like-minded in this particular forum, we also do seek out others who are really like-minded. It's human nature to look for others who are or think in a similar way to ourselves. That's not to say that I don't read posts or information that might be totally off the wall (to me) but I'm more likely to be seeking out friends who think and have moral values close to my own.

And that doesn't have anything to do with joining a clique. It has everything to do with finding people and friends who are compatible with my values and interests. Just like everyone else, I suspect.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Have to agree with ADR and Chris and also think what some mistake as clique like behaviour when they first arrive and post here is more to the point self preservation. It seems we get waves of new posters, often asking the same type questions, and all in a small time frame. I know I am not alone in sometimes feeling a little burned out from trying to appear friendly, answer what we think is being asked (often given we don't know the person and they are vague, it takes more energy trying to work out what they are wanting), answer the same question repeatedly without coming off as emotionless or cold, and just generally sometimes feeling there is an expectation from some that as soon as they ask we should jump too and answer...yes, there are some who make their first thread/post and 5-10 minutes later post again demanding to know why no-one has answered them...not often, but it happens...and it also happens often that someone new makes 1 or 3 posts and is never seen again. We have lives outside this forum, we have responsibilities in RL, and we do have feelings and varied energy levels, so just because we might sometimes wait and see for whatever reason, does not necessarily mean we are cliquish.

Catalina

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Have to agree with ADR and Chris and also think what some mistake as clique like behaviour when they first arrive and post here is more to the point self preservation. It seems we get waves of new posters, often asking the same type questions, and all in a small time frame. I know I am not alone in sometimes feeling a little burned out from trying to appear friendly, answer what we think is being asked (often given we don't know the person and they are vague, it takes more energy trying to work out what they are wanting), answer the same question repeatedly without coming off as emotionless or cold, and just generally sometimes feeling there is an expectation from some that as soon as they ask we should jump too and answer...yes, there are some who make their first thread/post and 5-10 minutes later post again demanding to know why no-one has answered them...not often, but it happens...and it also happens often that someone new makes 1 or 3 posts and is never seen again. We have lives outside this forum, we have responsibilities in RL, and we do have feelings and varied energy levels, so just because we might sometimes wait and see for whatever reason, does not necessarily mean we are cliquish.

Catalina

Sorry to disagree Catalina but I am in fact in a clique with Evil Geoff Sir and Miss Fury and if your really nice to us one day we might include you okay .......

Maybe we could start a sub clique with just Australians but we better keep it to females and submissive or slaves though I might be inclined to consider Miss Shy because she comes from the UK and after all we are all in a Commonwealth thingy................could Jade be included but like as the sub clique 'US pet'......hmmmnn

 

[Daddyslilpet]

There use to be more cliques than there are now honestly. I hope that's a time that doesn't repeat itself to that degree ever again. Good posters decided to leave, good resources lost over petty squabbles... ~shrugs~ It happens to the best of us I guess.

I tend to mostly be in the lurker clique lately, or what I like to call "board burn out". I'm hoping it'll pass soon.

 

[babiesmiles]

Sorry to disagree Catalina but I am in fact in a clique with Evil Geoff Sir and Miss Fury and if your really nice to us one day we might include you okay .......

Maybe we could start a sub clique with just Australians but we better keep it to females and submissive or slaves though I might be inclined to consider Miss Shy because she comes from the UK and after all we are all in a Commonwealth thingy................could Jade be included but like as the sub clique 'US pet'......hmmmnn

Pouting !!!! ( I can't find a proper emoticon to insert here )

I thought we could start a clique of shared birthday .... even if due to the time zone it would actually fall in two different solar days ( but dont ask me to tell you how many hours of difference there are between Europe and Australia cause I really ignore it )

BOT ... I am not cliquish at all , moreover due to the difference of language which prevents me to fully follow every single shade of discussions , talks , jokes , double meanings and similars , I had quite an hard time at the beginning cause I was very shy about my posts and seriously worried about my capability to express myself in a proper way although I was welcommed rather well since the first days I started to post ( after some semi lurking times ..lol )

That's why I really didn't expect to become easily friend with other people on here since the beginning .

However I must say that after almost two years I have my favourite posters as well and there are some people on the board I truly ammire and would be honoured to be friend with . Besides I am lucky enough to share some PM's with a couple of them ( I am shy about PM so I never start first but I always reply ) which I consider friends .

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Pouting !!!! ( I can't find a proper emoticon to insert here )

I thought we could start a clique of shared birthday .... even if due to the time zone it would actually fall in two different solar days ( but dont ask me to tell you how many hours of difference there are between Europe and Australia cause I really ignore it )

Sheeeeeeesh ........laughs. Oh Miss Babiesmiles they will all know you and I are the REAL clique. The secret underground clique we never tell. The others are cliques to throw off the other clique. Party time for us soon Yipee.........hugs Time 6.47am here now.......smiles

 

[babiesmiles]

Sheeeeeeesh ........laughs. Oh Miss Babiesmiles they will all know you and I are the REAL clique. The secret underground clique we never tell. The others are cliques to throw off the other clique. Party time for us soon Yipee.........hugs Time 6.47am here now.......smiles

Eh eh eh ..... so right !!
here are 10,50 pm ! lol

 

[catalina_francisco]

Damn, damn, damn, why can't I be in a clique instead of just getting accused of it?!! I'm going to pout all night about it.....and the headache I have from trying to resize a knitting pattern.http://members.home.nl/animation.world/index/dolzz/Dolzz35.gif

Catalinahttp://members.home.nl/animation.world/index/dolzz/Dolzz34.gif

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Damn, damn, damn, why can't I be in a clique instead of just getting accused of it?!! I'm going to pout all night about it.....and the headache I have from trying to resize a knitting pattern.http://members.home.nl/animation.world/index/dolzz/Dolzz35.gif
Catalinahttp://members.home.nl/animation.world/index/dolzz/Dolzz34.gif

You soooooooo know that emotional black mail crap works like a charm on me already ...........sighs ........your in okay but I would rather bamboo under the fingernails that resize that knitting pattern. You get the Lit Masochist of the Week Award for that one...........

Catalinaaaaaaaaaaaa why is the girl in the top gif pretty picture slapping that cat in the face over and over again and smiling.......

 

[graceanne]

. . . I might be inclined to consider Miss Shy. . .

No! Shy's in MY clique! And so's snowy, and ADR, and KC. You can't have them.

Don't make me come over there.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You soooooooo know that emotional black mail crap works like a charm on me already ...........sighs ........your in okay but I would rather bamboo under the fingernails that resize that knitting pattern. You get the Lit Masochist of the Week Award for the one...........

Catalinaaaaaaaaaaaa why is the girl in the top gif pretty picture slapping that cat in the face over and over again and smiling.......

LOL, perhaps she has been trying to resize patterns too...thank goodness I remeasured him tonight...had been wondering how he grew so much, such is the problem of measuring someone who doesn't want to stand up...made a LOT of difference!!

Catalinahttp://members.home.nl/animation.world/index/dolzz/Dolzz04.gif